I Am Seeing A Trend

Posted on March 31, 2014 by theveilofchastity

I have been meaning to do a book review of ‘Real Men Don’t Text‘ by Ruthie and Michael Dean. I will share my review of the book in this post but the main point that I would like to share with you is that I am seeing a trend related to texting.

What is the trend? The girls who write to me with broken hearts indicate that the main mode of communication between them and the guy who broke their heart is:

Texting

There is a trend that goes like this: in-person contact, disappear, text, failed promise, text, disappear, text….

“He texted me on Valentine’s Day but I didn’t hear from him again until 5 days later. Again, a text.”

“I slept with him and then he disappeared for a week. Then, he texted me asking why he had not heard from me. It is infuriating!”

Back In My Day

I am old-fashioned. Back in the day when I was dating, there was no such thing as texting. Guys called on the phone which was somewhat tethered to a location (like my house or office). There was no talking ‘on the go’. It was done with purpose and focus. It took courage.

And, believe it or not, they wrote ‘snail-mail’ letters and sent cards. I still have these letters and cards in a box which has “Stupid Old Boyfriends” written across it. Email was used occasionally but it was not the primary mode of communication.

Not The Primary Mode

So, things have changed. Okay. But, what has not changed is that when a guy is interested in you, he will call you and take you out on dates. He may text you but it will not be the primary mode of communication. It may be something like this:

“Stuck in a meeting. Call you when I am done.”
“Thinking of you. Can’t wait for our date tonight.”
“We said 6:00 tonight, right? See you then.”

The Answer To “S’up?” Is

Some girls, unfortunately, see texting as meaning more than it should. After not hearing from a guy for a day or week or two, they get this:

“s’up?” (this is not an invitation for supper. It is slang for “What is up?”)

The answer? My recommendation is that you don’t respond. It doesn’t merit a response.

It’s Like Smoking

The advice I would give about texting is similar to the advice people give about smoking: “don’t even start!” If a guy is using texting as a primary mode of communication at the beginning of the dating relationship, then you can sweetly say, “Texting is not my preference.” Then, see what he does. If he will not meet your preferences at the beginning, well, it does not look good for later.

By the way, the “preference” thing is awesome. Learn to use it and you will sweetly train guys to woo you correctly. It is a non-offensive way of communicating, well, your preferences!

Okay, off my soapbox and on to my book review!

Real Men Don’t Text

I am not too sure about the title of this book because I know a lot of wonderful men who text. I think a better title would be: “If he is only texting you, dump him!”

Don’t let the title mislead you because there is a lot of good information in the Dean’s book. They do give excellent advice about texting. But, they also give advice about dating, exuding confidence and saving sex for marriage. Here are some good quotes from the book:

“…it is a trick certain men have conjured up to keep us where they want us—-available, non-demanding and easy. I know how it feels to desperately want a man to like you, but if he is not calling, the writing is on the wall: he’s just not that into you.”

“If he isn’t calling you after you ask him to, he doesn’t like you.”

They have these little ‘Text Translation 101’ sections where they interpret what a text means. It is pretty accurate. I recommend the book. It is an easy read. If you have read it, please let me know what you think!

And, if you are wondering if the guy you are obsessing over is using texting as the primary mode of communication, write to me and let’s work through this to free you. theveilofchastity@gmail.com

God love and bless you!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

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7 Quick Takes Friday ~ Vol 72

Posted on March 28, 2014 by theveilofchastity

— 1 — This Week’s Post: Dear Cindy ~ Stay Vigilant! Everyone seemed so inspired by the video by Marcus! You can follow him on Twitter and on his website, Thirsting For Truth!

— 2 — Not Alone Series: This week’s NAS topic was: Deal Breakers! There were some great posts this week. Shout out to Jen who does not want anyone massaging her feet. *** Ummm, Jen. We can’t be friends cause I loooove having my feet massaged! Ha, just kidding. Isn’t it funny how one girl can loooove something that is another girl’s deal breaker?

***Update: I read Jen’s post incorrectly. She does like **her** feet massaged but is not too excited about massaging other’s feet. Yes, yes, I understand this.

Shout out to Britt for the funniest video. I had never heard of Liz Lemon before but oh boy did I laugh at this one because this is totally me:

Anyway, I had a short list of deal breakers. Similar to many of the girls, I wanted to marry a Catholic guy. I knew, based on experience, that I would resent my husband if he did not participate in a spiritual life of Sacramental grace with me. So, for the sake of my future husband, lest he not have to deal with my resentment, I made it a requirement. Other deal breakers for me were bad dental hygiene (#callmeshallow) and a guy who cannot hold an interesting conversation. (#moretalkingthansexinmarriage)

—3 — Spotlight On: This week’s spotlight is on Tammy from Counter Cultural Catholic. She is one of my favorite bloggers and her reflection this week was beautiful. Check her out!

— 4 — Is She The Best Or What? You all know Maura from Made In His Image and follow her on her website, Facebook and Twitter, right? Take a look at her Facebook status from today and let’s just all agree that we would feel very blessed to have her as our friend. #lovethatgirl

Made in His Image

“…I prayed for all of you today – for your hope, healing, strength, vocations and that you may know how loved, wanted and beautiful you are and that our sweet Father would show you how much He adores you. #‎youarewanted..”

— 5 — It Is Tough Out There: I was talking to a new engineer in our group at work (I easily go into Mom mode with these youngin’s). He is about 27 years old. He is new to the area and went to a Theology on Tap event this week which I had told him about. He said the girls were all very beautiful and friendly. But, he felt strange asking any of them out on a date.

I remembered the days when I would attend those types of events and yes, it is uncomfortable. But, I encouraged him to keep attending and to go to Mass at a variety of churches in our area and that maybe he will see these girls again and can form a firmer foundation which can lead to a date.

I understand how a guy may feel strange asking a girl out upon the first meeting at an event like that. Does she have a boyfriend? Maybe she is only interested in the Theology on Tap talk and not interested in dates? Will the girls think he is a ‘creeper’? I think these things go through guy’s minds.

This is why I am such a fan of online dating. Everyone knows the deal. We are here for dates and marriage. Anyway, initial meetings in person are tough for guys so just a sweet reminder of the importance of your smile. It is like honey, after all.

— 6 — Jackie Francois: She was at our local high school Wednesday evening! I was so sorry to have missed her! She doesn’t know me but we have been mentioned in the same tweet a couple of times! That counts, right?

— 7 — Passions and Emotions: I love this from YOUCAT:

“Why did God give us “passions” or emotions?

We have passions so that through strong emotions and distinct feelings we might be attracted to what is right and good and repelled from what is evil and bad.

God made man in such a way that he can love and hate, desire or despise something, be attracted by some things and afraid of others, be full of joy, sorrow, or anger. In the depths of his heart man always loves good and hates evil-or what he considers to be such.

Is someone a sinner if he experiences strong passions within himself? No, passions can be very valuable. They are designed to lead to and reinforce good actions; only when they are disordered do the passions contribute to evil.

Passions that are ordered to the good become virtues. They then become the motive force of a life of fighting for love and justice. Passions that overpower a person, rob him of his freedom and entice him to evil, we call vice.” (YOUCAT questions 293-294)

God love and bless you!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow“ button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too! Thank you!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Dear Cindy ~ Stay Vigilant!

Posted on March 24, 2014 by theveilofchastity

Dear Cindy,

I’ve been reading your blog for about a year now, and I always used to glide over the posts about chastity because I didn’t think they applied to me. I thought I was super strong in my commitment to chastity and sort of an “untouchable” if you will – if guys won’t even ask me out, then why would I worry about staying chaste? Yes, I had a few slip-ups in my teens and early twenties, but I’ve otherwise been chaste, at least in the physical way. I am now 30 years old.

However, I recently met a very sweet and very affectionate guy. I started to become intrigued by him. He is very much aware of how “Catholic” I am but suddenly, he started with the physical full force – hugging, holding hands, touching my knee. I liked it. I felt cherished. As a girl who had already decided that it was her fate to be single for the rest of her life it was so intoxicating and surprising to all of a sudden be swept up in this affection, especially by someone I really liked and felt safe and happy with!

But of course, I see now that the innocent affection was a warm-up – this guy planned to move fast. He wanted to know about my sexual history pretty soon. Within a couple of weeks, that chastity that came so “easy” for me came very close to being compromised, even after I told him that I planned to save sex for until after marriage (he still tried to push my boundaries).

We broke up mutually because it came clear to me that not only his approach but his attitude toward sex was fundamentally at odds with mine: I saw sex as something beautiful, powerful, a life-changing act that’s meant to cement life-long commitments, and something that puts women in an extremely vulnerable position; but he simply saw it as a good, up for exchange in a market, and something that both sexes could treat casually if they were being “responsible”.

I saw that sex for him was about satisfying a compulsion, not about truly loving someone: he valued the act of having sex over the individual that he would have it with. Therefore, even though he liked me a lot, I could see that it wasn’t enough to sacrifice his own compulsions. And you know, marriage signifies a certain maturity for men too – and if a guy isn’t mature enough to be married, he will really grab at whatever he can get in the meantime.

I see this very clearly now, and I’m glad I was able to stick to my guns. But I’m left with the sadness because I wish I was a little bit more stronger, and didn’t kiss him that first week. I was just so flabbergasted by the situation, so swept along by the fact that someone attractive actually liked me and was brave enough to ask me out, that my rational commitment to chastity was almost bowled over. I was just so excited and hopeful that maybe it would was finally my turn.

Anyway, just writing to ask for your prayers. And to say that sexuality is so powerful – it can feel so right to be close to someone, especially someone who you already started to form intellectual/emotional bonds with. It’s good to stay vigilant because you can get bowled over at any time. This situation has really made me realize how vulnerable I am, and age doesn’t change that – it may even intensify it. If nothing else, it’s made me sadder and wiser.

Thanks for your counter-cultural words – you’re truly a voice crying out in the wilderness.

Lesson Learned

Dear Lesson Learned,

I am so sorry that this happened to you. Your observation and experience is spot on. I did have a couple of these “ahhh, it is finally my turn!” dating experiences (that ended in break ups) and yes, they can be intoxicating. We women are vulnerable and need to stay vigilant.

I would not be so hard on yourself because the important thing is that you were able to identify what was going on, stick to your guns and then extract yourself from the relationship. Imagine how hard it would have been if you had sex with him! I am so proud of you!

With regard to your sadness for kissing him, again, I would not be so hard on yourself. There are a variety of opinions about kissing and participating in the ‘warm up’ actions which lead to sex. I am of the opinion that kissing is okay but that we have to be aware of how easily it leads to the warm up actions and then to sex. Just because a guy is affectionate with us does not mean that he is going to marry us. All that kissing leads us to think that it is heading in that direction. Vigilance is needed, yes indeed.

What you said about him ‘just wanting to satisfy a compulsion’ is perfectly stated. I saw the video below on the Chastity.com website of Marcus Guevara and it reminded me that if we women are firm in our expectations, the right man will wait. He will find our commitment to Chastity beautiful. You can find Marcus via his website, Facebook and you can follow him on Twitter! Be sure to watch all 12 minutes to see how the story turns out!

Thank you for writing to me and sharing your wisdom about staying vigilant! Be assured of my prayers.

God love you, Cindy

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

7 Quick Takes Friday ~ Vol 71

Posted on March 21, 2014 by theveilofchastity

— 1 — This Week’s Post: My guest post, Who Is My Favorite Saint?, is over at Sarah’s blog, Footprints On My Heart! Thank you, Sarah for inviting me to share this!

— 2 — Not Alone Series: This week’s NAS topic was: Single Life Bucket List! All the girls had neat and meaningful things on their list. Many want to travel and some had what I consider to be ‘lofty’ goals. I am looking at you, Nikki, who wants to learn to play the piano, swim and learn to ice skate. Go Nikki! I also loved what Jen wrote:

“If I had to pick something for my Single Life Bucket List… it would be this: to be proud and confident in who I am; in who God has created me to be, so that I can be the best version of myself.”

Oh, and I can’t wait for next week when the topic is Deal Breakers!

—3 — Spotlight On: I would like to welcome Charity from A Note For Someday to the NAS series. I loved her single life bucket list! For a college girl, she has lots of wisdom. I can attest to her wisdom because I know her! She stayed the Summer with us last year and actually has the inside scoop on our household…. so I need to be nice to her! No, seriously, she is an amazing girl and we love her. I knew I could count on the NAS girls to provide their usual encouragement to her. Charity writes about fashion, Modesty, University life and heartbreak. Check her out. You will not be disappointed.

— 4 — Spotlight On: This week’s spotlight is on Pier from The Newlywed Lefebvres for her post, We Give Up! You remember Pier. She did a guest post for me a while back. Have you visited her blog? Please do. It is all grace and heart over there. This line from her We Give Up! post is spotlight worthy:

“…This isn’t to say we have given up on having children…but our first priority is going to be God’s will for our marriage.”

— 5 — It Matters Who You Marry: I cannot tell you how important it is to have a strong marriage. If you suffer from infertility, you will need a strong marriage and a very compassionate husband who is deeply in love with you. If you have children, you will need a strong marriage and a very compassionate husband who is deeply in love with you. Wait on the Lord and choose well. And, as Pier says above, God’s will for your marriage is the first priority.

— 6 — This Week: This has been a busy (and trying) week and I have been delayed in all my responses to those who have emailed me. Even these 7QTs are late! I had some things going on in the evening and we only have one computer in our house to share among the two and a quarter of us. No, we will not be getting additional computers because I like the fact that we have to share. Such a hardship, right? I do respond to everyone and always pray before doing so. I love your emails so please keep them coming and thank you for your sweet understanding if it takes me a day or two to respond!

— 7 — Turning Over Tables: This reflection from Father Robert Barron’s Daily Lenten Journey was excellent:

“From very early on, Christian theologians and spiritual writers made a comparison between Jesus’ cleansing of the temple in Jerusalem and Jesus’ cleansing of our hearts and bodies. St. Paul refers to the body as a “temple of the Holy Spirit.” Your self, your body, your whole person is meant to be a temple, a holy place where God dwells and where prayer and union with God is central. It’s a beautiful image: rightly ordered, we become temples of the Holy Spirit.

This image leads to an important question: what goes wrong within the temple of our souls? The same thing that went wrong with the Temple in Jerusalem–what’s meant to be a house of prayer becomes a den of thieves. All kinds of distractions came into the Temple, money changers and corrupt influences, those who turned people away from worshiping God.

Today, we should ask, what distractions and corruptions have come into the temple of my heart and body? Lent is a terrific time to allow Jesus Christ to make a whip of cords and come into the temple of our hearts, and, while there, to turn some tables over, to flip things upside down if he has to.

What would Jesus chase out of your heart if he had a chance? If you let him in, with all the wonderful fury displayed in the Gospels, what would he cleanse?”

God love and bless you!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Who Is My Favorite Saint?

Posted on March 17, 2014 by theveilofchastity

I had the honor of providing a guest post for Sarah’s blog, Footprints On My Heart .

Sarah has a Saturday series called “Our Friends, The Saints!” where various guests share about their favorite Saint. Are you curious who my favorite Saint is? Some of what I share may seem obvious but there are other things which may surprise you! Click here to see !

Head on over to Sarah’s place and check out all her awesome posts! Thank you, Sarah!

God love and bless you, Cindy

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

7 Quick Takes Friday ~ Vol 70

Posted on March 14, 2014 by theveilofchastity

The belated version!

— 1 — This Week’s Post: How To Say ‘No’ To Him I hope it encouraged you in your pursuit of Chastity!

— 2 — Next Week’s Post: I am providing a guest post over at Sarah’s blog, Footprints On My Heart. I will link to it on Monday the 17^th!

—3 — Spotlight On: Loved this episode of The Choices We Face: From Slavery To Freedom:

— 4 — Not Alone Series: This week’s NAS topic was: Marrieds And Singles ~ Can we relate to one another and if so what are the best ways of cultivating deep and long-lasting friendships throughout our vocational lives? The girls provided a number of ways to bridge the gap. Kudos to Joan from Everything Is Yours for her post. I appreciated her recommendations! Great job to all the girls!

— 5 — Boo Tar-jay: Did you see this article about the photoshop-gone-bad on the Target site? Really. What has the world come to?

— 6 — Ulf Ekman: Sweden Megachurch Pastor Ulf Ekman’s (and his wife) decision to convert to Roman Catholicism! He tweeted this:

Three words “Authority”, “Sacraments”, “Unity”. Or put it another way:”One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church.”

— 7 — Aphrahat (?-c.345), monk and Bishop ~On Fasting: Proving the Catholic approach of both/and.

“This is the fasting that I wish: releasing those bound unjustly” (Is 58,6)

The Ninevites fasted with a pure fast when Jonah preached repentance to them… This is what is written: “When God saw by their actions how they turned from their evil way, he repented of his blazing wrath” (cf Jon 3,10). It is not said that: “He saw a fast of bread and water, with sackcloth and ashes” but that: “they turned away from their evil deeds and the wickedness of their works”. For the king of Nineveh had spoken and said: Every man shall turn from his evil way and from the violence he has in hand” (v.8). It was a pure fast and it was accepted...

Because, my friend, when we fast it is always the abstaining from wickedness that is best. It is better than abstaining from bread and water, better than “afflicting oneself, bowing the head like a reed and lying in sackcloth and ashes” as Isaiah says (58,5). In fact, whenever people abstain from bread, water or whatever food it might be, when they cover themselves in sackcloth and ashes and afflicts themselves, then they are loved, beautiful in the eyes of God and accepted. However, what please God most of all is: “…to release those bound unjustly and break the bonds of deceit” (cf. v.6).

God love and bless you!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

How To Say ‘No’ To Him

Posted on March 11, 2014 by theveilofchastity

As I mentioned in my 7QTs 3 weeks ago, several readers have written to me wanting advice on how to start saying ‘yes’ to Chastity. This ‘yes’ to Chastity will mean saying “no” to the person they are sleeping with. They want to know how to go about it. It is not a silly question.

Sex is supposed to attach us to our lover. That is the whole point. So, when the attachment is to someone who never plans to make a commitment, then it is devastating. They wonder, “How do I detach myself?” and “How do I strengthen myself to say ‘no’?” and “Is there anything I can say or do to change his mind?”

If you have had a revelation about the wisdom of Chastity and want to start living out this virtue, how should you go about implementing this decision? What words should you use knowing that a premarital ‘yes’ to Chastity means a premarital ‘no’ to him.

Marriage

Ahhh, marriage. Isn’t it a major driver in all this?

It is so easy to say ‘yes’ to sex. The dating relationship starts out with great affection and attentiveness from him. His eyes may even sparkle when he looks at you. His family seems to love and approve of you. He begins the moves which lead to sex. You know the moves. You respond feeling confident that this guy is serious about you and that the relationship is heading in the direction of…..what? Marriage.

“Having sex and thinking about marriage are 2 quite different things” Biltrix

What Are His Intentions?

Women come to the decision for Chastity in a variety of ways. Sometimes it is the Holy Spirit Who convicts them about their sexual sin. But most of the time it is a logical, rational and emotional decision when they realize that the much-hoped-for marriage is only in their head. They assume he has the same intentions and are devastated when they realize he is not going to marry them anytime soon. Or at all.

A Ploy For Marriage?

Sometimes a girl will put the ‘marriage’ cards on the table to try to figure out where the relationship is heading. She may be able to tell about his intentions toward her simply by his reaction to her decision for chastity. She hopes he will say, “Okay. I understand. I love you and want to keep dating you to discern marriage.” But, often times she is met with “Why?” or “What?!?!” or “Goodbye.” Sometimes, he disappears once he knows there is no longer anything in it for him. Repeating this wonderful quote:

“Having sex and thinking about marriage are 2 quite different things” Biltrix

When girls write to me, they are often wondering how to present their desire for Chastity without it sounding like a ploy for marriage. But, let’s be honest. It is about marriage. And, this is nothing to be ashamed of. The requirement to have sex with you is marriage. This does not disqualify him from ever having sex with you. If he marries you, he qualifies. So, this is not about him. It is about you and your future husband.

What Is Your Reason?

This question about how to implement Chastity is one of my favorites. I usually respond to it with a series of questions to try to figure out your specific reason for wanting to commit to Chastity.

You see, I cannot tell you your reasons. The best reasons come from inside of you. After one girl responded with her reasons, I asked her to read the reasons back to herself every day for 30 days. This is an exercise that is usually effective.

How To

Once you understand your specific reasons, here is what I suggest:

1. Write down your reasons. Read your reasons to yourself everyday for 30 days.

2. Avoid near occasions of sin. You know the ‘situations’ that lead you to sin. Avoid those.

3. Be firm in your decision. Be clear in your words to him about waiting until marriage. If he doesn’t marry you, he doesn’t get to sleep with you. It is not personal. It is not a ploy. He just doesn’t qualify for this level of bonding and intimacy.

4. Pray and seek grace to strengthen you by living a Sacramental Life in Christ.

5. If you are struggling, write to me so that I can pray for you and walk you through this.

“Chastity is a difficult, long-term matter; one must wait patiently for it to bear fruit …” Blessed Pope John Paul

God love and bless you!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

Thank you so much for visiting and reading this post! If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too!

7 Quick Takes Friday ~ Vol 69

Posted on March 7, 2014 by theveilofchastity

— 1 — This Week’s Post: Overanalyzing Your Singleness You cannot heal yourself. You can only participate in the process. You are in the hands of a loving God.

— 2 — Not Alone Series: This week’s NAS topic was: Bachelorette Parties! The girls were really creative in their ideas. Check them out!

—3 — Spotlight On: This week’s spotlight is on Catherine (Celeste) from Sacred Sharings for the Soul because she is getting married tomorrow! Oh my, the story of her engagement is a good one and I was blessed to watch it unfold (well via email)! I hope to have her share it with you here sometime in a guest post. In the meantime, you can read her guest post at The Chastity Project (ya, the Everts!). She promised me photos of the blessed day and I cannot wait to see them! God bless you and your man, Catherine!

— 4 — Ash Wednesday: The readings were beautiful! (Joel 2, Psalm 51, 2 Cor 5, Matthew 6)

— 5 — Lenten Reflections With Father Barron: You can sign up to receive daily emails from Father Barron sharing his Lenten reflections! Sooo good! Go here!

— 6 — Keeping It Real: Please pray for this couple.

— 7 — Keeping It Really Real: Did you hear that Pope Francis stole a rosary cross from a dead priest’s casket? Before you gasp too hard, think of how mortifying it must be for him to share this. But, it is a daily reminder of his sinfulness and imperfection:

“Francis keeps the cross in a little pouch under his cassock, he said.

‘And whenever a bad thought comes to mind about someone, my hand goes here, always,” he said, gesturing to his heart. “And I feel the grace, and that makes me feel better.'”

God love and bless you!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Overanalyzing Your Singleness

Posted on March 3, 2014 by theveilofchastity

Have you ever looked back on your dating life to analyze what you have done wrong? Have you made a list of things you can do in future relationships to prevent another break-up? Has this process of analysis left you feeling frustrated? There may be a reason:

You cannot heal yourself. You can only participate in the process.

Through this process of overanalyzing, the enemy is trying to convince you that you have the power to heal yourself and change the outcome. He is trying to persuade you to trust in yourself with the lie that God is not a personal, caring Father. The enemy may torture you with reminders of your mistakes so that you wallow in regret. Self-hatred is his goal.

Healing and transforming you is God’s goal.

Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda

Looking back, you are going to find fault in yourself. Did you over-react in past relationships and find yourself saying things that you wish you had not said? Did you mistrust and find yourself spying on his Facebook page? Did you punish him with your cold shoulder because he disappointed you? Do you wish you had been a different person? You know, ‘that girl in your head’ who would have acted, spoken and reacted differently?

Cause Or Effect?

Have you ever considered that your over-reaction, your words and your actions were not the cause of the break-up but that instead the wrongness of the relationship led to your reactions, your words and your actions?

Is there a nagging voice inside you that leads you to believe that even if you had been ‘perfect’ the outcome (break-up) would have been the same?

The truth is that a holy marriage requires the right relationship with the right man. But, first you need to be healed and your will needs to be conformed to God’s will so that you can recognize this man. Once these two pieces are put into place, you will not over-react (as much~ ha ha), you will trust him and you will not feel disappointed.

Transforming and Renewing

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:2

I always loved this Romans 12:2 verse. When I found myself frustrated in my singleness and blaming myself for failed relationships, I would read this verse and feel hopeful. It was not all up to me. I could count on Holy God to renew my mind and transform my will to His will. He could be counted on to change my vision so that I could see what was best for me.

Do you have faith in this Holy God?

Conforming To This World

“Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship.” Romans 12:1

One caveat to all this is that we cannot remain in worldly sin and expect God to easily heal us. Sexual sin, for example, needs to be repented of. Sexual sin keeps you in bondage and you will not be free to receive the healing transformation from God.

The Bending Of Your Will

“Your will should be corrected to become identified with God’s will. You must not bend God’s will to suit yours.” – St. Augustine of Hippo

God can change your vision, heart and mind so that you recognize what is best for you. He conforms and bends your will to His will. This conforming, or bending, happens through a process and over time. You must participate in this process. It requires suffering, surrendering and a letting go of your will. Most of all, it requires healing. The healing of your vision, your heart and your mind.

How To Heal

What are the best sources of healing?