I obviously have strong opinions about dating and courtship! So, you may not like what I say.
But, I am willing to give you an assessment of your situation and advice on what to do about it.
Think of me as your older sister or maybe an older trusted Aunt who has your best interest at heart!
Please feel free to tell me your story and I will be happy to offer guidance on any of the following:
- Why has he not asked you out?
- Why has he not committed to you?
- Why does he not call you regularly?
- Why is he so vague about your future?
- Why are you not a priority in his life?
- Should you believe his reasons for any of the above?
You can use the combox below or email me at: firstname.lastname@example.org
Congratulations on your inspirational blog. I just happened to find it yesterday as I was looking for inspirational stories and answered prayers while praying the 54 day rosary.
This is my second time praying the 54 day rosary novena. The first time I prayed I met a man who I had a long term relationship with for over a year. He made me feel confident that he wanted to marry me, but then after a year I started asking questions about our relationship and he distanced himself and just disappeared. I think he was sent to me to open me up so I could be ready for the one.
I am hopeful that my one will come into my life soon! Thank you for your words of wisdom.
I was just reading the post and i meet this guy we went on a wonderful date and i liked him and all of a sudden he was like i didnt tell you that i was going to call yo everyday so i chase him for about 2month then i realized what im worth and had to let him go and just be patience for the right one
That is wonderful to read, sgirl! Write to me anytime at email@example.com if I can help in the future. God bless, Cindy
Hi, What a great blog! I love your insight and advice. I truly agree, not only are people called to marriage, they are called to marry a certain person. In order to know who that is, we are inspired with a special vision of that person that I believe is truly through divine grace. So many out there think that it’s a #s game or that you should just “pick” someone. It is refreshing to hear your unique perspective.
I have a question though. Most guys for some reason like to start the first date with the question: so why aren’t you married? This makes less sense coming from a guy who is also never married, but sometimes it comes from a guy who is divorced.
I can’t help but think that it sounds like an accusation and I’m put on the defensive. There is no way I can come out as an attractive/desirable person as a result of answering this question. Any tips? I get this question all the time. I believe it’s God’s providence and timing.
Thank you for your comment and for sharing your heart with me. I know this is hard to believe but that question is actually a compliment. If they don’t ask the question, then, to me, it means they have formed a ‘reason’ in their head about why you are not married.
I would smile pretty and say “who can explain love?” and then sit very still, smile and look them in the eye with confidence.
I have added you to my Divine Mercy Chaplet prayer list and will be praying for you. I welcome you to write to me anytime.
God bless! Cindy
This website and its message have been a revelation. I feel quite heartbroken because a man that I have long admired has become single through divorce within the last few years (and then had a breakup with his new girlfriend last fall), and as badly as it might sound, it felt like a stroke of luck to me, at first, when we came into contact again. (His initiation re: a concert ticket for sale.) He spoke about his love for his girlfriend, and also shared the ugliness of their breakup. I realized that he was probably using me as a shoulder and seeking support of a friend and wouldn’t share such things with someone he was interested in, but pressed on 😦 His mention of wanting to be single and enjoying single life after almost two decades of involvement with someone didn’t seem to get through to me until recently. We spent lots of time texting and talking and even hung out a few times between November and present, but he would talk about not wanting something serious (right now), mentioning this on quite a few occasions, and even said early on that he hoped I, his ‘friend’ would find someone, as I was quite deserving. I can’t believe how knuckleheaded I’ve been. I explained away these statements, which I guess were his attempts to be upfront and clear, his on/off contact and preference for texts over actual phone calls, and ‘dutch’ meetups rather than dates. He really just wants to be friends, and I’ve taken this as a real blow to my self-esteem, as some failure to win him over during the time we were in closer contact. He is very good looking, charming, and warm, and anyone would be drawn to him. He’s actually complained about how overwhelming re-entering single circles has been for him. (I guess women have been aggressive!) I know that people have the right to live their lives, and that those fresh from breakups need time to heal, but it breaks my heart that even after one on one time with me and lots of shared activities, he just couldn’t see the worth in pursuing me. I guess I was meeting those basic needs, and he was happy with that. I am known as the ‘smart one’ to friends, not the beautiful one, and I have the feeling that my physical appearance was a turnoff (I could stand to lose several pounds. I’m trying.) He made a comment about ‘seeing my purity’ quite early on that made me blush. I guess it’s *that* easy to read, though I’m in my early 40s now and far from being as sexually confident in my dress and behaviour as age peers. I’m relegated to the sweet but naive buddy. I felt that we had connected on so many intellectual levels and found that refreshing and invigorating. It’s rare for me to experience that, and I’m missing the connection very much. I have not tried to initiate contact over the last week or so (we’ve both commented on or ‘liked’ each others Facebook posts, but nothing direct or personal since a quick ‘happy Easter’ note that he replied to politely. probably made me look desperate, not friendly) because I finally realize that he’s never going to want someone like me. I’m a friend and ‘sounding board’ to him, but nothing more. He has his flaws, including avoidant behaviour and an agnostic stance that would likely cause strife given my faith, however weak it has been, but I’ve been idealizing him so long based on an old act of kindness that this will be a hard habit to shake. I know that I can’t compete with other women out there, especially younger, fitter ones up for anything, whether committed or casual. I know that men want to be with someone who’s stylish and looks good and will impress. Who wants a ‘throwback’ with traditional values, no matter her sense of humour or easygoingness? Still, it’s tough to know how to proceed when you’ve been friends/acquaintances for years who kept in touch periodically.
Do I really need to unfriend him on Facebook? Do we really need to have some formal conversation about this? I know that it will hurt to see that he’s found someone when he starts posting those photos. (I have the feeling that his ‘i’ll be single for at least a year’ speech was somehow an attempt to let me down easy.) I suppose I thought that this might finally be a summer where loneliness would not be an issue, that I could leave those sorts of feelngs behind. Guess I really will need to refocus these energies on moving my life forward in other ways, and come to terms with protracted singleness. it might simply not be meant to be for me. A hard pill to swallow, as those parenthood and family dreams go with it. Grateful for your thoughts on my rambling ones, and even an ‘I told you so,’ if it fits 🙂 Thanks much for your thoughtful blog posts. Blessings.
Hi Semper. Thank you for your comment. I don’t think you need to unfriend him on Facebook. You sound like you have a handle on things although I can see that you are suffering. I will send you an email and maybe we can work through this. I will add you to my Divine Mercy Chaplet prayer list and will be praying for you. God bless, Cindy
Hi there, love the post on why men stall. I am dating a great guy for over two months now but we have not discussed if we are in a relationship or now. Recently, he is going distant and doesn’t arrange to visit me at weekends so we only meet mid week when it is convenient for him at work. We live two hours apart. I really like him but he goes cold when he stays over and doesnt want to show much affection and pulls back when i go to cuddle up in bed. He went to Dubai with his mum and family and didnt contact me while on holidays but text before he left saying he would ‘speak on return’ but didnt so i text him two days after he came back and he said sorry he was busy since he returned on the farm. he is always working on the farm and is not contacting me or sending me any sweet messages now. i want to know should i speak my mind and put him on the spot and say I want a relationship and if he doesnt then i will get it from someone he does. I fear if was suffocating him and feel he is pulling back a little. i know he likes me but he seems to be making no effort. havent seen him in 3 weeks. Thanks for letting me know
Thanks much for sharing your thoughts and inspiring women like me who has never been into any relationship. I hope to hear more of you too maybe we can have some chat soon. Thanks too for visiting my site:-) God bless!
am visiting this site for d first time. am happy with with word of encouragement i saw today. am 32 not married, but believing God for a life partner. assist me with prayer
Hi! I have added you to my prayer list. I welcome you to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org Blessings, Cindy
I just added this site to my google reader, excellent stuff. Can not get enough!
Thanks so much for stopping by my new blog. I had to come over here and see yours! What a service you are providing for young women. I would tell your readers never to lose that hope. In September of 2000 I was a single 24 year old girl with no prospects. By September of 2001 I was happily married and by September 2002 I had a 3 month old baby! Today I’m still happily married but now with more children. You never know what God has in store for you. Thanks again, kendra
Hi Kendra! Thank you for visiting and for your encouragement! God bless you, Cindy
Cindy, I stumbled on your blog after you stumbled upon mine. I’m sitting her reading your newest post regarding the myths #2, part 2 – and I just kept reading and am almost crying as I sit here at my desk. So many of your words have touched my heart as a single woman at 27 with not a prospect in my site line, I feel comfort in reading your words. I look forward to reading more of your wisdom and appreciate the time you’re taking to encourage us ladies along. Many blessings as we come to Christmas and I look forward to exploring your past posts more! -Katie
Thank you so much for visiting and I look forward to your feedback on other posts! I already have your name on my prayer list and will continue to lift your heart and needs up to God. Merry Christmas and God bless you! Cindy
Hi Anabelle! Thank you so much for visiting my blog and providing your feedback. Your books sound great! I would be honored to provide you our story for your Friday Catholic love stories. Thank you! I also invite you to please consider providing a guest article here which provides your feedback on the concept of the Veil and Superabundance and if/how these concepts ring true for you. Looking forward to working with you in this important ministry. Thank you, again. God Bless, Cindy
Hi! Thanks for visiting my blog. And I absolutely agree with everything you have to say on Does God arrange marriages? My marriage has been written by the archangel Raphael and Our Lady so I wrote 2 fiction books with the Archangel and Our Lady arranging marriages with the same slant of chastity, courtship, feminism and other “controversial” issues. (They’re free for download on my website if you want to read/review them.) If you would like to write an excerpt on your book about your love story and feature on my Friday Catholic love stories, please email me email@example.com. God bless you, too.