7 Quick Takes Friday ~ Vol 4

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 — 1 —

My 1st Guest post!  Please go here to read “Runaway Brides.”  Thank you Anabelle!

— 2 —

7 Myths Singles Must Resist:   I will be expanding on and posting 1 myth per week so stay tuned!

1.   Other people are getting away with sin/sex is Consequence-free

2.   God has forgotten about me

3.   Something is wrong with me

4.   Men/Women are defective

5.   Attraction is Physical

6.   I Am Too Picky

7.   I Can Change Him/Her

— 3 —

Things I Notice: I notice things while I am out to lunch that strike me as being odd. This week, a couple walked in to the restaurant. The girl reached over and grabbed her boyfriend’s hand. She escorted him to the counter to order.

She paid for hers and he paid for his. She was about 20 years old and seemed to be way more into him than he was to her.  Her total lunch may have cost $7. But, they went Dutch. It was a sign to me.   An odd sign.

It reminded me of the movie The Joy Luck Club.

— 4 —

On-line Dating: It can be horribly distressing if you put all your eggs in the on-line dating basket. I thought of on-line dating as a “supplemental” way of dating, not the sole source. With that approach, I remained open to all avenues. These various avenues expanded my options when it came to potential suitors. I honestly never expected to meet my husband on-line. It was a long-shot back in 2001 but today it is becoming more and more common. Give it a try! Like anything, it can only do harm if you make it your idol.

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Behaving Badly: You know that saying “Well behaved women rarely make history.”? Who makes this stuff up? Yes, well-behaved women certainly have made history. They are often called Saints. Sometimes good behavior goes unnoticed (at least here on earth). But, should our behavior choices really be influenced by whether they make history or not? Our behavior should align with our dignity, not our need for attention. Maybe they really mean “Well behaved women rarely make the internet compared to those behaving badly.”

If you have the “rarely make history” version anywhere on your public record (facebook, blog, on-line dating profile), think about what that says about you. If I were a guy, I would worry about my potential wife’s belief in public displays of bad behavior even for the most noble cause. There are many ways to approach a problem. Our faith tells us virtue is:

“an habitual and firm disposition to do the good. It allows the person not only to perform good acts, but to give the best of himself. The virtuous person tends toward the good with all his sensory and spiritual powers; he pursues the good and chooses it in concrete actions.The goal of a virtuous life is to become like God.” CCC 1803

— 6 —

Veteran’s Day:  I felt a little sad at the Veteran’s Day ceremony this week.  So many brave men and women gave their lives for our freedom from tyranny.  Is that freedom about to end for Catholics?  We all love what America stands for ~ freedom.  But, is freedom a thing of the past?  

— 7 —

The Election: Most know what happened in Germany. Watch this and this to educate yourself on Poland.

Blessed Pope John Paul II, pray for us! May we have your courage, holiness, impact and most of all, your hope.

“Let your Spirit descend and renew the face of the earth, and this land.”

Blessed Pope John Paull II, Warsaw Poland, June 2, 1979

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

My First Guest Post ~ Author Anabelle Hazard

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I am pleased as punch to present my first guest post!  Anabelle Hazard is a “real life” Catholic Author.  She was being gracious when she referred to me as an ‘author’ on her blog.  My book is only in the “soon-to-be-published” category.   But, her novels are ready and have beautiful illustrated covers and everything!  The bonus is that they are free! 

As I have been stating over the last couple weeks, her novels are romantic, clean and Catholic….just like this guest post.  She shares about her single life, her struggles and her love story.   

Your love story, like hers, will be uniquely yours.  The common threads found in all of our stories are:  God’s preparation, healing and of course, the power of Chastity.  Enjoy!

 Thank you, Anabelle!

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Runaway Brides 

I once belonged to a tight women’s prayer group who secretly called ourselves the “Runaway Brides”   (Well, now me and my big mouth have just outed us to the internet.) We didn’t bond as a fan club of Julia Roberts & Richard Gere but we were all fresh out of relationships and not exactly thinking about marriage.   At least I wasn’t anyway.  The whole single life and its offer of freedom was just exhilarating to me. 

In between Italian pesto dinners, karaoke spiels, Saturday movie nights, and sandy beach blankets, the Runaway Brides liked to… pray.  Really, we did.  I prayed to be able to find what God wanted me to do with my life and then I prayed for God to write my love story. “Someday, but not today,” I’d add.  The Runaway Brides chorused a loud “Amen” to that.

Discerning what God created me for (with the help of a spiritual director), rewrote my ongoing biography completely.  It was almost as if I received an internal makeover, re-learning the basics of my childhood faith and healing from deep scars and wounds.  I like to think of that chapter of my life as my faith story because that’s when I fell deeper in love with Jesus Christ and His Church.

While God was writing my faith story, He provided me with pseudo-angels- slash-bodyguards in the disguise of my protective male cousins, who gave me dating advice that cinched my chastity belt.

One told me the old metaphor about cows and free milk. “Men,” explained another, “are by nature hunters so if we are interested, we will do the chasing.”  The third faithfully hung out with me at singles bars and stared down a pipsqueak or two. All in all, I think their collective presence chased off many wrong, wrong prospects, thankfully.

By the time I figured out that I wanted to write Catholic books and attempt to become a mother of saints, God was ready to write my love story.  So I met my future husband in a most unlikely place at the most perfect time. (Long story of that meeting here).  The bigger surprise is that my husband does not like to read books without pictures! (What can I say?   God likes to author stories with an unpredictable twist.) But because my husband was a man fully in love with God and the Catholic Church, I was a-running to the altar to get married.

That part of my single life as a ‘Runaway Bride,’ figuring out my life’s purpose, determined to keep my chastity with the support of home-girls and the help of protective cousins stuck with me and became an idea for my second novel…

Fireflies Dance is a story of a Catholic law student, a jilted bride, with overprotective brothers and awesome sorority sisters.  Through the machinations of the angels and saints, she meets a runaway groom… an Atheist, at a wedding. (This Catholic novel is free on my website.)  A disclaimer before you download it: there are no other similarities between this work of fiction and my life.  Well, except for the fact that…nah, I won’t give the end away.  You’ll have to read it yourself.

7 Quick Take Fridays

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Our Catholic Love Story, Part 2:  Last Friday, Anabelle Hazard’s blog “Written By The Finger Of God” featured our Catholic Love Story.  This week, I share with you Part 2 of our love story.  I hesitated to share the details of Part 2 for fear it would seem like I was boasting.  But, if you will please overlook the sappiness, you may see:

a.  My husband’s courage.  And, the need for men to get to the point in their lives where they are willing and able to be courageous.  

b. Your expectations for being pursued, loved and cherished are not too high. 

c.  In a New York minute, everything can change.

My hope, as always, is that God continues to be glorified through our story.

— 2 —

Guest Post Next Week:    I am so excited to have a real life Catholic author featured next week.  Anabelle Hazard (see #1 above) will be providing my first guest post!  She writes Catholic novels and they are FREE.  Even better, they are inspiring, romantic and clean!  Head on over to her site and download (to your computer or Kindle) the novels.  Stay tuned for her guest post next week as she shares some details of her single life along with her Catholic Love Story.  It is called “Runaway Brides” which should peak your interest! 

— 3 —

The Election:  Here is my unsolicited, respectful advice for our US Bishops:  Start catechising your flock now for 2016!  We, as a Church, obviously do not understand what intrinsic evil and non-negotiable means.  Pretend like we are completely uncatechized, because we are.  Start with Chastity education first.  Spend 2 years every Sunday helping us make the connection.  Teach our young.  Then, move onto Religious Freedom.  You cannot understand religious freedom without first understanding Chastity.

— 4 —

The Election:  This video was put out on November 4th – two days before the election – in an attempt to explain to Catholics what the HHS Mandate is and how it will affect us. It was way too late to make an impact.   In summary, the Catholic Church, our schools, hospitals and charities will now either have to:

a. Violate our beliefs and pay for abortifacients (yes, the pill is an abortifacient) and sterilization

b. Pay Huge fines ($100.00 per day per person until we capitulate) and eventually shut down due to financial ruin

c. Serve only Catholics

— 5 —

This very moving painting is by artist Tahnja Woltor from Australia.

The Election: So, over the last 8 weeks, the Bishops had our priests ‘review’ from the pulpit what the Catholic Church recommends concerning voting. Don’t get me wrong, I love our Pastor!! But, I think the Bishops need to realize that it was like teaching algebra to 2nd graders. In order to understand algebra and successfully solve algebraic equations, one must be able to, at minimum, add.

It is the same with voting according to one’s conscience. The conscience must be formed correctly and that takes a foundation in catechesis.  The Bishops should have been hammering home the message about the HHS Mandate and what it means to us.  But, instead we got nice-nice “religious freedom” talk. And we, the audience full of 2nd graders, were like “Wha?”

The outcome of this election is our own fault. Yes, we Catholics are responsible. To much is given, much is expected. Lord help us. 

 — 6 —

Chastity Education:  What is obvious to me is that we are never going to win the battle unless we change hearts one at a time. We can’t legislate morality anymore. Those days of depending on society to keep order are gone.  But, this is an opportunity.

The results of the election reinforce the need for Chastity education and I feel convicted and overwhelmed with emotion at the thought of making an impact.  As of today, The Veil of Chastity blog has reached 22 countries, including the Russian Federation, Poland, Brazil, Argentina, Rwanda, South Africa, Austria, Switzerland, New Zealand, Denmark, Australia, Belgium, Philippines, Indonesia, Thailand, Taiwan, Canada, the UK, Italy, France, Spain and the U.S.  I pray that I will know, love, write and speak the beautiful Truth of Chastity.

— 7 —

Trustful Surrender to Divine Providence:  This is the first principle from the book “The Joy of Full Surrender” by Jean-Pierre DeCaussade:  

“Nothing is done, nothing happens, either in the material or in the moral world, that God has not foreseen from all eternity, and that he has not willed, or at least permitted.”

Our hope is in Jesus and we are resurrection people!  Everyone needs God and God chases everyone.  Even those that mock us and make fun of us and Him.  Our Lord even loves and chases those that will cause us to suffer over the HHS Mandate.

But, here is the problem:  I don’t want to suffer and I don’t want my family to suffer.  I don’t want our beloved priests or our Church to suffer. I know deep down this will be a blessing in the end and that God has permitted it.  Jesus was scourged, spit upon, mocked and crucified.  So must we suffer. 

Jesus, our Hope and our Love, rose from the dead and He lives.  He has not left us alone to fight this battle.

“We are Easter people and alleluia is our song!”  St. Augustine of Hippo

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Our Catholic Love Story, Part 2

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Last week, Anabelle shared Part 1 our love story on her blog, Written By The Finger Of God.  But my husband, Gregg, may have (understandably) felt a tad bit left out because the majority of what I shared was about me and God.  My hope was to glorify God, Who is my first Love.  So the overall focus of Part 1 was on God and His healing.

Part 2, however, is about our courtship which, to me, can only be fully appreciated in light of the details in Part 1.  So, head on over to Anabelle’s blog first and read Part 1 if you don’t already know the details!  Part 2 is lengthy so grab some coffee and a snack!

Run Toward Jesus

Upon meeting single Catholics, Gregg tells them to ‘run toward Jesus and then look around and see who is beside you.’  This, we both believe, is the best way to know that a potential spouse is the one God intends for you.  I believe that is what happened with us.  We were both members of an on-line Catholic dating site.  This was an indication of our desire to meet and marry someone who shares our faith.  Participation in a Catholic-specific dating site is one method of eliminating the rest of the world that is not running toward Jesus.

The Beginning

Gregg contacted me in August 2001.  He later revealed that he loved my picture and my profile.  He also thought it was cool that I am a mechanical engineer involved in the design of Naval aircraft.  He is a big aviation nut so this part of my profile was intriguing to him.

Within a couple of weeks from that first email, the tragic events of 9/11 happened.  Gregg, knowing that I lived close to the Pentagon and supported the military, was not sure if I was harmed by the terror attacks. Thankfully, I wasn’t.

As soon as phone service returned that week, we spoke on the phone for the first time.  I could tell this guy was different and I had a feeling our courtship was going to be different.  And, it was!  Gregg pursued me with a great deal of courage and chivalry.  I was sincerely overwhelmed.

The Courtship

Gregg flew to Virginia from Kansas four months later in January 2002.  He, of course, stayed in a hotel.  I had a feeling after our four days together that this courtship was a “go.”

The four months between our first contact and our first meeting in-person gave us the opportunity to get to know each other simply through conversation. We talked and talked about everything (and still do).  I found him to be interesting, smart, sweet, kind and very impressive!

What impressed me was the way he pursued and wooed me.  I have souvenirs of our courtship ranging from love letters and emails to teddy bears and jewelry.  The necklace he sent to me for Christmas (even before meeting in person) was beautiful.  It had a very delicate a rosary-like design with these gorgeous little bluish-grey pearls and a pendant of the Virgin Mary.  So elegant.  I wore it in our wedding along with the matching earrings he had specially made for me.

The souvenirs were nice and flattering but what was really impressive was his strong interest in me and his willingness to go outside and beyond himself in order to get to know me.  Keep in mind, our courtship was completely long–distance.  But, he rose to the challenge.  He was willing to prove that he would be a wonderful husband.  And he succeeded!

For example, his house was located in an area with weak cell phone reception.  Once he met me, he would get in his vehicle and drive 5 miles to a location with reception.  He did this just so he could talk to me after work.  This was a strong clue to me that he was not a lazy or selfish guy.

The Pursuit

His courtship and pursuit were unlike anything I had ever experienced.  Oh, I had relationships and plenty of dates.  But those guys (affectionately known as my ‘stupid old boyfriends’ ~ LOL) were lame and inconsistent in their pursuit.  I have more stories about them to entertain you in my book, but suffice it to say, their efforts were lame-O (bless their poor little blinded-by-the-Veil hearts!).

Gregg, on the other hand, was trying to pull me towards his heart and into his life.  Right after our first meeting, he invited me to his hometown to meet his family and friends.  By the time I arrived, on Valentine’s Day 2002, his family and friends knew all about me and did everything in their power to welcome me and let me know that Gregg was head over heels for me.  Just like him, his family and friends were (and are) wonderful!

It was a romantic weekend which included Mass, of course, a NASCAR party hosted by his friends and a gig with his part time rock band.  Yes, Gregg was not only into his faith, sweet, kind and interesting, gainfully employed and a homeowner, he was also a talented musician.  I had to pinch myself.  I was hooked.

The Attraction of Chastity

Gregg knew, based on my profile, that I was different.  My profile stated that I taught 7th grade Catechism and Chastity.  Oh, did I mention our physical attraction?  Suffice it to say, it was (and still is) verrry strong.  We both knew that this physical attraction would need to be supported with the virtue of chastity.  If you ask Gregg, this was a major attraction for him.  No other girl he knew had this commitment to our Lord or to waiting until marriage.  He knew he had found something special in me and was highly motivated to win me over.  And, he did!

We are engaged!

The Engagement and Wedding

Let’s see, by my Valentine’s Day visit we were talking on the phone daily and “love” had been spoken.  He came back to visit me in early April and met my family.  They adored him and he immediately loved them.

We began talking about marriage and engagement R.I.N.G.s (a story for another time).  He wanted to know my requirements for color, cut, clarity and caret size.  My goodness, this wonderful guy was planning on proposing to me!  I really did not have any major engagement ring requirements in light of that wonderful fact.  But, he wanted to know in order that I would be happy.  Another very good sign of a very good and considerate man.

I visited him again on May 2nd and he proposed.  Oh, and yes the ring was perfect and stunning.  Wedding plans began and we were married October 19, 2002.

Beyond My Hopes And Dreams

You can tell a lot about a man simply by observing him in the courtship phase.  Why is this important?  I think it is important because there are a lot of women who are disappointed in their husbands.  I wonder what they could have noted in the courtship phase that could have been a warning to them of what to expect in marriage?

A kind man in courtship will be a kind man in marriage.  A sacrificial and unselfish man in courtship will be a sacrificial and unselfish man in marriage.  A man deeply dedicated to the Lord and his faith in courtship will be the same in marriage.  And so forth.  A man’s character very rarely changes so it is wise to pay attention to his character during the courtship phase.

I will give you two examples of Gregg’s character, both of which happened in the last 48 hours.  Yesterday (as I write this) was a first Friday of the month and our church hosted Eucharistic Adoration.  It was our day off from work so I planned to go and adore our Lord for an hour.  I asked Gregg if he would like to join me but he said, “I would love to but I have ‘day off’ tasks I need to get done.”  So, I happily headed up to the church by myself.  As I was there adoring my Lord, Gregg walked in and joined me. I felt like the luckiest girl alive.

The second example happened just a few moments ago.  Today is Saturday (as I write this) and Gregg had to run an errand about 2 hours from our home.  He was sort of close to my Mom’s house so he called her and is taking her and my sister out to lunch.   There were many ways he could have spent his Saturday, but he chose to spend it with my Mom and sister (who are also wonderful).

Gregg displayed these same character traits during the courtship phase.  You get the picture.  Keep your eyes wide open before marriage.

The Healing

The Holy Spirit constantly carries out this work in the most interior part of our being with wonderful subtlety and the delicacy of a wholly divine art.”     St Bernard of Clairveau

In Part 1, I discussed the healing that took place prior to meeting Gregg.  Along with the Sacraments, God continues to heal me through what I believe is a very effective method –  our family.  I believe the love of my husband heals me.  Being a Mom heals me in a way that only a child can do.

A little healer.

Our love story would not be complete without making a connection to Chastity.  Not only does Chastity prevent us from damaging ourselves spiritually, emotionally and physically, it is also critical to our healing after marriage.  The marital embrace, when we are open to life, heals us.   Isn’t that crazy and beautiful?  God is a genius!

And, of course, I believe Chastity leads to the good fruit of Superabundance.  This good fruit includes children and many other common human desires such as faithfulness, devotion, sacrifice, reliability, gentleness, constancy, affection, admiration, freedom, security, peace, compassion and protection.  The Catechism also teaches us that in the case of marriage, the practice of chastity (remaining open to life) naturally leads to patience, temperance, prudence, honesty and trust.  These good fruits cannot help but heal us.

I am not saying that Chastity guarantees that you will become a wife and a mother.  But, I do believe that the Lord is committed to healing you.  Work with Him and let the Holy Spirit, with His wonderful subtlety and delicacy of a wholly divine art, heal you.  He may just surprise you beyond all your hopes and dreams.  I pray He does.

God bless!

Our Catholic Love Story

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Our love story is featured today over at the blog Written By The Finger Of God.   Again, it was an honor to participate and share our story.  Thank you, Anabelle!   Here is the link.

****ooops! Anabelle has closed her site so I have added Our Love Story here:

Our Love Story

I think our love story is beautiful and my husband, upon meeting you, will tell you the story of how we met, fell in love and married. I want to share those details in this post but, to me, the true beauty of our love story lies in the suffering, the waiting and the healing. We did not meet until we were 37 years old and were married about a year later at 38 years old. We just celebrated our 10 year anniversary (now almost 16 years!) this month.

But in case you missed it, let me repeat it. Thirty-eight years of singleness! Thirty-eight years of hoping, praying, feeling forgotten, frustration and occasional despair. It was so hard that to this day my mini-mission in life is to encourage single girls with wisdom and hope while they wait for their spouse. I, through the grace of God, hope to accomplish my mini-mission with my blog, The Veil of Chastity. If you are in need of hope and wisdom and if your singleness has extended beyond your hoped-for timeline, then please come visit me at my blog.

Why did my husband and I have to endure this extended single life? I don’t know the specifics of God’s plan or His will but I can see an overall theme. The single life and its frustration brought us both to our knees before God. It enabled us to experience the brokenness required for dependence upon God and to convince us of our need to return to and live a Sacramental life. This brokenness, dependence upon God and Sacramental life were vehicles that God used to heal us and prepare us for each other.
A Textbook Case

On one hand, our story is special but on the other hand, we are a textbook case: Frustration, brokenness, dependence and then healing. Our journey is a reflection of the Israelites 40 years of wandering in the desert and ultimately being brought to the promise land. To me, the wandering in the desert part of the Old Testament and the Israelites healing while in the desert is more fascinating than the entering the promise land part.

The Healings

I will summarize my journey by saying that I, like many, was poorly catechized. I did not know how critical a Sacramental life was to my spiritual, emotional and physical health. So, I wandered away. But, God chased me down and brought me back His church, my Catholic faith and a Sacramental life. But this took time.

I was also in need of girl-type healing. You know, the type of healing associated with a poor understanding of our bodies. I was riddled with negative messages resulting in a negative relationship with food and a poor body image. I had an exaggerated fear of married life and all that it would entail. So, I tried to manage it and heal myself. But, God wrestled me to the ground and healed me enough that I could love and be loved by my husband. God healed me of my exaggerated fears and then blessed me with a compassionate and loving husband who understands me. But, this took time.

Finally, I was broken in response to not having what I wanted. I wanted to be married. I dated a lot and had relationships during my extended singleness. But, of course, each relationship ended in some level of rejection. Most of the time, I broke things off because I did not feel loved and cherished. Each time a relationship failed, my frustration grew. Looking back, this was a good thing because it cemented my dependence upon God. He was my only hope. But, this process took time.

Chastity

Another challenge I experienced was in my commitment to Chastity. I was committed to it but each of the areas in need of healing I described above wreaked havoc on the firmness of my commitment. The time away from the Sacraments weakened me. I did not know that the sole purpose of my body is to glorify God. The negative relationship with myself blinded me to the connection between Chastity and my spiritual, emotional and physical health. This blindness led to temptations to win love through the physical realm. The rejection caused me to wonder if God cared.

But, I was thankfully stubborn in my commitment to Chastity. I was weakened, tempted and rejected but I was protected, by God’s mercy, from mortally jeopardizing my soul.

How We Met

Because God so intimately cared for us and healed us, I am convinced God also arranged our marriage. My husband and I met through a single catholic dating website. Neither of us had been married before.

When he first contacted me in Aug 2001, my husband lived in Kansas and I lived in Virginia. We were engaged in May 2002 and married in October 19, 2002. We had the most beautiful, holy wedding. And, we have a beautiful, chaste, fruitful and holy marriage.

Wedding Photo0001

October 19, 2002 Praise be to God!

The Veil

In my blog and in my soon-to-be published book, I share a theory called The Veil. Think of The Veil as a simple metaphor: It is the idea that God places a protective veil over all of us and the purpose of the veil is to hide us from every possible suitor except the one that God intends for us to marry. I call the person God wants us to marry our ‘holy spouse.’
This protective veil makes us ‘unclear’, similar to looking through a Mylar plastic sheet, to those suitors who are not our holy spouse. These suitors may be attracted to us but they hesitate to pursue us fully because they can’t fully see us; we are hidden by the veil. This may feel like rejection but it is really God’s protection.

Suffering Leads To Hope

“And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance produces character; and character produces hope.”
Romans 5:2-3

As things progressed with my husband toward marriage, my Mom asked me how in the world he could have made it to 38 years old and never be married? Why had some other girl not snatched him up? Good question. He had plenty of dates and relationships before he met me but all those other girls were unable to see what a great guy he is. I am thankful for that. It was the veil! It covered and protected him too.

But, he had to go through about 7 years in his own dating desert prior to meeting me along with years of dates and relationships with women before that who left him feeling empty and corrupt. This was a suffering for him but it resulted in that loving and vital purification from God. And as Romans 5 tells us, suffering leads to perseverance, which leads to character and finally hope.

To me, my need for healing and the protective veil caused my extended singleness. And today, I praise God!

Update:  Next week, I will share with you Our Catholic Love Story, Part 2!

God Bless!

7 Quick Take Fridays

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Our Catholic Love Story:  Every Friday, Anabelle Hazard’s blog “Written By The Finger Of God” includes a Catholic love story.  Today, Gregg and I are featured!  It was an honor to participate in her blog and share our story.  She has some really inspiring love stories, so head on over and take a look.   Also, she has FREE books you can download to your Kindle or print out.  She wrote the books so if you are into romantic, Catholic, clean, fiction, check her out.  Thank you, Anabelle!

— 2 —

All Saints’ Day:  I don’t know about you but I think that Purgatory is a sign of God’s profound mercy.  Unlike the Saints, my robe will definitely need a lengthy washing in the blood of the Lamb.  Praise God!

 “My lord, you are the one who knows.” He said to me, “These are the ones who have survived the time of great distress; they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb.”  Revelation 7:13 

— 3 —

Daily Gospel:  Each weekday, I have the daily Mass readings sent to my email box and I try to make it the first thing I read each morning. The site that sends the daily readings is called DGO, Daily Gospel Org. I highly recommend signing up! DGO includes the daily Mass readings as well as a ‘Commentary of the day’ from the Holy Saints, Church Doctors or Early Church Fathers.  Yesterday’s (All Saints’ Day) Commentary of the Day came from Saint Thérèse of the Child Jesus (1873-1897), Carmelite, Doctor of the Church:

 “The communion of saints:  Sister Marie of the Eucharist wanted to light the candles for a procession; she had no matches; however, seeing the little lamp which was burning in front of the relics, she approached it. Alas, it was half out; there remained only a feeble glimmer on its blackened wick. She succeeded in lighting her candle from it, and with this candle, she lighted those of the whole community. It was, therefore, the half-extinguished little lamp which had produced all these beautiful flames which, in their turn, could produce an infinity of others and even light the whole universe…. It is the same with the Communion of Saints…”

Saint Thérèse reminded me that we are part of the Communion of Saints. We are The Church Militant!!  With God’s grace, even our feeble glimmer can light the whole universe. Let’s light it up!

— 4 —

The Church Militant:  Election Day is right around the corner.   In case you, the Church Militant, have not been keeping track, there are  non-negotiables.  Non-negotiables are the intrinsically evil things supported by our culture of death: 

  • Abortion
  • Contraception
  • Euthanasia
  • Embryonic Stem Cell Research
  • Human Cloning
  • Homosexual “Marriage”

In addition, this is the biggest threat to your future as a Catholic:  The HHS Mandate.  Vote and defeat Obama.  If you don’t understand what the Church has against contraception, then you do not understand Chastity.  Not a criticism, just a challenge.  Look into it.  Study it.  Spend time in front of Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament.  Pray for your eyes to be open. 

— 5 —

Hurricane and Love:  We made it through Hurricane Sandy unscathed.  We were fortunate.  And, we were overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and concern from our family and friends. Our cup runneth over.

— 6 —

My Sweet Sister:  My sister had surgery this week to remove cancerous tumors.  I praise God for her recovery!

— 7 —

On-line Dating:  There are nice single Catholic guys out there who are looking for a nice Catholic girl.  But, they could be stuck in some quaint town because that is the only place they could find a GOOD JOB.  Try on-line dating so he can find you!  Don’t limit yourself and God to your little piece of the earth!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

My First Movie Review

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Today I offer my first movie review!  In the future, I also plan to write book reviews and blog reviews as a way of providing a variety of resources that impart wisdom and hope to single girls. 

The movie “Paul VI: The Pope in The Tempest” is about the life of Pope Paul VI.  First let me warn you that the movie is only available in Italian.  This language hurdle would have normally been a show-stopper for me.  But, since there are English sub-titles, I found it very easy to understand.  To give you an idea of how easy it is to grasp this movie, even in Italian, our 7 year-old was able to follow (read) along and he loved the movie (he is a history buff).  So, I am confident that you will also be able to easily follow along.

Rather than attempting to summarize the whole movie, I’ve decided to provide this Editorial Review directly from Amazon.com:

“Pope Paul VI was a leader in the Catholic Church as a priest, bishop, cardinal and pope through one of the most difficult periods in its history from the Fascist regime and World War II to the constitution of the Italian Republic, from the Second Vatican Council to the protests and the terrorist attacks of the 1960s and 1970s.

His papacy ran from 1963 to 1978, during which he wrote the prophetic, controversial document Humane Vitae that strongly proclaimed the Church’s teaching on the sacredness of married love and human life, and the evil of contraception which the Pontiff said would open the door to abortion if allowed. He was the first travelling Pope who began to visit the dioceses of the 5 continents like no pope had ever done before.

This exciting and insightful film covers fifty years of history that changed the Catholic Church and the world. Paul VI: The Pope in the Tempestis a story that draws emotion and lessons from history itself, dramatically mixing stunning reconstructions and real film footage.”

You may be wondering why we should care about this man who died over 30 years ago?  I think there are many reasons but I will offer two.  First, he was a modern-day prophet and second, he understands women and reveals us to ourselves.  Hey, anyone that can explain me to me is definitely worth a study! 

Pope Paul VI visits the Holy Land, 1964.

A Difficult Period In History

My review will focus on the topics in the bolded text above.  Specifically, Pope Paul VI’s prophetic encyclical, Humanae Vitae and the impact our Holy Father’s wisdom had on the Church and on the world.

The Editorial Review above states that he was Pope of the Catholic Church during “one of the most difficult periods in its history.”  I agree with this evaluation.  Before watching this movie, I had very little insight into the historical relevance and timing of Humanae Vitae and the difficulty that the Pope endured as a result of releasing the encyclical. 

Hidden Treasures of God’s Wisdom

“He (Christ) is the key that opens all the hidden treasures of God’s wisdom and knowledge. I tell you, then, do not let anyone deceive you with false arguments, no matter how good they seem to be.”                                                                               Col 2: 3-4

Up until The Lambeth Conference in 1930, all Christian faiths were against contraception and believed it to be morally wrong.  Protestants like Luther, Calvin, Zwingli, Wesley, Melancthon Jacobus, Matthew Henry, Christian Gottlob Barth, the Synod of Dort, Jerhard Gerhard, William Dodd, Alfred Edersheim, and a bunch of other Protestant theologians all saw Genesis 38 (the spilling of the seed to impede conception) as a condemnation of birth control. But, the Lambeth Conference surprisingly allowed for contraception in limited circumstances for Anglican Protestants. By 1960, a mere 30 years later, most Mainline Protestant denominations had removed prohibitions against artificial contraception. 

By the 1960’s many of the Catholic laity, theologians, priests, Cardinals and Bishops were unable to see a problem with artificial birth control. I say “unable to see” because most, at that time, saw artificial birth control as a good thing and their arguments in support of it seemed to be good.  But, Pope Paul VI found the hidden treasure of God’s wisdom and was not deceived with false arguments.

Humanae Vitae

Humanae Vitae, released by Pope Paul VI in 1968, reaffirmed the Catholic Church’s traditional view of marriage and marital relations and condemned the use of artificial birth control. The encyclical states that “of its very nature (artificial birth control)  contradicts the moral order” and that “it is a serious error to think that a whole married life of otherwise normal relations can justify sexual intercourse which is deliberately contraceptive and so intrinsically wrong.”

As you can imagine, the encyclical did not go over well and was very controversial! 

Even the Pontifical Commission on Birth Control, formed by the Pope for the purpose of studying the topic, disagreed with the Pope’s conclusion.  The Commission recommended the Pope go against the consistent historical teaching of the Church and allow artificial birth control. But, Pope Paul VI courageously went against the recommendation of the Pontifical Commission and went forward with the encyclical.

Prophetic Pope

This is one of many examples in history where Jesus’ words ring true:

    “When the Spirit of truth comes, He will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on His own but will tell you what He has heard. He will tell you about the future.”              John 16:13

Indeed, the Holy Spirit did tell Pope Paul VI about the future and guided him in truth; a truth which others found impossible to see.  The Pope predicts, with amazing accuracy, that wide-spread acceptance of artificial methods of birth control will result in several negative societal, marital and spiritual consequences, including an increase “need” for abortion.  The specific consequences he predicted, all of which have come true, were:

  1. a “general lowering of moral standards” resulting from sex without consequences, and
  2. the danger that men may reduce women “to being a mere instrument for the satisfaction of [their] own desires” and
  3. abuse of power by public authorities and
  4. a false sense of autonomy

 His Wise Words

In the movie, you can feel the pressure Pope Paul VI was under and the inner conflict he experienced.  But, it is his words that I will forever remember.

During one of the meetings with the Pontifical Commission, Pope Paul VI said, “Sterilizing the poor makes the rich feel less guilty.”   This was in response to the Commission trying to make the point that artificial birth control would allow poor families control over their fertility.

Pope Paul VI also said to them, “We are trying to understand the meaning of Love.  What is more important than that?  Be strong!”

In a different conversation, a priest said to the Pope,

“The world has long awaited an encyclical that discusses sex.  You cannot publish one that says the same things that a Pope would have said a century ago.  What will our followers and women in particular, think when they read: ‘Any action that impedes procreation must be avoided.’? How much longer can we ignore the needs of the modern world?”

In response, Pope Paul VI said,

“I didn’t write this encyclical to discuss sex but to talk about Love…about Life…about men and women. I’ve asked myself, “What’s the value of love and life and of men and women?  What will become of this civilization of love, of men and women?  What will a population in search of personal pleasure be like?  Won’t these contraceptive methods make us lose respect for women?  Won’t they transform women into an object of pleasure?  Won’t they give us the illusion of freedom in exchange for losing faith in the parental roles?  How can love deny the transmission of life?  Isn’t life the greatest gift God has given us? The Pope cannot say something is right if it is not.”

Chastity and Superabundance

What is the connection to Chastity? The most basic definition of Chastity is the virtue of saving sex for marriage and remaining open to life within marriage.  Artificial birth control has made it very easy for sex to take place outside of marriage with the false notion that it is ‘consequence free.’  Here we are, almost 50 after the introduction of the pill, and premarital sex is pretty much a given in relationships.

Abortion is a tragic but normal part of our reality and it is a natural consequence of failed contraception. Contraception has led today’s society to believe that sex should not result in babies and when it does, they are perplexed. How did this happen?  Now, they must get rid of this baby.  In the United States, about 3,000 babies are aborted each day.  That equates to 1,350,500 a year.  That is one every 24 seconds.  For every 100 births in the United States, there are 31 abortions.   

Within marriage, artificial birth control breaks the unitive and procreative meaning of the marital embrace.  Artificial birth control blocks the channel of grace that is supposed to be available to us when we are open to life.  This channel of grace is what produces the fruit of Superabundance.  Artificial birth control cuts off access to grace and Superabundance.  Superabundance is what gives the marriage life.  Without it, marital love dies.

There are so many other severe consequences to the contraceptive mentality, some of which are not felt until it is too late. The Pope predicted this.

Love

The controversy concerning contraception and abortion is still going on today.  But, as the Pope said, it is not about sex.  It is about love.  It is about life and the greatest gift God has given us:  The ability to be co-creators with Him and to participate in the transmission of life. 

“How can love deny the transmission of life?”  Pope Paul VI

It is about Love. 

Thank you, Pope Paul VI.  Thank you, Holy Spirit of Truth. 

God Bless!

Upcoming Reviews:

  1.  Women In Love ~ a book by Katie Hartfield
  2.  Would You Date You? ~ a book by Anthony Buono (founder of AvaMariasingles.com)
  3.  Made In His Image ~ a blog by Maura
  4. Held by His Pierced Hands ~ a blog by Meg Hunter-Kilmer

7 Quick Takes Friday

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— 1 —

This is my first  (really super) Quick Takes Friday.  We love you, Jennifer and it is an honor to be part of this blog party!

— 2 —

Today is our 10 year wedding anniversary and I am married to an amazing man.  I really believe in this Superabundance thing!

— 3 —

I might be simplifying things but, to me, Chastity is the answer to virtually all problems.

— 4 —

Mormons seem to “get” this whole chastity thing.  I know very little about their beliefs but I am impressed with the young Mormon couples that I have met and their clear understanding of the beauty of family and openness to life.

— 5 —

Children are  a gift.  Children are a gift.  Children are a gift.

— 6 —

If I could have dinner with any couple, I would choose Alice and Dietrich von Hildebrand.  I know Dietrich passed many years ago but I just would give anything to just sit and listened to the two of them.  No one seems to talk as deeply, beautifully and as intelligently as they do anymore. 

— 7 —

God is Good. 

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Does God Arrange Marriages?

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Today, my husband and I celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary.  In my book, I share my path through singleness.  I also share the story of how God arranged for me and Gregg, my Holy Spouse, to meet and marry. 

The premise of my book and of this blog is the idea that we are all covered by a veil and that only our Holy Spouse can see us.  All other suitors will reject us because they cannot fully see us. 

I define our Holy Spouse as the one that God intends for us to marry.  Given that definition, it is clear that I believe God arranges marriages.  Is there any biblical evidence to support my belief?  Let’s look at the Book of Tobit.

Book of Tobit

This is a beautiful story of God’s healing power and His providential hand in marriage. Goodness me, there are so many great lessons in this divinely inspired book!  I will only be able to cover  the highlights but I hope these fascinating events build your faith and confidence in God’s intimate and tender care for us.

Tobit and Tobias

Tobit was a righteous Israelite of the Tribe of Naphtali who was blinded when bird droppings fell into his eyes.  Tobit had a son, Tobias.  He sent Tobias to the land of Media.  Tobias was accompanied by the Archangel Raphael and his dog.

Sarah

Meanwhile, in faraway Media, a young woman named Sarah prayed for death. She had lost seven husbands to the demon of lust, Asmodeus, who abducted and killed every man she married on their wedding night before the marriage can be consummated. God, in response to Tobit’s prayer and Sarah’s prayer, sent the Archangel Raphael, disguised as a human, to heal Tobit (from his blindness) and to free Sarah from the demon.

Isn’t that amazing?! Sarah married 7 different men.  The demon of lust, however, killed them all on the wedding night before the marriage could be consummated!  Interesting!  That is some mighty intervention!  And, it appears that God allowed evil to ‘do its thing’ in order for His holy will to be accomplished.

Sarah had lost seven husbands and was very understandably distraught.  She wished to die.  Her friends taunted her and said, “You husband killer! Look at you! You’ve already had seven husbands, but not one of them lived long enough to give you a son.”  Tobit 3:8

But, Sarah remembered her poor Father and how ashamed and inconsolable he would be if she were to hang herself.  So, she prayed instead.

God Hears The Prayers of Tobit and Sarah

“So the prayers of them both were heard before the majesty of the great God.” Tobit 3:16

As Tobit and Sarah were praying, God in heaven heard their prayers and sent his angel Raphael to help them. He was sent to remove the white film from Tobit’s eyes, so that he could see again, and to arrange a marriage between Sarah and Tobit’s son Tobias.  Raphael was also ordered to expel the demon, Asmodeus, from Sarah.

In one fell swoop, in response to Tobit’s and Sarah’s prayers, God:

  1. heals Tobit of his blindness and heals Sarah of the curse from the demon of lust
  2. arranges a marriage between Sarah and Tobias, and
  3. commands His Archangel Raphael to expel the demon of lust!

The Archangel Raphael escorts Tobias to Media

The Healings

Along the way to Media, while washing his feet in the river Tigris, he (Tobias) was attacked by a fish which tried to swallow his foot. By order of the angel (Raphael) he captured it. The heart, liver and gall bladder were removed to make medicines, also by order of Raphael.

Upon arriving in Media, Raphael told Tobias of the beautiful Sarah.  He instructs the young man to burn the fish’s liver and heart to drive away the demon when he attacks on the wedding night.

The two are married, and the fumes of the burning organs drove the demon (Asmodeas) away to Upper Egypt, while Raphael followed him to bind him.  Raphael also told Tobias to use the fish’s gall to cure his father’s blindness.

What are the medicines that heal us of our blindness and allow us to see God’s will today?  God imparts his powerful grace and heals us through the Sacrament of Marriage, the Sacraments of Baptism, Confirmation and Confession, the sacred sacrifice of the Mass, the Holy Eucharist and the Precious Blood of Jesus, adoration of the Blessed Sacrament, prayer, fasting, scripture and sacrifice.  These are our medicines today.

Did you know that God also heals us through the marital embrace?  Yes, the marital embrace is a renewal of our wedding vows and this very holy act heals us and imparts grace into our marriage!

What binds the demon of lust for us today?  Chastity.

The Marriage

“Pray to God which is merciful, who will have pity on you, and save you: fear not, for she is appointed unto thee from the beginning; and thou shalt preserve her, and she shall go with thee. Moreover I suppose that she shall bear thee children.  Now when Tobias had heard these things, he loved her, and his heart was effectually joined to her.””  Tobit 6:17

Translated, here is what the Archangel Raphael said, “Don’t be afraid. Sarah was meant to be yours from the beginning of creation. You will rescue her from the demon, and she will go with you to your home. You and Sarah will have many children, whom you will love very much. So don’t worry!”  Did you notice Tobias response?  He loved her.  His heart was effectually (thoroughly) joined to Sarah’s.  I contend that was the moment the veil was lifted and Superabundance poured in!

Raguel, Sarah’s Father, said, “I will give her to you just as the Law of Moses commands. God in heaven has arranged this marriage, so take her as your wife. From now on, you belong to each other. Sarah is yours today and forever. May the Lord of heaven keep both of you safe tonight. May he be merciful and kind to you.”  Tobit 7:12

Meeting our Holy Spouse will not be a coincidence.  Beautiful scripture says that you and your Holy spouse were appointed unto each other from the beginning and that God in heaven has arranged your marriage.

You may wonder, as I have, how exactly does God work it all out given the fact that we have the gift of free will?  I guess the power of grace, when we are open to it, influences us.  And our guardian angels can whisper in our ears and move us in specific directions.  God knows ahead of time what we will do.  God allows for events to influence us and somehow all the stars align at the right time.  

I don’t know how He did it, but I am convinced that God arranged our marriage too.

Gregg and I met through a single catholic dating website.  We were both 37 years old and neither of us had ever been married.  We were both feeling a bit like Sarah.  The world was looking at us as if there was something wrong with us and we had plenty of past relationship “deaths” to speak of.  Despair was biting at our heels.

Gregg first contacted me in Aug 2001.  He lived in Kansas and I lived in Virginia. Our meeting was not a coincidence.  We were engaged in May 2002 and married in October 19, 2002.  We had the most beautiful, holy wedding.  And, we have a beautiful, holy marriage.

The Archangel Raphael expels the demon of lust. Tobias and Sarah pray to the Lord. Notice the dog.

Expelling the Demon of Lust

“But before you consummate the marriage, both of you must get up and pray for the Lord in heaven to be merciful to you and to protect you.”  Tobit 6:15

Check out the gorgeous painting of the Archangel Raphael binding Asmodeas, the demon of lust!  Today, the medicine and remedy to lust is Chastity, both before marriage and within marriage.  We are co-creators with God and we are not allowed to shut Him out of this important aspect of our marriage.  We must remain open to life.  We must expel the demon of lust through the power of Chastity.

Stay in God’s Will

I noticed that Tobias was brought to Sarah.  She did not have to chase him.  She prayed and responded to his initiation.  She fought back the temptation to go against God’s will.  And God worked it all out in His time.

God knows who you will marry and He can arrange your meeting if you stay in His will.  Staying in His will means bathing your life and your soul in the medicines He provides.  If you have strayed from Him, turn around and confess it.  Start living a Sacramental life.  If you have strayed from a chaste life, turn around, confess it and recommit your ‘gift of self’ to the Lord.  Then, wait on your Holy Spouse and wait on our good Lord. 

October 19, 2002 Praise be to God!

Happy Anniversary, Gregg.  Thank you for 10 wonderful years.  Thank you, Lord for arranging our marriage from the beginning of creation.

God Bless!

Stop Responding To Lame and Inconsistent Initiation

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In my post from four weeks ago, I shared that it is unwise to chase men. And, that if you find yourself doing the chasing, you should:

  1. Stop sleeping with him.
  2. Stop chasing him.
  3. Stop thinking your expectations for being chased are too high.
  4. Stop responding to lame and inconsistent initiation from him.

This week, I will address #4:  Stop responding to lame and inconsistent initiation.

Why?

Lame and inconsistent chasing by men is a symptom.  I recommend women pay attention to this key symptom because it is often a result of a need of his being met.  You, wonderful you, are fulfilling some or many of his needs and he is under the impression that you are happy to fulfill these needs.

These needs can be physical, emotional or social needs.  Or, it can be simply that you build up his ego by your strong interest in him.  Your chasing, responding and flirtation are making him feel great!  But, it also makes him feel sort of guilty knowing that he doesn’t have the same strong feelings for you or the same vision of your future together dancing in his head.  So, he waxes and wanes in his approach.  He runs hot and cold.  His initiation is lame and inconsistent.

Practice Girl

Have you ever heard of the term practice girl?  Sometimes, not always, guys like to practice on girls who will let them.  They practice their skills in asking a girl out, calling girls, kissing girls, etcetera (yes, etcetera!).  But, the guys know deep down that they are just practicing for the big game (marriage) rather than sincerely pursuing these practice girls.  So, they manage the situation by pushing the emotional boundaries and then pulling back so that the girl’s expectations remain low and in check.

In the meantime, his needs are being met.  His skills are being developed and his confidence in himself is growing.  And, because the girl continues to respond to the lame and inconsistent initiation, he doesn’t feel all that guilty about it….until the girl complains or acts and feels frustrated.

How Will You Know?

As the girl, this will be the symptom to look out for:  you complain and/or act and feel frustrated.  Then, in response to your complaints and frustration, he pulls back instead of addressing your complaint in a way that will completely reassure you.

You see, even your Holy Spouse (the one that God intends for you to marry) will not be perfect in his wooing.  But, once a Holy Spouse realizes his mistake, he self-corrects and does things that will reassure his beloved.  Your Holy Spouse’s feelings for you should very rarely ebb. Rather, they flow and they grow.  Even if he does have a smidgen of doubt, he keeps it to himself in order not to lose you.

But, when you are his practice girl, his feelings will ebb and in response, he will pull back.  So, don’t listen to his words, pay attention to his actions.  Here is a refresher from my past post on genuine, courageous, reassuring chasing:

“Chasing means he tries to draw you into his life. He makes plans with you.  He calls you daily just to hear your voice and make sure you don’t forget about him.  He sees you as a marvelous mystery so he spends his time and energy trying to figure you out and get closer to you.  He envisions a future with you and this, my friend, excites him!”

Are you being loved, cherished, chased and pursued in an impressive and consistent manner?  If not, you may just be a practice girl. Sigh.

No lame and inconsistent behavior will be accepted, thank you.

                                               What Should You Do?

Keep in mind that I think men are awesome, competent and brave when it comes to pursuing the one they want to make their wife. So, I am not saying that men are bad, bad, bad if they practice on girls.  But, they are wrong to do so.  And, we are wrong to allow them to practice on us.  It is incumbent upon us women to discern the man’s intentions by astutely paying attention to his actions. Women have had to do this from the beginning of time.

Of course there are times when the relationship runs its course and the guy decides, after many years, to marry Practice Girl.  He marries her because no other girl (with whom he has true interest) will have him.  So, after much frustration, complaining and cajoling by her, they get married.  I say without a doubt that Practice Girl will have a tough row to hoe.  This is not what you want.

If you discover that you are a practice girl, then all you need to do is stop responding.  Stop responding to phone calls and texts.  If he asks you out on a date, simply smile and say “No, thank you.”  The romance will die a natural death and you will have your dignity intact.

Prepare Yourself

Be prepared to battle doubts that make you feel like your expectations are too high and that you have been too hard on him.  As Katie from It’s Fun To Be a Girl says, “immerse yourself in the Sacraments.”  You will need the strength and grace that only the Sacraments can give you.

If you have been sleeping with him, the sex will result in strong feelings of attachment and this will make it hard for you to judge the romance clearly.

But, try to keep in mind that his lame and inconsistent approach to your romance has led you to believe that you are his practice girl. And, in response to your complaints and frustration, he has failed to convince you otherwise with impressive and consistent actions.  There are not many feelings worse than that.

The Veil

You may be wondering why he pursues you at all if his intentions are not on the up and up?  Well, I believe that in addition to having his needs met, he also likes what he sees in you.  But he can’t fully see you.  I believe that we are all covered by a veil and only the one that God intends for us to marry, our Holy Spouse, can see us fully.

So, his insincere intentions may be completely subconscious rather than openly sinister.  And, your temptation to continue on as Practice Girl, although it is not healthy, is understandable.  But, only through the power of grace and chastity will you have the wisdom and strength to discern the quality of the romance and overcome the temptation to be a practice girl.

Don’t waste your time.  Instead, trust that God has a more dignified role for you; the honorable role as a wife to your Holy Spouse.  Trust that God wants you to be loved, cherished, chased and pursued by your Holy Spouse.  Commit to Chastity.  Wait on your Holy Spouse.  Wait on our dear Lord.

If you are having doubts that God intervenes in our lives when it comes to marriage, check in next week when I share the beautiful Old Testament story of Tobias and Sarah!

God Bless!