My post from a couple of weeks ago did not stir up as much controversy as I thought it would. It was about iinitiating contact in online dating. In it, I recommended to those who are participating in online dating that they not initiate contact with the men on the site but that instead they wait to see who picks them and then they can decide if things progress to the next level.
Just Getting Things Started
The reason I expected controversy is because it is so easy to have an I’ll fix it later attitude. It is easy to think that after you secure a husband, then you can fix things. Or, after you get him to notice you, then you will fix it so that he pursues you. To some, the goal is just to get things started and it does not matter who starts it.
I know the idea of waiting to be called upon to dance is excruciating and it makes no sense. Others encourage us to be assertive because we are paying for an online service. We should make things happen! But….
If you notice, all of the 3 R’s I listed (Resourcefulness, Readiness and Realistic) in that post, if lacking, had a consequence in the future.
- If he is not resourceful in dating, then he may be lazy in the marriage. You may be stuck in having to drag him along spiritually, financially or (yuk) sexually.
- If he is not ready, then he may string you along and play with your emotions. He will not feel responsible for the outcome of the relationship because he is not the one who initiated it.
- If he is not realistic, the consequence may be your feelings of insecurity. He thinks he deserves Miss Oklahoma and is unable to see your value. You will experience this in his lame and inconsistent feelings toward you.
No Short Cuts
The future consequences are very difficult to prevent or undo. There are no short cuts in life.
I had to learn that this past weekend. Gregg and I were out-of-town. It is a long story but we ended up having to turn around by going through some bushes off of a parking lot. Gregg was not feeling well and I was driving. I was feeling impatient because we were running late. So I drove back through the bushes and a limb scratched the side of our car. I was in a hurry and tried to take a short cut. The consequence of my shortcut will be there to remind me whenever I get into the passenger seat of our car.
Similar to the consequences of initiating with men who are missing the 3 R’s, you may be reminded in the future of how it all started and wonder if things would have been different if you had waited for the guy to initiate.
I am glad that the post was not controversial. That may indicate that you girls are patiently waiting for your man to initiate contact with you. I did hear from girls via email and many of them said that each time they initiated contact, things ‘fizzled out’ in the end.
I know how tempting it is to believe that any relationship is better than no relationship at all. I know how hard it is wait for the one who seeks you out. 37 years I waited. I know.
Also, I have watched my share of relationships fizzle out. Over the last 30 years of observing relationships, I have observed girls initiate/chase/sleep with a guy in order to ‘get’ him with the idea that they will fix it later. This impatience often catches up with them. I don’t know how else to say this but these women usually lack the influence that is required to ‘fix things’. And sadly, sometimes the man will, even after many years of marriage, find a new women. One that he has chosen to pursue.
Wait on the Lord my sweet girls. Trust in Him. If you need support, please feel free to contact me.
“I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I hope.” Psalm 130:5
God love and bless you!
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