“…Their courage will melt away because of worry. Their hearts will not be able to rest. The people of Damascus will lose heart and turn to flee. Panic will grip them. Pain and anguish will seize them…”
My husband and I were at a restaurant the other day. The café had a very close seating arrangement which allows one to eavesdrop accidentally overhear other customer’s personal conversations. The two girls sitting next to us were, I think, in their late twenties. One girl, Miss Angst, was seeking council from the other girl, Miss Iamnotsurewhattothink (IANSWTT).
You see, Miss Angst was in the process of being abandoned by her boyfriend this coming Friday and was trying to make heads or tails out of what her future holds. The boyfriend, Mr. MovingtoArkansas, is moving to Arkansas and will be gone for 18 months.
He did not invite Miss Angst to join him in the move. And, he did not plan on keeping their shared apartment because he wants to “cut all ties to this area.” What was obvious to me is that he did not give her the reassurance she needed about their future. There were no promises but instead there was action (relocating without her) and ambiguity about their future. Hence, the angst (an intense feeling of apprehension, anxiety or inner turmoil.)
I wanted to scootch next to her, put my arm around her and say “He does not love you.” Although my husband would have agreed with my analysis, my actions would have completely mortified him. So, I kept my eyes on my husband and my ear to our conversation. But, honestly, it was hard for both of us to not hear the situation playing out next to us.
She kept talking herself into believing that the situation was workable. But, her words and posture betrayed her. She used the word “like” a lot. I know young people use “like” a lot but her use of the word was more of a filler for a stressful conversation. She just stared at her food and did not make eye contact with her friend.
She said several times, in a tone that did not sound convincing, “It is only 18 months. I can handle that.” I wanted to say, “Yes, but can he handle it? Can he be away from you, his supposed beloved, for 18 months and not have any feelings of sadness.” This was, to me, a one-sided relationship where she had given more of herself to him than he had to her. And, she was in angst about it.
Her friend, Miss IANSWTT, kept saying “I am not sure what to think. What could he be thinking? I don’t understand him.” Every once in a while Miss Angst’s calm demeanor would fail and the angst and frustration would surface.
At one point, Miss Angst said, “Maybe if he moves away from this area he will be happy.” I think she must know that his lukewarm feelings about her have nothing to do with his unhappiness in this geographic area. She may suspect that there is nothing tying him to this area, including her. Hence, the angst.
Listen my sweet girls, when a man loves a woman, I mean really loves her, the location becomes a non-factor. The guy wants to be with his beloved. He makes arrangements for them to be together. He is accommodating to her wants and desires and longs for her happiness with him. In short, he wants to marry her. If temporary separation is required due to military assignments, school or a job, he leaves her with specific reassurance of his intentions for marriage with a timeline. These are the actions of a man in love.
I predict that words will be spoken before Mr. MovingtoArkansas’ departure. But, not the kind of loving and reassuring words that Miss Angst will be hoping for. He will most likely be silent, noncommittal and avoid eye contact. She may experience screaming due to the side effects of being dumped and left in limbo.
I can only guess that since they were living together, they were also sleeping together. She has shared herself in the most powerful way possible and now she is looking for something that she can show him (like a contract?) that proves that he owes her something. But she has nothing. She is not even brave enough to say the word “marriage” but instead uses words like “relationship” or “future together.” But, I think she means marriage.
Miss Angst is not alone in her anxiety. Broken-hearted girls and noncommittal guys seem to be everywhere. Not all guys are noncommittal. Many single guys are looking for something and are unable to easily find it. What are they looking for?
I have written a soon to be published book which provides wisdom and hope for single girls. My book is called The Veil. Through my book and the posts in this blog, I will explain the beauty, power, hope and wisdom behind the Catholic Church’s teaching on the virtue of Chastity and how it will lead you to the right spouse that God has intended for you. Once you understand the wisdom of Chastity, it is easy to see where Miss Angst went wrong and why she is experiencing such angst.
Through my book and this blog, I hope to share with you what I mean by the concept of the veil. The veil concept will help Miss Angst understand that Mr. MovingtoArkansas doesn’t love her because he cannot “see” her. She is covered by a veil. Although it feels like rejection, it is really God’s protection.
If you are intrigued about my book, the concept of the veil and/or the virtue of chastity, please sign up to receive my blog post automatically (Rectangular ‘Follow’ block, right side of page under my gravatar)! And, if you would please be so kind as to “Like” my facebook page, I would appreciate seeing you there also.
Thank you and God bless!
Like I’ve always said, simple in theory, hard in practice. Great content though and I sincerely hope you’ll
post more. I will make sure to check back later.
I need to to thank you for this excellent read!
! I definitely enjoyed every bit of it. I
have got you saved as a favorite to check out new things you post…