7 Quick Takes Friday ~ Vol 68

Posted on February 28, 2014 by theveilofchastity

— 1 — This Week’s Post: Are You Just An Option? Red Flags To Know Excellent insight provided in this guest post!

— 2 — Not Alone Series: This week’s NAS topic was: Masculinity: Who is a great example of masculinity in your life (father, brother, uncle, priest, etc)? What is it about them that you love? So many encouraging posts! Check them out!

—3 — Spotlight On: This week’s spotlight is Katie from Waiting4Patience. Well, I will just let her tell you about her exciting news! Please pray for Katie, let her know your prayer intentions and donate to this mission if you are able! Upon her return, she has agreed to do a guest post sharing her experience! God speed, Katie!

— 4 — Spotlight On: This article by Mary Beth Bonacci was excellent! I like that she emphasized the need to know God. Who He is and Who He isn’t. She said:

“The “God” you’re talking about—the one who automatically provides us with spouses as a reward for virtuous behavior—He doesn’t exist. Never has. Never will.”

This is true. Chastity is for our own good. It is not a guarantee for anything other than a right relationship with our God, with ourselves and with others. But I also think it is important to emphasize that Chastity keeps us in God’s will and allows us the freedom to respond to the Holy Spirit’s lead. God’s plan for mankind is for “two to become one” and to “be fruitful and multiply.” That is His will! Therefore it benefits us to stay in His will and cooperate! I just don’t want you to think that staying in God’s will is not important. It does make a huge difference in the outcome of your life.

— 5 — Taming of the Locks: I just want to give a shout out to Fredrick Fekkai. My hair has a mind of its own yet this man has created a shampoo (and conditioner) that allows me to tame my locks into submission. Thank you, Mr. Fekkai! This is my new shampoo:

— 6 — Pope Francis: More words of encouragement from our Papa! We serve a God of Justice. Glory be to God, indeed!

“Have you been crying out to the Lord for something? Maybe there’s a situation in your life that’s been overwhelming, and you feel like you’ve done everything you know to do and can’t see a way through. Be encouraged today because we serve a God of justice! He is faithful to His Word, and He will always be faithful to you. Glory be to God.”

— 7 — Pope Francis: He reminds us of our mission and the power that we have to “change reality.” Wow!

“What is this people’s mission? It is to bring the hope and salvation of God to the world: to be a sign of the love of God who calls everyone to friendship with Him; to be the leaven that makes the dough rise, the salt that gives flavor and preserves from corruption, to be a light that enlightens. Look around us — it is enough to open a newspaper, as I said — we see the presence of evil, the Devil is acting. However, I would like to say out loud: God is stronger! Do you believe this, that God is stronger? Let us say it together, let us say it all together: God is stronger! And do you know why He is stronger? Because He is Lord, the only Lord. And I would like to add that reality, at times dark and marked by evil, can change, if we first bring the light of the Gospel especially through our lives.”

God love and bless you!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

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For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Are You Just An Option? ~ Red Flags To Know

Posted on February 24, 2014 by theveilofchastity

Last week, I shared an anonymous guest post titled She Was Just An Option. Here are the Red Flags which will help you identify if you are just an option. I used bolded text to emphasize the wisdom provided! Thank you Anonymous Angel!

#theonewillbecertain

#Youdontneedtofinaglemarriage

#ultimatumsneverwork

#heshouldbeproudofyou

#youareworthcommittingto

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……In both of these cases, there are many red flags that serve as signs that my friend and I were “options”, not priorities. Let’s go over them together:

1) These relationships are very long with comparably little development.

It took both my friend and I over five years to “finagle” a proposal from the men we loved. This is a bad sign. Quick engagements are not ideal, but when it takes many years for a man to decide he wants to marry you, it can really begin to erode your sense of self-confidence. It is also normally a sign of a high-degree of uncertainty on his part, and a lack of a sense of direction.

2) Both of our boyfriends were consistently involved with other women in ways that crossed emotional and perhaps physical boundaries.

Both men in these relationships consistently sought out the company of several other women for coffee dates, lunches and dinners, and trips to bars or parties while they were in relationships with us. It is not bad for your boyfriend to have female friends, but in both cases the men involved tried to hide their outings from their girlfriends, or to keep their girlfriends secret from the women they took out. This behavior did not change even during the engagement, and other women were the cited cause of both of our break ups.

3) The men in these relationships proposed marriage to us rather than lose us to another man.

In both cases, the men in question made proposals of marriage when it became theoretically possible that they would lose us to other men who would propose marriage. In my case, the arrival of other suitors had prompted action. In the case of my friend, an ultimatum prompted action. Both cases are bad. For the men we loved, marriage was not an outgrowth of a strong desire for love and commitment to last a lifetime; rather, it was a strategy to keep us with them and ensure we did not marry someone else. These men did not actually desire to enter into the institution of marriage with us because it was a positive and beautiful life choice, but to ensure that they would not lose us to someone who would marry us.

4) The women in these relationships worked hard to appease and convince their boyfriends to love them “enough” to make a proposal.

Both my friend and I spent significant amounts of time and energy trying to convince our boyfriends that we were worth committing to. We saw ourselves as competitors for the affections of the men we loved, and thought that by making ourselves beautiful, getting good jobs, and cooking and cleaning for them, we were giving them signs that we were worth it. It is good to try to make yourself the best that you can be, and it is also good to show love to your partner. It’s not good to do this for an instrumental reason. For example, it’s not good to do these things to try to prove to a man you are worth loving. If you have to prove that you are worth loving so desperately, you are an option and not a priority to this man; it also means that you most likely suffer from low self-worth.

5) Intimacy complicated the picture.

In my case, the intense emotional relationship I had with my boyfriend, filled with declarations of love and verbalized awe for the amazingness of the other person, made it difficult for me or for him to see clearly. I should have seen that his words did not match up with his actions, but I was on such a high from our emotional connection I didn’t even stop to look. In my friend’s case, sexual intimacy complicated her judgment and the judgment of her boyfriend. The problem in both cases is that we permitted very intense types of intimacy with men who had not initially given us a sure commitment of any kind.

After these experiences of devastation, my friend and I both moved on. Though she originally moved to the city she now lives in because of her ex-fiancé, she now has her dream job and is on the fast track to receiving great and well-deserved publicity for her work. I pray that from her experience, she has learned how to choose a man with more wisdom.

I also have been very fortunate. Three months after my break-up, I met an amazing man. I knew I was a priority and not an option to him because of big and little things he did to show me how much I meant to him. For example, because I went to church, on his own he began to go to church with me, without being asked. When I cooked for him, he was so grateful and praised me to all his friends. He also regularly cooked for me and pampered me as a way of showing he cared.

He changed around his work hours, which began late and ended late, to fit more of a nine to five schedule so that we could spend more time together. He helped me control my spending habits to pay back credit card debt and student loans by making a careful budget that was considerate of my needs and desires. I never doubted where I stood with him, and there was never any mention of women he took to lunch or coffee or parties.

After a year and a half of dating and getting to know one another well, we got engaged. We are married and expecting our first child. Everyday I give thanks to God for him; he really treats me like Christ treats his bride the church. In some ways, I think my experience with my previous boyfriend showed me so clearly what kind of man I should marry. I hope that by writing about my experience and the experience of my friend, it will help other women to avoid our mistakes, and to seek out the sort of man who will love and honor them for the rest of their life.

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God love and bless you!

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7 Quick Takes Friday ~ Vol 67

Posted on February 21, 2014 by theveilofchastity

— 1 — This Week’s Post: She Was Just An Option ~ An anonymous guest sent this post to me at just the right time. Next week, I will share with you the rest of her story along with 5 Red Flags for knowing if you are **not** a priority. Thank you my anonymous Angel!

— 2 — Not Alone Series: This week’s NAS topic was: Valentine’s Day ~ What are your thoughts about Valentine’s Day? Do you enjoy it? Loathe it? Not even realize it’s a special day? Do you celebrate it in any way? All the girls graciously answered these questions! Check them out!

I have to shine the spotlight on new entrant, Trudy Rose, as she shares with us how she spent her Valentine’s Day. Are you curious?? Head on over and welcome her to the Series!

—3 — Spotlight On: This week’s spotlight is once again on Celeste from Sacred Sharings For The Soul. Unfortunately, the word “haughty” has a regular spot in the confessional for me. She gently reminds us to keep our eyes on our own fries! Nice job, Celeste!

“In this manner we will be busy striving toward the Lord with a fullness of devotion and repentance that we will have little time to observe the faults of others. This arrogant observation is often the result of our own pride.” Celeste

— 4 — The Economics of Sex: Sometimes the emails I receive from my readers have a weekly ‘theme’ and this week’s theme was “How do I stop sleeping with him?” I received several emails this week from readers asking this question. Please do not think it is a silly question. Sex is supposed to attach us to our lover. That is the whole point. So, when the attachment is to someone who never plans to make a commitment, then one finds themselves in a heart-wrenching pickle. They wonder, “How do I detach myself?” and “How do I strengthen myself to say ‘no’?” and “Is there anything I can say or do to change his mind?” If you are also struggling with this, please feel free to write to me and I can walk you through it. This also may help:

— 5 — Pope Francis: Words of encouragement from our Papa! Glory be to God, indeed!

“Isn’t it good to know that God is working behind the scenes in your life, today? No matter what you may be facing, no matter what trial you may be going through, God has a plan to turn things around in your favor. You are called according to His purpose; so right now, He is working out a plan for your good. Right now, He is orchestrating the right people to come across your path. He is orchestrating the right opportunities to open up to you. You may not see it in the natural, but look with your eyes of faith today. Show your love for the Father by your obedience to His Word. Come before Him with an open and humble heart trusting that He is guiding you. Keep standing. Keep believing. Keep hoping. Keep declaring His Word and meditate on His goodness, knowing that He rewards the people who seek after Him. Glory be to God.”

— 6 — Job 1:21 Blessed Be The Name Of The Lord: For those experiencing loss:

“Naked I came forth from my mother’s womb,

and naked shall I go back there.

The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;

blessed be the name of the LORD!”

— 7 —Silent Retreat: The retreat was excellent and, for the most part, was not strictly silent. We were allowed to talk freely during the first evening and then in ‘hushed tones’ the rest of the time. The first evening started out slow and made me wonder if I was going to get anything out of it. Then, I realized that if I was going to get anything out of it, then I needed to open my heart up to receive.

The second day was much better. The priest focused on the authority of God to help us overcome whatever it is that we are struggling with. He reminded us that God is even more interested and committed to our healing than we are!

I went to confession and it was very powerful. Mass was beautiful, as was Eucharistic Adoration. Hearing over 100 ladies singing and praising the Lord was amazing. For me, being prayed over by the priest was the best part. I am not sure how to describe it but I felt something….well ‘Someone.’ I felt a shock through my body when the priest first laid hands on my head.

I am such a doubter though. I still felt resistant to the Holy Spirit. So, I do wonder how much my skepticism affected my experience. Remember, I have a trust issue with God. Two priests have told me this in the last two confessionals so it sounds like a legit diagnosis. It is helpful to hear this because now I can put things into perspective. I can recognize it and bring it to God with the sweet reminder that I have a ‘trust issue.’ Smiley Face. He already knows this but it apparently was important for me to know it. I can now participate in the healing and more readily recognize the ‘medicine’ that is offered. I would call that a successful retreat!

God love and bless you!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

She Was Just An Option

Posted on February 17, 2014 by theveilofchastity

This guest post was sent to me by an anonymous reader. It will be shared in 2 parts. This week, she will disclose her dating stories from the battlefield and next week she will reveal 5 red flags to help you know if you are just an option. My favorite line:

“The problem with being an option is…there is no real appreciation of you or of your time.”

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As Cindy so wisely says, one of the most important things to sort out when you are in a relationship is whether you are a priority to your boyfriend, or just an option. She could not be more correct! The problem with being an option is that when you are one, there is no room for the development of true commitment between you and your boyfriend, and there is no real appreciation of you or of your time.

Let’s be clear – there is a difference between when a man and woman are getting to know one another in the very initial stages through coffee dates and lunches, and when a man and a woman are in a serious relationship. In the case of the former, the level of commitment you have to each other is relatively low. You are trying to know more about each other to just determine if you want to see each other again.

The dichotomy between priority and option should be most rigorously applied when you have committed to each other -when you are boyfriend and girlfriend. Sometimes, girls even make the mistake of staying with a man that they are merely an option to, up to and including the moment of engagement.

I made this mistake, as did another girl I knew in school. For the sake of helping prevent others from making this kind of mistake, I am going to highlight aspects of our experiences with men to whom we were not a priority by telling our stories. I am telling both stories because they are similar and yet different, and I feel that together they are representative of relationships where the woman is an option and not a priority.

In the case of my relationship, I loved a man for five years. Our relationship was always on-again/off-again, and we saw other people in between seeing each other. We spent many years in this type of relationship, marked by periods of emotional closeness and declarations of love as boyfriend and girlfriend, and periods of alienation and anger. These periods of anger were brought on by my frustration with the fact that he would not make me a priority – he randomly cancelled dates, he had lunches and outings with other women, and he insulted my religion to me personally and in front of his friends.

Things changed when I was accepted to graduate school, and he wanted to move with me if I was able to stay in the state our college was in. He couldn’t bear to lose me, he said, life without me was miserable. I wasn’t able to stay in state, and when I moved to the Midwest we both cried, but he did not offer to remain in a relationship with me. I should have taken this as a sign of the limits of his love for me, but I cared about him so much and thought so little my own value, that I was just happy that he had wanted to move with me.

Needless to say, I did not see that I was not a priority to him, and I continued to think that over time I could persuade him to love me and commit to me by proposing marriage. If only I became more beautiful, more intelligent, thinner and funnier, then maybe he would see – I worked really hard at that, to the point of developing an eating disorder.

Two more years passed of an on-again/off-again relationship while he lived in another country and I got a master’s degree. At the end of these two years, I finally received an offer of marriage from him, and I was elated. I couldn’t believe he had finally asked! In retrospect, this admission from him seemed to be caused by two things: his own growing sense of confusion and disorientation about his vocation in life and his future, and his realization that other men wanted to make me their wife. These are two bad reasons for someone to want to marry me, but I didn’t let this stop me.

We began to make plans for him to move to the town I was living in and find a job there, but these plans fell apart when he told me that he had cheated on me with another girl who lived in his town and he couldn’t chose between us. For the final time, I was a choice among various options for him, and I hated it. I cut off all communication with him, and that was the end of a painful period in my life. I was very humiliated afterward because I saw how many disrespectful behaviors I had accepted for the sake of a chance to be with him.

In the case of my friend’s relationship, she had been dating and sleeping with her boyfriend for six years. My boyfriend and I very fortunately did not sleep together; she had years of physical intimacy with her boyfriend, and I think it made their eventual breakup one hundred times more painful than the extremely intense pain I felt. She moved to live where her boyfriend was living, and quit a steady and successful job to become a student in the town he lived in, prior to being engaged to him.

When she was away for the summers or for holidays, he would take other women to parties and bars with him, a fact her friends would report back to her. He would dismiss it as nothing for her to worry about. Another sign of distress was that when other women greeted him, he did not introduce them to her.

Another one was that she clearly was the one always trying to please him, and his concern for pleasing her seemed minimal. She threw parties for him, she cooked constantly for him, she advertised his band for him and she picked up his house. Her whole life was clearly about him, and his life was not so clearly about her. When they got engaged, her father bought a house for them to live in that she decorated and made beautiful in the town she had moved to be with this man.

That summer, he went on a trip. In an attempt to sever their upcoming marriage, he cheated with a random girl that he never spoke to again. After the fact, he explained that he had not really loved his fiancée, but that the convenience of their relationship was too much to refuse. She initiated the move to his town, she initiated the cooking and cleaning and caring for him, and she initiated the engagement when she ultimatum-ed him about getting married before her graduation.

She was beautiful, she was talented, she was agreeable, she gave him sex, and she so clearly loved him. How could he let her go as a girlfriend? Still, he said, he did not want to make her a wife.

In both of these cases, there are many red flags that serve as signs that my friend and I were “options”, not priorities. Let’s go over them together:

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Stay tuned next week for the red flags! She will also disclose what her life is like today! Thank you, Anonymous!

God love and bless you!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

7 Quick Takes Friday ~ Vol 66

Posted on February 14, 2014 by theveilofchastity

— 1 — This Week’s Post: Esther’s guest post, Guard Your Heart, had an amazing number of hits and the high-hit-trend lasted for days! Fantastic job, Esther and thank you so much!

— 2 — Upcoming posts: I have some great guest posts planned in the next couple of weeks! The first is from a girl who shares her story and wisdom about how to know if you are a priority or just an option. She is now married and took the time to share her stories from the dating battlefield. Awesome!

The next mystery guest blogger is a guy. And, he is a Doctor of Psychology! I will be interviewing him about his journey toward marriage and his insights into God’s providence and will when it comes to our vocation. I cannot wait to share this with you!!!

—3 — Not Alone Series: This week’s NAS topic was: “if only I knew then…. What would you tell your former self about being single if given the chance? What have you learned that you wish you could tell your younger self?” It made me think about what I would tell my younger self which I think most of which is captured in this blog. In summary: “Dear Young Cindy: You are covered by a veil. He can’t see you!”

Rachel had some excellent lessons which included:

1. Stop worrying and projecting irrational fears onto your future.

2. Don’t judge people from first impressions.

And Laura did a surprising take on it when she captured what she wish she didn’t know about love. Check out all the girls’ posts!

— 4 — Spotlight On: This week’s spotlight is on 2 girls from……..Argentina(!!) who launched their new blog, A ti te lo digo,on Tuesday, the feast day of Our Lady of Lourdes! This almost makes me cry when I tell you that the purpose of their blog is to translate others’ blogs about the wisdom of Chastity from English into Spanish. And, they have asked for my permission to translate The Veil of Chastity blog posts into Spanish. Yes, of course they have my permission! Their first translation: ¿Los hombres necesitan ayuda? Anyone want to venture a guess? What a beautiful mission for these lovely girls! Here is their new blog, their Facebook page and Twitter. Let’s all support them and show the beauty of the Universal Church!

— 5 — Valentine’s Day: Ignore. Stupid marketing ploy.

— 6 — Secular Romance Is Overrated: I have never been a fan of V-day and when Gregg and I were dating, I think I gave him an electric toothbrush for V-day. Yes, Miss Practical. He gave me chocolates and jewelry. I think. He is very generous yet, as the years go on, the focus of V-day becomes less and less. This does not make me feel less loved at all because what makes me really feel loved are the things he does for our family every day. It is less about secular and material romance and more about sacrifice, acceptance, affection and protection. These are the beautiful fruits of Superabundance. All of which lead to holy romance. As a reminder, I am once again sharing this post from Ann from A Holy Experience called Redefining Boring:

“The man who imagines slipping his arm around his wife’s soft, thickening middle age waistline and whispering that he couldn’t love her more…. The real romantics imagine greying and sagging and wrinkling as the deepening of something sacred. Because get this, kids — How a man proposes isn’t what makes him romantic. It’s how a man purposes to lay down his life that makes him romantic. The real romantics know that stretchmarks are beauty marks and that different shaped women fit into the different shapes of men souls and that real romance is really sacrifice. And there is now and the beautiful boring, the way two lives touch and go deeper into time with each other. The clock ticking passionately into decades.”

— 7 — Retreat: Remember I shared with you that I am going on a Silent (shhhhhh) Retreat? Well, it is this weekend! I will be praying for those of you on my Divine Mercy Chaplet prayer list as I adore our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament. I anticipate some healing will take place and am excited to see how the Lord moves in my life.

God love and bless you!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Guard Your Heart ~ by Esther Rich

Posted on February 10, 2014 by theveilofchastity

“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.”

Proverbs 4:23

GUARD YOUR HEART. It’s a lesson we’ve heard time and time again – often to the extent where it feels like a threat instead of words of encouragement. But God wants us to guard our hearts so that they can be given, wholly and selflessly, to our future spouses – NOT as a means of repression or a strict rule designed to cage us in! The call to guard our hearts is really a reflection of the immensity of God’s love for us!

I absolutely love the concept of ‘The Veil’, because it reminds me that God’s got my back. He wants to protect me from making wrong decisions, and keep me safe as His gift to the man He intends me for (as He saves that man for me). But it would be dangerous ground if I thought I could rest on that and go about living however I liked because ‘He’ll clean up my mistakes’.

Yes, he makes all things come together for my good. But as with any earthly relationship it would be unfair to demand that He does all the work. As important as it is to be open to God and let Him work in our lives, we also have to recognise the role we must play ourselves. We have to work with God to fulfil His plan for us.

That means always keeping God at the centre of everything we do, and considering whether it is where He wants us to go before we take each step. I was giving out communion in mass once, when a really good looking guy approached the altar (yep – holy AND handsome!). I got flustered, forgot what I was doing and offered him ‘the Bloody of Christ’. I laugh about it now, but the deeper truth is that in that instant I was no longer focusing on the Lord. I let a guy whose name I didn’t even know come between me and Jesus in the precious Sacrament which, I might add, I was holding the whole time.

Ever heard the phrase ‘Run towards Jesus, then look around and see who’s running with you’? In the race of life, keep your eyes on Christ for as long as possible before joining a partnership. Allow plenty of time for those who are weak, undetermined and uncommitted to drop off! I don’t mean put off marriage for years when the opportunity is right there, I mean give yourself time for deep discernment. We live in a culture of instant gratification. Our natural reaction is to jump head-first into relationships in an attempt to reap the benefits meant for much further down the line. Instead, enjoy each phase of the journey!

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Take it slow!

Dating is stressful. Dating is exhausting. Dating is confusing. If we’re honest with ourselves, it’s a stage of the relationship we all just want over and done with. But don’t let that impatience and awkwardness cause you to act rashly. Take a step back, enjoy each other’s company. Enter into COURTSHIP, allowing yourself to discern whether they are future spouse material. If they’re not, don’t continue dating for the sake of it – that has no productive end goal, and means you’re not open to the true vocation which could be calling you.

Apply strict boundaries.

Don’t put yourself in a situation which leaves you vulnerable to temptation or misinterpretation. In the early days – and for as long as you need into the relationship! – try to avoid being left alone at a group gathering. Always say goodnight at a reasonable hour. Be sensible with where and when you meet – opt for a romantic, dignified dinner in a restaurant rather than an overly-intimate, candlelit meal at his house.

Don’t open up to them about things you wouldn’t discuss with your closest friend.

No relationship was ever built on emotional dependence or manipulation. At least none which survived! Relying on them to solve your problems or transferring your burdens will only put pressure on the relationship that it can’t withstand. Stop and think about where the conversation is going before you enter into a heart-to-heart too early on in your relationship. Getting into conversations which are deeper than your current relationship status can handle leaves you open to confusion and desolation – trust me, I’ve been there!

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Guarding your heart DOES NOT mean avoiding the opposite sex altogether! It’s NOT a piece of advice designed to prevent relationships forming and keep you cloistered up for fear of making mistakes. Neither is it an excuse for isolation because you’re afraid of being wounded. It doesn’t mean locking your heart up so tightly that you dodge human vulnerability by never opening up to anyone. Love IS vulnerability by nature!

Guarding your heart IS about being aware of how you act, what you say and where you are, and practising self-discipline in order to protect yourself from heartache and sin. It’s about being discerning in your relationships, forming them on mutual trust, and building a strong foundation on which to then open your heart to the other person when the time is right.

Your heart is valuable. Make sure the guy can pay the price it deserves before you give it away!

Esther is a final year Psychology student at Oxford University, UK, with a particular passion for empowering women to be who God made them to be and the complementarity of new feminism. She blogs at For Such a Time as This

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Thank you, Esther!

God love and bless you!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

7 Quick Takes Friday ~ Vol 65

Posted on February 7, 2014 by theveilofchastity

— 1 — This Week’s Post: These Beautiful Bones by Emily Stimpson. I hope you enjoyed the book review and are inspired to read her amazing book!

— 2 — Next Week: Ohhhhh….I am so pleased that my bloggy friend, Esther from For Such A Time As This, will be featured next week with her guest post, Guard Your Heart. Look for it on Monday, Feb 10th. You will love it!

—3 — Not Alone Series: This week’s topic was Chastity ~ A Choice. All of these NAS girls are bravely embracing a life of Chastity and each one did a great job sharing their specific reasons for their virtuous choice. Check out their posts and be inspired! I really liked Bec’s post where she makes the case for chastity in the same way we look at holiness:

“…if God calls me to holiness, then He will provide the grace and ability to be holy. The answer “because God calls me” is deep: do I fear God? do I want to obey God? do I believe that God enables me to do what He directs? do I want to be like Him? If even one of these questions is answered with a yes, then I need to choose holiness.” Bec

— 4 — Spotlight On: This week’s spotlight is on Ruth Rutherford from I Kissed My Date Goodnight for her post, Considering The Possibility I May Never Get Married. Ruth is a single Christian girl in her 30’s who blogs about……. life as a 30 year-old single Christian. Lots of good writing and honest dialogue going on over there.

— 5 — Superbowl/Meat Candy: We celebrated the Superbowl with wonderful friends and I made Meat Candy. Well, it is really Ball Park Franks wrapped in candied bacon. Delish! I am glad that Football is done with because I spent a lot of time watching it this season. There were games all day Sunday, including Red Zone. Then, there was Monday Night Football and Thursday Night Football. Now that the season is over, I will be a productive person again. Now back to the Meat Candy! Click on the image to get my amazing recipe!

— 6 — Car Rosary: I admire people who are brave enough to hang a rosary from their rear view mirror. I felt that if we did that then we would have to always be on our best behavior when driving. As a way of raising money for the Run For Vocations, our awesome friends did a fundraiser where they made Rosaries and had them blessed by a priest. We received 3 Rosaries from them and one of them now hangs on our rear view mirror.

Now I understand that a Car Rosary reminds us and others about the passion and death and resurrection of Christ. Last night on our way home our son said, “Mom and Dad. I think the Rosary is working!” Not exactly sure what he was referring to but… there it is. I cannot tell you how pretty our Car Rosary looks so I will just show you. Thank you, TEAMD!

— 7 — A Lamp Unto Our Feet: From the encyclical, Lumen Fidei (Light of Faith):

“Faith is not a light which scatters all our darkness, but a lamp which guides our steps in the night and suffices for the journey. To those who suffer, God does not provide arguments which explain everything; rather, his response is that of an accompanying presence, a history of goodness which touches every story of suffering and opens up a ray of light. In Christ, God himself wishes to share this path with us and to offer us his gaze so that we might see the light within it. Christ is the one who, having endured suffering, is “the pioneer and perfecter of our faith” (Heb 12:2).” Pope Francis

God love and bless you!

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These Beautiful Bones ~ By Emily Stimpson

Posted on February 3, 2014 by theveilofchastity

I received Emily’s book in the mail back in October and I have been slowly making my way through it. The reason it took me a while to get through it is because it is a book to be savored and meditated upon. Plus, it took me a while to expand my understanding of the Theology of The Body, as the back cover says, “to beyond the bedroom.’

Ohhh, I Get It!

“Emily reveals layers of depth and richness that many of us never knew were there.”

Jen Fulwiler

I have been reading about Blessed Pope John Paul II”s Theology of The Body (T.O.B) for quite some time but to be honest, I was never able to understand it beyond a certain level. I knew it went deep but I was only able to comprehend it in a limited way.

Why? Because our beloved soon-to-be-a-Saint Pope was so holy and brilliant. His experience (Poland ~ wow), prayer life, education and understanding of our anthropology formed him into this holy man and allowed him to peer into this mystery and deliver it to us as a gift at the right time. And, wow did we need it!

So, let’s say the depth of T.O.B is a 10. Before reading Emily’s book, I probably had reached maybe a 3, at best. Now, I might be a 6. This is quite an improvement considering my limited experience, my lackluster prayer life, my unrelated education and zero insight into anthropology.

But, Emily breaks it all down for us! She, being as smart as she is, brilliantly makes his teachings accessible and applicable to us all. Even she admits that his T.O.B. teachings are ‘profound and complex’ and difficult for her to understand. Whew, I thought it was just me! But, her book left me saying, “Ohhh, I get it!”

Beyond The Bedroom

“T.O.B is an anthropology not a sexology.”

Emily Stimpson

The subtitle of her book is “An Everyday Theology of The Body.” Emily shows us how to apply the T.O.B everyday, everywhere and in everything we do. She shows us that T.O.B was “never intended to be ‘just’ about sex.”

As the back of the book says, T.O.B. teaches us about “everyday moments in life, helping you discover how to let grace enter into those moments and make them something extraordinary.”

This is good news for everyone but especially for singles! As a single, young Catholic herself, Emily gives all of us (married and unmarried), as Scott Hahn said, “graceful guidance in living out the physical side of being spiritual.”

What Makes Us Beautiful?

“For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks into the heart.”

1 Samuel 16:7

Emily opens the book with a description of the Capuchin Bone Church in Rome, Italy. I was not sure what this had to do with being beautiful but after I ‘got it’ I realized it was a superb analogy and fitting introduction.

She then goes into the history of our culture of Modernism and how it has confused us into thinking that ‘only that which is measurable is real’ and that we (rather than God) are the center of the universe. She explains why Humanae Vitae was not well received at first but how 45 years later it can clearly be described as prophetic.

As Emily describes, “When the body is seen as mere matter, anything goes…The body, however, isn’t mere matter…..man is a union of body and soul…”

Emily connects the dots between these beautiful bones of ours and our souls. The body “expresses the person…It reveals the living soul…making visible the invisible.” She explains to us how our longings to know ourselves, God and Truth are common struggles and that yes, we can in fact obtain this knowledge. She explains how “our bodies reveal God to the world.”

Emily shows us how a “Sacramental world view” is the answer to attaining this knowledge and to healing that which ails us. A Sacramental life imparts grace to us and makes visible to us the invisible. It is our grace-filled souls that make us beautiful and holy….even the most plain and imperfect ‘body’ which does not measure up to our crazy Modernistic world…..is made beautiful through this supernatural power (superabundance) available to all of us.

A Sacramental World View

“…matter is a vehicle for grace.” Emily Stimpson

The Sacraments of the Church are the most powerful vehicles for grace but we can also tap into grace in every moment. Emily shows us the way and explains exactly what a Sacramental world view is. I cannot do it justice without sharing the entirety of the book with you. Emily weaves her wisdom throughout the book describing how grace is available to us when we work, play, serve, host, eat and do laundry.

My Favorite Chapters

Chapter 7 and 9 were my favorite chapters! Chapter 7 is about the gift of food. It is both convicting (are you a picky eater like me?) and balanced (gluttony, fasting, temperance, gratitude). I think she is trying to say that the way we eat is a reflection of how we make love and show love….. Do we rush? Are we mindful and attentive? Are we disordered in any way? Selfish? Okay, moving on to Chapter 9!

I was reading Chapter 9 during Eucharistic Adoration and I found myself jotting down ten changes I need to make in my life in order to reduce the distractions in my life and increase my attentiveness and receptivity. I also knelt at the altar and thanked God for Emily. Oh so convicting in so many good ways!

Earlier in the book she discusses receptivity and how it “requires more of us than just practicing hospitality. It also requires we Practice Attentiveness. That means looking into people’s eyes when they speak to us, paying heed to what their gestures and facial expressions communicate, and listening carefully to all they say.” As my friend Carolyn says, “it is important to be intentional.“

The Cover

When the book arrived I sent Emily a note letting her know that the cover is absolutely gorgeous. You have to feel this book! Sure you can get the Kindle version but I recommend the soft cover version! You will marvel over its beauty, its softness, the chosen colors, the portrait and the embossed letters. Really, I am not exaggerating! You will also want to highlight the best parts within the book to reflect back upon later.

Emily

Everyone knows how I feel about Emily. She is lovely in her every word and gesture. Her writings are brilliant and inspiring. I am constantly spotlighting her in my 7QTs. You can read more of her good stuff here and here and here. You can buy her book, These Beautiful Bones through Amazon as well as her other book, The Catholic Girl’s Survival Guide for the Single Years: The Nuts and Bolts of Staying Sane and Happy While Waiting for Mr. Right. And, you can become her facebook friend. Even I, a big nobody, am her friend!

Have you read her book? If so, what was your favorite part? What impact did it have on you?

God love and bless your beautiful bones!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

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