This week I continue the series on Myths That Singles Must Resist. Past posts include:
Myth #1: Others are getting away with sin/sex is consequence free
Myth #2 Part 1: God has forgotten about me
Myth #2 Part 2: God has forgotten about me: A Perspective on Suffering
Myth #3: Something is Wrong With Me
Today’s topic is Myth #4: Men/Women Are Defective
When we are rejected by men, it is very common for our friends to try to make us feel better. One way our friends do that is to say that the one who rejected us is ‘defective’ in some way.
“He is afraid of commitment.”
“He is a selfish jerk!”
“He spends too much time working.”
“He is a miser with his money.”
The best way to bust this myth is to realize that we are all ‘defective’ in some way. Indeed, some more than others. But, we are also human beings with a soul. Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity. It is unhealthy to tear down the person who rejects us.
A Man’s Potential
Instead, I think the rejection and perceived defect could be explained by (you guessed it) the idea that we each have a veil covering us. The one who rejects us cannot see us due to our veil. And, in the same way, we cannot see them because of their veil. So, they look ‘defective’ to us. But are they?
Here is what may surprise you. That guy who is afraid of committing to you? He will have no problem committing to the girl he loves. The selfish jerk? He can, under the right circumstance with the right girl, become a good husband. Same with the guy who works too much and is a miser with his money. Given the right circumstances, he can change.
Love changes men. But the love has to be fed by grace or it will die. This is why chastity, including marital chastity, is so important. Love is the spark but the grace of chastity is the fuel source that stokes the fire of love. Marital Chastity, which includes remaining open to life, strengthens and cements commitment. It sands off the rough edges of selfishness. Chastity resets priorities and aligns them with what is best for the marriage and family. Chastity infuses supernatural graces leading to Superabundance.
Give Him What He Needs
So, don’t worry about that guy who rejects you. He is not defective. He is just in need of love from the girl God has chosen for him. And, he is in need of Chastity….from her.
When women expect to be treated with dignity, something remarkable happens:
Men discover that they’ll have to become gentlemen if they wish the company of women.” – Jason Evert
I actually feel sorry for him because the likelihood of him getting what he needs is very slim. Unchaste behavior before marriage blinds men and they often marry the wrong girl for the wrong reasons. Sadly, their love will mostly likely die. But even that marriage would be salvageable with marital chastity.
“Since a woman is loved, it follows that the nobler a woman is,
the nobler a man will have to be to be deserving of that love.”- Archbishop Fulton Sheen
Even though men most likely are not aware of their need for chastity, the fact that they are not being provided the opportunity to experience this virtue is making them cynical. Most girls are just not aware of the supernatural power of chastity and so it is not even an option for them or the guy.
You, on the other hand, have great power to influence the man who God has chosen for you. You can give him what he needs. You can ensure the presence of fuel that stokes the fire of marital love. And, you have all the keys to a loving, grace-filled marriage.
Mr. Rejection is not defective and neither are you.
A Good Example Of An Incorrect Assessment
In this blog post by someone I admire and respect, the following “he’s defective” assessments were drawn: “he’s an ass, and you are not. You didn’t do anything wrong, and he’s an undependable flake.”
Reading the letter from “Mauled by a Bear?” was heart-wrenching because I could so easily relate to her experience of frustration! But, I disagree with the above assessment because I don’t think the guy in the letter is defective. This girl is just not ‘the one’ and he is communicating that to her with his wishy washy-ness. We girls must resist the temptation to make excuses and we must not overlook what these guys are communicating.
Ultimately, the advice provided near the end of the post is fair for both the girl and the guy:
“But if you want to know if a guy really likes you, you have to leave the heavy social lifting to him. Let him be the first to text in a text stream. Let him be the first to email in an email stream. If he wants to see you, he will ask to see you. Men do what they want, and usually try to get out of whatever they don’t want. End of story.” Auntie Seraphic @ Seraphic Singles
You remain in my prayers. God love and bless you.
** Next week: Part 2 of my Book Review: Would You Date You? by Anthony Buono President of avemariasingles.com
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I LOVE that quote from Archbishop Sheen about the nobility of a woman raising the nobility of a man!
It actually drove me nuts when my friends would bash my old boyfriends, as if to make me feel better. Cutting someone down doesn’t make me feel better! I actually wrote about it here: http://worthyofagape.com/2012/07/23/break-up-bully/ =)
Hi Amanda! I went and read your break up bully post and totally agree that it is counterproductive to cut down the ones that reject us. I love the quote by Archbishop Sheen too and I wish I would have included it in this post (ha edit button). Thank you for swinging by and commenting. Bless you my bloggy friend, Cindy
Gotta love that edit button! =) God definitely does not call us to cut down others so that we fell better. No matter how good it can feel in the moment, it creates a really bad habit and that habit grows and becomes worse and worse over time!