What Is a ‘Missed Marriage Vocation’?

Some might accuse me of being idealistic and say that my Veil theory is not practical or grounded in reality.  This will be sort of funny to those that know me because I am very practical and, as my sister says, I am very ‘concrete.’  I require proof for everything.  Just ask my husband.  I ask pesky questions about everything from how the air conditioner works to why the internet is out again.  My poor smart husband will be right in the middle of patiently trying to fix a problem and return me to my comfortable status when I begin peppering him with challenging questions. I am a royal pain.

So, you can imagine how I am with God.  I have had to learn to trust God and my husband. I am sure God has some extra crown jewels in heaven for my sweet man.  But, yes, sadly, I require proof.  My Veil theory is firmly grounded in reality because it is supported by the trend data (proof) I have seen over and over again.  And, my own experience confirmed the trend data.  This trend data created my reality. 

Some may think I am being naïve to believe that God arranges marriages and has a specific holy spouse for each of us.  I am not sure if their disbelief is based on the idea that God ‘can’t’ or worse that God ‘doesn’t care’ about the details of our lives.  My faith tells me that He can and that He does.  I have this faith because to think otherwise would require a belief that I possess an incredible amount of luck.

Finding a husband felt like looking for a needle in a haystack.  He ended up living six states away from me but somehow all the stars aligned for our paths to cross (more on this later).  When I go to sleep at night, do I say, “Thank you, lucky stars for all my luck” or do I say “Thank you, Lord for all my blessings.”?  Of course, I thank God.  But, I can’t help but wonder “Why me?” and “What about her?”  If God arranges marriages, then why do some remain unmarried?

Emily Stimpson wrote a fantastic book called The Catholic Girl’s Survival Guide for the Single Years.  I highly recommend it and wish it was available when I was single.  She discusses something called a ‘missed vocation’ which is a “vocation that should have been but wasn’t.” She explains what I could not explain about this perpetual singleness that seems to plague so many. 

She explains that, according to the Catechism of the Catholic Church, we are all called to one of three permanent vocations; a priest, married or consecrated (religious brother or sister).  So, in the perfect world there is no permanent ‘singles‘ vocation.  But, our world is not perfect.  She says a ‘missed’ vocation could be due to the fact that we live in a fallen world and vocations are missed because of a “misuse of that thing called free will.”  She goes on to say, “The result of that is one person, and potentially two, are unable to pursue the vocation of which they’re called.  It is rotten.  But it happens.”  I could not agree more with Emily.  It is rotten.

When I was single, I believed that I was either called to be married or that I would have what I now understand to be a ‘missed’ marriage vocation.  I was able to (begrudgingly) accept my potentially permanent singleness as long as I was walking in God’s will for my life. 

Don’t get me wrong, I was quite annoyed at the idea of remaining single and was (respectfully) honest with God about my feelings. We had some ‘discussions’ about it.  But, my greatest fear was that I would do something stupid which caused me to completely miss God’s will for my life.  I knew that Chastity, although not a guarantee for getting married, was key to staying in His will.  And, I think my honesty during our ‘discussions’ was somewhat pleasing to God.  I may have raised my voice to Him and cried a lot of tears of disappointment, but I did not turn my back on Him.  He was my only hope.

We are all called to the virtue of Chastity.  Priest, married, consecrated and yes, even those with a missed vocation.  This doesn’t make sense to a world in which Chastity is not understood and sex is mostly for pleasure both outside of and within marriage.  Hopefully, the Veil theory and the information in this blog and in my book will fortify you in your pursuit of holiness and prevent you from misusing that thing called free will.

2 thoughts on “What Is a ‘Missed Marriage Vocation’?

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