“To the wrong person, you’ll never have any worth.  But to the right person, you’ll mean everything.”

I’d like to address the time factor in dating.  I get emails from women from all over the world and usually their writing to me is prompted by a feeling of confusion.  They are dating a “great guy” but things are not moving forward toward marriage in at timely manner.  These women stay in the relationship in the hopes that more time will allow this great guy to make up his mind in her favor.  In the meantime, she gives and gives and grows more anxious and resentful.

He Has Enough Information

I just want to simply say that more time does not usually help a man decide to marry a woman.  He often has enough information, pretty early on, to make his decision to marry.  But, under certain circumstances, fails to decide for marriage and instead makes the decision to sit on the fence.

These circumstances include him having everything he wants without the need to commit.  He can also tend to reject the things about her that are inconvenient or troublesome but does not break things off. Leaving her off-balance.

The Perpetual Audition

In the meantime, the girl feels the need to audition.  She feels the need to be on her best behavior so as to not rock the boat.  It makes it hard for her to be herself.

Everyone Has Hang-Ups

Everyone has some level of neurosis (a funny word to me).  We all have our issues.  I remember when Gregg and I were engaged and I was visiting him in Kansas City.  We went to a NASCAR race with a bunch of his friends and family.  For some reason, our clothes were wet.  Maybe because of rain?  I can’t remember.  Anyway, all the girls told me that I could borrow their clothes when we got back to their house.  But, I wanted to wear my own clothes.  So, Gregg drove me back to his house which was completely out of the way.  I could not explain why I needed to have my own clothes and he was not real happy about it. But, I felt free to express my needs and, out of love, he accepted this about me.  Even today, he jokingly says “I should have known.” whenever one my weird hang-ups surfaces.  And surface they do. But, he puts it all in perspective.  I guess it is all that Superabundance!

Chastity

One of the many benefits of Chastity is that it moves things along.  It also prevents the angst that comes with the audition and the potential rejection after giving yourself, body and soul.  It prevents all the head games, testing, disrespect, mistrust and manipulation that result from trying to control a situation that feels very out of control.

Here is what the Catechism of the Catholic Church says about Chastity

• 2338 The chaste person maintains the integrity of the powers of life and love placed in him. This integrity ensures the unity of the person; it is opposed to any behavior that would impair it. It tolerates neither a double life nor duplicity in speech.

Here is what the Angelic Warfare Confraternity tells us about Chastity:  

• “Chastity is the virtue that brings the sexual appetite into harmony with reason.  It requires, not the renunciation of sexuality, but the right or reasonable use of it…….. Reason is a light that illuminates what we are doing so that we can behave in a way that is consistent with our best interest……
• One of the fundamental problems that unchastity brings about is a blindnessthat leads directly to acts of imprudence.  A person who is inflamed by lustful desires is hardly in a position to do what is good for himself or anyone else.
• Unchastity tends to destroy prudence and to prevent a person from maintaining the self-possession or integrity he needs in order to “be himself”in the proper sense of the term.
• In the absence of chastity, a person is easily seducedinto doing things that are beneath his dignity, things that are shameful, things that do not accord with who he truly is.

Unchastity leads to a feeling of betrayal and, at the same time, the participating in the betrayal of oneself.  In the words of Archbishop Fulton Sheen:

“The greatest betrayals come from within.”

He Knows

Guys know a lot earlier than they let on when they don’t want to marry a girl.  If things drag on, then that is usually because he has already decided that he is not going to marry the girl.  Time, in this case, is not going to help.  Therefore, he does not need more time.

Additional Reading

May I recommend a post which contains this snippet?  Are You A Priority Or An Option?

“So, I encourage you to ask yourself this question about your current relationship: Are you a priority or just an option?  If you are just an option, break up and don’t look back.  Don’t delay your opportunity to be treated like a priority by the right man.  Don’t tie up your heart on a man who could take you or leave you.  Keep your heart free so that the Lord can move in your life and so that you can follow His will.  Keep your emotions holy so as to not deepen the crevices of anger, mistrust, self-blame and disappointment.”

If you need encouragement to do this, feel free to write to me at: theveilofchastity@gmail.com

God love and bless you!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

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This beautiful conversion story is not long but it reveals the glory of God and the healing power of the Sacraments. Note her use of the term ‘self-oriented” which means overly concerned with one’s own desires, needs or interests. Isn’t that the perfect way to describe ourselves when we are in need of healing?

I especially like how this amazing girl described the ‘tactility’ of our Faith. Yes, the Sacraments are tactile or capable of being perceived by the sense of touch. God heals us through physical means.  He touches us.  The Sacraments are God Himself reaching out to us with His healing balm of grace.

Thank you, Healed By Grace, for reminding us of the power and love of our Savior and Healer!

 “There is a balm in Gilead to make the wounded whole; there is a balm in Gilead to heal the sin-sick soul.”

 Dear Cindy,

   Thank you so much for your reply. Your words and your experiences give me so much hope, I’m so glad that God has used you to communicate this message to those who need to hear it.  

  Of course I would love to share my conversion story with you. In some ways, it is quite an unusual one and it really goes to show how patient God is and how He is willing to wait for us to come back to Him. 

  I wasn’t raised in a religious family, so in primary school I was enrolled in non-scripture class when the other kids had scripture classes. In year 1, the teacher had a bit of a mix up and put me in the Anglican class – she didn’t believe me when I explained to her that I was not a Christian, so I ended up attending an Anglican scripture class that year. 

   From the very first class, I was fascinated by this man called Jesus. I specifically remember during Easter when I learnt of Christ’s ultimate sacrifice, and I think at that moment I considered myself a Christian. In the 13 years that followed, I would occasionally read the Bible, prayed and wrote letters to God, but there was always something very missing from my faith. 

  In 2008, my parents were invited to a Catholic parish by some family friends. They did the RCIA course and were baptized in 2009 (thanks be to God!).  At the time, I was still so complacent, believing that the faith I was practicing was enough. I was also convinced that Catholic doctrine and dogma was “not right”, despite not really knowing it all too well. 

   In the last 2 years of high school, I had an eating disorder, and it left me feeling very self-orientated, insecure and alone, as well as causing other physiological problems like amenorrhea. I distracted myself from the pain by focusing on school and my final exams – in hindsight, my illness was a gift from God, which helped me to do well in my exams and called me back to the Church. 

   Because I wanted to take my faith more seriously, I decided to do some research, and I went to my parent’s Catholic parish to explore Catholicism with an open mind. I joined the youth group, which helped me a lot – it was very encouraging to see young people take their faith so seriously. I joined an RCIA class in 2012, and was then baptized the following Easter in 2013. 

    It’s been such an amazing journey. I love how rich the Catholic traditions are, and how there is always more to learn. I found that to be such a huge difference between the Catholic Church and Protestantism. The tactility of our faith really helps to strengthen my relationship with Christ, is it always a constant reminder.  

  Thank you very much for your prayers Cindy! I too will pray for you and all the work you do.  

Healed By Grace

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 God love and bless you!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

Thank you so much for visiting and reading this post! If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too!

When Jesus turned and saw them following, he said to them, “What are you looking for?”  John 1:38

What a great question! I turn and see you following me and ask, “What are you looking for?” 🙂

Your answer may be, “An easy way to find the exact post I need right now!”  Given that there are 197 posts, I sympathize with you.

So, this weekend, I spent my time organizing this blog and making sure that all of the posts were added to the List of Posts by Category link.  I have not updated that list since November 2013!

I have been emailing with lots of girls recently and I often will include in my response a link to a post which applies to whatever we are emailing about.  Then, I wonder if the girl missed the post the first time around?  The answer is that yes, she did! And since I had not added the newer posts to the List of Posts by Category, these girls did not have an easy way to search for their topic (online dating, How to say ‘no’, college, guest posts).

The time I would normally spend creating a new post was spent on a little housecleaning and blog organizing.  I hope this helps! As a reminder, the Categories are:

The ‘Stop’ Series

Our Beautiful Feminine Souls

Encouragement

‘Not The One’ Series

Dating

Marriage

Inside Scoop On Men

7 Myths Singles Must Resist Series

Dear Cindy Series

Guest Posts

Book and Movie Reviews

Please check out the updated list!  And, please keep your amazing emails coming!

God love and bless you!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

Thank you so much for visiting and reading this post! If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Dear Cindy, 

    I am SO CONFUSED about using Catholic Match!  So far the only two matches I’ve had with more than one message exchange have gone down in FLAMES.  The second one being tonight. 

HIM: after a week of silence “here’s my number let’s talk/text” 

ME: “can we set a time to talk so I can make sure I’m home?”

HIM: “that’s ok”

ME: “well then whenever, let me know“

HIM: “I mean that’s ok like I’d rather be spontaneous and let things happen natural like when we were teens (!) and by the way I turned down 4 jobs in your area. I’d never move there.  Good luck.”

ME: “Um, thanks for the clarification.” 

I mean, I know I’m not perfect but I know how to talk to people.  These people are STRANGE.  I went through this six years ago on eHarmony, quit, and then have had NO dates since!  How do I attract NORMAL? 

Thank you!  Seeking Normal

Dear Seeking Normal,

Gregg and I both gasped when we read your email!  Gregg said “Thank God that she has dodged that bullet of a guy.  He is acting like a jerk toward her!”

I cannot explain why someone would act so boorish but alas the world is one big gaping wound.  I want to reassure you that his reaction towards you had nothing to do with you.  Only a person who is extremely wounded would treat a girl that way.

Of course, I think the veil, in this case, acted as a protection.  For this, we thank God.

I do know what you mean by some men being strange.  I felt the same way when I was online.  I also wondered how to attract ‘normal.’   But, like I shared in my Mr. Online Man post, it only takes one.

It Only Takes One 

I shared this appalling email so that you girls will know that you are not alone in your frustration.  These exchanges with Mr. Abnormal can be discouraging and can feel very personal.  But, they are not a reflection on you at all.  They are a reflection of the man who is behaving in a boorish manner.

Mr. Normal exists.  You are being healed and prepared so that you will recognize him when he does enter your life. He is being healed and prepared so that he will recognize you and have the courage to pursue you correctly.

There is no guarantee with online dating or any other kind of dating.  The one thing that online dating does is open up the whole world for you.  By participating, you are not limiting yourself (or God’s holy will) to your local area.

Online dating is the most effortless way of putting yourself out there possible. Yes, you will most likely meet strange men with boorish behavior.  You will meet some who are weak in their pursuit.  You must understand from the get go that not all of the men will be candidates for marriage.

But one day, one amazing day out of the blue, your holy spouse could send you a message.  And, things will take off from there.

It only takes one. 

Trust in God and stay the course.

God love and bless you!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

Thank you so much for visiting and reading this post! If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too!