What To Do When He Stalls

A couple of weeks ago, I dealt with the topic of texting and what to do if the guy uses texting as the main mode of communication.  Remember, texting can be considered a half-hearted lob and therefore you should not treat it as if it is an effort-filled initiation that you can respond to and return. If anything, you can reply with a smiley face. I recommended that you keep all texts short and sweet.  Also, do not get in the practice of holding conversations via text.  If, after a while, the guy does not move things to phone calls and in-person dates, I would respond to his text with this:

“It is difficult to feel a spark via text. Just not my preference. ;)”

A similar response to email can be:

“Email is not my preference.  Would you like to call me?”


Credit: Not me


Sometimes a guy will text or email because there is something keeping him from moving things to the next level.  This can happen in the online dating world as well as in person.  The guy presents vague intentions of asking you out but never directly does so.  He acts interested but he is also stalling.  What should you do?

Avoid Being The Buddy

If you are feeling frustrated with all the texting, emailing and stalling, then it is perfectly okay for you to put the guy on the spot.  You have nothing to lose.  In fact, doing this sooner rather than later is wise because if you don’t, then you run the risk of turning into his texting/email buddy.  You will just be someone to make him feel like he has female attention while he waits for the girl who truly inspires him to dates.  That is the worst feeling!

Put Him On The Spot

Usually, after a couple of emails or text, the guy knows if he wants to initiate a romantic relationship with you.  Meeting in person is the next logical step.  So, putting him on the spot forces him to make that decision.

Here is a suggestion for putting him on the spot when he presents these vague intentions of asking you out.  Let’s say he says, “Do you want to go out sometime?” or What do you have going on this weekend?”  You could say, What did you have in mind?”

Then, if he responds with an idea without a specific date, time and place, then you can respond with, When did you have in mind?”

Your text/email conversation would look like this: 

Him:  “Do you want to go out sometime?”

You:  “I would love to.  What did you have in mind?”

Him:  “I was thinking that checking out the new Mexican restaurant would be fun.”

You:  “That does sound fun!  When did you have in mind?”

Him:  “How about Friday evening?”

You:  “Yes, that works for me.  Please give me a call and let me know what time and other details. 🙂  Looking forward to hearing from you, Your Name, Your Number XXX-XXX-XXXX”


I recommend you practice these put-him-on-the-spot responses because they can also be used over the phone and in person:

What did you have in mind?”  and When did you have in mind?”

3-Date Rule

This week has been especially filled with emails from girls who are in fantasy relationships.  With good reason, these girls believe to be in a relationship.  The guy is texting them and emailing them.  Sometimes they even call.  These guys are paying attention to them and showing interest.  But, they are not asking the girls out.  Understandably, the girls have their hopes up!

The recommendation above about putting him on the spot is one way to combat the mystery of whether the guy is interested or not.  Another way is by practicing the 3 date rule.  Until a guy has taken you on 3 dates (where he initiates, pays and shows romantic interest), then he has not earned a right to take up so much of your thought life.  As a refresher, here is the 3-date rule post.

I Love Your Emails

Although I write as if things should always be straightforward, I know that they are not.  If you are dealing with a guy who is stalling, feel free to write to me and we can discuss how to proceed.

God love and bless you!

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7 Quick Takes Friday ~ Vol 75


— 1 —   This Week’s Post:   Since I took a break from last week’s Good Friday 7QTs, I am including the posts from the last two weeks.  First is a Beautiful Conversion Story where Antoinette shares her conversion story to the Catholic Church.  Second is Thank You For Breaking My Heart where I share the connection between The Veil and waiting on God’s plan for your life and vocation.

— 2 —   Not Alone Series:  This week’s NAS topic was:  Marriage  Head on over to Jen’s and check out what the girls had to say!

 —3 —   Spotlight On: This week’s spotlight is on Doug Beaumont from Soul Device for his conversion story Tiber Treading No More.   Doug was an ordained Evangelical whose journey led him to the truth of the Catholic Faith founded by Jesus Christ, 33 A.D.:
 “I became more and more dissatisfied with the answers given to fundamental questions such as How was the canon (the books in our Bible) decided? and “What makes one doctrine essential to Christianity, but not another?” Although many other factors would eventually enter in, it was primarily these two issues that drove me on. It seemed that the Bible-alone approach I was taught was an attempt to ground Christian unity in a way that generated disunity.” 

— 4 —   Flag Football:  Our son is playing flag football again this season.  So, my Saturdays will be tied up for a couple of hours with outdoor fun and sun.  He has a wonderful coach and the other families are great too.  I found myself praising God for leading us to this team that has blessed us so much!

— 5 —   Easter Vacation:  I have been off from work for most of this week due to our son’s Easter vacation.  How is it possible that I could accomplish so little and be so far behind on everything?

— 6 —   Dating Advice Guru:  I was pleasantly surprised when the self-appointed dating advice guru, Carlos Cavallo told his readers to read my post, Stop Chasing Him.  I have no idea how Carlos found my blog or that post but I really appreciate what he had to say:

  “It’ll give you a fresh insight and perhaps a boost of hope if you’ve been single for a long time or been through a lot of the wrong kind of guy….That right man for you is out there.”

What I think is interesting is that Carlos appears to approach dating and love from a secular point of view.  He has many items for purchase which leads women to believe that they can control the outcome of their love life. He has ‘How To’ videos ranging from How To Get Engaged And Married to How To Get Inside His Head.

Please know that I am not endorsing Carlos!  He seems like a very nice guy who wants to help women.  But our beliefs about love, attraction, dating and marriage seem so far apart!  However, isn’t it interesting that he would direct his clients to this Stop Chasing Him post which promotes Chastity and the concept of The Veil? Kind of neat to me!

JPII Suffering Photo

— 7 — Saint Pope John Paul II:  Pope John Paul II and Pope John XXIII will become canonized Saints this Sunday April 27th.  Everyone knows how much I love Pope John Paul II so this will be a wonderful event to witness!

God love and bless you!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too! Thank you!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Thank You For Breaking My Heart

Happy Easter! We were out of town for the weekend and had a wonderful time with my family. I am behind on everything, including responding to emails and planning a post for this week.  As of yesterday, this week’s post was a big blank document. I had a number of topics I could have shared but none of them seemed to be ‘just right.’ Then, I read a post by Amanda, on her blog, Worthy of Agape, which contained the statement, “Thank you for breaking my heart.”

As I was reading it, I said, “Yes, yes!” and “It is the Veil!”

Amanda gave me permission to reblog her post and I have added my own comments. I pray her testimony of a broken heart will encourage you!

“To all of those who came before:
Thank you. Thank you for having the courage to end things, even though it may have been hard. Thank you for recognizing that I wasn’t “The One,” even if I told you that idea was insane. Thank you for letting me go so that God could bring something even more amazing into my life. Thank you for having the strength to walk away, even if it meant some broken hearts and tears fell along the way.”

“Thank you for recognizing that I wasn’t “The One,” even if I told you that idea was insane.”

This whole idea of “The One” can confound us and the idea can seem insane. It only makes sense in hindsight when you can look back and see how wrong the others were for you and how right a certain person can be.

I have this theory called The Veil. The theory claims that the Lord covers us all with a veil and this veil will only be lifted for The One that God has intended for us. Only this person, I call our Holy Spouse, can see us. All other men will reject us because the veil prevents them from seeing us. This rejection, in the end, is loving protection from God.  Although Amanda is not endorsing my theory, it seems that her beautiful testimony reflects this idea of a Divine will leading her towards The One.

“Dare I say it, thank you for breaking my heart. Fulton Sheen said that sometimes the only way that the good Lord can get into our hearts is to break them. Thanks for breaking mine so that He could enter in more deeply. Thank you for shaking my life up, for opening me up to new possibilities. Chances are that when you left I had to readjust my understanding of what my life would look like. You got me out of my comfort zone and into God’s heart, the only place I ever really found rest until the right one came along.”

“Dare I say it, thank you for breaking my heart.”

When you are in the middle of rejection and heartache, it is unimaginable that you would ever utter the words, “Thank you.” This is the part of our Spiritual lives that makes no sense. Staying in the Lord’s will, however, allows us to see the works of His hands and make sense out of it all.

“You could have held on, you could have stuck it out and tried to make it work. You could have fought the feeling that it wouldn’t have worked out in the end. You could have held on, knowing that I’d follow your lead and stick out to the bitter end. But instead you walked away. Honestly, I probably didn’t appreciate it at the time. I was probably pretty mad at you and thought some horrible things about you. I may have thought you were a coward for walking away. I’m sorry for that. If I’d had any idea what your walking away opened the door for, I wouldn’t have been so harsh. But that’s sort of the point, isn’t it? That we don’t know what’s coming, but we should be more charitable anyway, which is exactly why I’m writing you this letter.”

“I may have thought you were a coward for walking away.”

It is normal to blame the one who rejects us. It is difficult to view the rejection in a positive light.

“In case you haven’t figured it out by now, I’m getting married. As I prepare for the wedding and the marriage, I realize with stunning clarity how none of this would have been possible if you’d stayed. We might have been happy, but you ending things when you did made the stars line up just right for this beautiful relationship to fall into place. If you had stayed even one day longer, I might still be bitter. I might not be writing this letter at all. I might not be marrying the man God made for me, and I for him. If you hadn’t walked away we might still be together, but we probably wouldn’t have been that happy. Who but God knows? All I know is that today, as I sit here and joyfully countdown the days until my wedding, I’m grateful for you in a whole new way. I’m grateful that you walked away so that all of this bliss could fall into place. You played a part in my fairy tale, and I hope I played a good part in yours. I hope one day, if it hasn’t happened already, that you find your reason to write a letter like this. I hope you are thankful for all of the ones that came before. Thanks for touching my life in the way God called you to, and for having the strength to let me go.”

“I realize with stunning clarity how none of this would have been possible if you’d stayed…..If you had stayed……I might not be marrying the man God made for me, and I for him.”

Amanda can look back and see the Lord’s hand in her life. Like a Divine Surgeon, He poured out His grace and cut out all that would interfere with His will. 


Amanda and Anthony (credit Irving Photography)

Thank you, Amanda, for sharing your heart with us! We will keep you and Anthony in our prayers as you enter Holy Matrimony next month!

God love and bless you!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

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Beautiful Conversion Story


Ancient Roman catacombs where early Christians worshipped in secret

One of the most emotional things for me is to hear the number of new Catholics who are welcomed into the Church during the Easter Vigil Mass each year.  This Saturday, one of my readers, Antoinette, will become Catholic. She is 29 years old, gorgeous (!) and, like many of us, struggling to trust in the Lord and His plan for her life.

I asked her about her conversion story and she shared it with me.  It was so beautiful.  She gave me permission to share her story with you and I felt this week was the perfect week to do so.

Please join me in praying for her as she crosses the Tiber and begins her Sacramental life in Christ.

God bless you, Antoinette!


My conversion was a long process which began when I was about eight years old in a Southern Baptist church in New York City.  In this denomination, children participate in a scripture memorization competition called the Bible Drill. My instructor encouraged me to familiarize myself with where the passages verses were found in rather than simply memorizing the verses themselves.

While putting her advice into practice I stumbled upon John 6:55-56, “For My flesh is true food, and My blood is true drink. He that eats my flesh, and drinks my blood, dwells in me, and I in him.”  When I read it I thought, this sounds like what Catholics believe.


Up until this point I had heard that Catholics had no scriptural basis for any of their doctrines but these verses did not seem symbolic, even with my eight year old intellect. I decided that I’d keep an open mind if I ever came across any books on Catholicism written by Catholics.  

Years later when in Junior High, I was flipping channels and saw a new channel, EWTN, and it was the first time I encountered Catholic teaching from practicing Catholics. I found the teachings to be as sound as what I was being taught in my Baptist church so I continued to watch for years.  

As I grew older, chastity, the virtues and orthodoxy became more important to me but I felt secure in my protestant tradition, until College when I studied abroad in France.  There I lived with an atheist family that knew I was Christian and encouraged me to go to church every Sunday (completely unexpected right?).

When I set out about finding a church I realized that I was unlikely to find a Southern Baptist church in my French town but I was hesitant to attend the local Catholic church for some reason.


Over dinner one evening my host family asked me what exactly I was protesting since I was so insistent on being a Protestant, and I had no answer.  I began studying the faith and was drawn to it more and more.

I was also struck that whenever I encountered an ancient Christian denomination’s worship services in videos online (Copts, Ethiopian, Greek Orthodox) they looked extremely Catholic and completely unlike my Southern Baptist church.


I eventually became convinced that this was the true Church and finally entered RCIA. When I told my parents they were very supportive and I learned surprising things about their pasts in Jamaica.

My mother used to teach CCD as a teenager until the family moved away from the local church. My Dad was educated in a Catholic elementary school and his Christian foundation came from the priests. He even knew Fr. Richard Ho Lung of the Missionaries of the Poor in Jamaica.

Thanks again Cindy.




 God love and bless you!

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7 Quick Takes Friday ~ Vol 74


— 1 —   This Week’s Post:  Dear Cindy ~ Texing Response Advice  How do you turn things from texting to phone calls to dates?  First, don’t carry on a complete conversation via text.  I recommend you respond with a smiley face or something light-hearted.  But, always be sweet!  And, if he asks you why you are not responding more, I recommend this:

“It is difficult to feel a spark via text. Just not my preference.”

— 2 —   Not Alone Series:  This week’s NAS topic was:  First Date Dos & Don’ts and since I loved every single one of these posts, each one will get its own Take!  Let me start of with sweet Jen who opened her post with a big shout out to me.  In the comments section, I shared with Jen and Morgan that you girls are like the daughters I never had and that yes, I do read and look forward to every NAS entry each week.  What did I love about Jen’s post this week?

Tell everyone you know about it.”

 —3 —   Not Alone Series:  New to the NAS Series is Dahlia!  Here is what I loved about her post:


Dress to bless”

— 4 —   Not Alone Series:  Here is what I loved about Claire’s post:

“Do remember to have fun!
We’re single, and some of us really don’t want to be. But we cannot lay all our hope on every date. Keeping within reason, remaining chaste and respectful of ourselves and others, we are allowed to have fun on dates. They help us grow and prepare us for our spouse in ways that we cannot do alone or with our friends. We learn how chemistry works; we learn how to respond to and protect the needs of another; we learn who we are in a romantic relationship. They also put smiles on our faces, make us walk with an extra spring in our step – and that is good!! Relax (if you can) and enjoy (what you can!) Don’t compromise your beliefs in any way! If you feel like you don’t have a choice, then walk away.”

— 5 —   Not Alone Series:  Want to know what I loved about Bek’s?  Everything!


— 6 —   Not Alone Series:  Besides the sweet shout out that Sarah gave me, I loved this about her post:


Pray” (she included a Courtship Prayer!)

— 7 —  Not Alone Series:  How about Britt?

“Do show your character: be courteous to wait staff, say thank you, etc”

— 8 —  Not Alone Series:  And Nikki?

“Don’t let your conversation only be negative.”

— 9 —  Not Alone Series:  And Beth Ann?  Good advice!

“Tell a friend/family member/someone you trust where you will be and check in with them when you get home so they know he wasn’t a serial killer…(no i don’t watch too many lifetime movies)…”

 God love and bless you!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too! Thank you!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Dear Cindy ~ Texting Response Advice

Dear Cindy,
     Thank you so much for blogging about this texting trend. Your words (again) are right on time. You mentioned that we can always email you if we have questions….Well, may I bother you for a moment?
     So I met a guy online and things were going well. We met in person and hit it off. From there we texted and talked on the phone regularly (about every other day or so) but I noticed the calls started to subside at about week 2.5 but his text did not. He made sure to text me at 7a.m. to say good morning and check on me throughout day.
     Due to his job he had work in another state for 2 weeks. He remained in contact with me via text. He told me that he couldn’t wait to get back home and take me out on a date, see me, blah,blah…well, we talked ONCE during his 2 week work trip and I initiated that phone call.
     During the call I sweetly made it a point to let him know that he could call me anytime and that I loved to hear his voice. He said he would do that. But fast forward…The day before his 2 week work trip was soon to end again we are texting. He still has not called me so I decided to ask him via text if he preferred to text. His response “yes, I do”.
     I did not like his reply so I didn’t respond back. He followed up after his response to that one single text a couple of hours later with, “but I do like talking to you every once in a while”. At that point I thought to myself “well, what is the point of me being around if you only want to talk to me ‘once in a while’.”
     I decided at that moment that I wouldn’t text him again and that if he liked me he would call. Especially after I sweetly asked him too 🙂 His work trip is now over with no call from him the entire time (2 weeks). The day he was heading back home from work he texted me the usual “Good Morning”, and “I’m boarding the plane” but I didn’t reply.
     He continued to text me for 3 days asking if I’m okay. On day 4 he called me 3 times with no answer from me. On day 5 he goes back to texting me. Now he wants to know if he did anything wrong. At this point I’m thinking he is only calling me because he realizes I am gone. Am I right? Should I at least tell him the reason and be done with it. I know how it feels to just have someone totally ignore you and it’s not a good feeling but on the other hand I felt a little ignored myself.
     Thank you so much for letting me vent! Sorry so long but I do appreciate your input and I love your writing. Thanks for not forgetting about us single gals.

      Feeling Ignored

Dear Feeling Ignored
     Thank you so much for writing to me and sharing your heart with me. Ya know, I was just on my way upstairs to bed and I stopped by the computer for one last check and saw your note. Normally, I would sleep on it before responding to make sure that I could pray about it a little. But, I had to respond right away!
     You have assessed this guy correctly, Smart Girl! You have sooo much self-control. Some girls would have responded by now and acted like a door mat. Great job at putting him off-balance so he can think about his approach!
     If anything, I would sweetly respond with “It is difficult to feel a spark via text. Just not my preference.”
     Please let me know what happens!
     Love and blessings, Cindy

     Here to update you on that lil issue I had the other day with “Texting Guy”. So I let him know the reason I pulled back from him was due to his texting and not calling. He apologized for not understanding but I felt he wasn’t sincere. He thought it was silly and told me that instead of ignoring him I should have talked with him about this. I kindly reminded him that I did, that I asked him to call me often. He went on to say that due to our work schedules it was hard to talk and easier to text. He was so sure that I would be satisfied with that lame response until I mentioned to him that there is plenty of time on the weekends to talk.
     I gave him my blessings and told him to take care. In a way I wish I would have just left well enough alone in the first place but lesson learned the next time around. I learned it is okay and to not feel bad about Not responding to lame and inconsistent initiation.
     Thanks Cindy for being here,

     Feeling Ignored

Dear Feeling Ignored,
     I am sorry that things did not improve. I have to say I am not surprised. Sometimes these things can turn around but most of the time the symptoms of his lame and inconsistent initiation are just ‘confirmed.’ And, that is good.
     I have had guys try to turn the tables on me also with the “why didn’t you tell me?” thing. So irritating. You were not silly at all. You are very perceptive.
     I will share a story with you. I dated this guy a long time ago who was like this towards me for years. When he met his wife, he later revealed to me that they talked on the phone every night. They were living in two different states while they dated. She was a nurse and had a weird working schedule and he was a military pilot with a weird schedule. Yet, they talked every night, even if it was in the middle of the night! I was flabbergasted when I found this out!  He would not do that for me.

     But, that is what love does. It propels the guy to want to hear your voice. It propels him to want to be in your presence. Schedules get worked out.

     Sometimes girls feel bad for not responding to texts so I recommend giving a simple response of a smiley face or “You are sweet.” Just enough to encourage him but not enough to support a conversation via text.
     Using texting as the main mode of communication is like trying to return a ball in tennis that never makes it over the net. Let’s say you are playing tennis. The guy on the other side of the net half-heartedly lobs the ball at you. Or, worse, he hits the net and it bounces back to him. What I see you girls doing with this whole lame texting thing is treating it like he hit the ball over the net AND that the ball is returnable. So, some girls run after the ball and wear themselves out in the game thinking that they better keep the ball in play or else the game is over. The thing is that you can only return a returnable ball.
     So, texting is along the lines of a half-hearted lob. It does not really merit a return. Again, if anything, you might return with a smiley face because that is enough to let him know that if he makes a real effort, you are potentially interested. But, all you can muster for now is a smiley face.
     With this guy, the lame and inconsistent initiation is a symptom that those required feelings were not there. And, now you have confirmation of that.
     I really believe in this Veil theory. When it is right, everything is different. The guy pursues, calls, takes you on dates and marries you. Wait on the Lord.
    Thank you for writing to me. I will continue to pray for you.
     Love and blessings,


p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too! Thank you!

7 Quick Takes Friday ~ Vol 73

— 1 —   This Week’s Post:   I Am Seeing A Trend  ~  I received a number of emails from girls asking how to respond when a guy uses texting as the main mode of communication.  Although I recommended in last week’s post that you not respond, sometimes a response is merited and can turn things towards a better course. I will share those responses in next week’s post!

— 2 —   Not Alone Series:  This week’s NAS topic was: Goals and Lent ~ It is interesting that the number of contributors was low and I am wondering if it is because:

a.  We (I) do not like to share with everyone that we (I) are (am) failing to keep our (my) Lenten promises to grow in virtue


b.   We are growing in virtue but it is imperceptible at this time

My guess is that both of these are taking place.  We are failing and we are growing in virtue.  The first we are aware of and the second we will not be aware of until sometime in the future.  As Audrey Assad shares in this beautiful song, love moves Slow:

“You run so deep; That it’s hard to miss you
And you come so near;  That it’s hard to feel you
Oh, and I guess that’s how it is; When I let you move
Because you take me at my word;  Oh, and now I know 

That faith is not a fire; As much as it’s a glow”

 —3 —  Spotlight On: This week’s spotlight is on  Charity from A Note For Someday.  She was one of the contributors to the Not Alone Series.  She did not limit her topic to Lent.  She talks about her One Goal and it is amazing.  This is the part that I needed to hear this week: 

 “If I need to make any decision, I will pray for God to lead my steps, instead of reveal his plan to me.”

— 4 —  Meg:  Meg did a fantastic job sharing the secret behind the success of my Parish’s Summer Camp.  If you remember, I shared this information in my 7QTs last Summer.  Well, my Parish has made it possible for this success to go viral.  Yes, your Parish can have a money-making, grace-filled Summer camp.  Check out Meg’s awesome post!!

— 5 —  Katie:  From Waiting for Patience has returned from her Mission in the Democratic Republic of the Congo! She shares some details in this post but, but, but you will be overjoyed when you see how she was greeted by the Parishioners!!  Maybe she will do a guest post and include the video of the welcome party!

— 6 —  Twitter Big Leagues:  I am a big nobody but I was somehow included in a Tweet with these wonderful people!


 — 7 — Saint Bernard of Clariveau: (1091-1153), Cistercian monk and doctor of the Church wrote:

 “Above all, O good Jesus, I love you for the chalice you drained for our redemption… It is this that most sweetly allures our love, most justly exacts it, most closely binds it and makes it the most vehement. For on that day our Savior underwent immense labor and the Creator himself did not have as much trouble in forming the entire universe. Of that mighty work we read: “He spoke and they were made; He commanded and they were created.” Whereas, in order to redeem us, the Savior had to affirm his words before those who contradicted him, defend his actions against a hostile surveillance, undergo torment before his mockers and death in the midst of reproaches. He loved us even to this point.”

 God love and bless you!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too! Thank you!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!