7 Quick Takes Friday ~ Vol 108

Posted on January 30, 2015 by theveilofchastity

— 1 — This Week’s Post: When He Writes, “Feel Free To..” So pleased with the response to this post! Even sweet Arleen Spencely took notice and tweeted about it! Thank you, Arleen!

.@VeilofChastity YES. No spouse wants his wife or her husband to look back and say "I was so lukewarm about you while we dated."

— Arleen Spenceley Babino (@ArleenSpenceley) January 24, 2015

— 2 — Next Week’s Post: I was emailing with a girl about how Catholicmatch.com is set up and I shared my thoughts on how a girl might manage her on-line ‘footprint’. 🙂 She and I plan to do a joint post next week!

— 3 — Not Alone Series: Last Week’s Topic was All The Children ~ Babies and children. Go check out all the cute photos of the babies!

— 4 — Not Alone Series: This Week’s Topic was Selfies! and they write about “Do you support the selfie trend? Do you think it promotes self absorption, vanity and narcissism? Is there a way to incorporate selfies into the Church’s teachings of modesty, authentic beauty, humility?” Great topic. Surprisingly, I don’t have a strong opinion. I took my first selfie the other day and I had to be shown how to do it. 🙂

— 5 — Overload: I feel it. How about you?

— 6 — Spotlight On: This week’s spotlight is on Kari Kampakis for her post called “A Word To Girls About Sexting and Setting Standards.” Important for everyone to think about!

— 7 — Theology Over Dinner: Gregg and I lead a bible study every Thursday night with another couple. Last night this other couple hosted a Theology Over Dinner event and it had quite a turnout. A rough count of 50 people of variety of ages from about 7 different parishes! It was held at a local restaurant where we had dinner and then heard a talk given by a wonderful priest. These will happen once a month and mimic the Theology on Tap events. I do believe that the Lord was glorified!

You remain in my prayers! God love and bless you!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

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For more Quick Takes, visit This Ain’t the Lyceum !

When He Writes, “Feel Free to…”

Posted on January 23, 2015 by theveilofchastity

Many of you are participating in online dating. What should you do when somewhere in the exchange, the guy says, “Feel free to call/text/message me.” I hear this from many girls who get confused about what it means. What should you do when a guy puts the ball in your court?

Lukewarm

I was just writing to a girl the other day and I told her that I hate to be the Debbie Downer. I am sure some girls think my advice is to be too harsh on guys. But, it is a pattern I see. If a guy is putting the ball in the girl’s court without any intention of risking himself in the pursuit, then it usually means that he is lukewarm in his interest.

It usually means that his feelings are such that if the girl takes the bait and initiates, then he is ‘fine’ with it. She may be able to keep him occupied and from feeling lonely while he keeps his eyes open for someone he can feel passionate about.

As you can imagine, this is a tough pill to swallow for the girl….especially when she is attracted to him and hopeful of a positive outcome.

Smiley Face

Another girl was texting with a guy who kept putting the ball in her court. He was one of those “feel free to text me.” kind of guys. They had gone on one date and then he would contact her sporadically.

I told her to just respond with a smiley face. So she did this even though her mother disagreed. But, in the end, the guy eventually gave up. It could be said that he stopped ‘messing with her.‘ All the half-hearted lobs he was tossing her made her feel that she needed to be the one to keep the ball in play. It made her doubt herself. It really messed with her. I felt that, after a certain amount of back and forth, the only way to respond to this guy was with a smile.

Risk

I have shared before that Gregg gave me his phone number but he never said, “Feel free to call me.” Instead he said, “Here is my phone number in the event you are not comfortable giving me yours.” This is different. He took my preferences into consideration and revealed that he was willing to be the one to call and take that risk.

I feel that men who put the ‘pursuit’ ball in the girl’s court are unwilling to take a risk. And, isn’t that really what dating requires? But, in order to risk, the guy has to feel that the payoff is worth it. And, then he has to be ready and willing to take it.

The 3 R’s

I wrote a post back in July which described the 3 R’s which are needed before a guy will take that risk. He needs to be Resourceful, Ready and Realistic. It is fine if a guy is not motivated to pursue you. In fact, he should only pursue you if he is truly interested in you. But, the only way for his half-hearted ‘feel free to’ lobs to stop is for you to interpret the signs and realize what is going on.

The Veil

I haven’t mentioned the veil in a while so some of you may not know this little theory of mine. I invite you to check it out as a way to stay encouraged the next time a guy says “Feel free to.” No, my dear girl, the one that God has for you will not take such a chance by putting the ball in your court. He will take the risk and pursue you. If he says “feel free to” then feel free to ignore his half-hearted invitation. 🙂

If you are in need of encouragement or advice, my email is theveilofchastity@gmail.com

God love and bless you!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

7 Quick Takes Friday ~ Vol 107

Posted on January 16, 2015 by theveilofchastity

— 1 — This Week’s Post: Let Him Process Find out what I recommend when a guy stops communicating!

— 2 — Next Week’s Post: When He Writes, “Feel Free to…” ~ I hear this from many girls. What should you do when the guy puts the ball in your court? Check out next week’s post!

— 3 — Not Alone Series: Last Week’s Topic was A Typical Day! Nosey me enjoyed reading these posts!

— 4 — Not Alone Series: This Week’s Topic was 2015! A very inspiring topic and the girls did a great job at sharing their goals!

— 5 — Empowered: I have a renewed sense of feeling empowered by Grace in this new year. I haven’t exactly harnessed it yet but I am becoming aware that it is available to me. It seems that this empowerment reveals itself most when my prayer is “Glorify Yourself through this, Lord.” The Book of Acts is especially good!

— 6 — Spotlight On: This week’s spotlight is on The Augustine Institute! They are doing a beautiful job of sharing our Catholic Faith and putting tools out for Evangelization. Gregg and I are using the Symbolon series in our weekly bible study and it is amazing!Their mission is to “Transform Catholics for the New Evangelization.” You can find them on Facebook and on Twitter. Here is an example of their work, Beloved: The Mystery and Meaning of Marriage:

<p><a href=”http://vimeo.com/112875158″>Beloved // Sneak Peek</a> from <a href=”http://vimeo.com/augustineinstitute”>Augustine Institute</a> on <a href=”https://vimeo.com”>Vimeo</a>.</p>

— 7 — Your Emails: I love hearing from you! Please feel free to reach out to me: theveilofchastity@gmail.com

You remain in my prayers! God love and bless you!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

For more Quick Takes, visit This Ain’t the Lyceum !

Let Him Process

Posted on January 13, 2015 by theveilofchastity

What should you do when a guy stops communicating? Do Nothing.

Processing

When a guy stops communicating it can mean one of two things. Either he has decided not to pursue you or he is not sure if he wants to continue to pursue you. Only one of these is deadly for the relationship. The other one, when he is not sure, is not always fatal. In fact, it can, for some men, be an important step.

Everyone is different in the way they come to understand their feelings and how they should proceed. Some people isolate to think about things. Some need to talk it through. Either way, what is important is that the guy decide one way or another rather than sit on the fence forever. So, if his way of deciding is to isolate, it may mean that he stops communicating….temporarily.

What Should You Do?

Oh goodness, it is so tempting to want to reach out. I mean, things are going so well and you think maybe if you send him a little text to say ‘hi’….you know the drill. My recommendation is to not contact a guy when he is isolating. Let him process his feelings. By contacting him, you will interrupt something very important that happens within a guy as he is trying to decide his future with a girl. You also send the message to him that he needs help in his pursuit. I think this can be insulting to men.

Absence

As I think back on how Gregg and I started, I am not really sure if he experienced the need to ‘process’ his feelings for me. If he did, I thankfully never noticed. He called when he said he would call and never left me wondering.

One of the benefits of long distance is the time of absence and how it can make the heart grow fonder. We had a built-in and natural barrier of the miles between us. This was in the days before texting. Sure, we had email but I was not instantaneously available to him. The distance allowed for an enticing amount of mystery about me and my life.

Many girls write to me when they are going through a stressful ‘pause’ in their relationship. At first, I think ‘oh, this is a bad sign.‘ But, then I remember that some guys require this isolation process. And afterwards, when they contact the girl, their pursuit is usually stronger.

Once. Maybe Twice

Keep in mind that these pauses, if they are legitimate, only happen once, maybe twice in a relationship. Any more than that and I would have concerns about his intentions. If a guy is taking a pause every week, every month or even every 3 months, then I would say this is not a good sign. He is not processing. Instead, he is demonstrating his doubts about you and he is just biding his time until he finds the girl of his dreams.

Chastity

Chastity is a forcing function or behavior-shaping constraint when it comes to processing intentions and feelings. Although it doesn’t limit the number of pauses, it does allow for more clarity. When sex is involved, things get cloudy for the girl and there is nothing forcing the guy to think about his intentions. Many things about the relationship and its future are assumed rather than confirmed. It is a risky assumption.

Hidden Treasure

“…like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up; then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field..” Matthew 13:44

You know the parable, right?. A man finds a hidden treasure in a field and he sells all that he has to buy the field. This is what you want. You want to be thought of as a treasure and for your man to be motivated to give everything in order to have you. Don’t interrupt him in this process of realization. Do nothing. Trust in the process. Trust in the Lord.

You Never Know

The hard part is that you don’t know ahead of time which way he is going to decide. You won’t know until he goes through the process.

If you are in the middle of this, stay strong. Don’t interrupt the process. Don’t contact him. If you need encouragement and if you think I can help, feel free to write to me. theveilofchastity@gmail.com

God love and bless you!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

This Week’s Post

Posted on January 7, 2015 by theveilofchastity

I am sorry that I have not posted anything this week. I am fine but life is pretty crazy as we get back to work and school. By the time we get home, chores are done and the homework is done, I am done. The only thing I have been able to do is respond to your emails, which I have made a priority. I am also reading Jason and Crystalina Evert’s book, “How to Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul.” So far, it is really good!!

Thank you for your understanding! Your remain in my prayers.

God love and bless you! Cindy

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

7 Quick Takes Friday ~ Vol 106

Posted on January 2, 2015 by theveilofchastity

— 1 — Last Week’s Post: I Wished I Was Different I hope this encouraged you to not compare yourself to other girls. You will be loved for how God made you.

— 2 — My Talk: Well, the talk I was supposed to give tonight was cancelled…well postponed. I have learned to go with the flow of God’s will on things like this. The girl who was hosting it was overwhelmed with life. She has a new baby ~ her 9th I think and they run a farm so it is understandable! It was a good opportunity for me to get my ‘in person’ thoughts down on paper. I have never given a talk before and was struggling with where to begin. The awesome thing about the blog is that I can post once a week and let the Holy Spirit lead. And, I can respond to your specific needs when you email me. But, to have a group of girls of unknown various ages with unknown needs when it comes to information about love and marriage….it was tough to know where to begin. Which leads me to Quick Take #3….

— 3 —Next Week’s Post: I plan to share what I came up with for the talk in a post. I will pretend like you are sitting in my friend’s living room and I am giving my talk. What will be missing is the interaction I hope to have. Most of it will look familiar to you if you have been following the blog for a while. Hopefully, there will be a nugget or two of wisdom for you to take away.

— 4 — Blog Stats: Wordpress sent my “2014 Year In Blogging” Annual Report. Over 146,000 visit to the site from readers living in 171 Countries. I am amazed!

Through email, I have met girls from all over the US. But what a privilege to know girls from other Countries including Belgium, Ethiopia, London, Croatia, South Africa, Bermuda, Beirut Lebanon, Kenya, India, Poland, Philippines, Sweden, Australia, Italy and Turkey!
This year, I met Jen in person!
My Divine Mercy Chaplet prayer list has over 250 names listed. When I pray, I have the CD playing the chaplet in the background as I say each of your names out loud.
Shout out to all the girls at the University of Dallas for the following that seems to have sprouted there this year
Many thanks to The NAS girls under the inspiration of Jen and Morgan
Finally, thank you to the girls from Argentina who translate my blog posts into Spanish over at A ti te lo digo!

— 5 — 7 Quick Takes in 2015: I decided I will be posting my 7QTs every other week in 2015. I am not sure the 7QTs adds much other than readership. When I thought about it, readership is not really my goal. My goal is to be faithful to the Lord in this ministry and to be a source of hope and support for single girls. I think that can be met via the weekly posts. I am also sensing the pressure to be more available to the Lord in some other way. Specifically, I hope to be more available to you girls via email…..while still carrying out my duties as a wife and mom, daughter, sister, friend and employee. I carry around a feeling of constant failure in each of those duty areas and I need to get to the root of it in 2015, starting with how I spend my free time.

— 6 — Alice von Hildebrand: She and John Henry Crosby wrote a book about Alice’s late husband, Dietrich. It is called My Battle With Hitler. Much of my Veil theory is based on my reading Dietrich von Hildebrand and the whole Superabundance thing is really his term, not mine. I put my own spin on it which is *not endorsed* by anyone associated with the Hildebrands.

But! I was very excited to receive a book signed by John Henry Crosby! He sent it to me to thank me for being on the Launch Team. Also, they are following me on Twitter! This is very exciting for me. Gregg plans on reading the book and then I hope to convince him to do a post with his review. You can follow the Hildebrand Project and John Henry Crosby Here and Here..

— 7 — Bible Study: Our bible study started up again last night after a 2 month break. It was so good! We are doing the Symbolon series. Great stuff! Also, our group is starting an evangelistic outreach once a month called Theology Over Dinner. It is held at a mom and pop restaurant owned by Catholics. We are all very excited about the potential to reach folks with the truth of Jesus and of the Catholic faith!

God love and bless you!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

For more Quick Takes, visit This Ain’t the Lyceum !