A Man’s Perspective on ‘Attraction’

Trust

 “In chaste, committed sexual love, I put my emotional center —  I put myself — in the care of another.  We are made free so that we can freely dispose of ourselves as a gift to the other.”

The Truth of Catholicism  by George Weigel

I would love to tell you that I found the above quote by George Weigel but the truth is my wife found it and added it.  However, I will say that I agree with it 100%!  Most men (who are thinking about marriage) want to marry a girl they can trust.  By the time Cindy and I met at age 37, I doubted I would meet and marry a nice, trustworthy, faithful Catholic girl who was also, to me, very physically attractive. 

But once I met Cindy, I changed… I saw something in her eyes and  it caused me to pause.  This part is hard to describe so I will just say that she had an almost immediate effect on me.  We spent the next 3 days sightseeing and enjoying each other’s company and I fell in love.

Us Engaged CropTrue Beauty

What I saw in Cindy’s eyes was her true beauty.  I believe that her soul and her heart were revealed to me. I was scared and even a little sad at first.  I began to realize that here in front of me was a woman I didn’t deserve!  She was so good and I was, well, not so deserving.  Then I remembered what I had prayed for.  I had always asked God to send me a good holy woman who believed what I believed and that just made her even more attractive!

 “…Why does it matter? What does last? – Who you are on the inside. But the crazy part is it doesn’t stop there, because once people know who you are on the inside, that’s what they start to see on the outside too. From my own experience, and from talking to a lot of guys, I can tell you that a girl’s appearance changes, sometimes drastically, as you get to know her. I’ve known any number of girls who, at a glance possessed only average looks, but who, as I got to know the delightful people that they were, actually changed before my eyes to become very attractive (it also goes the other way, but I won’t talk about those girls)….”

Guys On Modesty  ‘A Women’s Heart and Beauty‘  November 8, 2012

I would love to say I found the above post by guysonmodesty.com too BUT, once again, my lovely wife gets the credit.  Just like the first quote, I agree 100%!  I can tell you that I was completely attracted to Cindy’s commitment to go to Mass together and I loved the fact that we could worship Our Lord as a couple.  

Also, I truly respected her condition that I stay in a hotel the entire time I was in town!  This led to my complete commitment to try to be deserving.  It raised the bar in my mind that I would have to really put effort into this relationship if I might make myself worthy of being with this wonderful woman!

From a guy’s perspective, that type of spiritual strength and virtue can significantly enhance a woman’s physical appearance.  I will also say that a physically attractive girl can sadly become unattractive when the spiritual aspect of her personality is lacking.

Don’t Be Hot

You do not have to be what the world describes as “hot.”  Please do not strive for this.  Instead, just do your best to take care of and enhance your physical attributes.  Your love for the Lord and your commitment to Him will seriously multiply your attractiveness in the eyes of the man who God has for you.  And when you add Chastity to the equation, the trust and attraction factor will increase beyond your imagination.

What Is Wrong With Men?

There are still plenty of men out there looking for these traits but alas they are afraid to express this loudly for fear of being taunted by their peers. I had friends that would tease me for saying the honest truth that I did not want to “hook up” but that I wanted to meet someone I could marry. Well, this went on for seven years until I met my beloved.

Some men are really stuck and can’t seem to move beyond their base desires. These men who still value the hot, sexually available girls are not fit for marriage.  They seem to be immature and have fallen for the idea that secular media has sold to them. They think that it is more important that a woman be beautiful in the world’s eyes instead of in God’s eyes. You don’t want those men.  The “sudden vacuum” which Cindy described a couple of weeks ago is inevitable. 

I understand that these men who are stuck in this immature lifestyle can be discouraging for you girls to witness.  But, I want to encourage you with this:  Please don’t underestimate the number of men who are hoping to find you

When I was single, I begged God to help me find a girl like Cindy.  I felt very discouraged and just did not think it was possible.  I had to wait for God to work it all out (seven years).  I think there are a lot of men out there experiencing the same doubt and discouragement so please start praying for your husband.  He can use your prayers, believe me.

Where Is Your Husband?

You may be wondering why in the world you are single given the fact that you are taking care of yourself physically and spiritually.  Where are all the guys who supposedly need you; a nice, trustworthy, Catholic girl?  Where is your husband? 

This is where I would suggest looking in all the “right” places. Maybe decide to try a good Catholic singles website. You may be surprised how many single Catholic guys are out there!  Also, you may consider attending a church bible study or get involved with a parish youth group. I know of a couple fantastic single men at our parish who serve the church as a youth minister and a CCD teacher, for example. These guys are around and they are using their time and talent to serve the Church.  Run towards Christ and then look around to see who’s running with you!

I honestly don’t know where your husband is but God does.  I can assure you that once your future husband meets you, he will value you.  He will thank the Lord for you every day.  He will know he has found a precious wife and that he needs to spend the rest of his life proving he is worthy of you.

The Veil 

As Cindy always says, “Remember you are covered by a veil!  He can’t see you.  But the man who God has for you will be able to see you.  And, he will like what he sees!”

God bless all you beautiful Chastity girls!

Gregg

 

4 thoughts on “A Man’s Perspective on ‘Attraction’

  1. While I can’t vouch for the same sort of success as Gregg, I can certainly back up his points as another Single Catholic Man (at age 34). Those of us single men in the Church who value our own chastity and morality — whether we come from what I call a “Catholic culture” or not (I didn’t go to Catholic school or a Catholic college, nor was my family particularly devotional or close to each other — even if they did instill morals, chastity, and chivalry in me along the way) — are normally are usually found in service areas. To answer the “where are the men?” question, don’t look in the ‘meat market’ young adult ministries, but rather among groups like Knights of Columbus, St. Vincent dePaul, or even the lectors & ushers; if we can’t find a place in the community for our vocation, we’ll usually find one doing work of some sort.

    As for the point about Gregg’s wife and her eyes, that also makes total sense. When a Catholic man looks at a woman, sometimes everyone assumes that we’re thinking the same dirty thoughts of our sexual brothers. Honestly, with decades of learning to be chivalrous and such, there comes a certain sense of the aesthetic that bleeds through that makes us a slave to the sense of the beautiful: whether it’s the beauty of a lovely church or the beauty of a shy young woman’s eyes. Of course, growing up around a secular culture, we hear so much about weird quirks and fetishes, that we feel weird often about how to admit that to a woman that we often fear (from digesting every Catholic dating blog that we find in an attempt to find out how our “sisters” think and how we can pursue them — since it’s our stated job to take the lead and no one actually teaches us anything about that growing up any longer) already assumes that we’re creepy… 😉

    P.S. Congrats to the late marriages involved here on this thread — and on this blog. You give those of us in parishes without one of the required sexes (mine is the rare one without Single Catholic Women, but with Single Catholic Men, oddly enough) hope!

    • Hi Brian,
      Thank you for visiting my blog and sharing your thoughts. Gregg and I are available by email if you have any specific questions.

      theveilofchastity@gmail.com

      I think Gregg has some thoughts from a guys perspective. I will also try to respond to your comments on the site.
      Either way, I have added you to my Divine Mercy Chaplet prayer list and I will be praying for you.
      Looking forward to hearing back from you, Cindy and Gregg

  2. Thank you so much for writing this, Gregg! Everything makes so much sense and, for me, it shed a whole new light on the concept of “the veil.” I’ve always struggled with self-image and had low self-esteem and when you wrote, “What I saw in Cindy’s eyes was her true beauty. I believe that her soul and her heart were revealed to me” it made sense and is very encouraging and healing for me. What it will be like to look into the eyes of my beloved, when I meet him (or, perhaps, realize I’ve met him)!

    God bless you!

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