7 Quick Takes Friday ~ Vol 35

— 1 —   This Week’s PostMr. Online Man  If you are participating in on-line dating, check out my recommendations for how to respond to men!  If you are not participating in on-line dating, check out my reasons for giving it a try!

— 2 —  This Is BIG!  I have a guest post coming up next week that is amazing, powerful, beautiful and life-changing.  I believe everyone will be blessed by reading it. Look for it on Monday!!

This is big

— 3 —  Attention Youth Ministers, Priests and Parents:  Are you interested in Evangelizing and growing your Parish community?  My parish, St. John Francis Regis, has hosted a Summer Program for the last 3 years. Enrollment has grown to over 250 kids per week with almost 300 registered for the week of Vacation Bible School.

It is so popular that they are now employing over 50 College-age instructors.  The Instructors are not just any old college student.  They are College age instructors who are very strong in their faith and use their talents in support of the program goal.  What is the program goal, you ask?  Evangelization!  Is it working?  Yes!  These College instructors love the Lord, His Church, the Eucharist, the Sacraments, Adoration and kids!  The Instructors attend daily Mass and Adoration is available every day.

The classes include Sports, Arts, Math and Science.  Here is the list of classes offered.

Why am I telling you this?  Because we want to share the good news about what the Lord is doing and we want to give you the opportunity to start a Summer Program at your Parish.  How?  Contact me and I will put you in touch with the right people.  You can do this!

— 4 —  How To Increase Your Vocations:  Oh, I am not done bragging about our Summer Program.  Take a look at our Vocations Wall.  Do you see all those holy faces?  Each one has, at one time or another, been a Summer Program Instructor.  Remember….daily Mass and Adoration!  They are listening for and hearing the Lord speak.

Iphone June 2013 101

St. John’s Vocation Wall

— 5 —  Attention Youth Ministers:  If you would like to visit us and check out this amazing Summer Program, please send me an email to be considered.  You will need to get yourself here but then Gregg and I will host you for a couple of days while you get to know the Program and the fantastic Instructors. Seriously, this Program is too good to keep to ourselves!!  p.s.  Female Youth Ministers will stay at my house and Male Youth Ministers will stay with another host family. 🙂


— 6 — Spotlight On:  This week’s spotlight is on Laura from Catholic Cravings for her honest post from the Not Alone Series.  The topic this week was “What I love about being single.” 

Speaking of the Not Alone Series, the award for highlighting the best thing about being single goes to Nikki from A Catholic Heart For Home.  What did she say was the best thing?  Not having to shave your legs.  Amen, Sister!

— 7 —  A Letter To Our Priests And Bishops:  Did you see this post by Emily Stimpson?????  I know that we, the laity, have a lot of work to do but she gracefully lets our Priest and Bishops know that we need their leadership to spur us on to holiness.  Emily is such a gift to us.  Thank you, Emily.  

God love and bless you!

If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too! Thank you!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Mr. On-line Man

As promise, this week I am sharing my insights and experience with On-line dating.  Gregg and I met on-line 12 years ago when on-line dating was just getting started.  I seriously never expected to meet my husband on-line.  And, I was embarrassed to even admit I was participating in on-line dating!

Men Were Not Scarce

After college, I lived in a very metropolitan area where there were plenty of single men.  In fact, I was surrounded by single men both socially and at work.  I also had a very active social life with a Catholic community comprised of both married and single Catholics.  I knew a lot of people! So, statistically, I should have found my husband in this environment. I dated a lot and had 3 relationships that I would put in the ‘on-the-cusp-of-being-engaged-serious’ category. But, alas I remained single.

Why Online Dating?

I signed up for on-line dating with a Catholic site at the encouragement of a girlfriend of mine.  She was a brave girl from New York and she gave me just the right push to get me to do it.  I had high hopes at first because  I had a fundamental belief that I had a lot to offer.  I jokingly describe my decision to participate in on-line dating as “opening myself up to the larger, National Market.”  My motto was “Let the best man win!”

But, then I went on dates with the on-line guys and my expectations were tempered.  After a while, I viewed it as just a ‘supplemental” way of meeting men.

online-dating1It Only Takes One

One of the beliefs I had about on-line dating is that the men are seeking marriage (which appeared to be half the battle with the real-life men I was dating).  However, I found that although the on-line guys may have been seeking marriage, none of those relationships progressed towards marriage (not even remotely).  So, I became disillusioned about it.  Don’t get me wrong, the guys were contacting me and they were taking me on dates but they were not guys I was interested in.  Dating them felt mostly forced.

I got to the point where I was only logging into the site on Monday’s to answer the emails I received from these guys.  But then, one glorious Monday, I logged in and found an email from Gregg, my beloved.  The saying, “It only takes one.” is true.

A Desperate Move?

Is on-line dating a desperate move?  If it is, it is the best desperate move I ever made!  Did I feel desperate and creepy at the time?  Yes.  Do I care now?  Not a bit.  If I hadn’t done it, I have a strong feeling I would still be single.  And no man is better for me than Gregg.

I know you might think on-line dating is just for the ‘hopeless’ but may I make a suggestion for those of you who scoff at it?  Approach it as a supplemental way of meeting men.  Approach it as a way for God to work in your life without limiting Him to your local area.  Don’t put all your hopes and dreams in it, but just be open to it.

Suggestions for On-line Dating

Since my Response Formula won’t work in the cyber world, here are my suggestions for on-line dating:

Let him pick you:  I never shopped around or checked out the guys that were on the site.  I only responded to the ones that sought me out and sent me notes.  That way, I knew that they picked me.

Log in once a week:  I got to the point where I only checked my on-line inbox on Mondays.  This did frustrate the guys a little but it prevented us from getting into an email-only relationship.  It forced them to call me if they wanted to interact with me and ask me out.  I think it also showed that I had a life outside of on-line dating.

I followed this practice with Gregg too which is why we got off to a slow start. But, it did not discourage him! I only learned later that he was checking his inbox for my reply while I was going about my life.  I had no idea that he was going to be ‘the one’!  So, I treated him just like every other guy…..until he set himself apart with his wonderfulness. 🙂

None of their beeswax:  Other than my friend from New York, I did not tell anyone I was participating in on-line dating.  I even fibbed to my Mom about how I met Gregg and only told my parents the truth because I was flying to Kansas to visit him.   Yeah, I was weirded-out about it a little.

Therefore, if you feel desperate and creepy and hopeless for trying on-line dating, just don’t tell anyone.  Just remember the safety rules for the first 3 dates (meet in a public place, drive yourself, keep your spidy scenses on).

Treat it as supplemental:  Treat is as a way to increase your ability to meet men.  Don’t put all your eggs in the real-life or on-line basket.  Be open to the movement of the Holy Spirit!

online datingDon’t be too electronically chatty:  In other words, be flirty and sweet but keep it breezy.  You do not want him to carry on an electronic-only relationship with you.  If he keeps it at that lame-o level, you can email him back after a couple of exchanges and say, “Email is not my preference.  Would you like to call me?”

Don’t become his buddy:  The guy should move things to the dating phase rather than taking the phone/email buddy approach.  He should want to look into your eyes, see your smile and smell you by taking you on dates! 🙂

Long-Distance situations:  This can be tricky but obviously not impossible.  A guy may feel skittish about initiating a visit.  Seriously, the women’s lib thing has screwed up chivalry.  He may not want to scare off a perfectly nice girl by suggesting a visit. 

True Story:  Gregg and I lived a long-distance from each other.  Once our interactions moved to talking on the phone and I could tell that he was a nice guy (oh, and I loved his voice!), I wanted us to meet in person.  So, after about a month I sweetly said, “When are you going to visit me?” 

My point in sharing this is that you don’t need to be coy.  You can state what you want in the relationship.  Guys cannot read your mind and they don’t have the visual cues they would have in person.  If you say to him, “Would you like to call me?” or “When are you going to visit me?” and he does not want to, so be it.

Gregg wanted to visit me and he was very happy I put that opportunity out there!  With the right guy, it works.  With the wrong guy, it won’t work.  It will leave you feeling needy and stupid. But, it is still better than a stalled courtship stuck at the email or phone phase.


If you are doing the on-line thing and you have specific questions for me, feel free to email me or (if you feel brave) state your question in the combox.

Next week

The topic:  There Is No Formula!     An Amazing and Beautiful Guest Post. This is BIG! 

God love and bless you!

If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too! Thank you!

7 Quick Takes Friday ~ Vol 34

— 1 —   This Week’s PostIs He Just Practicing?  Either way, your response is clear!

— 2 —  Vacation Report:  We just returned from our vacation visiting family in Kansas!  We stayed at The Great Wolf Lodge (which I would highly recommend!).  Have you stayed at any of these Lodges? This one is located within The Legends mega-complex next to the Kansas City Speedway.  I am not much of a swimmer so I mostly hung out and watched Gregg and our son ride the amazing rides in the indoor Water Park.

Staying at the Lodge was a surprise for our son.  We did not tell him about our lodging plans until we were getting ready to check in.  He thought we were staying at Gregg’s parent’s house the whole time (which is also fun; complete with tractor rides).  But, riding the rides and slides at the Water Park was a completely new experience for him. We even let him ride the rides by himself.  He practiced his swimming skills in the pool and is a lot more proficient with his strokes. Worth every penny!

— 3 — Name Change:  I noticed during the vacation that our son is now calling Gregg and me “Mom” and “Dad” instead of “Mommy” and “Daddy.”  Sigh.  I think riding the park rides “independently” resulted in him feeling a little bit more grown up.

— 4 —  Me and Flying:  I love it.  And, it scares me.  I literally need to remain in a state of denial while in flight.  What I mean is that while we are soaring above the clouds, I pretend that I am not really that high up in the air.  I can’t even conceptualize it.  I have fear of heights.

Oh, you ask how I can possibly have a career in Naval aviation while at the same time be so freaky about flying?  I don’t know.  I find it exhilarating and terrifying.  I pray with each bump.  I look at my child with a smile of complete confidence on my face. I answer his aerodynamic questions with ease.  “Yes, this aircraft is designed to take lightning strikes.  Oh, and it is inherently stable so it would be very difficult for it to do anything but fly straight.”  I do a lot of self-talk.  I remind myself about the infinite number of airplanes that take off and land safely every hour of every day.  But still I have to remain in denial about my actual location during the flight. 

— 5 —  Taco Bueno: OMG. This place has the best food!  We ate there twice while we were in Kansas and I am sad that the closest one to my home is an airplane ride away.  I am not sure I will ever be satisfied with Taco Bell again after eating at Taco Bueno.  Delicious!!

— 6 — Spotlight On: This week’s spotlight is on The Crescat for her post called “What Employment History Reveals About Your Date.”  I agree with her 100%!

— 7 — St Joseph:  Have you heard that we will be saying 5 additional words during Mass?  The new words, “with blessed Joseph, her spouse,” follow a mention of Mary in the Eucharistic Prayer of the Mass and are included in three different versions of the prayer.  Yay for St. Joe!

Pope Francis said this at his Inaugural Mass:  “St. Joseph appears as a strong and courageous man, a working man, yet in his heart we see great tenderness, which is not the virtue of the weak, but rather a sign of strength of spirit and a capacity for concern, for compassion, for genuine openness to others, for love.

God love and bless you!

If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too! Thank you!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Is He Just Practicing?

Unfortunately, some guys apply the ‘practice makes perfect’ principle as a way of honing their skills at asking out and pursuing girls.  This post will not help you determine the difference, upon that first encounter, between a guy who is practicing and a guy who is your beloved.  Only his follow-up actions, pursuit and time will reveal his true intentions.  But, I will demonstrate how easy it is to respond to a guy who does flirt with you, no matter what his intentions may be.

Two weeks ago I shared with you my Response Formula:  stand still, smile at him, look him in the eye and allow him to generate a good solid conversation.  Then, and this is the hardest yet most important step, go about your life and practice self-containment until after 3 dates.  Last week, I explained what I mean by self-containment.

Today I will go over some of the more frustrating types of initiation used by men and show how the Response Formula is sufficient for each of these scenarios.

Mr. Fisher Man

This guy is ‘just fishing’ in order to see your response to his flirtation.  He has no intention of following up. His goal is to build up his ego so that when he meets his beloved, he will have his flirtation and initiation skills perfected. He might say, Can I have your number?” or “Would it be okay if I called you?”

This scenario is not hard to deal with! Just smile, look him in the eye and talk to him.  Give him your number in response to the first question and say, “Yes, I would like that.” to the second question.  Then, go about your life.  If he follows up, than practice self-containment with this man until after 3 dates. Only time will tell if he is just fishing or if he is your beloved.

Mr. Hesitation Man

This guy is interested in you and wants to follow-up with you but he lacks the courage to do so.  So, he hesitates.  He might say, “………”.  Yep, that’s right…… he doesn’t say anything!

That is okay!  Smile and look him in the eyes. Then, go about your life.

A blog reader recently shared with me her story about Mr. Hesitation Man.  This guy seemed to look at her and purposefully sit in the pew behind her at Mass.  He seemed to buzz around her like a bee to the flower yet he has never said a word to her.

My advice to her was a slightly altered version of the Response Formula.  I encouraged her to smile at him and sweetly say, “Hi.” (after Mass, of course)

You see, there are guys who are genuinely shy and lack courage.  If they seem to be showing little signs of interest but fumble the ball at conversation, it would not cause a scandal for you to say, “Hi.”  If he says, “Hi.” but keeps moving away from you…..then go about your life.  No big deal.  But, if he takes the opportunity to talk to you, then smile, look him in the eye and allow him to converse with you.  If he is attracted to you and has been dreaming about asking you out, he will most likely have something ready to say to you.

As with all men, go about your life and practice self-containment until after 3 dates.  Note:  Do not be tempted to help him just because he is acting shy!

Mr. Sometime Man

This guy is the most common type.  He extends vague invitations for dates.  He says things like, Would you like to go out sometime?”  or “We should go out sometime.”

These vague statements are not invitations but are sometimes just fishing expeditions for practice.  But, sometimes they are sincere (although weak) attempts at initiation.  That is okay!  Just smile, look him in the eye and say, “I would like that. When did you have in mind?”  Then, go about your life. Be sure to practice extra self-containment with this man until after 3 dates.

Mr. Group Man

This guy likes to keep all invitations at the group level.  He says things like, “Would anyone like to go out for lunch after Mass?” or “Would you like to go out to lunch with us (the group)?”

Your response?  Smile, look him in the eye and say, “I would like that, thank you.”  Note that these group invitations do not count as dates.  Feel free to go on the group dates but don’t forget that you must practice self-containment until after 3 (actual, one-on-one) dates.


Notice how all the responses I recommend are gracious?  An important part of the Response Formula is Always Be Gracious (ABG).

It is easy to buy into the old adage that a girl needs to play hard-to-get with all men.  I don’t prescribe to that notion.  I think we women benefit more when we are gracious towards all guys and practice emotional chastity.

Emotional Chastity

Emotional Chastity begins with the belief that you can trust God and that He has a plan for your life and for your vocation. Knowing that God is in control greatly enhances your ability to remain contained about these new guys until after 3 dates.  Keep in mind that you will not know if a guy is just practicing on you or if he is your beloved.  But God knows.

Therefore, you do not need to manipulate the situation or act coy.  You do not need to play hard-to-get.  You do not need to help men.  You do not need a crystal ball.  Just stop, smile, look him in the eye and be gracious in your response.  Go on about your life and practice self-containment until after 3 dates.  Once he has decided on you, then you can consider him.

FlirtAwkwarknessIt Is Difficult

Although the Response Formula sounds easy, it is very difficult to put into practice.  The hardest part is where you have to go on with your life and practice self-containment until after 3 dates.

You might be wondering what kind of life you will have if you apply the Response Formula with men.  Who will you think and dream about?  What will you talk to your girlfriends about?  How will you prove to the world that you are desirable unless you report these little blossoming encounters?  You might be thinking to yourself that this practice will eliminate a lot of men from becoming fantasy relationships.  Well, that is exactly the goal.

The Veil

Keep in mind the idea that you are covered by a veil and that only the man who God intends for you to marry will be able to see you.  All other guys may try to practice on you.  But, if you stay in God’s will, He will protect you from falling too deeply into this tricky practice web.  You will avoid wasting time and your emotions on the wrong men.  God will infuse supernatural Grace into your man and this will give him the courage to pursue you.

Coming Up

Since many of you are participating in on-line dating, next week I will give you some advice about Mr. On-line Man!  I also have several book reviews coming up which I can’t wait to share with you!

God love and bless you!

If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too! Thank you!

7 Quick Takes Friday ~ Vol 33

— 1 —   This Week’s Post: Is it possible to not talk about that new potential suitor?  I offer you a challenge here:  Self-Containment ~Explained 

— 2 —   Spotlight OnThis week’s spotlight is on Emily Stimpson for her post about Pornography and what it does to relationships.  I really feel for those afflicted by this addition.  Notice I did not say the “men” afflicted.  Yes, this addiction affects women too.   Here is the part of Emily’s post that is most disturbing:

“Men who regularly use porn report growing dissatisfaction with the bodies of their wives and girlfriends. Many, like the Don Jon character, start to prefer pornography to real life intimacy. They’d rather be alone with their porn than deal with the messy complications of loving a real, live person.”

Do you fear that your future husband will become dissatisfied with your body?  One concept I plan to talk more about is Superabundance because it is this fruit of marital chastity that was so compelling and reassuring to me.

— 3 — Superabundance:  If you fear that your future husband will become dissatisfied by your body, Superabundance from marital chastity is your answer. Go Here to read more.  Here is what I propose Superabundance does in chaste marriages:

“The physical imperfections are there but the wife is at peace with herself and radiates that peace.  Average women are lifted to a higher level.  They become pretty because of their interior radiance.  And, their husband’s love for them grows rather than diminishes with time.  My observation is that women in chaste marriage confidently remove themselves from the competitiveness often found in other women.  Women in chaste marriages don’t hate their bodies the way other women seem to. They are not hormonally influenced by the birth control pill nor are they rendered neutral through voluntary sterilization. Their bodies are seen as life-giving and miraculous rather than flawed and in need of manipulation and fixing.  They feel free to allow their hair to go gray, or not, and see it as a sign of their mature achievement in life. They are proud of their age and don’t struggle against the clock as much or talk about themselves or other women in a degrading manner. They have endured and have peace with their bodies and themselves.”

— 4 —  Not Alone Series: Discernment:  Morgan and Jen’s latest topic in this series is Discernment.  I really enjoyed reading the various posts from the contributors to this series.  Here are a few of my favs:

Morgan from Follow and Believe highlighted that sometimes discernment can be mistaken as a status symbol rather than a way of really knowing God’s will.  And she aptly points out that:  you’re not fully “discerned” until you’ve taken vows, whether they be to another person or through ordination/entering an order.” 

Britt from Proverbial Girlfriend wrote something that aligns with my experience. Her discernment includes the question: “What am I called to do right now?” It was my experience that my vocation to marriage was revealed to me ‘as it was happening’.   I never got any hints. 🙂

— 5 —  Not Alone Series: Discernment:  More great stuff from the series:

Raquel from Story of a Rose provided a list of ingredients she believes are needed to discern one’s vocation.  My two favorites:  Healing and the Sacraments.

Claire from Everything Is Grace wrote:  “Discernment is never straight-forward, and if it is then you’re super-duper lucky! If you are nodding your head the whole way through reading this post then I feel you girl!!!”

— 6 — Not Alone Series: Discernment:  All of them were great but here are two more from the series:

Jordan from Occasional Humor wrote:  “So where am I at in my discernment process? I’d say I’m at a point of contentment and growth. I know that God has amazing things in store for me and that He’ll reveal them when the time is right, and I’m taking steps to be ready when that actually happens.”  Beautiful!

Sarah from Footprints on My Heart wrote something that made me realize that I really, really like her spiritual director 🙂 My spiritual director kindly, yet strongly reminded me of this not too long ago: “As a woman, it is not your job to pursue a man.  It is his job to pursue you.”  He mentioned that since I need not worry about chasing men, I ought to content myself with simply enjoying life and falling in love with Christ since that should be what attracts a man to me anyway. ” Excellent insight!

— 7 — Little Consolations from the Lord: I received at least four badly needed consolations from the Lord this week:

1.  I was feeling overwhelmed.  Then, someone really surprised me with a compliment.  You know how when someone says just the right *important* thing at the right time that pulls you out of your funk?

2.  I was walking into a restaurant with Gregg, again feeling overwhelmed.  This girl gave me a big smile and said, “I love your outfit!” It sounds shallow but it was just the right pick me up at just the right time.  #wasfeelingblahaboutmywardrobe

3.  I provided some advice to a girl this week that went something like “break up with him. He is not honoring you.”  Well, I got an email from that same girl’s Mom thanking me.  It was an unspecified ‘thank you’ but I have a feeling it was because I confirmed exactly what her Mom has been wanting this girl to do.  My advice was just the thing the girl needed to give her the courage to do what she knew she need to do.  Amazing.  Our Counselor, the Holy Spirit lives!

4.  Last Saturday was my birthday and something arrived in the mail which we had ordered way back in November.  We have been following her progress along but it was amazing that she was placed in our home on the date of my birth.  Isn’t she gorgeous?  We commissioned (aren’t we fancy?) a real artist to paint her for us after seeing Our Lady of Sorrows on the web.  This photo does not do her justice. This is the talented artist.

Mary Mother of Sorrow Painting

Our Lady of Sorrows

God love and bless you!

If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too! Thank you!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Self-Containment ~ Explained

After finishing my post for this week, I realized that I needed to first explain what I meant last week when I advised you to practice “self-containment.”

Last week, I shared with you my Response Formula which included my advice on how to respond to a guy who flirts with you.  Steps 1-4 are easy:

1.  stop   2. smile   3.  look him in the eyes  4.  converse with him

Steps 5 and 6 are much more difficult:

5.  Go about your life  6.  practice self-containment until after 3 dates

Several of you wrote to me asking for specifics on this practice.  What is it?  What does it look like?

What Is It?

In general, self-containment is one of the ‘fruits’ of Emotional Chastity.  And, like all of the spiritual fruits, we obtain them through our good habits.  Since the Catechism does not provide a formal definition of Emotional Chastity, let’s look at what is says about the virtue of Chastity so we can see the connection.

Here is what the Catechism of the Catholic Church says about Chastity

  • 2338  The chaste person maintains the integrity of the powers of life and love placed in him. This integrity ensures the unity of the person; it is opposed to any behavior that would impair it. It tolerates neither a double life nor duplicity in speech.
  • 2339 Chastity includes an apprenticeship in self-mastery which is a training in human freedom. The alternative is clear: either man governs his passions and finds peace, or he lets himself be dominated by them and becomes unhappy. Man’s dignity therefore requires him to act out of conscious and free choice, as moved and drawn in a personal way from within, and not by blind impulses in himself or by mere external constraint. Man gains such dignity when, ridding himself of all slavery to the passions, he presses forward to his goal by freely choosing what is good and, by his diligence and skill, effectively secures for himself the means suited to this end.

Emotional Chastity is an apprenticeship in self-mastery.  Being self-contained means having mastery over your passions and your speech and not allowing your emotions to dominate you.  It means keeping yourself intact (unity of the persons) and having integrity in all you say and do.  It means avoiding duplicity in your speech and presenting your life in a way that is truthful.

What Does It Look Like?

It might be easier if we look at the opposite of self-containment first.  We have all witnessed it.  A girl meets a guy.  He flirts with her.  He asks for her number.  She talks about him non-stop.  This lack of self-containment is very, very common.  Her behavior betrays her.   Her feelings and emotions are dominating her.  This guy has not earned his way into such a prominent position, yet he is being exalted by her.  What does that say about her standards and judgment?

Its-Challenge-TimeA Challenge

Now, it is perfectly fine to be excited about a potential suitor!  I am not saying that you need to be a total dud.  But, I am going to give you a challenge:

The next time a guy flirts with you, don’t say anything to anyone until this guy has taken you on 3 dates.

You might be thinking that you at least need to tell your roommates for safety reasons.  Shouldn’t they know with whom you are spending your time?  This is where some dating guidelines would be helpful.

Dating Guidelines

1.  The first 3 dates must be in a public location.

2.  Tell him that you will meet him (drive yourself) at the public location.

3.  If you feel the slightest bit of concern about your safety, leave the location and stop dating him.

You should have a good idea of the guy’s character after 3 dates.  Has he been calling you in between the dates?  Does he display good manners?  Does he pay for the dates?

Don’t worry about what he will think of your desire to meet in a public location at first.  These days, a guy will not question the fact that you want this.  He will see you as being wise.  You have a policy and you follow it.  You have principles.

If you need to talk about this new man, present your case to the Blessed Virgin Mary, our Mother.  Comfort will follow.

Next Week

Now that I have explained step 6, next week I will share with you how the Response Formula can be applied to any situation.

God love and bless you!

If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too! Thank you!

7 Quick Takes Friday ~ Vol 32

— 1 —   This Week’s Post: Is Your Smile is Like Honey ……All you need in order to flirt with a guy is your smile!   Enjoy!

— 2 —   Spotlight On:  This week’s Spotlight is on Morgan from Follow and Believe and Jen from Jumping in Puddles.  They are the co-hosts of a new series started this week.  It is called the Not Alone Series and it is a weekly link-up where Single girls participate and blog about various subjects unique to the Single Girl’s life. This week included an Introduction post by each blogger and next week they are discussing Discernment.  I checked out the first set of contributors and the series went International right away!  What a powerful way for single girls to link up, support and encourage each other. If you have a blog, Morgan and Jen will graciously welcome you.  If you do not have a blog, head on over with a cup of coffee and enjoy the links!

not alone5

— 3 — Made In His Image:  Goes viralDid you hear about it this week?  Maura’s site got something like 130,000 hits (I think that is what I read) and blew up 2 servers.  Way to go Maura!  I had to include this part of her post:

“..Where does the power come from? It comes from the Sacraments and spending time with God in Adoration. Speak to our loving Father tonight, ask Him to help you. Ask Him for grace, tell Him your fears, joys and sorrows. Let the Healer hug you. Hold onto Him. Cling to the Cross, for this is where our sanctification rests.”

— 4 —  Magnifikid:  My Mom got our son a subscription to Magnifikid magazine for his birthday.  It includes these awesome little weekly missal type magazines.  The magazine includes the whole Mass, including the readings for that week as well as games and stories about Saints.  It has greatly improved our son’s participation in the Mass.  He loves it.  What a great gift!


— 5 —  Corpus Christi Mass:  Our Mass included 16 Altar Boys, 2 Seminarians, 1 Deacon and 1 Priest.  I almost cried at the sight of all those Altar Boys kneeling at the Communion Rail, all receiving on the tongue.  The Reverence overwhelmed me.  The incense filled the sanctuary.  My hair smelled divine.  Have I mentioned the number of vocations coming out of our County?  A lot.  The Holy Spirit is on the move and we are so blessed to be caught up in the fire of His love!

— 6 — This Week’s Readings:  The readings this week from the Book of Tobit reminded me of a post I did back in October. The post is called “Does God Arrange Marriages.” I was a relatively new little baby blogger when I wrote the post but it seemed to be inspired.  What do you think? 🙂

— 7 — Old Testament Girl:  I love the Old Testament!  My current Bible study is the book of Isaiah.  I love Genesis and Exodus and the Book of Wisdom.  I love it all.  Heck, I even like Leviticus!  Today, I will leave you with a little something from the Book of Sirach:

“He plumbs the depths and penetrates the heart; their innermost being he understands. The Most High possesses all knowledge, and sees from of old the things that are to come: He makes known the past and the future, and reveals the deepest secrets. No understanding does he lack; no single thing escapes him.”   Book of Sirach 42:15-25.

God love and bless you!

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For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Your Smile Is Like Honey

“Your lips are like a scarlet ribbon; your mouth is lovely…..Your lips drop sweetness as the honeycomb, my bride; milk and honey are under your tongue.”  Song of Songs 4

I have to laugh at myself as I write this post about smiling.  It seems so corny and I, of all people, should proceed with caution when encouraging others to smile.  Why?  Because when I was single, complete male strangers would occasionally say to me, “Smile, it’s not that bad!”

Leave me aloneMy response was always a squinty-eyed version of “Leave me alone.”  It used to get on my nerves and every guy who said it seemed to be a Creeper.  You see, I was often lost in deep thought and it resulted in me having, not so much of a frown, but a pensive look on my face. So, I guess these guys would feel compelled to ‘cheer me up.’ It didn’t work.

Looking back though, I realize that they were just trying to get my attention and flirt with me.  They were harmless.

Has this ever happened to you?  Did it get on your nerves?  If so, don’t worry.  I am not going to tell you to “Smile at the world.”  But, I will hopefully convince you that your smile is all you need when flirting with men.

Your Job Is To Respond

Last week I shared with you that it is the man’s job to initiate, follow-up and pursue you.  Your job is only to respond.

But how do you respond upon that first encounter?  Can your response be too eager or can you appear indifferent? Are men not following up with you because your response is not balanced?  I don’t know.  But, I do know how easy it is to believe that you should have done this and you should have done that.

The goal of striking the perfect balance in your response to men is more about your peace of mind.  It is about not kicking yourself and blaming yourself when the guy doesn’t follow-up.  It’s about not worrying that your response was too standoffish or too desperate.

The Various Mr.’s

Over the next couple of weeks, I will address several scenarios and how to respond to each.  The scenarios will include Mr. Fisherman, Mr. Hesitationman, Mr. Sometimeman, Mr. Groupman, Mr. Onlineman and Mr. Flirtman.  As you will see I recommend virtually the same method of responding to each of these initiation types.  Let’s start with Mr. Flirtman!

Mr. Flirtman

Scenario:  You are at Home Depot looking for a solution to problem you are having in your home.  Perfect!  Mr. Flirtman strikes up a conversation and is flirting with you.  Since it is Saturday, you may or may not be looking your best.  What do you do?

The Response Formula

1.  Stand Still:  It sounds obvious but you do not want to be a moving target.  Just stay in one place.  Don’t fidget.

Note:  Practice makes perfect.  Feel free to practice this in the mirror.  What does your body language communicate?  Are your arms folded or are they relaxed and by your side?  Are your hands on your hips or are they in a more natural position?  Keep in mind, you are not on a ball field.  Stand up straight.

2.  Smile At Him:  This is very important.  It invites him to continue the conversation.  This is your welcoming strategy that says to a guy “I am friendly and I welcome your initiation.  I will not shoot down your noble effort to talk to me.”

Note:  I remember feeling like I wanted to decide if I liked the guy first before I would smile at him. Again, I was afraid of the Creepers. This was silly thinking on my part.

Note:   If you smile at him and he turns out to be a Creeper, then just move on.  If you don’t smile at him and he turns out to be a nice guy, then you may blame yourself when he doesn’t continue the conversation or follow-up with a date.  Remember, the idea here is for you to have peace of mind and to be free of regrets about your response.  So smile at him.

Note:  It does not matter if you do not look your best.  Your smile is all that is needed, especially if he is your beloved.

Note:  Gregg reminded me today that it was my mouth that drew him to me.  🙂

3.  Look Him In The Eyes:  This is a way to test his intentions and evaluate his sincerity.  A man who is attracted to you will look you in the eye.  Eye contact is the only allowable contact he has with you so he will try to ‘hold’ you in this manner.

Note:  Eye contact is also a great way to give him the affirmation he needs.  If he is your beloved, he will need your affirmation because meeting you should scare him a bit.  So, look him right in the eyes and smile.

Note:  If you are not comfortable doing this, begin to practice on the people in your life.  Practice looking your Mom, your Dad, your brother, your boss and your coworkers in the eyes.

4.  Engage In Conversation:  Patiently give the guy a chance to generate a decent conversation. Don’t cut the conversation short or try to be coy.  Just stand still, smile, look him in the eyes and let him continue the conversation.  If he starts to lose eye contact, ends the conversation or begins to move away from you, just smile pretty and say, “Nice to meet you.”  If, on the other hand, he asks for your name and number, smile and give it to him.

i-can-t-be-calm-i-m-too-excited5.  Go About Your Life:  This is the hardest part. This is where you practice self-containment.  This means that you keep this encounter to yourself.  Don’t tell anyone even if he seems to be the most amazing guy ever.  You will have to stay contained until after 3 dates.

None Of This Is Magic

The above response formula is designed to give you peace.  It will not magically make you more wonderful and it may not result in more dates.  Now that you know the formula, you can apply it to virtually any situation with a man.

Next week, I will share my advice on how to respond to Mr. Fisherman, Mr. Hesitationman, Mr. Sometimeman and Mr. Groupman.   I will save Mr. Onlineman for last!

God love and bless you!

If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too! Thank you!