Fantasy Relationships

I really enjoy receiving your letters because when I see your name and read about your life it makes this whole blog thing come alive.  You sweet girls become real to me and I begin to care deeply about you.  That is why it is not easy when I have to tell you things you do not want to hear.  I do not like to hurt other’s feelings because I know what it feels like to have your feelings hurt.  You get that big lump in your throat and your eyes fill with tears.  You think to  yourself, “She doesn’t understand.”  Ugh, it does not feel good.

The reason I tell you these difficult things is because I have walked in your shoes.  I have made your mistakes.  I have felt your disappointments.  And, I wish, despite having my feelings hurt, someone would have told me these things. 

The difficult truth I want to identify in this post is:  Fantasy Relationships are not Healthy

Fantasy Unless He asks you outFlirtations Are Not Dates

Many men will flirt with you and pay attention to you. They may text you or tweet with you.  They may stand close to you at parties and make you swoon.  They may even call you on the phone.  But, these are flirtations and flirtations are not dates.  Nor are they marriage proposals.  The danger is that they can easily turn into fantasy relationships.

A man who is potentially The One for you will take you on dates (Ice Cream, County Fair, Boardwalk, Movies, walk your dog).  Real dates.  Where the two of you are alone.  Where he can show you off to the world.  Where he can impress you with his manners and open doors for you.  Where he pays and takes a risk by asking you out formally.  Everything else is a flirtation; a fantasy relationship.  It does not count.  As Gregg says, “Anything else is the Lazy Man’s approach!”

The notes I get from you tell me that you are spending an awful lot of time and energy wondering if these flirtations count.  And, I have to tell you that they do not count.  But by the time I get your emails, most you are already attached to and fantasizing about Mr. Lazy Man.  Maybe you have paired your first name with his last name…..Suzie Man. Sound familiar? 

Normal, Totally Normal

Look, I am not making fun of you.  I want you to know that your desire to be loved, cherished and happily married is Normal and Healthy.  And, if you are over the age of 20, your hormones are raging and this fact contributes to your drive to be loved, cherished and married.  Hormones are not just a guy thing. They are there for a reason and are healthy.

Reality CheckNot Healthy

But, your low expectations are not healthy.  I am so saddened when I get a note from a girl who is attached to a guy who has not even taken her out on a real date.  Please, please raise your expectations

3 Dates

Here is the advice I have been giving privately:  Do not even consider a guy or allow him to occupy your heart or thoughts until he has taken you on 3 dates.  Yes, 3 real dates where he pays and impresses you.  Why?  I will answer that next week.  But, basically because that gives the guy enough time to decide on you.  And, if he has decided on you, then you can consider him.  But, not until then.  That is just the way it works.  Sigh.


I was the same way when I was young.  It seemed that any amount of attention from a guy would do. I could pick from a myriad of stories to share about guys in my life who were flirtation experts.  There was this one guy who flirted with me big time.  Everyone saw it and recognized that this guy had a thing for me.  He would call me and ask if I was going to attend a certain party and then let me know that he would be there too.  I responded positively to this information leaving him little room to wonder if I was interested in him.  He even bought me a Christmas present once (now hanging on our bathroom wall ~  LOL).  He would look intently at me and stand close to me at parties.  But, he never asked me out on a date.  Never.

Did I think about him too much?  Yes. Did I wonder if he was The One?  Yes.  Did I pair my first name with his last name?  Maaaaybe.  And, did I respond with Shock when he married the very next girl who he actually took on dates?  Yes.  Ugh.

The Veil

So, I am guilty too and I understand how easy it is to fall into a fantasy relationship with Mr. Lazy Man.  But, looking back, I realize that he was not really being lazy.  Instead, I believe he (and all those other flirtation experts) saw something in me that they really liked but held back due to The Veil.  If you were to shoot them up with truth serum they most likely would not be able to pinpoint their reason for holding back.  As I said last week, love and attraction are a mystery.  It cannot be explained.

I am certain that this same thing is happening to you if you have committed to Chastity.  The guys who are flirting with you really do see something they like but they are being held back from pursuing you.  Therefore, please don’t feel rejected but instead realize that you are being protected.  The one that God has for you will follow through.  He will take you on dates and pursue you and marry you.  He will make you feel amazing.

Why Does It Happen?

You might wonder why you are so vulnerable to having fantasy relationships and how you can avoid falling into this unhealthy state.  Why do these guys have such an incredible power over you?  Please come back next week and we will talk about a very important aspect of the single life:  Emotional Chastity

God love and bless you!

If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too! Thank you!

7 Quick Takes Friday ~ Vol 26

— 1 —  This Week’s Post I Knew.  Yes, I knew that it was only a matter of time May you be blessed!

— 2 —  Father Greg ShafferLast week I promised you a photo of Father Greg Shaffer. He is part of the DC Hood basketball team (made up of priests and seminarians) who came to play against the parents from my parish (The Chain Gang) in a game of b-ball.  Father Greg was not able to make it but I have been promised by a parent photographer that they will send me a photo of the DC Hood team.  These priests and seminarians are awesome and so athletic!  When I receive the photo, I will share! In the meantime, here he is!

Please go here and support Father Shaffer!!

–3– Wonderful Wednesdays:  I was adoring our Lord in Eucharistic Adoration a couple of weeks ago and got an inspiration (or nudge).  The word the Lord wanted me to ponder was “Indulgence.”  In other words, He was telling me that my life had too many forms of indulgence and that I needed to reduce this aspect of my life.  One way to do this would be to commit to daily Mass one day a week and pack a lunch on that day rather than eating out.  Yes, Gregg and I eat lunch out every day. This area of our lives is very indulgy.  So, for the last couple of weeks we have been attending Mass on Wednesdays and then eating our packed lunch in the car.  It is so simple and can be done in an hour because daily Mass is offered right on the military base where we work. Amazing. The Lord does speak when we are in His presence!

–4– Fathers:  Whenever we attend Mass on the base, we see all these wonderful men, both civilian and military, attending daily Mass.  There is this one civilian man who also attends our home parish.  He has kind of a ‘high ranking’ job yet he spends his lunch hour at Mass. One day he told us that when he goes home, his kids ask him “How was your day, Dad?  Did anything exciting happen?”  His answer is always, “I went to Mass today.  It doesn’t get any better than that.”  By the way, this same man has a son who is entering the Seminary in the Fall.

Please don’t underestimate the impact of the Father’s commitment to our Lord; to Him that makes Himself food for us in the Eucharist.

–5– Spotlight On:  Regina is in the spotlight again!  This time, for her amazing post on the virtue of……….Chastity!

–6–  St_-Isaac-of-SyriaHang The Veil Of Chastity:  I keep seeing this quote by St. Isaac the Syrian and it makes me feel connected to the roots of our Faith :

“It is not necessary to roam heaven and earth after God or to send our mind to seek Him in different places. Purify your soul, O son of man, remove from yourself the thought of memories outside of nature; hang the veil of chastity and humility before your impulses. By means of these you will be able to find Him who is within you.”

Saint Isaac the Syrian  ~ 7th Century Bishop and Theologian

–7– The TB Virus Cures Cancer:  I know!  Isn’t that crazy?  My sister has bladder cancer and they are curing it with the TB virus!  No chemo, no radiation.  They just removed the tumors and through a series of treatments, are flooding the bladder with the TB virus.  The virus attacks the cancer cells. Isn’t that cool?  We are so thankful and love her so much! 

God love and bless you!

If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too! Thank you!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

I Knew

Over the last couple of weeks I shared the story of Fred, one of my Mr. Almost Rights.  I shared how we met and a little bit about our courtship.  I shared some of the external details and how things ended between us.  Given that background, today I will share with you what was going on inside my heart and my mind. 


Looking back, letting go of this relationship was one of the hardest things I ever had to do because Fred looked very close to being The One.  But, the bottom line is I knew he was not The One.  I knew because I did not have peace about him. Instead, as things progressed, I felt frustrated by him. Rather than certitude, instead what I felt was frustrated by the power struggle going on between us.  There was a point where he turned inward and his heart turned tepid. And, instead of things getting better with time, things started to get worse until they fell apart 

In contrast, when I started to date my husband Gregg, I did not feel frustrated by him.  His passion toward me was constant and things just kept getting better. I never experienced self-doubt or a power struggle.  I was never tempted to chase him nor did I have any anxiety about the near or distant future.  I had a sense of certainty that I had never felt in these other relationships.   

With all these other relationships, I experienced self-doubt.  I found myself sharing relationship details (nothing personal) with my girl/guy friends and I would keep an eye out for their reaction.  I was searching for someone outside of myself to confirm what I was feeling inside. I was even tempted to subtly chase the guy.  I didn’t overtly chase but I did things that made me realize that I wasn’t the one being chased anymore. 


I Knew  

But, there was something I knew in the midst of these failed relationships even before they fell apart.  I knew it was only a matter of time and I knew this from the beginning.  You see, even though I was frustrated, embarrassed, angry and hurt when things ended, I was not surprised.  Deep down, I knew.  I knew the guy was not The One but I still hoped it could somehow work out.  But why did he not love me enough and why did his feelings fade?

Love Is A Mystery

Here is something that is very hard to accept:  True love and attraction are mysteries.   Love just is or it just isn’t. It cannot be explained.  No matter how wonderful we are, we cannot manufacture true love and attraction.  And, this can be exasperating.

If you have been reading this site for a while then you will not be surprised when I mention, once again, the Veil.  It puts love in the spiritual realm where it belongs.  It is my way of explaining the mystery of love.

I Know

I have the advantage of hindsight and it is only with this advantage that I can see the difference between how things progressed with Gregg versus how things were with each of my Mr. Almost Rights.  But, I have stood where you are standing and I remember being subjected to the unknown .  I remember being afraid I would never have the chance at love again. I remember feeling left out in the cold on my own.  Please believe me when I say that I thank God (now) that things with Fred did not work out. 

I know it is not easy to accept when a relationship falls apart.  I know how frustrating it can be and how easy it is to blame the guy.  It is tempting to blame him for not trying hard enough and not choosing to love you.  I know how easy it is to blame yourself and how it feels when that self-doubt sets in. I remember believing that if he had tried harder (or if I had) then maybe it would have worked out. I know how embarrassing it is to have a relationship publicly go south and then that same guy goes on to marry someone else.  I know

You Must Walk The Path

Even though I knew deep down that Fred (and all the other Mr. Almost Rights) was not The One, I still had to walk the path to find out.  It was only in hindsight that my initial instincts could be confirmed.  You must also walk the path.  You must pray for wisdom to discern the relationship and recognize when it is time to let go.  In order to do this, Chastity is required.


The only reason I was able to discern the relationship with Fred accurately was because of the freedom resulting from my commitment to Chastity.  If I had slept with him, I would have been unable to let the relationship go due to the natural attachment and bonding resulting from sex.  It would have clouded my judgment.  And, contrary to what some believe, the sex would not have magically changed the outcome.  There is nothing that would have made Fred love me enough nor keep his heart from turning.

The Veil

Love and attraction are a mystery.  The mystery can confound you when it slips through your hands.  But, the mystery will completely overwhelm you with joy, gratitude and awe when it is yours to behold.

Wait on the Lord.  Wait on the mystery that is love.  When it is yours, you will know.  I know it is hard.  You remain in my prayers.

God love and bless you!

If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too! Thank you!

7 Quick Takes Friday ~ Vol 25

— 1 —  This Week’s Post:  Find out what happened with Mr. Almost Right in this week’s post: But Not Enough ~ Continued!  May you be blessed!

— 2 —  Father Greg Shaffer:  If his name sounds familiar then that is a good thing!  He is the priest from George Washington University who is being accused of being a Catholic priest with Catholic beliefs that line up perfectly with the Catechism!  However, two gay students are “mobilizing to have him removed.”  Damian Legacy and Blake Bergen, say they have left the Newman Center in the last several years because “Father Greg Shaffer’s strong anti-gay and anti-abortion views are too polarizing.”  Here are some of the quotes from the University paper:

“….but when you see the faces of the people you’re turning away, you see the people who say ‘Oh, I would go to church all the time, but I don’t like Father Greg.’ …..”

“….And while Legacy said he is now more comfortable with both his sexuality and his religion, and has since become an ordained priest in the Old Catholic Church in October….”

Soooo Damian is now a gay priest in the Old Catholic Church.  What the heck is the Old Catholic Church, I thought?  Oh, of course. Schism.

Please go here and support Father Shaffer!!

–3–  Father Greg Shaffer:  Will be at our Church tonight!  A few years ago Father Greg Shaffer started a basketball team of priests and seminarians called DC ‘Hood (as in priest-HOOD) that would offer to play parish teams in order to promote vocations and show another side of parish priests. The team has been a huge success playing at a variety of parishes in the Archdiocese of Washington. At each game there is a talk at halftime where a priest or religious sister talks to the young people present (as well as their parents) about their call. Although the ‘HOOD doesn’t always win (but actually does most of the time), it’s always a great event for families and the promotion of vocations.  My family went last year and we plan to go tonight.  I will try my best to get a picture of Father Shaffer for next week’s 7QTs!

–4–  Sunday’s Mass Readings:  Weren’t they beautiful! Acts of the Apostles Chapter 5 “We must obey God rather than men.”  “They left rejoicing that they had been found worthy to suffer dishonor for the sake of the name (of Christ).”  Revelation Chapter 5  “Worthy is the Lamb to receive power and riches, wisdom and strength, honor and glory and blessing”  John Chapter 21 “It is the Lord!!”  “Even though there were so many (fish) the net was not torn.” (I read that the fact that the net was not torn was an indication that the Church must remain schism-free. One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church) 

–5–Spotlight on:  Morgan from Follow and Believe wrote a post called “You Are Just Fine.” In it she shares the difficulties of being single when everyone else seems to be getting married and people often ask her when she is getting married.  I loved this part of her post:   “You are not broken. You are not lost. You are not left behind.”

She gave me a sweet shout out too. 🙂 Thank you, Morgan.  You are more than just fine!  And, oh my goodness, you are so, so, so young!!  I look forward to following your journey!

–6– The Journey Home:  This week’s The Best of The Journey Home episode was with Dr. Thomas Howard and his wife Lovelace.  Dr. Thomas Howard was raised in a prominent Evangelical home.  His sister is well-known author and former missionary Elisabeth Elliot.  Dr. Howard became Episcopalian in his mid-twenties and then entered the Catholic Church in 1985 at the age of fifty.  I could not find the YouTube video of the episode but boy is he smart! And Lovelace is wonderful!

I remember reading his books back in the 90’s, including “Evangelical is Not Enough” and “On Being Catholic.”  I highly recommend these books for those of you who are feeling sleepy about your Catholic faith.  As a convert, he shows us what we sometimes take for granted about being Catholic.

I met Elisabeth Elliot back in the 90’s when she was a speaker at a Catholic Charismatic Renewal Conference.  I followed her around until I was able to say hello and thank her.  She was, as expected, extremely gracious.  Her book, Passion and Purity was a life line for me and many other girls.

–7–  Our Computer:  Remember last week I shared that our computer had something wrong with it?  Well, it was a serious problem.  But, Gregg somehow fixed the computer and recovered all my files (including my book) and all our photos.  I am happy to report that I did not hyperventilate (very much) during the repair job and I fulfilled my role as the trusting wife.  I think it is because I have confidence in Gregg.  It is also because I know full well what my house would look like if I were still single.  There would be stacks and stacks of computers because I would have no idea how to fix them!

      Stacks of Computers   Thank  you, Gregg!


God love and bless you!

If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too! Thank you!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!  Congratulations on your new baby boy, Jennifer!  We are praying for him!

But Not Enough ~ Continued

Mr. Almost RightLast week I opened with my two favorite scenes from the movie Sense and Sensibility.  It always gets me when Elinor Dashwood tells Marianne, “at least you can be certain he (Willoughby) loved you.” and Marianne replies, “But not enough.  Not enough.”  Willoughby was Marianne’s Mr. Almost Right.  He loved her, but not enough.

In last week’s post, I started to tell the story of Fred, one of my Mr. Almost Rights.  I promised to share the rest of the story, namely the external details of what happened, this week.  Next week, I will share with you some of the internal details that went on inside of me with the hope that it will help you identify if you are with Mr. Almost Right.

Mr. Almost Right ~ Continued

“…Fred was telling all his friends about me, introducing me to them, calling me daily, spending lots of time with me, planning our future and doing all the things that a guy does when he is interested in a girl. Yes, words of love were spoken. It felt really almost right.  Almost…..”

After about eight months of dating, Fred’s military job transferred him instead to another state and so we were forced to date long-distance. We continued in our commitment to chastity. However, there came a point where he started asking me when I was going to move to this other state.  We were not married nor were we even engaged, yet he was pressuring me to move. It just was not something I was willing to do before marriage.

It was frustrating because Fred would propose to me on almost a daily basis and he was mailing me designs of ‘our’ new home asking me questions like, “Do you want a Hibachi grill in the kitchen?”  I was thinking (but never told him), “What?  How can I even begin to think about Hibachi grills when I don’t even know if we have a future?”  So, he was doing these things but he never asked my Father for my hand in marriage, he never presented me with an engagement ring nor would he suggest we set a wedding date with the church.

In his (lame) defense, he was going through intense military flight training and he kind of used that as an excuse for our delayed engagement.  I knew deep down that plenty of military guys were able to get engaged/married and go through flight training at the same time.  So, I felt like that was a flimsy reason to delay our engagement.  As Marianne stated in her reply about Willoughby, our engagement “was everyday implied but never declared.”

When I would ask him if he had checked into becoming Catholic, he would just start quizzing me about evolution and challenging me with Darwin-laced questions.  He was an intellectual doubter, God bless his soul.  In the end, we had an argument one night during a long-distant phone call which ended abruptly.  Things ended and we never spoke again.

People thought I was crazy and the “you’re too picky and stubborn” accusations were silently and sometimes verbally communicated.  I was thirty-two years old. They wondered, “What was wrong with him?” And, “Did I expect perfection?”  I am not sure what I expected but I knew what I had hoped for.  My heart hoped for marriage to a man who shares my Catholic faith and does not try to wrestle me into submission without first making the necessary sacrifices and commitment.

In this post from September 2012, I wrote the following:

“…Listen my sweet girls, when a man loves a woman, I mean really loves her, the location becomes a non-factor.  The guy just wants to be with his beloved.  He makes arrangements for them to be together.  He is accommodating to her wants and desires and longs for her happiness with him.  In short, he wants to marry her.  If temporary separation is required due to military assignments, school or a job, he leaves her with specific reassurance of his intentions for marriage with a timeline.  These are the actions of a man (really) in love…”

        And this post from October 2012:

“…As the girl, this will be the symptom to look out for:  you complain and/or act and feel frustrated.  Then, in response to your complaints and frustration, he pulls back instead of addressing your complaint in a way that will completely reassure youYou see, even your Holy Spouse (the one that God intends for you to marry) will not be perfect in his wooing.  But, once a Holy Spouse realizes his mistake, he self-corrects and does things that will reassure his beloved.  Your Holy Spouse’s feelings for you should very rarely ebb. Rather, they flow and they grow.  Even if he does have a smidgen of doubt, he keeps it to himself in order not to lose you.”

Sacrifice, commitment, reassurance, certitude, timeline, marriage.

Do I believe that Fred loved me?  Yes.  But not enough.  Not enough.

“Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds. Or bends with the remover to remove. Oh no! It is an ever fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken”.

William Shakespeare Sonnet 116

Next Week:  What was going on with me internally during all this?

God love and bless you!

If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too! Thank you!

7 Quick Takes Friday ~ Vol 24

— 1 —  This week’s post:  For all those who have dated Mr. Almost Right, this week’s post is for you!  As Marianne Dashwood said in Sense and SensibilityBut Not Enough  May you be blessed!

— 2 — The Journey Home:  Okay, okay.  I have a slight addition.  But, it is a good addiction!  I am hooked on Marcus Grodi’s The Journey Home.  This week I watched David and Kirsten MacDonald tell their journey home story and I was riveted to the TV!  The part that really stuck with me was when David said that he had indulged in all the worldly pleasures yet found that none of them could satisfy him.  And, that the more he indulged, the more of that indulgence was needed to feed his addiction.  Here is the link to The Journey Home episode with David and Kirsten.

He and Kirsten met late in life but they looked as young and vibrant as a couple could be. The story of how they met is great and did I mention that they are converts to the Catholic Church!?!  Now, they are building bridges between Catholics and Protestants.  They run an apologetic apostolate where they reach out and respond to Protestants who want to know more about Catholicism.   Here is their website and here is their facebook page.  Please go give them some hugs!

— 3 — Lapsed Catholics Lured Home?:  So, we have all these amazing converts to Catholicism who humbly enter the Church by seeking after truth. On the flip side, you have the lapsed Catholics (LC’s) interviewed in this article from NBC news.  Somehow the LC’s think that Pope Francis is going to come in and make the changes they think need to be made (blessing contraception, homosexuality, women priests).  Then and only then will they grace us with their presence at Mass.  Sigh.

— 4 — Spotlight on:  This week’s spotlight is on Brother-and-soon-to-be-Father Matthew P. Schneider.  I noticed him because he now follows me on Twitter. 🙂  I have several Priest following me on Twitter which is really exciting to me.  Anyway, when I went to his blog, 22nd Century Catholicism, this is what I found:

“…If the Catholic Church does not improve its youth ministry today, by the 22nd century it will only be a shell of what it is today. On the other hand, if we create dynamic youth ministry today, the 22nd century could be the Catholic century. This is a blog about youth ministry, fully Catholic youth ministry. The goal is not just to provide games to fill up your youth ministry program. Instead this blog strives to be a repository for ideas that transform youth ministry…”

You can follow him on Facebook and Twitter.  Please go encourage him in his important ministry! 

— 5 — Evangelization is like dating:  I think I know how a guy feels when he wants to ask a girl out.  He wants to but he is afraid of being rejected and humiliated because she might think he is a fool.  I want to evangelize but I am afraid of being rejected and humiliated because I look like a fool who needs God.

— 6 — Computer Issue:  Our computer started acting up last night.  I thought we had a nifty program that backed up our data daily.  But, it appears that may not be true.  Soooo….I may have lost my book in the crash.  I have put this in the Lord’s hands and have been relatively calm about it (well, for an Italian/Irish girl).  All I really care about is our son’s baby photos.  Losing them would break my heart.  Gregg is on a mission to fix it and I have confidence in him.  Thy will be done, Thy will be done, Lord.

— 7 — A Flash of Mental Energy:  St Augustine wrote:

“….”We did not make ourselves, we were made by Him who abides for eternity” (Ps 100[99],3.5) – if after this declaration we were to keep silence, having directed our ears to Him that made them, then He alone would speak not through them but through Himself. We would hear His word, not through the tongue of flesh, nor through the voice of an angel, nor through the sound of thunder (Ex 19,16), nor through the obscurity of a symbolic utterance. Him whom in these things we love we would hear in person without their mediation… and in a flash of mental energy attain the eternal wisdom which abides beyond all things… Is not this the meaning of: “Enter into the joy of your Lord”? (Mt 25,21)….”

God love and bless you!

If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too! Thank you!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!  Congratulations on your new baby boy, Jennifer!  We are praying for him!

But Not Enough

I have two favorite scenes in the movie Sense and Sensibility. My first favorite scene is when Marianne finds out that Willoughby rejected her and instead married Miss Grey and the following heart-wrenching exchange takes place:

Elinor Dashwood: “Did he tell you he loved you?”

Marianne: “Yes… no. Never absolutely. It was everyday implied but never declared.”

The second scene that I love is when Elinor breaks the news to Marianne that the reason Willoughby married Miss Grey was for her money:

Elinor Dashwood: “Whatever his past actions, whatever his present course… at least you may be certain that he loved you.”

Marianne: “But not enough. Not enough.”

Willoughby was Marianne’s Mr. Almost Right. I have more Mr. Almost Rights than Mr. Wrongs in my dating history. Mr. Almost Right is a tricky kind of guy because he often displays a tremendous amount of interest and affection. But, as I explained last week, with Mr. Almost Right, the movement toward marriage is in question. He likes you but he acts as if something is keeping him from committing to ‘till death do you part.’ The certitude is missing and there is a general lack of peace. It is so close to being right but it is as if something is preventing the relationship from developing into marriage.

Before you get too excited about Mr. Almost Right and throw all caution to the wind like Marianne, please keep this in mind: just because something looks better than anything you have experienced before, does not mean that it is God’s will. It could be a test. Chastity will enable you to keep your head on straight and empower you to pass the test.

Mr. Almost Right circa 1996

About 5 years before I met my husband, I dated this guy whom I met through work. I am going to share this story as a way of showing that even though something may look like it is God’s will, there are key factors to look out for.

So, this guy, let’s call him Fred, saw me in the copy room one day at work and asked me if anyone had ever told me that I look like Vivien Leigh. I did not know who she was. But it is funny that even this level of obtuseness on my part did not stop him from pursuing me. He said, “You know, the girl in Gone With The Wind?” Oh, a compliment from a cute guy. Okay, this is nice. So, we introduced ourselves and I went on my merry way.

Then one day I accidentally left a very special ring in the Ladies’ room which my Mom had given to me. Another girl found it and put a note on the mirror with the room number to the office where I could find the ring. The room was in a secured area and when I knocked on the door, who do you suppose answered? Yes, it was Fred!

So, I told him about my ring and he said, “Is it a wedding ring?” Somewhat taken aback but smiling, I said, “No, but it is an important ring.” He said, “So, you are not married?” Smiling, I said, “No.” And, he said, “I would like to take you out on a date if you are interested.” I said with a sweet smile, “Yes, I would like that. May I please have my ring now?”

I was interested in Fred and he was what I considered to be a catch. He was a military officer and had even flown sorties in the first Gulf War. He was blonde, blue-eyed and cute! But, the big hurdle for me was that he was not Catholic. He had never even been baptized. It is sad because I remember the first time I met his Mom, an atheist, and he told her that he had gone to Mass with me. The look of distasteful shock on her face is something I could not forget.

He loved the fact that I was Catholic and was very clear that this was a big attraction for him. And the chastity thing really intrigued him. During our courtship, he revealed that he would like to become Catholic. Yay!

Most everything felt right and somewhat providential. I wondered, Could he be the one?” It seemed as if God was aligning things up perfectly! For example, our jobs were transferring that year to an area where Fred just so happened to already own a beautiful home on several acres of land. And, he was telling all his friends about me, introducing me to them, calling me daily, spending lots of time with me, planning our future and doing all the things that a guy does when he is interested in a girl. Yes, words of love were spoken. It felt really almost right. Almost.

To be continued…..

Come back next week to find out what happened! God love and bless you!

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7 Quick Takes Friday ~ Vol 23

— 1 —  This week’s post:   Not The OneHe Is Not The OneMay you be blessed!

   ***Please keep Jennifer and her little baby in your prayers.  I believe she is due to deliver on Monday!***

— 2 —  Freedom From Facebook: I decided to give up our personal Facebook for Lent. I still peeked every once in a while but, for the most part, I missed all the birthdays and photos that I normally enjoy. However, I did not miss the time wasted or the scrolling. I also did not miss the voyeuristic nature of Facebook and being able to see into other’s thoughts, activities and lives. I feel very free as a result of this Lenten practice of abstinence. And, now that Easter is here, I still feel free from the draw of Facebook. Mission accomplished!

— 3 —  Welcome Home!: To all the new Catholics who entered into the Church from all over the world at the Easter Vigil Saturday! We visited my family’s parish (where I received all my Sacraments) on Easter Sunday. St Joseph’s had 96 new Catholics who received their Sacraments for the first time. 96!! The priest said that the Vigil Mass went into the wee hours of the night. St. Joseph’s parish started as just a little Mission church in 1926. Today, the Church is huge and each Mass is completely packed, praise God! In addition, St. Joseph’s School (which opened in 1978) is the largest Catholic school in the Diocese with over 600 students. Grateful to be Catholic!

— 4 —  new_evangelists_monthlyNew Evangelist Monthly: Don’t forget, tomorrow, April 6th is the first Saturday of the month so it is time for the New Evangelist Monthly round-up! Check out this “informal, dynamic, crowd-sourced “meta-magazine” showcasing the best posts faithful Catholic bloggers publish each month. Here you will find many different, but faithfully Catholic viewpoints, insights and perspectives.”

— 5 —  Spotlight on: This week’s spotlight is on Brantly Millegan from the blog Young, Evangelical and Catholic. He and his young wife are converts and you know how I just rave about converts! On his Twitter page this week, Brantly tweeted this video in honor of the 8 year anniversary of the death of Blessed Pope John Paul II.

I remember the day that Blessed Pope John Paul II died. Our little son was just 8 weeks old and we were getting ready to leave my in-law’s house after visiting for Easter. We were all very teary due to the departures taking place. Namely, our departure back home and Pope John Paul II’s departure into the arms of God.

Perhaps I love you more.” Blessed Pope John Paul II

— 6 —  I Condemn Myself: Pope Francis’ words from Good Friday’s Stations of the Cross really struck me:

Sometimes it may seem as though God does not react to evil, as if He is silent. And yet, God has spoken, He has replied, and His answer is the Cross of Christ: a word which is love, mercy, forgiveness. It also reveals a judgment, namely that God, in judging us, loves us. If I embrace His love then I am saved, if I refuse it, then I am condemned, not by Him, but by my own self, because God never condemns, He only loves and saves.”  Pope Francis

— 7 —  Handwriting on the wallHandwriting On The Wall: The stories in the book of Daniel are great! Just last night I read the “writing on the wall” story from Daniel Chapter 5 to my family. The best part? This line:

“Tekel: You have been weighed on the scales and found wanting.” Daneil 5:27

God is funny. God love and bless you!

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For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary! We are praying for you and your little baby, Jennifer!

He Is Not The One

Not The OneIt is my belief that if you even are asking the question, “Is he the one?” then he is, unfortunately, not the one.  I draw this conclusion as a result of hindsight from my own past relationships and from what I have observed in other people’s relationships. 

Green lightCertainty Is A Sign

Certainty is a big green light from God.  It is a gift from Him that He wants to give us.  He wants us to know His will.  Why would He make us struggle with such an important question like our vocation and our spouse?  He doesn’t.  The struggle is instead manufactured by us humans. 

Men manufacture this struggle when they present excuses for not being certain about the girl they are dating. Women manufacture this struggle when they make excuses for a guy who is either Mr. Wrong or Mr. Almost Right. 

Mr WrongMr. Wrong

You know what I am referring to, right?  His words and his action do not match.  He sees you every once in a while rather than consistently making you part of his life.  He texts you rather than calls you to hear your voice.  He leaves you guessing about the future (even the near future).  And you, patient you, are hoping that, given time, the relationship will blossom into something serious.

He likes you but he is biding his time in the hopes of finding the girl of his dreams.  Sadly, you are not his dream girl.

Mr. Almost Right

Now, there are some guys who are pretty good at the pursuit role.  They say and do almost all the right things.  Almost.  The key to figuring them out is their lack of moving the relationship forward in a timely manner.  They are content with “dating.”  Marriage is not even on the radar and if there is a marriage blip on the radar screen, it is distant and small.  This is not a good sign.  The one that God has for you will want to move things forward to marriage quickly. 

Again, Mr. Almost Right likes you but he is biding his time in the hopes of finding the girl of his dreams.  Sadly, you are not his dream girl.

The Veil

Keep in mind that there is nothing wrong with you.  You are covered by a veil which protects you from Mr. Wrong and Mr. Almost Right.  However, the one that God has for you is the only guy that will be able to see you.  You will be his dream girl.  So, don’t allow yourself to stay in these wrong relationships.  Just move on. If he happens to be the one, he will quickly change when you tell him you are moving on.  He will not want to lose you and he will move things forward toward marriage.


Emotional and physical Chastity will weed out every guy except for the one that God has for you.  Guaranteed

What Staying Will Do

Staying in a dating relationship with Mr. Wrong or Mr. Almost Right will lead you to feel bad about yourself.  You will be tempted to compromise on your rightful  desire to be pursued.  You will start to believe and act as if you are not worthy of a real pursuit.  You will start to fantasize about Mr. Wrong and your future together. But the fantasy will be better than the reality he is showing you.  And, you will most likely be tempted to start chasing him.

Again, his wishy-washy behavior will lead you to feel bad about yourself and the more you allow it the less you will be able to respond to the one that God has for you in a positive, confident, happy and appreciative manner.

Blatantly ObviousIt Will Be Obvious

The difference between ‘the one’ and ‘not the one’ is not a fine line that you need a magnifying glass to ponder over and analyze.  Instead, it will be extremely and blatantly obvious! If you are even asking the question “Is he the one?” then you know that he is not.

Special CircumstanceBut, But, But

I can hear your objections to my radical and one- size-fits-all analysis of your situation and special circumstance which keeps your guy from marrying you and making you feel loved and cherished.  Believe me, I know it is hard to accept.  Please feel free to continue to write to me so we can talk about your situation.  I promise I am more compassionate than I may seem. 🙂 Over the next couple of weeks, I will share more insights on why “He is not the one.”

What I have found is that the old adage “you will know” is so true.  In a couple of weeks, I will help you answer the question “How will I know?”

God love and bless you!

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