Overanalyzing Your Singleness

Have you ever looked back on your dating life to analyze what you have done wrong?  Have you made a list of things you can do in future relationships to prevent another break-up?  Has this process of analysis left you feeling frustrated?  There may be a reason:

You cannot heal yourself.  You can only participate in the process.

Through this process of overanalyzing, the enemy is trying to convince you that you have the power to heal yourself and change the outcome. He is trying to persuade you to trust in yourself  with the lie that God is not a personal, caring Father. The enemy may torture you with reminders of your mistakes so that you wallow in regret.  Self-hatred is his goal.

Healing and transforming you is God’s goal.

Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda

Looking back, you are going to find fault in yourself.  Did you over-react in past relationships and find yourself saying things that you wish you had not said?  Did you mistrust and find yourself spying on his Facebook page?  Did you punish him with your cold shoulder because he disappointed you?  Do you wish you had been a different person?  You know, that girl in your head’ who would have acted, spoken and reacted differently?

Cause Or Effect?


Have you ever considered that your over-reaction, your words and your actions were not the cause of the break-up but that instead the wrongness of the relationship led to your reactions, your words and your actions?

Is there a nagging voice inside you that leads you to believe that even if you had been ‘perfect’ the outcome (break-up) would have been the same?

The truth is that a holy marriage requires the right relationship with the right man.  But, first you need to be healed and your will needs to be conformed to God’s will so that you can recognize this man.  Once these two pieces are put into place, you will not over-react (as much~ ha ha), you will trust him and you will not feel disappointed.

Transforming and Renewing

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:2

I always loved this Romans 12:2 verse. When I found myself frustrated in my singleness and blaming myself for failed relationships, I would read this verse and feel hopeful.  It was not all up to me.  I could count on Holy God to renew my mind and transform my will to His will.  He could be counted on to change my vision so that I could see what was best for me.

Do you have faith in this Holy God?

Conforming To This World

“Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship.”  Romans 12:1

One caveat to all this is that we cannot remain in worldly sin and expect God to easily heal us. Sexual sin, for example, needs to be repented of. Sexual sin keeps you in bondage and you will not be free to receive the healing transformation from God.

The Bending Of Your Will


“Your will should be corrected to become identified with God’s will. You must not bend God’s will to suit yours.” – St. Augustine of Hippo

God can change your vision, heart and mind so that you recognize what is best for you.  He conforms and bends your will to His will. This conforming, or bending, happens through a process and over time.  You must participate in this process.  It requires suffering, surrendering and a letting go of your will.  Most of all, it requires healing. The healing of your vision, your heart and your mind.

How To Heal

What are the best sources of healing? 

  • Grace from the Sacraments
  • Jesus in the Eucharist
  • Right worship through the power of the Mass
  • Confession
  • Reading Scripture
  • Prayer
  • Surrender to Him all your disappointments, sufferings and frustrations

Trust and participate in the process. Open your heart, your mind and your will to God’s transforming and healing power. You can trust Him.

God love and bless you!

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8 thoughts on “Overanalyzing Your Singleness

  1. Really sucks for many of us men looking for a good woman to settle down with too, and i really hate the holidays as well.

    • I do believe men are suffering too. I will add you to my prayer list. Please feel free to email me if you would like some encouragement from Gregg. He lived it and understands. Praying for you, Cindy theveilofchastity.com

  2. Woah, this is me all over! I’m always thinking that if I can just analyse my behaviour enough, then it will all work out… yeah, not so much. Thanks for the encouragement, Cindy! Your posts are always so wonderful!

  3. Amen Sister. I am so thankful for all the rejection that lead me to my blessed marriage! Be thankful in good times and bad for the bad times will guide you just as much!

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