Thank you so much for blogging about this texting trend. Your words (again) are right on time. You mentioned that we can always email you if we have questions….Well, may I bother you for a moment?
So I met a guy online and things were going well. We met in person and hit it off. From there we texted and talked on the phone regularly (about every other day or so) but I noticed the calls started to subside at about week 2.5 but his text did not. He made sure to text me at 7a.m. to say good morning and check on me throughout day.
Due to his job he had work in another state for 2 weeks. He remained in contact with me via text. He told me that he couldn’t wait to get back home and take me out on a date, see me, blah,blah…well, we talked ONCE during his 2 week work trip and I initiated that phone call.
During the call I sweetly made it a point to let him know that he could call me anytime and that I loved to hear his voice. He said he would do that. But fast forward…The day before his 2 week work trip was soon to end again we are texting. He still has not called me so I decided to ask him via text if he preferred to text. His response “yes, I do”.
I did not like his reply so I didn’t respond back. He followed up after his response to that one single text a couple of hours later with, “but I do like talking to you every once in a while”. At that point I thought to myself “well, what is the point of me being around if you only want to talk to me ‘once in a while’.”
I decided at that moment that I wouldn’t text him again and that if he liked me he would call. Especially after I sweetly asked him too 🙂 His work trip is now over with no call from him the entire time (2 weeks). The day he was heading back home from work he texted me the usual “Good Morning”, and “I’m boarding the plane” but I didn’t reply.
He continued to text me for 3 days asking if I’m okay. On day 4 he called me 3 times with no answer from me. On day 5 he goes back to texting me. Now he wants to know if he did anything wrong. At this point I’m thinking he is only calling me because he realizes I am gone. Am I right? Should I at least tell him the reason and be done with it. I know how it feels to just have someone totally ignore you and it’s not a good feeling but on the other hand I felt a little ignored myself.
Thank you so much for letting me vent! Sorry so long but I do appreciate your input and I love your writing. Thanks for not forgetting about us single gals.
Dear Feeling Ignored
Thank you so much for writing to me and sharing your heart with me. Ya know, I was just on my way upstairs to bed and I stopped by the computer for one last check and saw your note. Normally, I would sleep on it before responding to make sure that I could pray about it a little. But, I had to respond right away!
You have assessed this guy correctly, Smart Girl! You have sooo much self-control. Some girls would have responded by now and acted like a door mat. Great job at putting him off-balance so he can think about his approach!
If anything, I would sweetly respond with “It is difficult to feel a spark via text. Just not my preference.”
Please let me know what happens!
Love and blessings, Cindy
Here to update you on that lil issue I had the other day with “Texting Guy”. So I let him know the reason I pulled back from him was due to his texting and not calling. He apologized for not understanding but I felt he wasn’t sincere. He thought it was silly and told me that instead of ignoring him I should have talked with him about this. I kindly reminded him that I did, that I asked him to call me often. He went on to say that due to our work schedules it was hard to talk and easier to text. He was so sure that I would be satisfied with that lame response until I mentioned to him that there is plenty of time on the weekends to talk.
I gave him my blessings and told him to take care. In a way I wish I would have just left well enough alone in the first place but lesson learned the next time around. I learned it is okay and to not feel bad about Not responding to lame and inconsistent initiation.
Thanks Cindy for being here,
Dear Feeling Ignored,
I am sorry that things did not improve. I have to say I am not surprised. Sometimes these things can turn around but most of the time the symptoms of his lame and inconsistent initiation are just ‘confirmed.’ And, that is good.
I have had guys try to turn the tables on me also with the “why didn’t you tell me?” thing. So irritating. You were not silly at all. You are very perceptive.
I will share a story with you. I dated this guy a long time ago who was like this towards me for years. When he met his wife, he later revealed to me that they talked on the phone every night. They were living in two different states while they dated. She was a nurse and had a weird working schedule and he was a military pilot with a weird schedule. Yet, they talked every night, even if it was in the middle of the night! I was flabbergasted when I found this out! He would not do that for me.
But, that is what love does. It propels the guy to want to hear your voice. It propels him to want to be in your presence. Schedules get worked out.
Sometimes girls feel bad for not responding to texts so I recommend giving a simple response of a smiley face or “You are sweet.” Just enough to encourage him but not enough to support a conversation via text.
Using texting as the main mode of communication is like trying to return a ball in tennis that never makes it over the net. Let’s say you are playing tennis. The guy on the other side of the net half-heartedly lobs the ball at you. Or, worse, he hits the net and it bounces back to him. What I see you girls doing with this whole lame texting thing is treating it like he hit the ball over the net AND that the ball is returnable. So, some girls run after the ball and wear themselves out in the game thinking that they better keep the ball in play or else the game is over. The thing is that you can only return a returnable ball.
So, texting is along the lines of a half-hearted lob. It does not really merit a return. Again, if anything, you might return with a smiley face because that is enough to let him know that if he makes a real effort, you are potentially interested. But, all you can muster for now is a smiley face.
With this guy, the lame and inconsistent initiation is a symptom that those required feelings were not there. And, now you have confirmation of that.
I really believe in this Veil theory. When it is right, everything is different. The guy pursues, calls, takes you on dates and marries you. Wait on the Lord.
Thank you for writing to me. I will continue to pray for you.
Love and blessings,
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This was a good post, Cindy. Thanks.
What I’ve noticed these days is actually that guys seem to be abandoning text messages in favour of Facebook. For example, a guy will display some pretty clear initial signs of interests (i.e. going out of his way to come over to talk to you) and will then send you a Facebook friend request. Then there will be radio silence. And if he does ask you out, it’ll be via Facebook message (this is the only way I’ve ever been asked out). It’s not an encouraging state of affairs.
Thank you, Julia! I have you on my Divine Mercy Chaplet prayer list already and have been praying for you so it is great to hear from you! I think I need to do a post about “Risk” and the risk aversion I see going on. These guys are taking the ‘safe’ route because their hearts are not ready to risk. Best for a girl to not fall for that and instead wait for a guy who will take the risk to win your heart. Write to me anytime to chat. God love you, Cindy http://firstname.lastname@example.org
Thanks for the reply, Cindy, and the Chaplet add!