A couple of weeks ago, I dealt with the topic of texting and what to do if the guy uses texting as the main mode of communication. Remember, texting can be considered a half-hearted lob and therefore you should not treat it as if it is an effort-filled initiation that you can respond to and return. If anything, you can reply with a smiley face. I recommended that you keep all texts short and sweet. Also, do not get in the practice of holding conversations via text. If, after a while, the guy does not move things to phone calls and in-person dates, I would respond to his text with this:
“It is difficult to feel a spark via text. Just not my preference. ;)”
A similar response to email can be:
“Email is not my preference. Would you like to call me?”
Sometimes a guy will text or email because there is something keeping him from moving things to the next level. This can happen in the online dating world as well as in person. The guy presents vague intentions of asking you out but never directly does so. He acts interested but he is also stalling. What should you do?
Avoid Being The Buddy
If you are feeling frustrated with all the texting, emailing and stalling, then it is perfectly okay for you to put the guy on the spot. You have nothing to lose. In fact, doing this sooner rather than later is wise because if you don’t, then you run the risk of turning into his texting/email buddy. You will just be someone to make him feel like he has female attention while he waits for the girl who truly inspires him to dates. That is the worst feeling!
Put Him On The Spot
Usually, after a couple of emails or text, the guy knows if he wants to initiate a romantic relationship with you. Meeting in person is the next logical step. So, putting him on the spot forces him to make that decision.
Here is a suggestion for putting him on the spot when he presents these vague intentions of asking you out. Let’s say he says, “Do you want to go out sometime?” or “What do you have going on this weekend?” You could say, “What did you have in mind?”
Then, if he responds with an idea without a specific date, time and place, then you can respond with, “When did you have in mind?”
Your text/email conversation would look like this:
Him: “Do you want to go out sometime?”
You: “I would love to. What did you have in mind?”
Him: “I was thinking that checking out the new Mexican restaurant would be fun.”
You: “That does sound fun! When did you have in mind?”
Him: “How about Friday evening?”
You: “Yes, that works for me. Please give me a call and let me know what time and other details. 🙂 Looking forward to hearing from you, Your Name, Your Number XXX-XXX-XXXX”
I recommend you practice these put-him-on-the-spot responses because they can also be used over the phone and in person:
“What did you have in mind?” and “When did you have in mind?”
This week has been especially filled with emails from girls who are in fantasy relationships. With good reason, these girls believe to be in a relationship. The guy is texting them and emailing them. Sometimes they even call. These guys are paying attention to them and showing interest. But, they are not asking the girls out. Understandably, the girls have their hopes up!
The recommendation above about putting him on the spot is one way to combat the mystery of whether the guy is interested or not. Another way is by practicing the 3 date rule. Until a guy has taken you on 3 dates (where he initiates, pays and shows romantic interest), then he has not earned a right to take up so much of your thought life. As a refresher, here is the 3-date rule post.
I Love Your Emails
Although I write as if things should always be straightforward, I know that they are not. If you are dealing with a guy who is stalling, feel free to write to me and we can discuss how to proceed.
God love and bless you!
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I have been out with a guy a few times. We have chemistry and talk a little every day over text. I have asked him when we are going out again and he says he is gonna plan something, but it’s been a few days and he hasn’t. Why is this? Not interested? Or is he being “a guy” and I should ask him to go out next? Am I overthinking or what could I say to him to be straightforward? I just wanna know if he is interested or not.
There are a couple of blog posts I will point you to that may help put things in perspective. No, I don’t think you should ask him out (or ever ask the question “when are we going out again?”) nor do I think you have any action here other than being sweet (but not a doormat) when you do hear from him. I understand your desire to know if he is interested but these things are often revealed over time. Here are the 2 blog posts:
From the texting post, “Using texting as the main mode of communication is like trying to return a ball in tennis that never makes it over the net. Let’s say you are playing tennis. The guy on the other side of the net half-heartedly lobs the ball at you. Or, worse, he hits the net and it bounces back to him. What I see you girls doing with this whole lame texting thing is treating it like he hit the ball over the net AND that the ball is returnable. So, some girls run after the ball and wear themselves out in the game thinking that they better keep the ball in play or else the game is over. The thing is that you can only return a returnable ball.
So, texting is along the lines of a half-hearted lob. It does not really merit a return. Again, if anything, you might return with a smiley face because that is enough to let him know that if he makes a real effort, you are potentially interested. But, all you can muster for now is a smiley face.”
Please feel free to email me directly (email@example.com) and we can go over specifics of how to respond when you hear from him. In the meantime, be assured of my prayers. God love you in this difficult time, Cindy