While doing research for my post about ‘how long should you give a guy?’, I stumbled upon a blog post by secular dating coach Evan Marc Katz called How Much Time You Should Give a Guy to Commit Before You Quit?
I want to be clear that I don’t think Evan and I agree on the basics of dating, especially in the area of Chastity. But, that is okay because he is still a guy and I find it fascinating that when guys give advice to girls, they seem to come clean on things.
I decided not to cut and paste his whole blog post but instead to include the key points he makes:
- Always be nice, enthusiastic and warm…. but don’t be a doormat.
“….For some people the 4 weeks turns into 4 months without them noticing and by then they’re in that pattern…and the behavior becomes acceptable yet unfulfilling and it’s too late to change it because you’ve been the “nice”, undemanding girl the whole time….”
“….When you start dating, Don’t Do Anything. He calls, he texts, he emails – you just “mirror” his efforts and give him enthusiasm and warmth every time….”
“….If he doesn’t follow through fast enough or often enough, make a mental note: “Hmm… this probably means that he’s a) dating other people and isn’t sure whether I’m “the one” OR b) he’s just not that into me and using me for now.”
- More Time is does not work in your favor.
“…You don’t win this war by waiting him out and hoping he falls for you after four months or six months or one year of casual sex…”
“….You win this one by assessing his efforts and concluding that you’re wasting your time…”
“….Just evaluate your man on the effort he’s making for you….”
“…You’ve had boyfriends before, right? How did they act? Did they “see you” once a week for six months and suddenly declare their love? NO!!!..”
- Inconsistent and lame pursuit has a reason:
“…So why does a man only call or text you once a week to make plans?
Why is a man perfectly content only seeing you once every two weeks?
Why is a man not clamoring to reserve his weekends for you, or take you on a short vacation, or meet your friends and family?
******************The answer is simple: He doesn’t want to!*************
If a man texts you once a week…
If he doesn’t make time to see you regularly…
If he expresses no interest in escalating the intensity of the relationship…
That’s EXACTLY the relationship that HE wants!
Low-intensity. Low-pressure. Low commitment. Low drama.
He wins. You lose. He’s content. You’re not…”
- A guy often needs time to ‘work it out in his head.’
“…So give a guy 6-8 weeks to figure out his feelings, if necessary. And if you don’t get the sense that the relationship is growing, the talk is brief and emotionless:
“Hey Adam, it’s been fun getting to know you, but I get the sense that we’re not on the same page. I need a man who is looking for a relationship and you don’t seem to be that guy. No hard feelings, but I’m going to go find that guy. Best of luck in your search. Take care of yourself.”
“…You’re free. And, yes, it’s that simple. If he values you, he’ll fight for you.”
“….She (Evan’s wife) didn’t have to do anything except say yes and not judge me while I worked it all out in my head.
There’s a huge difference between giving a guy six weeks to choose you over the other women he’s dating… and to be a sucker for hanging around when you’re merely (and clearly) his “once a week” girl…”
- The right guy will want to ‘lock you in.’
“…I wanted to lock her (Evan’s wife) in. I let her know. The right guy always does…”
God love and bless you!
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