Self-Containment ~ Explained

Posted on June 12, 2013 by theveilofchastity

After finishing my post for this week, I realized that I needed to first explain what I meant last week when I advised you to practice “self-containment.”

Last week, I shared with you my Response Formula which included my advice on how to respond to a guy who flirts with you. Steps 1-4 are easy:

1. stop 2. smile 3. look him in the eyes 4. converse with him

Steps 5 and 6 are much more difficult:

5. Go about your life 6. practice self-containment until after 3 dates

Several of you wrote to me asking for specifics on this practice. What is it? What does it look like?

What Is It?

In general, self-containment is one of the ‘fruits’ of Emotional Chastity. And, like all of the spiritual fruits, we obtain them through our good habits. Since the Catechism does not provide a formal definition of Emotional Chastity, let’s look at what is says about the virtue of Chastity so we can see the connection.

Here is what the Catechism of the Catholic Church says about Chastity

2338 The chaste person maintains the integrity of the powers of life and love placed in him. This integrity ensures the unity of the person; it is opposed to any behavior that would impair it. It tolerates neither a double life nor duplicity in speech.
2339 Chastity includes an apprenticeship in self-mastery which is a training in human freedom. The alternative is clear: either man governs his passions and finds peace, or he lets himself be dominated by them and becomes unhappy. Man’s dignity therefore requires him to act out of conscious and free choice, as moved and drawn in a personal way from within, and not by blind impulses in himself or by mere external constraint. Man gains such dignity when, ridding himself of all slavery to the passions, he presses forward to his goal by freely choosing what is good and, by his diligence and skill, effectively secures for himself the means suited to this end.

Emotional Chastity is an apprenticeship in self-mastery. Being self-contained means having mastery over your passions and your speech and not allowing your emotions to dominate you. It means keeping yourself intact (unity of the persons) and having integrity in all you say and do. It means avoiding duplicity in your speech and presenting your life in a way that is truthful.

What Does It Look Like?

It might be easier if we look at the opposite of self-containment first. We have all witnessed it. A girl meets a guy. He flirts with her. He asks for her number. She talks about him non-stop. This lack of self-containment is very, very common. Her behavior betrays her. Her feelings and emotions are dominating her. This guy has not earned his way into such a prominent position, yet he is being exalted by her. What does that say about her standards and judgment?

A Challenge

Now, it is perfectly fine to be excited about a potential suitor! I am not saying that you need to be a total dud. But, I am going to give you a challenge:

The next time a guy flirts with you, don’t say anything to anyone until this guy has taken you on 3 dates.

You might be thinking that you at least need to tell your roommates for safety reasons. Shouldn’t they know with whom you are spending your time? This is where some dating guidelines would be helpful.

Dating Guidelines

1. The first 3 dates must be in a public location.

2. Tell him that you will meet him (drive yourself) at the public location.

3. If you feel the slightest bit of concern about your safety, leave the location and stop dating him.

You should have a good idea of the guy’s character after 3 dates. Has he been calling you in between the dates? Does he display good manners? Does he pay for the dates?

Don’t worry about what he will think of your desire to meet in a public location at first. These days, a guy will not question the fact that you want this. He will see you as being wise. You have a policy and you follow it. You have principles.

If you need to talk about this new man, present your case to the Blessed Virgin Mary, our Mother. Comfort will follow.

Next Week

Now that I have explained step 6, next week I will share with you how the Response Formula can be applied to any situation.

God love and bless you!

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7 Quick Takes Friday ~ Vol 32

Posted on June 7, 2013 by theveilofchastity

— 1 — This Week’s Post: Is Your Smile is Like Honey ……All you need in order to flirt with a guy is your smile! Enjoy!

— 2 — Spotlight On: This week’s Spotlight is on Morgan from Follow and Believe and Jen from Jumping in Puddles. They are the co-hosts of a new series started this week. It is called the Not Alone Series and it is a weekly link-up where Single girls participate and blog about various subjects unique to the Single Girl’s life. This week included an Introduction post by each blogger and next week they are discussing Discernment. I checked out the first set of contributors and the series went International right away! What a powerful way for single girls to link up, support and encourage each other. If you have a blog, Morgan and Jen will graciously welcome you. If you do not have a blog, head on over with a cup of coffee and enjoy the links!

— 3 — Made In His Image: Goes viral! Did you hear about it this week? Maura’s site got something like 130,000 hits (I think that is what I read) and blew up 2 servers. Way to go Maura! I had to include this part of her post:

“..Where does the power come from? It comes from the Sacraments and spending time with God in Adoration. Speak to our loving Father tonight, ask Him to help you. Ask Him for grace, tell Him your fears, joys and sorrows. Let the Healer hug you. Hold onto Him. Cling to the Cross, for this is where our sanctification rests.”

— 4 — Magnifikid: My Mom got our son a subscription to Magnifikid magazine for his birthday. It includes these awesome little weekly missal type magazines. The magazine includes the whole Mass, including the readings for that week as well as games and stories about Saints. It has greatly improved our son’s participation in the Mass. He loves it. What a great gift!

— 5 — Corpus Christi Mass: Our Mass included 16 Altar Boys, 2 Seminarians, 1 Deacon and 1 Priest. I almost cried at the sight of all those Altar Boys kneeling at the Communion Rail, all receiving on the tongue. The Reverence overwhelmed me. The incense filled the sanctuary. My hair smelled divine. Have I mentioned the number of vocations coming out of our County? A lot. The Holy Spirit is on the move and we are so blessed to be caught up in the fire of His love!

— 6 — This Week’s Readings: The readings this week from the Book of Tobit reminded me of a post I did back in October. The post is called “Does God Arrange Marriages.” I was a relatively new little baby blogger when I wrote the post but it seemed to be inspired. What do you think? 🙂

— 7 — Old Testament Girl: I love the Old Testament! My current Bible study is the book of Isaiah. I love Genesis and Exodus and the Book of Wisdom. I love it all. Heck, I even like Leviticus! Today, I will leave you with a little something from the Book of Sirach:

“He plumbs the depths and penetrates the heart; their innermost being he understands. The Most High possesses all knowledge, and sees from of old the things that are to come: He makes known the past and the future, and reveals the deepest secrets. No understanding does he lack; no single thing escapes him.” Book of Sirach 42:15-25.

God love and bless you!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Your Smile Is Like Honey

Posted on June 5, 2013 by theveilofchastity

“Your lips are like a scarlet ribbon; your mouth is lovely…..Your lips drop sweetness as the honeycomb, my bride; milk and honey are under your tongue.” Song of Songs 4

I have to laugh at myself as I write this post about smiling. It seems so corny and I, of all people, should proceed with caution when encouraging others to smile. Why? Because when I was single, complete male strangers would occasionally say to me, “Smile, it’s not that bad!”

My response was always a squinty-eyed version of “Leave me alone.” It used to get on my nerves and every guy who said it seemed to be a Creeper. You see, I was often lost in deep thought and it resulted in me having, not so much of a frown, but a pensive look on my face. So, I guess these guys would feel compelled to ‘cheer me up.’ It didn’t work.

Looking back though, I realize that they were just trying to get my attention and flirt with me. They were harmless.

Has this ever happened to you? Did it get on your nerves? If so, don’t worry. I am not going to tell you to “Smile at the world.” But, I will hopefully convince you that your smile is all you need when flirting with men.

Your Job Is To Respond

Last week I shared with you that it is the man’s job to initiate, follow-up and pursue you. Your job is only to respond.

But how do you respond upon that first encounter? Can your response be too eager or can you appear indifferent? Are men not following up with you because your response is not balanced? I don’t know. But, I do know how easy it is to believe that you should have done this and you should have done that.

The goal of striking the perfect balance in your response to men is more about your peace of mind. It is about not kicking yourself and blaming yourself when the guy doesn’t follow-up. It’s about not worrying that your response was too standoffish or too desperate.

The Various Mr.’s

Over the next couple of weeks, I will address several scenarios and how to respond to each. The scenarios will include Mr. Fisherman, Mr. Hesitationman, Mr. Sometimeman, Mr. Groupman, Mr. Onlineman and Mr. Flirtman. As you will see I recommend virtually the same method of responding to each of these initiation types. Let’s start with Mr. Flirtman!

Mr. Flirtman

Scenario: You are at Home Depot looking for a solution to problem you are having in your home. Perfect! Mr. Flirtman strikes up a conversation and is flirting with you. Since it is Saturday, you may or may not be looking your best. What do you do?

The Response Formula

1. Stand Still: It sounds obvious but you do not want to be a moving target. Just stay in one place. Don’t fidget.

Note: Practice makes perfect. Feel free to practice this in the mirror. What does your body language communicate? Are your arms folded or are they relaxed and by your side? Are your hands on your hips or are they in a more natural position? Keep in mind, you are not on a ball field. Stand up straight.

2. Smile At Him: This is very important. It invites him to continue the conversation. This is your welcoming strategy that says to a guy “I am friendly and I welcome your initiation. I will not shoot down your noble effort to talk to me.”

Note: I remember feeling like I wanted to decide if I liked the guy first before I would smile at him. Again, I was afraid of the Creepers. This was silly thinking on my part.

Note: If you smile at him and he turns out to be a Creeper, then just move on. If you don’t smile at him and he turns out to be a nice guy, then you may blame yourself when he doesn’t continue the conversation or follow-up with a date. Remember, the idea here is for you to have peace of mind and to be free of regrets about your response. So smile at him.

Note: It does not matter if you do not look your best. Your smile is all that is needed, especially if he is your beloved.

Note: Gregg reminded me today that it was my mouth that drew him to me. 🙂

3. Look Him In The Eyes: This is a way to test his intentions and evaluate his sincerity. A man who is attracted to you will look you in the eye. Eye contact is the only allowable contact he has with you so he will try to ‘hold’ you in this manner.

Note: Eye contact is also a great way to give him the affirmation he needs. If he is your beloved, he will need your affirmation because meeting you should scare him a bit. So, look him right in the eyes and smile.

Note: If you are not comfortable doing this, begin to practice on the people in your life. Practice looking your Mom, your Dad, your brother, your boss and your coworkers in the eyes.

4. Engage In Conversation: Patiently give the guy a chance to generate a decent conversation. Don’t cut the conversation short or try to be coy. Just stand still, smile, look him in the eyes and let him continue the conversation. If he starts to lose eye contact, ends the conversation or begins to move away from you, just smile pretty and say, “Nice to meet you.” If, on the other hand, he asks for your name and number, smile and give it to him.

5. Go About Your Life: This is the hardest part. This is where you practice self-containment. This means that you keep this encounter to yourself. Don’t tell anyone even if he seems to be the most amazing guy ever. You will have to stay contained until after 3 dates.

None Of This Is Magic

The above response formula is designed to give you peace. It will not magically make you more wonderful and it may not result in more dates. Now that you know the formula, you can apply it to virtually any situation with a man.

Next week, I will share my advice on how to respond to Mr. Fisherman, Mr. Hesitationman, Mr. Sometimeman and Mr. Groupman. I will save Mr. Onlineman for last!

God love and bless you!

7 Quick Takes Friday ~ Vol 31

Posted on May 31, 2013 by theveilofchastity

— 1 — This Week’s Post: Asks the question: Do Men Need Help? Enjoy!

— 2 — WORD: Last Saturday I spent a good part of the day writing several future posts. But, when I woke up on Sunday, the document was gone. I mean nowhere to be found on the computer. Even Gregg, my computer guru, was perplexed.

I arrived at Mass in a sour mood. My mind was occupied trying to figure out what happened. I kept saying, “Lord you know how hard I worked on that document!” Then, the readings started. First, the reading from Proverbs:

“…When the Lord established the heavens……..when he marked out the vault over the face of the deep….when he made firm the skies above….when he fixed fast the foundations of the earth..”

Followed by the reading from Romans 5 where we are instructed to “boast in our afflictions which lead to character.” Here I was, worried about my little document and it was like the Lord was saying, “Where were you when I was creating the heavens and the skies and the earth?”

It gave me peace about the fact that if He wanted that document to be found, it would have been found. I work for Him. He does not work for me. So, this week’s post was delayed until Thursday because I had a heck of a time recreating my thoughts and writing in the evening after work is difficult for me. I pray that I allowed the Holy Spirit to speak through me!

— 3 — Angel Baby #59: This story was heart wrenching! Did you see his sweet little face when he was finally freed from the sewer pipe?

— 4 — Spotlight On #1: This week’s first spotlight is on JC Sanders for his insightful post on Ignitum Today. He draws a distinction between abstinence, chastity and purity. These words have gone viral lately and he puts it all in perspective. Great job, JC!

— 5 — Spotlight On #2: Gotta shine the light on another fellow blogger. I have shared posts from Brantly Millegan from Young, Evangelical and Catholic before. He knocked it out of the ballpark with this post about how he and his wife became convinced about the immoral nature of contraception. He is doing a series and this is part 2.

— 6 — Spotlight On: #3 This post by Amanda Mortus was viral worthy. Get it, viral Worthy? 🙂 Anyway, every girl needs to read it. Please, Raise Your Standards, Ladies! Excellent post, Amanda!

— 7 — Guest Posts: I have all kinds of guest posts lined up for this Summer! I am really excited to share with you the wisdom from these other bloggers! If any of you (bloggers and non-bloggers) would like to do a guest post, I would welcome that!

Are you married and can you see, in hindsight, the concept of The Veil?
Did it seem that all other men (or women if you are a guy) were unable to see you but once you met your husband (or wife) it was like a veil was lifted?
How about marital chastity? Are you experiencing the power of Superabundance from marital chastity?
Anyone out there had a change of heart concerning contraception?
Reverse vasectomies? (Seriously, this is an amazing grace…the stories of renewed marriages are epic!)
Finally, if you are single, does it seem like you are invisible? Have you experienced a feeling that the guys you are dating can’t see you? They like you but something is preventing them from moving forward toward marriage?

I would love to hear from you!! Of course, your guest post can be anonymous. 🙂

God love and bless you!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Do Men Need Help?

Posted on May 30, 2013 by theveilofchastity

Have you ever had an encountered with a guy who flirts with you but never follows up? Did you blame yourself? Where you tempted to follow-up with him in the hopes of it turning into a date?

It is easy to think that your response to a man’s flirtation is either too enthusiastic or too nonchalant and that if you could just strike the perfect balance, you would secure more dates. It is also easy to believe that if a man does not follow-up, then it is because he needs your help.

We Respond

Emotional Chastity includes the understanding that the responsibility for the initiation, follow-up and pursuit lies on the man. As the girl, your job is only to respond. So, what is the best way to respond to those initial flirtations by men? What is the fine line between a proper, balanced response and ‘helping’ the man? Does he even need your help?

Dropping Your Hanky

I received an email from a girl named Becky asking for my advice. Becky met a guy who flirted with her during a tour he had given to her and a couple of her friends. His flirting seemed to be directed at her specifically. She was highly attracted to him and he was exactly her type. From the way she described him, he was gorgeous, successful and confident. He was also not wearing a ring.

So, Becky did a little research on Facebook and Google. She learned that he was not married. Check! He was Catholic. Check! And, that he was also slightly older than her. Check! So, she asked me if I thought it would be okay if she sent him a little email thanking him for the tour.

Because of her description of him, I did not feel that he was in need of encouragement from girls. But, I have been wrong, so wrong, before. So, I told her that her email could be thought of as an old-fashioned ‘dropping your hanky.’ If he picks it up, great! If he doesn’t, then she at least knows his intentions towards her.

So, she sent him an email. He responded with a polite, “You are welcome. Nice to meet you too!” It seems he did not need any encouragement from her. Mr. Gorgeous, Successful and Confident knows how to pursue a girl. He does not need help.

Examples Of Helping

Oh there are so many examples of ‘helping’ to pick from! Here are some things that we girls do in order to help the relationship get started or continue:

Asking for his number, email, twitter, facebook account
Directly asking him out on a date
Contacting his mother, sister, brother, best friend
Changing Churches in the hopes of running into him
Unnaturally placing yourself anywhere in his orbit
Sending him an email or text, commenting on his FB page, calling him
Frequenting his workspace, workplace, dorm
Becoming a doormat in order to make the relationship easy for him

Men Decide, We Consider

Another part of Emotional Chastity is realizing how romance works. In this post, I wrote:

“…Do not even consider a guy or allow him to occupy your heart or thoughts until he has taken you on 3 dates. Yes, 3 real dates where he pays and impresses you. Why? ….because that gives the guy enough time to decide on you. And, if he has decided on you, then you can consider him. But, not until then. That is just the way it works. Sigh.”

In the world of romance, men decide on us first and then we get to consider them. My Mom always told me this and I did not believe her. I did not like the consider-this-subset-of-men-only rule. I guess I was concerned that I would not like the men that decided on me and therefore my pool of candidates to consider needed to be expanded through my helpful actions. In my younger years, I was a helper of the doormat variety. LOL

Faith

Emotional Chastity begins with the belief that you can trust God and that He has a plan for your life and for your vocation. Once you have this belief, you will have peace. This peace will guide you in all your actions and responses to men. It will free you from the belief that you have to help men.

Supernatural

Emotional Chastity also requires that you believe in the Supernatural realm. It is in that realm where God fulfills His plan. If your vocation was left simply in the natural realm, then I would advise you to do all you can to capture your man before some other girl gets him. Help him, call him, email him, text him and chase him. Be the doormat.

But that is not how God designed us women. He designed us to be the receivers and the responders. He designed men to be the initiators and the pursuers. Therefore, you can count on God to infuse Supernatural grace into your man so that he will not need your help.

Of course, this can only happen within the Supernatural realm of God’s will. So, stay in His will. Do not stray from His path.

Once you wrap your arms around this truth, you will have peace even when guys fail to follow-up with you. You will be able to stop yourself from following up with them, helping them in their pursuit or becoming the doormat. You will be able to temper your emotions. You will be able to wait on the Lord and His Supernatural Grace.

How Should You Respond?

You will not know if the man who is flirting with you is the one that God has for you so if a man starts to flirt with you, what should you do? For example, what if you meet a man at Home Depot and he flirts with you? What if he asks for your number? What if he texts you instead of calls you? What if he calls once but never follows up beyond that? What if he never calls? What if he says, “We should go out sometime.”?

If our job is to respond, what should our response be to each of the above scenarios? Next week, I will share with you some ideas on how to respond.

God love and bless you!

7 Quick Takes Friday ~ Vol 30

Posted on May 24, 2013 by theveilofchastity

— 1 — This Week’s Post: Is……an oldie but goodie. Check out The Chase. May you be blessed!

— 2 — The Latin Mass: My family and I went to our first Tridentine Latin Mass on Pentecost Sunday. I was in awe of the reverence and the heavenly chanting and divine incense. Ahhhh. We all loved it! All one hour and forty-five minutes of it! It did, however, make me appreciate the Novus Ordo Mass (the one we normally attend). I began to replay the beautiful words of the Mass in my head this week: “Blessed are you Lord God of all creation. Through Your goodness. Holy, Holy, Holy Lord. Heaven and Earth are full of Your glory. Through my fault, through my most grevous fault.”

— 3 — Matt Maher: Have you heard his song “It is Good” from his new album? It is so Old Testament and makes me want to get up and dance!

“It is good to praise the Lord; And make music to the name of God
To proclaim your love and faithfulness; All the day and through the night
Get your hands up; Get your hands up; Get your hands up; Get your hands up”

— 4 — Spotlight on: This week’s spotlight is on Brianna Heldt! Did you see this amazing post, Are Men Born To Cheat? She is seriously one of my favorite bloggers.

— 5 — Yesterday’s Mass Readings: Were sooo beautiful! First we have the Book of Sirach 5:1-10.

“Rely not on your wealth; say not: “I have the power.” Rely not on your strength in following the desires of your heart. Say not: “Who can prevail against me?” for the LORD will exact the punishment. Say not: “I have sinned, yet what has befallen me?” for the LORD bides his time. Of forgiveness be not overconfident, adding sin upon sin. Say not: “Great is his mercy; my many sins he will forgive.” For mercy and anger alike are with him; upon the wicked alights his wrath. Delay not your conversion to the LORD, put it not off from day-to-day; For suddenly his wrath flames forth; at the time of vengeance, you will be destroyed. Rely not upon deceitful wealth, for it will be no help on the day of wrath.”

— 6 — Then We Have: The first verses of Psalms:

“Blessed the man who follows not the counsel of the wicked, nor walks in the way of sinners, nor sits in the company of the insolent,

but delights in the law of the LORD and meditates on his law day and night.

He is like a tree planted near running water, That yields its fruit in due season, and whose leaves never fade. Whatever he does, prospers.”

— 7 — Finally We Have: This meditation from Saint Thomas Aquinas:

“Merciful God, grant that I may ardently desire what is pleasing to you, prudently seek it, truthfully acknowledge it and perfectly fulfill it to the praise and glory of your name.

Order my life and grant I may carry out what you wish me to do as is fitting and serviceable to my soul’s salvation. May I come to you, Lord, by a way that is sure, direct, pleasant and ordered to its end; a way that does not wander aimlessly between prosperity and adversity; that I may thank you when things go well and keep patience when they go badly, neither letting myself be raised up by the former nor cast down by the latter. May nothing bring me happiness nor make me sad except those things that either lead to you or draw me away. May I neither desire to please nor fear to displease anyone except you alone. May all passing things become as worthless in my eyes because of you, Lord, and may I hold dear whatever touches you nearly and you yourself, O my God, more than all… May I desire nothing besides you…

O Lord my God, grant me an understanding that knows you, an eagerness that seeks you, a wisdom that finds you, a life that pleases you, a perseverance that waits for you with trust and a trust that holds you fast until the end. Grant me to be afflicted with your sorrows through penance, to make use of your blessings along the way by your grace, and above all to rejoice in your joy through glory in your homeland, O You who, being God, live and reign through all ages.”

God love and bless you!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

The Chase

Posted on May 22, 2013 by theveilofchastity

Every evening when I log onto my blog I check the stats. I find it fascinating that the same post is always the #1 viewed post for the day. Every day. What is that post? The post is: Stop Chasing Him

In addition, my site shows me which terms are used when people search and land on my blog. The searches are always about Chasing.

Should I stop pursuing him?
Don’t chase him.
Stop chasing him.
Am I chasing him?
Let him pursue you.
If I stop chasing him, will he pursue me?
If he is not chasing me, what should I do?

Since I have a lot of new followers recently (thank you and welcome!), I wanted to make sure that you new girls have an opportunity to read this post. It sets a great foundation for everything I write. Example:

“….Why not chase men? Because men are awesome, competent and brave and they are perfectly capable of doing the chasing and initiating!! And, when he is the one, he will chase you. He will want to chase you!..”

Next week I will get back to our series on Emotional Chastity. In the meantime, please read or re-read: Stop Chasing Him

God love and bless you!

7 Quick Takes Friday ~ Vol 29

Posted on May 17, 2013 by theveilofchastity

— 1 — This Week’s Post: Is……Emotional Chastity! Visualize your freedom in Christ!

— 2 — This Week’s Other Post: The Very Inspiring Blogger Award! Check out who inspires me and who I nominated for the Award. Also, please help me congratulate Amanda on the publication of her book, Worthy!

— 3 — She Knows: Did you see this article by Rebecca Frech? It was a note of encouragement to her teen daughter about chastity. She provided an excellent perspective on the importance of parents being open to life and how marital chastity is the best witness and support for our children in their goal of living chastely. Kudos Rebecca!

— 4 — Prison Mass: I loved this!

— 5 — Spotlight on: This week’s spotlight is on Rachel Allen! She works for a retreat ministry called the REAP Team, where it is her full-time job to talk about sex, love, dating, and chastity. Check out this post and follow her on Twitter. Thank you, Rachel for your important ministry!

— 6 — Childless on Mother’s Day: This article by MaryBeth Bonacci mirrored how I felt at Mass on Mother’s Day. I know the priests have the best intentions. Motherhood today is under attack so our sweet Knights of Columbus men wanted to honor us Moms with a carnation. We stood and were applauded by the rest of the congregation. It felt uncomfortable to me. Here we are with the greatest blessing possible (a child) and we were being applauded. I guess I just want to turn the honor over to our Creator. Maybe as an alternative, they can give carnations to all the females in honor of the feminine genius? Anyone else feel this way?

— 7 — The Peace of God: Saint Padre Pio de Pietrelcina (1887-1968), Capuchin wrote:

“God’s Spirit is a spirit of peace; even after our most serious failings he makes us feel a sorrow that is peaceful, humble and confident, precisely because of his mercy. The spirit of evil, on the other hand, agitates, irritates and makes us feel a sort of anger at ourselves when we have failed. Yet it is very much to ourselves we should be practicing charity in the first place. So, when you are bothered by certain thoughts, the agitation never comes from God but from the devil, since God, being a spirit of peace, brings you serenity.”

God love and bless you!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Emotional Chastity

Posted on May 16, 2013 by theveilofchastity

My post from two weeks ago focused on Fantasy Relationships and how important Emotional Chastity is in preventing these unhealthy relationships. I think it is very hard to experience the freedom of physical chastity unless we first strive for emotional chastity.

Like physical Chastity, Emotional Chastity is a life-long virtue. The goal of obtaining Emotional Chastity is not to catch a husband. The goal is to become free of the emotions that lead to a disordered life.

Create Your Own Fiat

How do you free yourself from these disordered emotions? The best way, to me, is to have complete trust in the goodness and the will of God. You, like The Virgin Mary, can create your own little fiat, “”Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord, let it be done to me according to Thy word.” You can trust Him with your future, your vocation and your needs. This trust can be so profound that you can confidently live by these words of Sacred Scripture:

“I charge you Daughters of Israel do not awaken or stir up love until it pleases.”

Song of Songs 8:4

The goal is to remain asleep in His will until it pleases the Lord to awaken you to His plan for your vocation. This trust frees you from the temptation to “stir up” your emotions. Trust in the Lord will keep you from placing your attention and affections on the wrong men. Confidence in His will for your life will protect you from chasing men.

How do you obtain this trust in and obedience to the will of the Lord? Over the next couple of weeks, I will be presenting some ideas. Today, I will be focusing on a technique which helped me when I was single. As you will see, I still use this technique.

A Vision Of Yourself

Okay, so the goals of Emotional Chastity are:

To be free of any emotion that leads to a disordered life
To have an ordered life of virtue and healthy habits, attitudes, behaviors and emotions
To trust in the will of the Lord and the goodness of the Lord
To remain asleep until He pleases

One way to obtain these goals is to have a vision of yourself with the characteristics and virtues you want to incorporate into your life. Have you ever tried this? Some might think it sounds sort of new age-ish. But, what could be the harm? I am not advocating a self-deprecating attitude where you focus on everything that is wrong with you. Nor am I encouraging you to fill your head with conceded notions about yourself.

Instead, I am advocating that you create a vision of your best self. Your most free self. Your most trusting self. Your most virtuous self. Your most emotionally balanced self. Then, once you see this vision, you can start praying for and modeling the required virtues, behaviors, attitudes, habits and disposition. Your healthy emotions will naturally follow.

An Example

Just today, the Lord put an opportunity in front of me. I call it ‘opportunity’ but it would be better described as a challenge. You see, this challenge is going to force me out of my comfort zone. It is going to stretch me to my limits. But, I had to say ‘Yes’ to the Lord. Behold, I am His handmaid after all.

So, as I am freaking out in my head and trying not to hyperventilate about this ‘opportunity’, I started to picture myself with the virtues I am going to need in order to glorify the Lord through this opportunity. Here is an example of the pep talk I gave to myself (as well as the challenges in parenthesis):

I am an open person (not at all)
I am a flexible person (ha ha ha ha ha ha)
I am a person without shame (sigh, I am so not perfect)
I am a generous person (um, not really)

Once I was able to name the needed virtues and create the vision, I knew how to pray for myself. Also, trusting in the goodness and the will of God will give me confidence that He will help me in these specific areas. I will be stretched, but I will be fine. I may even be, dare I say, blessed.

What Is Your Vision?

When I was single, I practiced this visualization technique. I would create the vision, name the virtue, pray and then trust. You can do this too. For example, your goal is to live a chaste life. What does this look like for you? Your goal is to be emotionally steady and trust in the Lord. What does this look like for you? Your goal is to be the kind of girl who knows her dignity and does not chase men. What does this look like for you?

Can you see yourself with all these virtues? What are your daily habits? What does your posture look like and how do you carry yourself? How do you respond to various situations? How do you respond to men? What do you need to start doing? What do you need to stop doing?

What Do You Need?

The Lord wants you to be His handmaid. He wants you to give Him your fiat. He knows all about your disordered emotions. He knows what is keeping you from trusting Him. Therefore, He will provide what is required in order for you to glorify Him. Lay this vision of your obedient, trusting self at His feet. Present your needs to Him. Tell Him you want only to glorify Him.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

Philippians 4:6-8

What Else?

Next week I will talk about The Veil and how the concept can help you achieve Emotional Chastity.

God love and bless you!

The Very Inspiring Blogger Award!

Posted on May 14, 2013 by theveilofchastity

A little while back, Amanda from Worthy of Agape nominated me for what I thought was the Liebster Award. But as I tracked the award back to its origin, it looks like the actual award is not the Liebster Award. Instead, it is the Very Inspiring Blogger Award! Thank you, Amanda!

I chose to respond to this award today in honor of Amanda and the release of her new book, Worthy! (do you like my color scheme?)

I just know her book is going to be amazing. You can purchase her book here and at Amazon starting today . Congratulations Amanda!!

Here are the rules of the award:

Link back to the blogger who nominated you. (check)
Post the award image to your page. (check)
Share 7 facts about yourself — fun things, favorites things, humorous things or things that inspire you. (check)
Nominate up to 15 other blogs and invite them to participate. (I did 7 ~ favorite biblical number)

It is fun to follow-up on the links of the other bloggers nominated and make new blogging friends. Enjoy!

7 things that inspire me:

Large Catholic families: A witness to the Culture of Death!
People who write books and actually get them published! Yes, that is you Amanda!
Religious Sisters/Brides of Christ: Radiant! A witness to the culture of selfishness!
Catholic Seminarians: Courageous! A witness for Christ in the world!
My Mom: Mental Toughness! Totally Accepting! Full of Energy!
Catholic Converts: I am so convicted by their search for truth! If I were not raised Catholic, would I have searched for truth and found Him in His Church? I would like to say yes but…don’t know. Scary.
Gregg: Unselfish, Generous and Loving husband! Amazing and Patient Father!

I nominate the following 7 inspiring Catholic bloggers for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award. I know they will inspire you also:

Sarah at Fumbling Toward Grace : One word for Sarah: Perseverance!
Regina at Catholic Alcoholic : Regina’s posts are beautiful, raw, honest and courageous!
Kelsey at Answering The Call : Kelsey has answered the call….calling our youth to Christ and His Church. Awesome!
Meg at Held by His Pierced Hands : Meg is even more awesome in person but check out her blog and follow her in her hobo life for Christ!
Stephanie at Captive the Heart : Stephanie is inspiring but she is also the sweetest blogger out there!
Stefanie at A Dreamers Wife : Stefanie somehow makes the rounds and finds time to read our blogs and encourage us in our Dreams!
Colleen at Martin Family Moments : Colleen is a mom of 5. She works outside the home. Her blog posts are always amazing, and interesting and funny and grammatically correct. I don’t know how she does it.

Congratulations! May we, by the grace of God, continue to inspire others and glorify our Lord!