It is my belief that if you even are asking the question, “Is he the one?” then he is, unfortunately, not the one. I draw this conclusion as a result of hindsight from my own past relationships and from what I have observed in other people’s relationships.
Certainty is a big green light from God. It is a gift from Him that He wants to give us. He wants us to know His will. Why would He make us struggle with such an important question like our vocation and our spouse? He doesn’t. The struggle is instead manufactured by us humans.
Men manufacture this struggle when they present excuses for not being certain about the girl they are dating. Women manufacture this struggle when they make excuses for a guy who is either Mr. Wrong or Mr. Almost Right.
You know what I am referring to, right? His words and his action do not match. He sees you every once in a while rather than consistently making you part of his life. He texts you rather than calls you to hear your voice. He leaves you guessing about the future (even the near future). And you, patient you, are hoping that, given time, the relationship will blossom into something serious.
He likes you but he is biding his time in the hopes of finding the girl of his dreams. Sadly, you are not his dream girl.
Mr. Almost Right
Now, there are some guys who are pretty good at the pursuit role. They say and do almost all the right things. Almost. The key to figuring them out is their lack of moving the relationship forward in a timely manner. They are content with “dating.” Marriage is not even on the radar and if there is a marriage blip on the radar screen, it is distant and small. This is not a good sign. The one that God has for you will want to move things forward to marriage quickly.
Again, Mr. Almost Right likes you but he is biding his time in the hopes of finding the girl of his dreams. Sadly, you are not his dream girl.
Keep in mind that there is nothing wrong with you. You are covered by a veil which protects you from Mr. Wrong and Mr. Almost Right. However, the one that God has for you is the only guy that will be able to see you. You will be his dream girl. So, don’t allow yourself to stay in these wrong relationships. Just move on. If he happens to be the one, he will quickly change when you tell him you are moving on. He will not want to lose you and he will move things forward toward marriage.
Emotional and physical Chastity will weed out every guy except for the one that God has for you. Guaranteed.
What Staying Will Do
Staying in a dating relationship with Mr. Wrong or Mr. Almost Right will lead you to feel bad about yourself. You will be tempted to compromise on your rightful desire to be pursued. You will start to believe and act as if you are not worthy of a real pursuit. You will start to fantasize about Mr. Wrong and your future together. But the fantasy will be better than the reality he is showing you. And, you will most likely be tempted to start chasing him.
Again, his wishy-washy behavior will lead you to feel bad about yourself and the more you allow it the less you will be able to respond to the one that God has for you in a positive, confident, happy and appreciative manner.
The difference between ‘the one’ and ‘not the one’ is not a fine line that you need a magnifying glass to ponder over and analyze. Instead, it will be extremely and blatantly obvious! If you are even asking the question “Is he the one?” then you know that he is not.
I can hear your objections to my radical and one- size-fits-all analysis of your situation and special circumstance which keeps your guy from marrying you and making you feel loved and cherished. Believe me, I know it is hard to accept. Please feel free to continue to write to me so we can talk about your situation. I promise I am more compassionate than I may seem. 🙂 Over the next couple of weeks, I will share more insights on why “He is not the one.”
What I have found is that the old adage “you will know” is so true. In a couple of weeks, I will help you answer the question “How will I know?”
God love and bless you!
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