7 Myths Singles Must Resist: Myth #5 Attraction Is Physical

Based on the emails I get from you, the myth that attraction is purely physical keeps many of you from having confidence in God’s plan for your vocation. I struggled with this topic over the last couple weeks because I am trying to prove something that is a mystery.  Attraction is a mystery.  But, I also believe it to be supernatural and not all things that are supernatural are impossible to prove.  They are difficult to prove, but not impossible.

The approach I am using to bust this myth includes the profound insights from Blessed Saint Pope John Paul II regarding human love and sexuality.  Here is a little primer on the approach and then I will tie it to my own personal experience.

You Are A Person

“The essential reason for choosing a person must be personal, not merely sexual.  Life will determine the value of a choice and the value and true magnitude of love.  It is put to the test most severely when the sensual and emotional reactions themselves grow weaker, and sexual values as such lose their effect.  Nothing then remains except the value of the person, and the inner truth about the love of those connected comes to light.  If their love is a true gift of self, so that they belong to the other, it will not only survive but grow stronger, and sink deeper roots.  Whereas if it was never more than a synchronization of sensual and emotional experiences it will lose its raison d’être [reason for existence] and the person involved in it will suddenly find themselves in a vacuum.” 

Blessed Saint Pope John Paul II

In very simplistic terms, Blessed Saint Pope John Paul II’s Theology of the Body distinguishes between the “gift of self” (chaste marital sexual love) and lust (to use).  Chastity is the virtue that fights against lust and allows for the gift of self.  The gift of self can only be realized when we understand which “self” we are referring to.  The ‘self’ is a person and that person is you. You are the gift. 

You, the human person, are both body and soul and this true gift of self requires the integration of your body and your soul.  The challenge is to bring these two aspects of yourself together.  In addition, you must fight against the forces of darkness which are always at work to build a chasm between your body and your soul.  To be holy means to be  made “whole” and the integration process, through the power of grace, makes us whole. 

Keep Body and Soul TogetherDisharmony

As a single girl I did not understand the amount of disharmony there was between my body and my soul.  I fell into the trap of emphasizing my body and allowed society (and myself) to distort and disconnect my body from my soul.  My guess is that this is happening to you.  We are living in a time where the body and the soul are more disconnected than in any other time in history. 

But this disconnect and disharmony is nothing new.  As a result of the Fall of Man, the relationship between our body and our soul is in constant tension. Because Man revolted against God, the body started to revolt against the soul. Now, the body no longer obeys the dictates of the soul. Our struggle is to find harmony and the only way to do this is through Chastity and a Sacramental life in Christ.

You may be asking, “What does this have to do with my vocation?”  Dr. Alice von Hildebrand teaches that marriages are going to pieces and collapsing because, unless there is harmony between our body and our soul, it is almost impossible for us to properly relate to the opposite sex.   I believe this to also be true in the dating world.  The disharmony is not only leading to divorce, it is causing delayed and missed marriage vocations.

My Story

As a single girl, I struggled with common girl issues like body image. I was also in need of girl-type healing. You know, the type of healing associated with a poor understanding of our bodies. I was riddled with negative messages resulting in a negative relationship with food and a poor body image.  In other words, I, as a person, was disconnected.  And this led me to focus on this aspect of myself.   Because I was focusing on my physical body, I was attracting guys who had the same focus.  Thankfully, my commitment to Chastity kept me from being used.

I am also ashamed to admit that I was attracted to and attracting very good-looking guys.  As it teaches us in Isaiah 6:  What you revere, you resemble; you become what you worship.  Because I focused on the physical for myself and the guys I dated, my results yielded only the physical.  I experienced that vacuum in my relationships that Saint Pope John Paul II refers to above.

Once I started living a Sacramental life and committed whole heartily to Chastity, my body and my soul began to merge.  It was undetectable at the time, but looking back, I can see the healing proof. Once I took the focus off of the physical and allowed the Lord to integrate my body and my soul, I was able to love and be loved as a person, body and soul.  And, in God’s perfect timing, I met Gregg.

I am not saying that I was merged completely when I met Gregg.  In fact, with God’s grace, I am still being merged.  But, the process needed to at least start so that I could be loved as a whole person and learn how to love a whole person.

What You Can Do

What I have presented so far is pretty deep stuff so I will stop here.  Next week I will tie all this together with Chastity, Superabundance, The Veil and specific advice to help merge your body and soul  (posted 2/28/13).  In two weeks Gregg will share his perspective on attraction from a guy’s point of view! 

In the meantime, please go back and read the above profound and beautiful words by Blessed Saint Pope John Paul II again.  Have you experienced this vacuum in your relationships?  Are you allowing too much focus on your body and is this keeping you in bondage? Think about what you are focusing on.  What do you revere?  You remain in my prayers.

God love and bless you!

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7 Myths Singles Must Resist: Myth #4 Men/Women Are Defective

This week I continue the series on Myths That Singles Must Resist.  Past posts include:

          Setting the Stage

          Myth  #1: Others are getting away with sin/sex is consequence free

          Myth #2 Part 1: God has forgotten about me

          Myth #2 Part 2: God has forgotten about me: A Perspective on Suffering

          Myth #3:  Something is Wrong With Me

Today’s topic is Myth #4:  Men/Women Are Defective


When we are rejected by men, it is very common for our friends to try to make us feel better.  One way our friends do that is to say that the one who rejected us is ‘defective’ in some way.  

               “He is afraid of commitment.”

               “He is a selfish jerk!”

               “He spends too much time working.”

               “He is a miser with his money.”

This shirt is funny.    The best way to bust this myth is to realize that we are all ‘defective’ in some way.  Indeed, some more than others.  But, we are also human beings with a soul.  Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity.  It is unhealthy to tear down the person who rejects us. 

A Man’s Potential

Instead, I think the rejection and perceived defect could be explained by (you guessed it) the idea that we each have a veil covering us.  The one who rejects us cannot see us due to our veil.  And, in the same way, we cannot see them because of their veil.  So, they look ‘defective’ to us.  But are they?

Here is what may surprise you.  That guy who is afraid of committing to you?  He will have no problem committing to the girl he loves.  The selfish jerk?  He can, under the right circumstance with the right girl, become a good husband.  Same with the guy who works too much and is a miser with his money.  Given the right circumstances, he can change. 

Love changes men.  But the love has to be fed by grace or it will die.  This is why chastity, including marital chastity, is so important.  Love is the spark but the grace of chastity is the fuel source that stokes the fire of love.  Marital Chastity, which includes remaining open to life, strengthens and cements commitment.  It sands off the rough edges of selfishness.  Chastity resets priorities and aligns them with what is best for the marriage and family.  Chastity infuses supernatural graces leading to Superabundance.

Give Him What He Needs

So, don’t worry about that guy who rejects you.  He is not defective.  He is just in need of love from the girl God has chosen for him.  And, he is in need of Chastity….from her.

When women expect to be treated with dignity, something remarkable happens:

Men discover that they’ll have to become gentlemen if they wish the company of women.” – Jason Evert

I actually feel sorry for him because the likelihood of him getting what he needs is very slim.  Unchaste behavior before marriage blinds men and they often marry the wrong girl for the wrong reasons. Sadly, their love will mostly likely die.  But even that marriage would be salvageable with marital chastity. 

“Since a woman is loved, it follows that the nobler a woman is,

the nobler a man will have to be to be deserving of that love.”- Archbishop Fulton Sheen

Even though men most likely are not aware of their need for chastity, the fact that they are not being provided the opportunity to experience this virtue is making them cynical.  Most girls are just not aware of the supernatural power of chastity and so it is not even an option for them or the guy.

Faithful and Fruitful

…and free

You, on the other hand, have great power to influence the man who God has chosen for you.  You can give him what he needs.  You can ensure the presence of fuel that stokes the fire of marital love.  And, you have all the keys to a loving, grace-filled marriage.

Mr. Rejection is not defective and neither are you.

A Good Example Of An Incorrect Assessment

In this blog post by someone I admire and respect, the following “he’s defective” assessments were drawn:  he’s an ass, and you are not. You didn’t do anything wrong, and he’s an undependable flake.”

Reading the letter from Mauled by a Bear?” was heart-wrenching because I could so easily relate to her experience of frustration!  But, I disagree with the above assessment because I don’t think the guy in the letter is defective.  This girl is just not ‘the one’ and he is communicating that to her with his wishy washy-ness.  We girls must resist the temptation to make excuses and we must not overlook what these guys are communicating. 

Ultimately, the advice provided near the end of the post is fair for both the girl and the guy: 

“But if you want to know if a guy really likes you, you have to leave the heavy social lifting to him. Let him be the first to text in a text stream. Let him be the first to email in an email stream. If he wants to see you, he will ask to see you. Men do what they want, and usually try to get out of whatever they don’t want. End of story.”  Auntie Seraphic @ Seraphic Singles

You remain in my prayers. God love and bless you.

** Next weekPart 2 of my Book Review:  Would You Date You? by Anthony Buono President of avemariasingles.com

If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button.  Thank you!

7 Myths Singles Must Resist: Myth #3 Something Is Wrong With Me

My posts over the last several weeks addressed Myths that singles must resist:

1. Setting the Stage

2. Myth #1: Others are getting away with sin/sex is consequence free

3. Myth #2 Part 1: God has forgotten about me and Myth #2 Part 2:  A Perspective on Suffering

Today’s topic is Myth #3: Something Is Wrong With Me

Blessed Repeated Rejection

This myth will be the most rewarding one for me to bust because it is the myth that tormented me the most as a single girl.  Because I was single for so long, I naturally came to believe that something was wrong with me.  I mean, what was with all the repeated rejection?  I could only find one common denominator in all those failed relationships: me.

I will share with you a detail about my life to prove to you that I understand rejection.  I wrote about this in my book and provided the substantiating details, but I will give you the overarching trend that I experienced in my dating life.  Are you ready?  Every. Single. Guy. that I dated went on to marry the very next girl he dated after me.  Oh, talk about a Divine sense of humor!  Each guy, no matter their age or the length of our relationship, was ready to marry but just not ‘inspired’ to marry me.  Talk about an ego buster!

“…Be still in the presence of the LORD, and wait patiently for him to act.…” Psalm 37:7

I also felt very confused by what I was observing all around me.  I knew that I was not perfect but I wondered why everyone else (and their imperfect and often unchaste selves) seemed to get married.  Why not me?  What was wrong with me?

Well, I now have the benefit of hindsight and I am here to tell you that there was nothing wrong with me.  I also want to reassure you that there is nothing wrong with you.


All that rejection led me to imagined that every other girl was prettier, thinner, more interesting, more athletic, more fun, more ‘you name it’ than me.  This belief caused me to doubt myself.  These thoughts and observations led me to believe that in order to be loved and cherished, I could not have any glaring faults.  So, I focused on the things that I felt I could control and change in the hopes of capturing and keeping my guy’s attention.

This feeling of inadequacy also made me feel afraid of marriage. I seriously could not imagine living with someone 24/7.  I may have been able to hide my glaring faults before marriage but what would happen once my husband began to see the whole package?

In a way, this fear was actually a gift. It kept me from taking significant stupid risks and kept me committed to Chastity. Sex is supposed to be revealing and no, I was not ready to be revealed. Certainly not without the covenant of marriage.

Now, I am not saying that I did not have plenty of room for improvement.  I had plenty of ‘issues’ that needed healing and some are still with me today.  But those issues were not the ones that I focused on and tried to change.  Thankfully, my good Lord sustained me through it all and covertly healed me in ways that I can only now see through hindsight.

The Veil

As you may know, I have this concept called The Veil which is the idea that God places a protective veil over all of us and the purpose of the veil is to hide us from every possible suitor except the one that God intends for us to marry. I call the person God wants us to marry our ‘holy spouse.’  This protective veil makes us ‘unclear’, similar to looking through a Mylar plastic sheet, to those suitors who are not our holy spouse. These suitors may be attracted to us but they hesitate to pursue us fully because they can’t fully see us; we are hidden by the veil.  This may feel like rejection but it is really God’s protection.

If you struggle with the same beliefs, rejection and fears I described above, I understand.  However, once I met Gregg and realized that there was nothing wrong with me, I had to laugh at myself for thinking that there was.  Well, yes there were things that were wrong with me but none of them kept Gregg from falling in love with me and marrying me.  And it will be the same with your Holy Spouse too. 

It is funny because I thought the problem was that these other guys, the ones that rejected me, could see me and did not like what they saw.  However, now I believe that a more realistic explanation is that they could not see me.  I was covered by the protective Veil.  The rejection was good because it was a signal to me that those guys were not who God intended for me.

With Gregg, however, he does see me and he loves what he sees. I cannot explain this other than the idea that God lifted the protective veil. And, once God lifts the veil, our holy spouse sees us through the eyes of Love in all our beauty and virtue filled with grace and trust.  Gregg loves me despite all my faults and the only explanation is a supernatural one. I believe the Superabundance, which results from our chaste marriage, significantly diminishes my faults and almost makes them invisible to Gregg, my Holy Spouse. I also believe that Superabundance somehow then magnifies, for him, my good traits.

Side note:   The movie When Harry Met Sally has a scene in it where Sally finds out that her former boyfriend, Joe, is getting married to his “transitional person”, Kimberly. In the scene below, Sally says, “Why didn’t he want to marry me??  What is wrong with me??”  She concludes, “I’m difficult!”  Harry responds “You’re challenging.”  Sally protests “No, no, no, I’m too structured. I’m completely closed off!!”   Harry responds, “But in a good way.”

I am not a fan of Harry in this movie (and do not condone the pre-marital sex) but his response is a humorous example of how the one that loves you can see your faults in a positive light.  Here is the clip from the movie:

Sacramental Life

I cannot express enough the importance of living a Sacramental life for combating this myth. Without the grace from the Sacraments, the myth that there is something wrong with you will grow and fester like mold in a damp basement. The time when I was away from my Catholic faith and not living a Sacramental life was when this myth was strongest and most difficult to overcome.

Eucharistic Adoration Girl  May I recommend that you tell God you are feeling impatient so that He can send His angels to comfort you?  Share with God your feelings of inadequacy.  He wants to heal you and the main avenue for healing is His grace, His very own Divine Life, which is imparted through the Sacraments.  Spend time with Him in Eucharistic Adoration and pour your heart out to Him.  Know that the deep yearning you have can only be satisfied by God. Cling to Him.

Most of all, commit to Chastity and ask God to strengthen you with His grace.  Unchaste behavior will magnify any feelings you have of self-hatred and will result in shame.  Then, the enemy will taunt you and you will really believe something is wrong with you.  Worst of all, it will separate you from our Holy God and lead you to despair.

The ‘one’ that God has for you will love you despite your faults. There is nothing wrong with you that will keep him from marrying you. Trust and wait. I know it is hard.

You are in my prayers. God love and bless you.

** Next week:  Book Review:  Would You Date You? by Anthony Buono President of avemariasingles.com

If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button.  Thank you!

7 Myths Singles Must Resist: Myth #2 Part 2 God Has Forgotten About Me

My posts over the last several weeks addressed Myths that singles must resist:

1.  Setting the Stage

2.  Myth #1Others are getting away with sin/sex is consequence free

3.  Myth #2 Part 1:  God has forgotten about me

Today I will address Myth #2 Part 2:  God has forgotten about me:  A Perspective on Suffering

As I stated in Part 1, I do not have all the answers. I am not a theologian or a philosopher.  But, I am intimately familiar with feelings of being forgotten by God.  I think we have all felt as if :

“My plight is hidden from the LORD, and my cause has passed out of God’s notice” 

Isaiah 40:27

In Part 1, we established that God is real, He is intimate and you have His attention.  But, I ended that post with this: 

“…Life’s events may seem random and chaotic but they are not.  He can bring order out of chaos.  There is a plan for your life.  And, it will involve….suffering.”

Even-Steven God

From my very limited perspective, suffering is not evenly distributed.  Sometimes we suffer at the hands of others and sometimes we suffer due to our own decisions. Sometimes suffering’s origin is unknown and exasperating.

Suffering starving ChildThe first type of suffering is out of our hands and is, to me, impossible to understand without taking into account our gift of free will.  Everyone has this gift of free will and their misuse of it will cause us to suffer.  But, our suffering is not even.  Some suffer terribly in this life.  I mean, terribly!  And, I can’t explain why.

“He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.”

                                                                                                                Matthew 5:45

Free Will CS LewisWouldn’t it seem fair if God was an Even-Steven God when it came to suffering?  But, this would require Him to limit our free will.  He won’t do that.  Even if He decided to limit our free will, would you want him to?

It is the suffering in this world that can challenge our belief in God and Who He is.  Satan knows this and delights in our suffering.  Satan especially takes delight in the kind of suffering that leads us to ask “What kind of God would allow this?” 

To answer that question:  A God who has bestowed upon us the great gift free will.

A Perspective on Suffering

As I have shared before, I did not get married until I was 38 years old. I had every blessing I could think of (family, friends, faith, health, steady employment, a roof over my head and all the basic and some of the non-basic necessities) except for marriage and children. And, I still, at times, felt that God had forgotten about me. It is only in hindsight that I can see that my plight was not hidden from Him.

What I was not able to see at the time is that I did not have a proper perspective on my suffering. Back then, I was quick to notice that there were those that appeared ‘more blessed’ than I was. Grumble, grumble.  But, I didn’t like to think about those who were ‘less fortunate.’

I avoided analyzing my ‘lot in life’ compared to orphans, the lonely and abandoned, the aborted, the sick, the terminally ill, the mentally ill, the starving, the unemployed and the homeless.

I still don’t have a handle on the allocation of blessings and suffering. These words from Isaiah ring true for me: “his understanding is unsearchable”

CrucifixBut then I asked myself, “Who is this God that allows for all this suffering?” One look at the crucifix and we see that He did not spare His own Son. He intimately ‘gets’ our suffering and our plight is not hidden from Him.

The Suffering of Singleness

My dear single girls, I am not trying to downplay your suffering by reminding you of the starving, homeless, unemployed, aborted and orphaned. Singleness is also a suffering! 

I am not a theologian but from a Catholic perspective we know that our bodies are made to glorify God. The purpose of marriage and of our fertility is to glorify God. Not being able to fulfill this purpose is, I think, a special kind of suffering. As we celebrate the Immaculate Conception of Mary and miraculous conception and birth of Jesus, we see how family, fertility and life are not just “part” of our purpose and plan for salvation. They are The Plan.

The shape, form and intricate design of our bodies reveal this strong link to our fertility and femininity. Our bodies are oriented toward marital love…. to bonding and babies.  I could be wrong but I think that God weeps over delayed and missed marriage vocations in a unique way. I feel confident that the plight of the single person is not hidden from Him nor has their cause passed out of His notice.

The Veil’s Wager

Isaiah 40 28I am not going to try to sugarcoat it.  We are at the mercy of other’s free will.  But, we have our own gift of free will where we can choose to believe in God, to be intimate with Him and to give Him our love, devotion and attention.  We can choose to bind our sufferings to His and bring about redemption and purpose.  We can choose faith and hope over doubt and despair.

“Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.”

Psalm 62:5

Remain chaste and stay close to our good Lord in the Sacraments. Pray for faith, hope, patience and insight into God’s purpose for your life. I request this of you because if you don’t, Satan, the father of all lies, will play havoc with your mind. Satan will convince you that suffering is pointless and that God has forgotten about you.

God is SovereignGod is real. He is intimate. He is mysterious. He has not forgotten about you. Your cause is not hidden from Him, especially in the midst of your suffering.

** Next week:  My First Book Review:  Woman In Love ~ by Katie Hartfiel

God Bless!

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7 Myths Singles Must Resist: Myth #2 God Has Forgotten About Me

My posts over the last several weeks addressed Myths that singles must resist.  In the first post of the series, I set the stage for the remaining 7 posts.  I addressed Myth #1 two weeks ago and today I will address Myth #2:  God has forgotten about me.

Myth #2 will be the most difficult because I do not have all the answers. I am not a theologian or a philosopher.  But, I am intimately familiar with feelings of being forgotten by God.

“Why do you complain, O Jacob, And you, O Israel, why do you say, “My plight is hidden from the LORD, and my cause has passed out of God’s notice”? Have you not known? Have you not heard?  The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.  He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchableHe gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength.  Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strengththey shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary;  they shall walk and not faint.”

Isaiah 40:27-31

The verse from Isaiah above reveals that His people have always dealt with this feeling of “passing out of God’s notice.”  When you are single well beyond your hoped-to-be-married time, it can feel as if you have passed out of God’s notice.

In order to tackle this myth, we must first ask some very philosophical questions:  Is God real?  Who is God?  What is our purpose?

These questions will be tackled in three parts.  Each part will be progressively more difficult to explain and accept.  I will discuss number one and two this week and conclude with number three next week.

  1. Pascal’s Wager 
  2. Distant or Intimate? Chaos or Order? 
  3. A Perspective on Suffering

Pascal’s Wager

“In faith there is enough light for those who want to believe and enough shadows to blind those who don’t.”

Blaise Pascal

Blaise PascalIn order to answer the question “Does God forget about us?”, we must first establish that He exists.  Pascal’s wager, simply stated in my non-philosophical way, teaches us that if God does exist, then it benefits us to live our life in friendship with Him.  Because if He does exist and we live our life as if He doesn’t exist, then we have a lot to lose; namely Heaven.  And, we have something to fear, namely the pains of Hell.

If, on the other hand, God doesn’t exist and we live our life as if He does, then we have nothing to lose. We just die and our soulless bodies rot after living a life of trying earnestly to not harm ourselves or our neighbor.

So, logically it makes sense for us to live as if and wager that He does exist.  Unless we can be 100% sure that He does not exist…..which we can’t.

Once we make the logical wager that He does exist, then we must ask ourselves Who He is? Is He a distant God or an intimate God? Is He a God of chaos or a God of order? 

Distant or Intimate?

“What is your opinion? If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them goes astray, will he not leave the ninety-nine in the hills and go in search of the stray? And if he finds it, amen, I say to you, he rejoices more over it than over the ninety-nine that did not stray. In just the same way, it is not the will of your heavenly Father that one of these little ones be lost.”

                                                                                Matthew 18:12-14

To be honest, I grew up with the notion that God was a distant keeper of rules.  It has only been over time that I see His intimate love and involvement in my life.

Maybe becoming a parent has helped me with this renewed vision of God.  Once you have a child, you begin to understand God a little more. You understand the strong feelings of love, protectiveness and potential heartbreak.  You begin to understand the difficulty of training and disciplining a child and then allowing for the gift of free will to manifest itself in that child’s life. 

It is similar to, I think, how God parents us.  First, He trains us.  Then, He gives us the long leash of free will.  While we are in training, He can feel a little like a taskmaster.  While we wonder away on our long leash, He can feel distant.  But, His love, protectiveness and attachment to outcome are constant.  He allows us to break His heart.

Hairs Numbered  “Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered.”

                                   Matthew 10:30

I always heard people say “God loves you!” and I would silently say to myself, “So what?  He loves everyone.  I am not special to Him.”  Ouch.  That was hard to admit.  But, I think I was putting human limits on God. He is not like a parent who has to divide His time and attention between His children.  There is infinitely enough of Him to go around.  He can ‘pay attention’ to me and the rest of the gazillion humans He created, all at the same time.  And, He does not have ‘favorites.’  We are all equally favored by Him.  I don’t know how He does it.  He is God.  He is all-knowing, all-loving and all-powerful.

So, let’s conclude He is real and He is intimate and you have His attention.  Just how involved is He in the details?

Chaos or Order?

God of PeaceThis part is hard to prove or explain because sin produces chaos in our life and in the world.  And, our finite minds cannot fathom the ways of our Lord.  But, when I look at the Old Testament and at the design of the universe and our bodies, I see a God of order.  When I look at salvation history, I see a God that allows for our free will and allows for chaos but somehow brings order and goodness out of it all.  Again, how He does it, I do not know.

Our part in the order of things is critical.  That is why Chastity is so important.  Unchaste behavior is morally disordered and adds to the chaos. 

Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.” (CCC 2351)

The Fall of Man has brought chaos and disorder into the world but you can avoid adding to it by living a chaste life.   

Morally disordered unchaste behavior also leads you into darkness. This darkness and confusion can convince you that God has forgotten about you.  It can convince you that life’s events are random.  But they are not. God can bring order out of chaos. You are not left to your own devices.

God is real. He is intimate. He is mysterious. He has not forgotten about you. Your cause is not hidden from Him.

There is a plan for your life.  And, it will involve….suffering.

** Next week: I will conclude this myth with Part 2:  A Perspective on Suffering

God Bless!

If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Thank you!

7 Myths Singles Must Resist: Myth #1 Others Are Getting Away With Sin

Last week I set the stage in this post for the remaining 7 posts in this series.  Each of the 7 posts will address a myth that singles must resist.  As you read each myth, keep in mind that Satan is real, the Fall of Man is real, you are in a Spiritual battle for your mind, your body and your perspective, and you must use your weapons!  The take away from today’s post:  God is Perfect Justice.  Okay, here we go!

Myth #1:  Other people are getting away with sin/sex is Consequence-free.

In my book, the chapter that addresses this myth is called “No One Is Getting Away With Anything.”  In this chapter, I share the statistics of sexual sin, cohabitation and contraception as well as the fallout of those sins on society. I share overall trends that I have noticed over time.  And, I share specific stories but change the details enough to protect the good reputation of others. 

What I have noticed is that the suffering from cohabitation, fornication and contraception does not always happen right away.  Sin is tricky that way.  It looks all fine and dandy at first in order to lure us in.  The goal is to make us think we are not doing anything wrong and that there will be no consequences.  But, sins’ purpose is to destroy us and make us suffer.  It takes its sweet time but you can depend upon it.

But, what about those of you who are waiting patiently and chastely?  Why does it seem that others are going about their business, fornicating, living together, getting big diamond rings, getting married, contracepting and then having babies on demand without any consequences?  Well, I want to reassure you that no one is getting away with anything. Give it time. It is a natural spiritual law.  We go against our design, we suffer.  In order to be redeemed, we suffer.

Not So Fine And Dandy

What you, young reader, are observing is the “fine and dandy” part and it may be leading you to believe that other people are getting away with these sins.  But, rest assured, the destruction and suffering will come.  I don’t say that in a way that takes delight in their future suffering.  I say it as a truth that I would encourage you to meditate on as you make your decisions in the future regarding chastity.

If you are tempted to move in with your boyfriend, fornicate or contracept before or after marriage and if you falsely believe there will be no consequences, this myth-buster is for you. 

The Benefit Of Age

In my book I share stories of situations where people seem to be getting away with sin.  I also share the ‘here is what happened later’ details. I have this insight and perspective because I have 10, 15, maybe even 20 years on most of you reading this blog. 

But, instead of giving you those ‘here is what happened to those sinners’ details, let’s instead go through this truth logically by acknowledging God’s character:  God is perfectly just, patient, merciful and determined to have us with Him in heaven. 

The Character of God

God’s perfect justice is the good news and the bad news.  It is good because we can count on Him to sort it all out and ensure the no one gets away with anything.  It is bad because we are also subject to His perfect justice.  God set up laws that we must follow.  But, like any loving Father, He ensures that with disobedience comes consequences and with obedience comes reward.

God is the very definition of Perfect Justice.  He set up laws and each one has a purpose.  He then lovingly enforces the laws and allows for the consequences to manifest themselves.  But, we do not know ahead of time how He will enforce the law or the timing of the consequences of our sins. So, our limited perspective leads us to believe that others are getting away with sin.  But, we must remember, His ways are not our ways. 

God’s patience is what keeps Him from enacting harsh consequences on us immediately upon our sin.  His mercy gives us a chance to repent.  But, His determination prevents Him from letting us get away with our sin.  So, God set up a system that kicks in when we go against our design.  This system, or natural law, when violated, is often revealed in suffering and destruction.

We are not designed to cohabitate, fornicate or contracept.  When we do, His system of loving consequences kicks in.

Loving Consequences

There are other laws you might recognize such as the scientific laws of gravity, physics and thermodynamics. For example, if you jump off of a bridge, the law of gravity automatically kicks in.  It doesn’t matter if you are a good person or a bad person.  You will fall toward the earth. It is a negative consequence that results from going against the physical law of gravity. 

The natural spiritual laws and the consequences of what we do with our bodies are also automatic.  There is no need for God to “manage” the affairs in this area and dole out punishment.  He already set up the system to protect us from going against our design and this same system results in negative consequences when we do go against our design. 

Again, these natural spiritual laws were put in place to protect us when we start to creep toward danger.  The same laws teach us through negative consequences when we violate them. 

But, most importantly, these laws allow us to be holy and therefore happy, when we obey them.  Because we are working within our design rather than constantly suffering from consequences, we are happy and content.  We are ‘at one’ with our bodies and ‘at one’ with our Maker Who loves us and allows us to suffer the consequences when we separate ourselves from Him through sin.

Unlike the laws of gravity, the consequences of violating these natural laws don’t always kick in immediately.  So, for a time, people may appear to be getting away with sin. 

Where Is My Reward?

I wish I could guarantee you that your obedience is going to result in a reward designed by you.  But, I can’t.  God is not a vending machine.  We cannot drop in our coins of obedience and then select the reward buttons we desire expecting them to drop to the bottom for us to grab.

I also cannot guarantee that you will witness God’s perfect justice played out in consequences for those that cohabitate, fornicate and contracept.  Their life here on earth may appear to be completely consequence-free.  But, remind yourself that you do not have the inside scoop nor do you know the end of the story. Don’t let pride and conceit enter your heart.  Humbly take your eyes off of them.  It is not your business.  Close your eyes and remind yourself of God’s perfect justice and that thankfully, He chases all of us.

 The Blessing Or The Curse

“Behold, I set before you this day a blessing and a curse.  The blessing if you obey the commandments of the Lord your God which I command you this day; And the curse if you will not obey the commandments of the Lord your God, but turn aside from the way which I command you this day to go after other gods, which you have not known.”   Deuteronomy 11:26-28

 I know a holy Jewish man who always says with a smile, “Your reward will be your lack of punishment.”   I have the type of personality which thinks that is a pretty good deal.  I don’t want punishment.  I want to know what is expected of me by my Loving Father.  And, I can accept that the blessing that comes from doing what is expected of me will be my reward. The reward will be that I will be in a loving relationship, rather than a rebellious relationship with my Maker and my body.  I can choose this blessing.

I don’t want to mislead you.  Chastity and my Veil theory are not a formula for getting what you want. Instead, the concept is offered as a way of encouraging you to stay in His will.  He wants you there. It matters to Him.  You matter to Him.  He has a plan for you that can only be manifested by your obedience.  Are you not curious to see what He has for you?  Apply your God-given gift of free will and choose obedience.  Choose the blessing and not the curse. 

Yes, others are going to cohabitate, fornicate and contracept.  I had to learn to take my eyes off them.  I had to trust that God loves them too and that His perfect justice will prevail. I had to learn that, sometimes, their story of repentance and redemption is just as beautiful as a life of obedience.

None of us are designed to cohabitate, fornicate or contracept and none of us will get away with unrepented sin.  Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus.  Do not look around and wonder why others seem to be getting away with sin.  Keep your mind bathed in the truth of Sacred Scripture.  And, keep your body holy through Chastity and the grace of a Sacramental life.

God bless!

**  In two weeks I will present the Myth#2God has forgotten about me

**  Next Week:  Guest blogger Amanda from worthyofAgape.com will share her gorgeous ‘God chases all of us’ story.  Have your tissues ready!

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7 Myths Singles Must Resist: Setting the Stage

I remember when I was single and how easy it was for me to believe ideas that were simply untrue.  But, because I didn’t have the benefit of hindsight, I wasn’t able to put these false ideas and myths into perspective.  I now have the benefit of hindsight and my hope is that by sharing this perspective with you, it will help you fight against some of the common myths which can vex the single life.

I will be expanding on 1 myth per week but first I want to set the stage for you and build a foundation to help you resist and understand the root of these myths.

Yes, Satan Is Real

Again, I am setting the stage for you so that each of these myths will make sense in light of its origin.  The father of all lies, Satan, wants you to believe these myths because they make God, our Holy Loving Father, look like an unjust, stingy and uncaring God who has left us to fend for ourselves.

“The power of Satan is, nonetheless, not infinite. He is only a creature, powerful from the fact that he is pure spirit, but still a creature. He cannot prevent the building up of God’s reign. Although Satan may act in the world out of hatred for God and his kingdom in Christ Jesus, and although his action may cause grave injuries – of a spiritual nature and, indirectly, even of a physical nature ~ to each man and to society, the action is permitted by divine providence which with strength and gentleness guides human and cosmic history. It is a great mystery that providence should permit diabolical activity, but “we know that in everything God works for good with those who love him.”

Catechism of the Catholic Church #395

The Old and New Eve

Yes, The Fall of Mankind Is Real

Because of the Fall of Mankind, we are wounded, weak and subject to ignorance, suffering, sin and death.  We need to be protected from Satan’s lies and we need to be healed by God.  We need to choose the way of the New Eve.

“Although it is proper to each individual, original sin does not have the character of a personal fault in any of Adam’s descendants. It is a deprivation of original holiness and justice, but human nature has not been totally corrupted: it is wounded in the natural powers proper to it, subject to ignorance, suffering and the dominion of death, and inclined to sin – an inclination to evil that is called concupiscence“.  Baptism, by imparting the life of Christ’s grace, erases original sin and turns a man back towards God, but the consequences for nature, weakened and inclined to evil, persist in man and summon him to spiritual battle

                                                     Catechism of the Catholic Church#405

You are in a spiritual battle so use your weapons! 

In her book, Passion and Purity, Elisabeth Elliot writes:

If there is an Enemy of Souls (and I have not the slightest doubt that there is), one thing he cannot abide (put up with) is the desire for purity.  Hence a man or woman’s passions become his battleground.  The Lover of Souls does not prevent this.  I was perplexed because it seemed to me He should prevent it, but He doesn’t.  He wants us to use our weapons.”

A Three-Pronged Attack

There are 3 main ways that Satan attacks us when we are single:  Through our minds, our bodies and our eyes.

Our Minds:  Our minds are very powerful. If Satan can influence us through our thought life, then he can gain a foothold. If Satan can convince us that God doesn’t care about us and that sin doesn’t matter, then we are more prone to following our sinful inclinations to cohabitate, fornicate and contracept.  If he can convince us that God is distant, unjust and stingy, we will surely fall into despair.      

Our Bodies:  Our bodies are made to glorify God.  When you cohabitate, fornicate and contracept, you are living outside of your design.  I believe when you live outside the design of your body and you will eventually hate your body.  If Satan can influence us to the point where we hate or misuse our bodies, then he is ecstatic!  His pride swells because our bodies, as evidenced by the Incarnation, are holy.  Satan hates holiness and thrives on the profane. 

Our Eyes:  Our eyes influence our perspective.  What we see becomes our reality.  It takes effort, prayer and Sacramental grace to overcome what we see and instead believe that there is another realm of reality.  This other reality is the realm of the supernatural, the holy, the sublime and the mysterious.  It is where truth can be found.  But, the lies from Satan tempt us to take our eyes off of Jesus and instead focus on and believe what we see in the natural, human, physical realm. We see others cohabitate, fornicate and contracept and we think there are no consequences. 

Use Your Weapons!

Your Mind:  Protect your mind by shielding it from media (TV, books, websites) which are unholy and secular.  Instead, frequent Catholic Blogs which are faithful to the Magisterium. Read Catholic literature and the writings of the Saints and Doctors of the Church. Participate only in holy conversation. Most importantly, bathe your mind in the wisdom and truth found in Sacred Scripture.  Read something from your bible every day to transform your mind.  The scripture below from Deuteronomy can be translated into: “Memorized these truths and write them on your forehead!

“…Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads…”. Deuteronomy 11:18

Your Body: Protect your body with the virtue of Chastity.  Bathe yourself in the Sacraments and glorify God with your body.  Glorify God with modesty and by celebrating your fertility.  Honor its miracle and power.

“…Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship…”  Romans 12:1

Your Eyes:  Because of the Fall of mankind, our eyes are in need of healing.  We see others cohabitate, fornicate and contracept and we are easily misled.  Medicate your eyes with prayer, fasting, Eucharistic adoration, scripture, Confession and of course the body and blood of Jesus in the Holy Sacrament so that you can see the truth.

buy ointment to smear on your eyes so that you may see.”     Book of Revelation 14:18

The Myths

Now that I have set the stage, I will address the following Myths over the next several weeks:

Myth #1   Other people are getting away with sin/sex is Consequence-free


Myth #2   God has forgotten about me


Myth #3   Something is wrong with me

Myth #4   Men/Women are defective

Myth #5   Attraction is Physical

Myth #6   I Am Too Picky

Myth #7   I Can Change Him/Her

The Veil

I realize that the concept of the veil is just a metaphor.  But, as you read about each of the myths, consider the relationship of the veil when it comes to explaining each myth. If you are covered by a veil, the only suitor who will be able to “see” you is the one that God intends for you to marry.  So, in the meantime, the veil will most likely lead to rejection, the feeling of being forgotten and the idea that something is wrong with you. This can really test your patience!  And, Satan knows this and capitalizes on it.

Satan also knows that if you use you weapons and commit to chastity, God will be glorified.  God will be glorified by your patience and faith in the midst of your trial.  Then, God will be glorified by your beautiful, chaste, fruitful marriage.  Your marriage will be filled with grace and Superabundance and the world will be blessed and inspired by your witness.

But in the meantime, Satan will harass you. 

As Elisabeth Elliot wrote, “The Lover of Souls does not prevent this….He wants us to use our weapons.”

God bless!

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