I have been meaning to do a book review of ‘Real Men Don’t Text‘ by Ruthie and Michael Dean. I will share my review of the book in this post but the main point that I would like to share with you is that I am seeing a trend related to texting.
What is the trend? The girls who write to me with broken hearts indicate that the main mode of communication between them and the guy who broke their heart is:
There is a trend that goes like this: in-person contact, disappear, text, failed promise, text, disappear, text….
“He texted me on Valentine’s Day but I didn’t hear from him again until 5 days later. Again, a text.”
“I slept with him and then he disappeared for a week. Then, he texted me asking why he had not heard from me. It is infuriating!”
Back In My Day
I am old-fashioned. Back in the day when I was dating, there was no such thing as texting. Guys called on the phone which was somewhat tethered to a location (like my house or office). There was no talking ‘on the go’. It was done with purpose and focus. It took courage.
And, believe it or not, they wrote ‘snail-mail’ letters and sent cards. I still have these letters and cards in a box which has “Stupid Old Boyfriends” written across it. Email was used occasionally but it was not the primary mode of communication.
Not The Primary Mode
So, things have changed. Okay. But, what has not changed is that when a guy is interested in you, he will call you and take you out on dates. He may text you but it will not be the primary mode of communication. It may be something like this:
“Stuck in a meeting. Call you when I am done.”
“Thinking of you. Can’t wait for our date tonight.”
“We said 6:00 tonight, right? See you then.”
The Answer To “S’up?” Is
Some girls, unfortunately, see texting as meaning more than it should. After not hearing from a guy for a day or week or two, they get this:
“s’up?” (this is not an invitation for supper. It is slang for “What is up?”)
The answer? My recommendation is that you don’t respond. It doesn’t merit a response.
It’s Like Smoking
The advice I would give about texting is similar to the advice people give about smoking: “don’t even start!” If a guy is using texting as a primary mode of communication at the beginning of the dating relationship, then you can sweetly say, “Texting is not my preference.” Then, see what he does. If he will not meet your preferences at the beginning, well, it does not look good for later.
By the way, the “preference” thing is awesome. Learn to use it and you will sweetly train guys to woo you correctly. It is a non-offensive way of communicating, well, your preferences!
Okay, off my soapbox and on to my book review!
Real Men Don’t Text
I am not too sure about the title of this book because I know a lot of wonderful men who text. I think a better title would be: “If he is only texting you, dump him!”
Don’t let the title mislead you because there is a lot of good information in the Dean’s book. They do give excellent advice about texting. But, they also give advice about dating, exuding confidence and saving sex for marriage. Here are some good quotes from the book:
“…it is a trick certain men have conjured up to keep us where they want us—-available, non-demanding and easy. I know how it feels to desperately want a man to like you, but if he is not calling, the writing is on the wall: he’s just not that into you.”
“If he isn’t calling you after you ask him to, he doesn’t like you.”
They have these little ‘Text Translation 101’ sections where they interpret what a text means. It is pretty accurate. I recommend the book. It is an easy read. If you have read it, please let me know what you think!
And, if you are wondering if the guy you are obsessing over is using texting as the primary mode of communication, write to me and let’s work through this to free you. firstname.lastname@example.org
God love and bless you!
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