I received a number of emails this week from girls who want to know why God does not take away our desires for marriage. They want to know why He gives us these desires when He knows full well that He is not going to bless us with them! Would it not seem more compassionate and loving to remove them and end our suffering?
Ahhhh, such good questions! The only answers I have are from my own experience. In this post, I am only going to address healthy desires which can become unruly.
Ordered Vs. Disordered
Your desire for a husband and children is healthy! My post, He Will Rule Over You, explains why we experience these desires. But, these good and healthy desires need to be tamed and put under the Lordship of Christ. These desires, without God’s grace, can become very unruly.
Instead of taking them away, God teaches us to call into order our disordered emotions, habits and desires. But this takes….time.
Our whole life is a letting go process. Living a Sacramental Life in Christ allows us to call into order our disordered passions and desires.
Not living this Sacramental life will delay the process. It will make us bitter towards God and accuse Him of withholding something that is good and healthy. It will make those disordered desires so big, obsessive and compulsive. A life without Sacramental grace will lead us further and further away from the healing we need. It will delay our freedom from disorder.
So, let’s assume you are living a Sacramental Life in Christ. How much time is required to heal you and order your passions? This is the part I cannot answer. But I will share the method He used with me.
One thing I learned as a Mom is how to get an object from a child. If you try to take it from them, they resist. But, if you say, “Will you please put that toy in my hand?” they more than likely will smile and put it in your hand. It is the weirdest thing!
In my experience, God does not take things from us when we are tightly gripping on to them. Instead, when we live a Sacramental life of grace, He sort of ‘heats things up’ so that we feel it burning in our hands and let go of it on our own.
I put this quote from Maura Byrne from Made In His Image in my 7QTs and got such positive response from it:
“As she looked back on her life she saw that every time she was rejected from something she desperately wanted, it was really our Heavenly Father whispering gently to her, “Hold on sweetheart I have something so much better for you. Let me surprise you.”
If I were to rewrite it for this post, I would say,
“As she looked back on her life she saw that every time she tightly gripped on to something good she desperately wanted, our Heavenly Father gently convince her to let go of it. He did this by whispering , “Will you please let go and place your trust in Me so I can heal you and order your desires in accordance with My will?”
Know that the process is not easy or quick. But, God knows exactly how to do it. He desires for us to be free of the things that control us and keep us from having peace. He desires to free us from disorder and instead order our lives in accordance with our human dignity. It is unlikely that he will spontaneously take away your desires. But, there is more going on in the background than you can ever know or imagine. You can trust Him.
What are you gripping on to? Will you let go and hand it to God?
God love and bless you!
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