In my last post, I shared that it is unwise to chase men. And, that if you find yourself doing the chasing, you should:
- Stop sleeping with him.
- Stop chasing him.
- Stop thinking your expectations for being chased are too high.
- Stop responding to lame and inconsistent initiation from him.
Today I will address #1: Stop sleeping with him. There are so many reasons for this critical step. Here are two:
- The sex is putting you at a disadvantage
- You are sabotaging your future happiness
The Sex is Putting You at a Disadvantage
I wish I could come up with a clever way to explain this. I wish I had a convincing way to share with you your beauty and dignity and how sex outside of marriage robs you of both. But, I have tried all week and I haven’t been able to do either. So, I will just give you the truth without the spoonful of sugar.
Like it or not, sex is a ‘power’ thing. Blah, blah, blah about women’s liberation and the belief that men don’t view sex as a power thing. They do. Most men view women as the gatekeepers and the one with the power when it comes to sex. Women who don’t acknowledge this are putting themselves at a disadvantage.
Blah, blah, blah that we women can have freewheeling sex outside of marriage and not be affected. Some can. But those are not the ones who I am trying to reach. Those women, God bless them, are already beyond my reach with just this little blog.
Instead, I am trying to reach those of you who have ears to hear. I am trying to reach those of you who are not so hardened and deceived and instead are sincerely wondering why you are not being chased by the man you are having sex with.
I want you to know that Chastity is a powerful virtue. It empowers you. Now, with power comes great responsibility. This power, like all power, is not to be misused or wasted. It is instead to be carefully harnessed, treated with reverence and applied for the good.
Harry’s face says it all. It is not exactly the look of joy and satisfaction that comes with receiving something valuable!
You possess something powerful and deep! When you put a low value (price) on something and when you treat something powerful and deep as if it is casual and superficial, you put yourself at a disadvantage.
By having sex outside of marriage, you fail to guard your sexual powers. This power is being wasted and this is putting you at a disadvantage. And, because you are at a disadvantage, you are not the one being chased but instead are being tempted to do the chasing. Men don’t chase something they don’t value and they don’t chase something they already possess, especially if they have come to possess it at such a low cost. Ouch.
You Are Sabotaging Your Future Happiness
Sex outside of marriage negatively affects your future happiness in many ways but I will focus on two of them.
- Perpetual dating
- Lack of Superabundance
Perpetual Dating
I see it over and over again. Sex before marriage leads to perpetual dating. The guy has found someone who will give him sex without commitment and marriage. And, he thinks the girl is fine with it because women these days act as if it is fine even if they don’t really think it is fine at all. This can go on for years.
Sometimes, the couple gets engaged after the guy is coerced by the girl or after the girl finds herself pregnant. And, oftentimes the engagement is just the next baby step within the perpetual dating dance rather than what it is supposed to be…… a short phase for setting a wedding date and planning a holy wedding.
Chastity, on the other hand, either propels the relationship forward or stalls it. Chastity is a built in-filter that eliminates the possibility of perpetual dating. If the guy is not serious about a future with you, he will bolt when he hears there is no sex in it for him. This is a good thing; a type of built-in filter. Again, it may feel like rejection, but it is really protection! The guy is actually doing the more noble thing by ditching you. Let him go devastate someone else.
Data that I have gathered over the years reveals that couples who practice Chastity get married sooner. They are happier and more stable. Check out this video of this beautiful holy wedding! Yes, my sweet girls, this is possible no matter what is in your past. Your beautiful commitment to Chastity can start now!
Lack of Superabundance
Chastity leads to good fruit or Superabundance which I describe here. Sex outside of marriage sabotages your future happiness by cutting off your access to Superabundance. Without Superabundance, your love diminishes rather than grows. Sex outside of marriage acts as a repellent to love. He stops chasing you and you begin to be tempted to chase him. This negatively affects your future happiness. It is that simple.
The Veil
Keep in mind that you are covered by a veil. The purpose of the veil is to hide you from every possible suitor except for the one that God intends for you to marry. The veil is there for your protection! Sex outside of marriage cuts you off from that protection, cuts off your access to Superabundance and instead leaves you vulnerable and powerless.
In my next post I will share the reasons why you should stop chasing him. But, you will not be able to stop chasing him until you stop having sex with him.
God bless!
The Veil of Chastity 
I have that same question about how to stop having sex if your already sleeping together and if its even possible to erase the stigma from his perception since you already slept together for some time. In fact he just left me said we cannot even be friends anymore becuse i decided to stop sleeping with him if there is no actual commitment. Becauae i told him it makes me feel degraded when he isnt giving me equitable Value and I feel hes just using my body. I feel used . We have been doing this casually for 3 years without any official commitment..He wont commit. Ive been the one compromising by still being with him without that commitment im asking for. He obviously refuses to do the same for me..he just leaves. He wont commit to me and no sex in it for him so im pretty much worthless now to him. He had claimed he loved me he said he wanted to marry me someday. I believed he loved me….Im still trying to pull my jaw up off the floor really. I didnt think that was all that i am to him i really didn’t. Thank you for wtiting this. I honestly need some direction from here. Im so devastatsd even though i know its for the better
Hi April, Thank you for sharing and please be assured of my prayers for you. Please feel free to email me at theveilofchastity@gmail.com and I would be willing to provide you guidance one on one. Proud of you for pursing truth, Cindy
I love your blog. Thank you for your encouraging words of wisdom. Although some things mentioned here really hit home very hard and hurt very deeply I truly feel that God has lead me to it. I do have one question… Is it possible to stop chasing and have that same person turn around and began to chase you and be the one for you after all?
Hi, thank you for your sweet comment. Please feel free to write to me if you would like to share specifics. Added you to my prayer list. God bless, Cindy theveilofchastity@gmail.com
hey i no longer want to sleep with my boyfriend how best can i do it please pray for me
Hi Cindy,
I ran across your blog while looking for some type of confirmation that I made the right decision to stop having sex completely until I meet the man GOD will send to me. The sad part about the whole situation is that I prayed to GOD to bless me with a husband however the two men that came to me I no longer had feelings for and the one man I do care about seem to only want to have a sexual relationship. I feel so alone at times…it’s like walking this path is so lonely. Please add me to your pray list..Tonya
I am praying for you, Tonya. You feel alone but there is a freedom that comes with the virtue of Chastity and obedience to God’s will. God bless you and reach out to me any time if you need encouragement. Cindy
It pleases me well to see people still write about chastity in this present world. How loving are the words you’ve put together to address this. It’s great I must say, Cindy.
How sad to know that many ladies only see chastity as a ploy to keep them off the real enjoyment outside marriage. Everyday, I wish I could help thousands of them realize how great it would be for them to be chaste. God bless you Cindy. God bless your heart and the hearts of many who choose to walk in the chaste path. Amen.
Thank you, Olalekan! I have added you to my Divine Mercy Chaplet prayer list and I will be praying for you!
how do you prevent having sex with a guy while spending days and night with him
It is possible to avoid sex while spending the night with a guy. But it is not advisable to sleep together because it puts you in something called a ‘near occasion of sin.’ I would very much like to talk to you about this over email. I will send you an email and maybe we can agree to a plan that works for both of you. Thank you for writing to me and I look forward to talking to you. Praying for you, Cindy
Hi, I tried to send you an email but it failed. Will you please email me? theveilofchastity@gmail.com
Thank you, Cindy
Dear Cindy, your blog is amazing and although I have had more of worldly way of living; I sincerely believe in the plan God has for us here on earth, for men and women. I believe in the sanctity of marriage and that once vows are shared they should never be broken or eroded by trust. At the age of 43 I am still waiting for a genuine heaven sent proposal..unfortunately I have given myself away to men not deserving of me; they had my body but they will never take my soul. They will never have me stoop to the level of pursuing them; they may think im not in control of my mind, my emotions and my time but by allowing them to step back from me gives me the realisation I need that God has a bigger, better plan for me. I just want to give and share love like everyone else, and l will wait until God brings my king to me.
Thank you for reading the blog and for your sweet comment, Chris! I have added you to my Divine Mercy Chaplet prayer list and will be praying for you. God bless, Cindy
I stumbled across your blog. I am not Catholic and am not religious, but I can’t agree more. I wish there was a corresponding value for secular folks without the religious connotation so it wouldn’t be rejected right away as being “prude.” I work with college aged women doing therapy with them and I cannot tell you how many times I want to shake them for being so blind to what they are doing to their self-esteem and perception of their own worth. Also, by doing things you don’t hold in high esteem, and behaving in a way that suggests you don’t value yourself, you start to believe it and actually lower your perception of your worth.
I was extremely promiscuous and the opposite of chaste. I thought it was the way to go. I had some fun, but now that I’m older I realize how much I wish I would have done less. I am very happily married to a man who fully respects me and chased me, and I am so fortunate, but I still wish I could know he was one of the only people. I know you mean chastity as you describe it and I mean acting much more in line with that value but not quite as strict, but it’s an important thing for women either way. As you said, men are the gatekeepers of commitment and we are the gatekeepers of sex. If we just give it away, we’ve got no cards we haven’t shown yet. We’ve gone all in and ruined his perception of us. The girls I work with are so confused when they sleep with a man the first night after drinking (being too drunk, another terrible thing for women), and he wants nothing to do with them while they hope they can have something.
As you said, it’s harsh, but men enjoy sleeping with easier women but they will never commit to them. They truly don’t see them as marriage material. It took me a long item to learn it but it’s never too late. Changing my viewpoint and wanting to be seen more as a lady and letting my strong man be a man has been an amazing life changing experience. Anyways, even though we have little in common in some aspects, I appreciate what you’re doing. I didn’t know it was such an epidemic that nice Catholic girls were staying single against their wishes. I feel like if they are patient, a real man will really appreciate and cherish them because of their value to not be used by so many men before him. That’s so hard to find these days. Early in my twenties I never would have understood or believed this, but at 32 it’s clear as a day. And I hope the younger girls don’t get hung up too much on finding a man- that is man repellant! Do your thing and good things will come sooner or later. I didn’t get engaged until 31. Take care!
Just to clarify, I would not say I was “extremely” promiscuous. That’s a but of an exaggeration. But now I would never have physical intimacy with someone who I was not in a long-term, committed relationship with. Thankfully I’m married to my soul match, so I don’t have to worry about that again.
How do you tell a guy you’ve slept with that you now want to wait without it coming across as a ploy to tactic to get married?
Hi Sarah. I am sending you an email but if for some reason it does not make it through please email me at theveilofchastity@gmail.com I would love to chat with you about this! I have added you to my Divine Mercy Chaplet prayer list! Cindy
I would be really interested to hear this answer as well Cindy!
– Lauren
I am so happy and grateful to have ran across your blog today! About 4 months ago, I made the personal decision to practice chastity. After 5 years, I have realized how the act of not applying this was hindering my relationship(s). Sex without the commitment of marriage can leave a woman feeling empty and used inside. I can’t begin to express how much power I have gained back from making this decision and I have began to already see positive changes in my relationship. I look forward to your posts, Thanks again!
I am so happy you have found your way here, Franchesca! There is power in Chastity as there is power in all the virtues. I have added you to my Divine Mercy Chaplet prayer list. God bless you, Cindy