“Your lips are like a scarlet ribbon; your mouth is lovely…..Your lips drop sweetness as the honeycomb, my bride; milk and honey are under your tongue.” Song of Songs 4
I have to laugh at myself as I write this post about smiling. It seems so corny and I, of all people, should proceed with caution when encouraging others to smile. Why? Because when I was single, complete male strangers would occasionally say to me, “Smile, it’s not that bad!”
My response was always a squinty-eyed version of “Leave me alone.” It used to get on my nerves and every guy who said it seemed to be a Creeper. You see, I was often lost in deep thought and it resulted in me having, not so much of a frown, but a pensive look on my face. So, I guess these guys would feel compelled to ‘cheer me up.’ It didn’t work.
Looking back though, I realize that they were just trying to get my attention and flirt with me. They were harmless.
Has this ever happened to you? Did it get on your nerves? If so, don’t worry. I am not going to tell you to “Smile at the world.” But, I will hopefully convince you that your smile is all you need when flirting with men.
Your Job Is To Respond
Last week I shared with you that it is the man’s job to initiate, follow-up and pursue you. Your job is only to respond.
But how do you respond upon that first encounter? Can your response be too eager or can you appear indifferent? Are men not following up with you because your response is not balanced? I don’t know. But, I do know how easy it is to believe that you should have done this and you should have done that.
The goal of striking the perfect balance in your response to men is more about your peace of mind. It is about not kicking yourself and blaming yourself when the guy doesn’t follow-up. It’s about not worrying that your response was too standoffish or too desperate.
The Various Mr.’s
Over the next couple of weeks, I will address several scenarios and how to respond to each. The scenarios will include Mr. Fisherman, Mr. Hesitationman, Mr. Sometimeman, Mr. Groupman, Mr. Onlineman and Mr. Flirtman. As you will see I recommend virtually the same method of responding to each of these initiation types. Let’s start with Mr. Flirtman!
Scenario: You are at Home Depot looking for a solution to problem you are having in your home. Perfect! Mr. Flirtman strikes up a conversation and is flirting with you. Since it is Saturday, you may or may not be looking your best. What do you do?
The Response Formula
1. Stand Still: It sounds obvious but you do not want to be a moving target. Just stay in one place. Don’t fidget.
Note: Practice makes perfect. Feel free to practice this in the mirror. What does your body language communicate? Are your arms folded or are they relaxed and by your side? Are your hands on your hips or are they in a more natural position? Keep in mind, you are not on a ball field. Stand up straight.
2. Smile At Him: This is very important. It invites him to continue the conversation. This is your welcoming strategy that says to a guy “I am friendly and I welcome your initiation. I will not shoot down your noble effort to talk to me.”
Note: I remember feeling like I wanted to decide if I liked the guy first before I would smile at him. Again, I was afraid of the Creepers. This was silly thinking on my part.
Note: If you smile at him and he turns out to be a Creeper, then just move on. If you don’t smile at him and he turns out to be a nice guy, then you may blame yourself when he doesn’t continue the conversation or follow-up with a date. Remember, the idea here is for you to have peace of mind and to be free of regrets about your response. So smile at him.
Note: It does not matter if you do not look your best. Your smile is all that is needed, especially if he is your beloved.
Note: Gregg reminded me today that it was my mouth that drew him to me. 🙂
3. Look Him In The Eyes: This is a way to test his intentions and evaluate his sincerity. A man who is attracted to you will look you in the eye. Eye contact is the only allowable contact he has with you so he will try to ‘hold’ you in this manner.
Note: Eye contact is also a great way to give him the affirmation he needs. If he is your beloved, he will need your affirmation because meeting you should scare him a bit. So, look him right in the eyes and smile.
Note: If you are not comfortable doing this, begin to practice on the people in your life. Practice looking your Mom, your Dad, your brother, your boss and your coworkers in the eyes.
4. Engage In Conversation: Patiently give the guy a chance to generate a decent conversation. Don’t cut the conversation short or try to be coy. Just stand still, smile, look him in the eyes and let him continue the conversation. If he starts to lose eye contact, ends the conversation or begins to move away from you, just smile pretty and say, “Nice to meet you.” If, on the other hand, he asks for your name and number, smile and give it to him.
5. Go About Your Life: This is the hardest part. This is where you practice self-containment. This means that you keep this encounter to yourself. Don’t tell anyone even if he seems to be the most amazing guy ever. You will have to stay contained until after 3 dates.
None Of This Is Magic
The above response formula is designed to give you peace. It will not magically make you more wonderful and it may not result in more dates. Now that you know the formula, you can apply it to virtually any situation with a man.
Next week, I will share my advice on how to respond to Mr. Fisherman, Mr. Hesitationman, Mr. Sometimeman and Mr. Groupman. I will save Mr. Onlineman for last!
God love and bless you!
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