He Is Not The One

Not The OneIt is my belief that if you even are asking the question, “Is he the one?” then he is, unfortunately, not the one.  I draw this conclusion as a result of hindsight from my own past relationships and from what I have observed in other people’s relationships. 

Green lightCertainty Is A Sign

Certainty is a big green light from God.  It is a gift from Him that He wants to give us.  He wants us to know His will.  Why would He make us struggle with such an important question like our vocation and our spouse?  He doesn’t.  The struggle is instead manufactured by us humans. 

Men manufacture this struggle when they present excuses for not being certain about the girl they are dating. Women manufacture this struggle when they make excuses for a guy who is either Mr. Wrong or Mr. Almost Right. 

Mr WrongMr. Wrong

You know what I am referring to, right?  His words and his action do not match.  He sees you every once in a while rather than consistently making you part of his life.  He texts you rather than calls you to hear your voice.  He leaves you guessing about the future (even the near future).  And you, patient you, are hoping that, given time, the relationship will blossom into something serious.

He likes you but he is biding his time in the hopes of finding the girl of his dreams.  Sadly, you are not his dream girl.

Mr. Almost Right

Now, there are some guys who are pretty good at the pursuit role.  They say and do almost all the right things.  Almost.  The key to figuring them out is their lack of moving the relationship forward in a timely manner.  They are content with “dating.”  Marriage is not even on the radar and if there is a marriage blip on the radar screen, it is distant and small.  This is not a good sign.  The one that God has for you will want to move things forward to marriage quickly. 

Again, Mr. Almost Right likes you but he is biding his time in the hopes of finding the girl of his dreams.  Sadly, you are not his dream girl.

The Veil

Keep in mind that there is nothing wrong with you.  You are covered by a veil which protects you from Mr. Wrong and Mr. Almost Right.  However, the one that God has for you is the only guy that will be able to see you.  You will be his dream girl.  So, don’t allow yourself to stay in these wrong relationships.  Just move on. If he happens to be the one, he will quickly change when you tell him you are moving on.  He will not want to lose you and he will move things forward toward marriage.


Emotional and physical Chastity will weed out every guy except for the one that God has for you.  Guaranteed

What Staying Will Do

Staying in a dating relationship with Mr. Wrong or Mr. Almost Right will lead you to feel bad about yourself.  You will be tempted to compromise on your rightful  desire to be pursued.  You will start to believe and act as if you are not worthy of a real pursuit.  You will start to fantasize about Mr. Wrong and your future together. But the fantasy will be better than the reality he is showing you.  And, you will most likely be tempted to start chasing him.

Again, his wishy-washy behavior will lead you to feel bad about yourself and the more you allow it the less you will be able to respond to the one that God has for you in a positive, confident, happy and appreciative manner.

Blatantly ObviousIt Will Be Obvious

The difference between ‘the one’ and ‘not the one’ is not a fine line that you need a magnifying glass to ponder over and analyze.  Instead, it will be extremely and blatantly obvious! If you are even asking the question “Is he the one?” then you know that he is not.

Special CircumstanceBut, But, But

I can hear your objections to my radical and one- size-fits-all analysis of your situation and special circumstance which keeps your guy from marrying you and making you feel loved and cherished.  Believe me, I know it is hard to accept.  Please feel free to continue to write to me so we can talk about your situation.  I promise I am more compassionate than I may seem. 🙂 Over the next couple of weeks, I will share more insights on why “He is not the one.”

What I have found is that the old adage “you will know” is so true.  In a couple of weeks, I will help you answer the question “How will I know?”

God love and bless you!

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9 thoughts on “He Is Not The One

  1. Howdy there, I want to say your take on this… I have a good man that loves me, is there for me, and is loyal. I love him too. But it’s been hard bc I don’t think he knows how to love me how I need to be loved. He has unresolved issues bc his childhood involved a mom that abandoned him and foster care. He has a good heart, hes noble, and he has character and those are besides other things that draws me to him. But there are things I’ve talked to him time and time again about expressing his love by holding my hand in public, hugging me in public, doing things for me like surprising me with a card or flowers or planning dates. He’s been cheated on several times in his past and he used to be romantic with his exes but I guess he got burned too much. The problem is that I need a man that shows me his love in public and by taking time to do thoughtful things like plan dates. We are in long distance relationship and have been dating for 7 months. I’m so caught in the middle bc I see such good qualities in him, genuine good qualities. But I dont feel like he does what it takes to make me feel special. at the same te, i have asked him to work on certain things and he has. he calls me throughout the day as well as texts me. I actually care and love him but he does not do anything romantic for me. But this could change with time right? As he’s made changes in learning how to love. I feel like I go above and beyond for him but I really need to see that from him. It hurts bc that makes me feel unappreciated by him. I know he loves me so much but I ask why when he finally has a good woman that is loyal, offers friendship and gestures of love, why does he hold back now? This is not the first time this happens to me. I love with my heart but I also know my worth. I just want to see your take bc I’ve read sayings on holding on to a good loyal and faithful man with character, but I’ve also read quotes on a man should cherish and court his lady or someone else will. I’m right in the middle. I don’t feel pursued by him outside the fact that he didn’t let me breakup and insisted on another chance. He calls me regularly and check up on me. this also took a lot if work to get to. I gave him a second chance but I told him I need him to show me he loves me. I need the affection, feeling of pursuit, and appreciation. But he came over for my bday and we didn’t do anything. All I wanted is to go to Disneyland but he said it was too expensive, mind you we have not seen each other in 2 mos which would have been more expensive. He did keep asking me what I wanted to do but I just wish he took initiative and made plans for my bday. I want to note that I flew out for his birthday, Easter weekend, bc he doesn’t have family around him and I wanted him to know how special he is to me. I got him a little something for him too. For my birthday he was not granted time off to see me. I waited 2 mos and he didn’t even bring me anything for my bday nor plan anything. Like I said I know he loves me but I need more than what he’s been giving me. We grew up different and I’m trying to show him love but I’m getting worn out. It’s so important that my man put thought into dating me, surprising me, and showing me affection like hugging me in public. But I’m tired bc do I want to be patient and hope things change or move on to someone that can love me the way I need? But I know his history and I know he’s trying but I also know what I deserve but I dont want to walk away from something thats very good. I just want to hear your take when you get chance… I appreciate it.


    • Dear Lydia,
      I am going to send you a private email after praying about this for a while. My first reaction is that he is not the one and that you are his ‘good for now’ girl. The way I can tell is by your list of complaints. I know he has had a tragic childhood but that is not what is keeping him from loving you (no one will be able to answer this). Half of the problem I am picking up on is that you are also in need healing and his lack of affection for you is exaggerating your past hurts. What you have described is very common in relationships where the guy is not that into the girl but ‘accepts’ what she has to give because she is good for now. Again, I will send you a private email. I have added you to my Divine Mercy Chaplet prayer list. Thank you for note. God bless you, Cindy

      • Thank you for responding! I really appreciate it. I did want to add that he does want to marry me and has brought it up a few times but I’m the one that’s not jumping in because I know my needs and didn’t hear in my heart and prayers that yes time to wed. I want to marry the man that will cater to my needs by planning dates, surprising me, and claiming me especially in public. You’re right about past hurts. I’m just giving this time to see of he could give me that but he knows I am still not sure about marriage. I feel so bad bc I’m in the middle and I love him. Again he’s loyal, genuine, and has become one of my best friends. But I’m marrying for life and I want to marry the best person for me so Im trying to be cautious. I look forward to your email. Thank you again

  2. EVERYTHING you’ve written in this article is correct. God will make it blatantly obvious to you about your spouse. I’ve lived it.

  3. EVERYTHING you’ve written in this article is correct. God will make it blatantly obvious to you about your spouse. I’ve lived it.

  4. Thank you for this…I cant wait to read the rest of your posts on “the One”….i just walked away from a Mr. Almost Right…I had even started chasing him…that was when I knew I was going in the wrong direction and walked away! It was hard but I am alot happier single knowing then single and hoping!

    • Hi fancyfoxx: Thank you for your comment! It is so good to hear from those of you who are properly discerning their relationships and then trusting that God has something better. Praise God!

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