Unfortunately, some guys apply the ‘practice makes perfect’ principle as a way of honing their skills at asking out and pursuing girls. This post will not help you determine the difference, upon that first encounter, between a guy who is practicing and a guy who is your beloved. Only his follow-up actions, pursuit and time will reveal his true intentions. But, I will demonstrate how easy it is to respond to a guy who does flirt with you, no matter what his intentions may be.
Two weeks ago I shared with you my Response Formula: stand still, smile at him, look him in the eye and allow him to generate a good solid conversation. Then, and this is the hardest yet most important step, go about your life and practice self-containment until after 3 dates. Last week, I explained what I mean by self-containment.
Today I will go over some of the more frustrating types of initiation used by men and show how the Response Formula is sufficient for each of these scenarios.
Mr. Fisher Man
This guy is ‘just fishing’ in order to see your response to his flirtation. He has no intention of following up. His goal is to build up his ego so that when he meets his beloved, he will have his flirtation and initiation skills perfected. He might say, “Can I have your number?” or “Would it be okay if I called you?”
This scenario is not hard to deal with! Just smile, look him in the eye and talk to him. Give him your number in response to the first question and say, “Yes, I would like that.” to the second question. Then, go about your life. If he follows up, than practice self-containment with this man until after 3 dates. Only time will tell if he is just fishing or if he is your beloved.
Mr. Hesitation Man
This guy is interested in you and wants to follow-up with you but he lacks the courage to do so. So, he hesitates. He might say, “………”. Yep, that’s right…… he doesn’t say anything!
That is okay! Smile and look him in the eyes. Then, go about your life.
A blog reader recently shared with me her story about Mr. Hesitation Man. This guy seemed to look at her and purposefully sit in the pew behind her at Mass. He seemed to buzz around her like a bee to the flower yet he has never said a word to her.
My advice to her was a slightly altered version of the Response Formula. I encouraged her to smile at him and sweetly say, “Hi.” (after Mass, of course)
You see, there are guys who are genuinely shy and lack courage. If they seem to be showing little signs of interest but fumble the ball at conversation, it would not cause a scandal for you to say, “Hi.” If he says, “Hi.” but keeps moving away from you…..then go about your life. No big deal. But, if he takes the opportunity to talk to you, then smile, look him in the eye and allow him to converse with you. If he is attracted to you and has been dreaming about asking you out, he will most likely have something ready to say to you.
As with all men, go about your life and practice self-containment until after 3 dates. Note: Do not be tempted to help him just because he is acting shy!
Mr. Sometime Man
This guy is the most common type. He extends vague invitations for dates. He says things like, “Would you like to go out sometime?” or “We should go out sometime.”
These vague statements are not invitations but are sometimes just fishing expeditions for practice. But, sometimes they are sincere (although weak) attempts at initiation. That is okay! Just smile, look him in the eye and say, “I would like that. When did you have in mind?” Then, go about your life. Be sure to practice extra self-containment with this man until after 3 dates.
Mr. Group Man
This guy likes to keep all invitations at the group level. He says things like, “Would anyone like to go out for lunch after Mass?” or “Would you like to go out to lunch with us (the group)?”
Your response? Smile, look him in the eye and say, “I would like that, thank you.” Note that these group invitations do not count as dates. Feel free to go on the group dates but don’t forget that you must practice self-containment until after 3 (actual, one-on-one) dates.
Notice how all the responses I recommend are gracious? An important part of the Response Formula is Always Be Gracious (ABG).
It is easy to buy into the old adage that a girl needs to play hard-to-get with all men. I don’t prescribe to that notion. I think we women benefit more when we are gracious towards all guys and practice emotional chastity.
Emotional Chastity begins with the belief that you can trust God and that He has a plan for your life and for your vocation. Knowing that God is in control greatly enhances your ability to remain contained about these new guys until after 3 dates. Keep in mind that you will not know if a guy is just practicing on you or if he is your beloved. But God knows.
Therefore, you do not need to manipulate the situation or act coy. You do not need to play hard-to-get. You do not need to help men. You do not need a crystal ball. Just stop, smile, look him in the eye and be gracious in your response. Go on about your life and practice self-containment until after 3 dates. Once he has decided on you, then you can consider him.
Although the Response Formula sounds easy, it is very difficult to put into practice. The hardest part is where you have to go on with your life and practice self-containment until after 3 dates.
You might be wondering what kind of life you will have if you apply the Response Formula with men. Who will you think and dream about? What will you talk to your girlfriends about? How will you prove to the world that you are desirable unless you report these little blossoming encounters? You might be thinking to yourself that this practice will eliminate a lot of men from becoming fantasy relationships. Well, that is exactly the goal.
Keep in mind the idea that you are covered by a veil and that only the man who God intends for you to marry will be able to see you. All other guys may try to practice on you. But, if you stay in God’s will, He will protect you from falling too deeply into this tricky practice web. You will avoid wasting time and your emotions on the wrong men. God will infuse supernatural Grace into your man and this will give him the courage to pursue you.
Since many of you are participating in on-line dating, next week I will give you some advice about Mr. On-line Man! I also have several book reviews coming up which I can’t wait to share with you!
God love and bless you!
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