Every evening when I log onto my blog I check the stats.  I find it fascinating that the same post is always the #1 viewed post for the day.  Every day.  What is that post?  The post is:  Stop Chasing Him

In addition, my site shows me which terms are used when people search and land on my blog.  The searches are always about Chasing.

• Should I stop pursuing him?
• Don’t chase him.
• Stop chasing him.
• Am I chasing him?
• Let him pursue you.
• If I stop chasing him, will he pursue me?
• If he is not chasing me, what should I do?

Since I have a lot of new followers recently (thank you and welcome!), I wanted to make sure that you new girls have an opportunity to read this post.  It sets a great foundation for everything I write.  Example:

“….Why not chase men?  Because men are awesome, competent and brave and they are perfectly capable of doing the chasing and initiating!!  And, when he is the one, he will chase you.  He will want to chase you!..”

Next week I will get back to our series on Emotional Chastity.  In the meantime, please read or re-read:   Stop Chasing Him

God love and bless you!

If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too! Thank you!

My post from two weeks ago focused on Fantasy Relationships and how important Emotional Chastity is in preventing these unhealthy relationships.  I think it is very hard to experience the freedom of physical chastity unless we first strive for emotional chastity.

Like physical Chastity, Emotional Chastity is a life-long virtue. The goal of obtaining Emotional Chastity is not to catch a husband.  The goal is to become free of the emotions that lead to a disordered life.

Create Your Own Fiat

How do you free yourself from these disordered emotions?  The best way, to me, is to have complete trust in the goodness and the will of God.  You, like The Virgin Mary, can create your own little fiat, “”Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord, let it be done to me according to Thy word.”  You can trust Him with your future, your vocation and your needs.  This trust can be so profound that you can confidently live by these words of Sacred Scripture:

“I charge you Daughters of Israel do not awaken or stir up love until it pleases.”

Song of Songs 8:4

The goal is to  remain asleep in His will until it pleases the Lord to awaken you to His plan for your vocation.  This trust frees you from the temptation to “stir up” your emotions.  Trust in the Lord will keep you from placing your attention and affections on the wrong men.  Confidence in His will for your life will protect you from chasing men.

How do you obtain this trust in and obedience to the will of the Lord?  Over the next couple of weeks, I will be presenting some ideas.  Today, I will be focusing on a technique which helped me when I was single. As you will see, I still use this technique.

A Vision Of Yourself

Okay, so the goals of Emotional Chastity are:

• To be free of any emotion that leads to a disordered life
• To have an ordered life of virtue and healthy habits, attitudes, behaviors and emotions
• To trust in the will of the Lord and the goodness of the Lord
• To remain asleep until He pleases

One way to obtain these goals is to have a vision of yourself with the characteristics and virtues you want to incorporate into your life.  Have you ever tried this?  Some might think it sounds sort of new age-ish. But, what could be the harm? I am not advocating a self-deprecating attitude where you focus on everything that is wrong with you.  Nor am I encouraging you to fill your head with conceded notions about yourself.

Instead, I am advocating that you create a vision of your best self.  Your most free self.  Your most trusting self.  Your most virtuous self.  Your most emotionally balanced self.  Then, once you see this vision, you can start praying for and modeling the required virtues, behaviors, attitudes, habits and disposition.  Your healthy emotions will naturally follow.

An Example

Just today, the Lord put an opportunity in front of me.  I call it ‘opportunity’ but it would be better described as a challenge.  You see, this challenge is going to force me out of my comfort zone.  It is going to stretch me to my limits.  But, I had to say ‘Yes’ to the Lord.  Behold, I am His handmaid after all.

So, as I am freaking out in my head and trying not to hyperventilate about this ‘opportunity’, I started to picture myself with the virtues I am going to need in order to glorify the Lord through this opportunity.  Here is an example of the pep talk I gave to myself (as well as the challenges in parenthesis):

• I am an open person (not at all)
• I am a flexible person (ha ha ha ha ha ha)
• I am a person without shame (sigh, I am so not perfect)
• I am a generous person (um, not really)

Once I was able to name the needed virtues and create the vision, I knew how to pray for myself.  Also, trusting in the goodness and the will of God will give me confidence that He will help me in these specific areas.  I will be stretched, but I will be fine.  I may even be, dare I say, blessed.

What Is Your Vision?

When I was single, I practiced this visualization technique.  I would create the vision, name the virtue, pray and then trust.  You can do this too.  For example, your goal is to live a chaste life.  What does this look like for you?  Your goal is to be emotionally steady and trust in the Lord.  What does this look like for you?  Your goal is to be the kind of girl who knows her dignity and does not chase men.  What does this look like for you?

Can you see yourself with all these virtues?  What are your daily habits?  What does your posture look like and how do you carry yourself?  How do you respond to various situations?  How do you respond to men?  What do you need to start doing?  What do you need to stop doing?

What Do You Need?

The Lord wants you to be His handmaid.  He wants you to give Him your fiat. He knows all about your disordered emotions. He knows what is keeping you from trusting Him.  Therefore, He will provide what is required in order for you to glorify Him.  Lay this vision of your obedient, trusting self at His feet. Present your needs to Him.  Tell Him you want only to glorify Him.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

Philippians 4:6-8

What Else?

Next week I will talk about The Veil and how the concept can help you achieve Emotional Chastity.

God love and bless you!

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Last week’s post about Fantasy Relationships seems to have hit home for many of you!  There were a lot of page hits and email responses to this problem that affects so many women. 

I ended that post with a number of questions about why we as women are so vulnerable to Fantasy Relationships and why some men have such an incredible power over us.  And, I concluded with the notion that Emotional Chastity is something we must all strive for.

Next week, I will expand on the importance of Emotional Chastity (what is it? how do you practice and obtain it?).  We will talk about the importance of remaining asleep in the will of God until it pleases Him to awaken you and not “stirring” things up while you wait. (Song of Songs 8:4)

But before we can practice and obtain emotional chastity, I think it is necessary to understand the “Why?” behind our emotions and desires.  Why are we so vulnerable to fantasy relationships, why are we tempted to chase men and why do we pin our hopes on Mr. Wrong and Mr. Almost Right?  Why do we find it so hard to remain asleep until the Lord pleases?

Original Sin

I hear you scoffing at the old fashion notion of Original Sin but please hear me out.  Once I made the connection between The Fall of Mankind and my feelings, emotions, desires and weaknesses, it all began to make sense, especially these words of Sacred Scripture:

“Your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you” Genesis 3:16

Your Desire Will Be For Your Husband

Seems like a simple little statement, right? And, it actually sounds like a good thing.  But, the statement is found in the chapter of Genesis following the sin of Adam and Eve. The statement describes the consequence of Original Sin for us women.  Remember, the sin of our first parents profoundly and negatively affected their relationship and this Original Sin continues to negatively affect our relationships with men and ourselves. 

So, what could the statement, “…Your desire shall be for your husband…” possibly mean? What is the consequence for us women? I think the consequence is that the process of waiting for our husbands will be marked by great desire and suffering.  Just like in the Song of Songs, it will be a gut-wrenching experience of waiting, hoping and longing for our beloved.  Something our first mother, Eve, did not experience before The Fall.  Nor did our Blessed Mother, Mary who was conceived without sin, experience it.  But, we do.

He Will Rule Over You

Now, how about the second part of the consequence, “…he will rule over you.”?  Who will rule over you?  I think the desire for our husband and the thought of being with him rules over us during the wait.  This contributes to Fantasy Relationships, temptations to chase men and take control of our future. We are in a state of longing and anticipation.  This condition of desire and longing can, if not controlled, rule over us, our emotions, our actions and our thought life. 

Theology of the Body

Have you read it?  Do you know what it is? As Pope, Blessed John Paul II dedicated his first major teaching project to sexuality and the dignity of the human person. He called the project Theology of the Body (TOB) and delivered it in 129 short talks in Rome during his Wednesday audiences between 1979 and 1984.  

Blessed Pope John Paul II had a brilliant mind and therefore much of TOB goes over my poor little head.  But, there are some things that just jump out at me such as this concept of The Fall impacting our relationship with ourselves and the opposite sex and that there is hope for overcoming the effects of Original Sin.  

Taste The Freedom 

Here are some of the words from Blessed Pope John Paul II’s TOB which jump out at me:

“…..Whoever allows these words to act in his heart will hear an “echo” of God’s original plan for sexuality. He will taste the freedom that he lost and long for its restoration. He will feel in the depths of his heart the tragedy of sin and cry out in repentance, and by the power of the Holy Spirit, Christ will save him….”

I am convinced that we hear this echo of God’s original plan and that we long for the restoration and taste of the freedom it gives.  And, that we feel this loss and longing in the depths of our hearts. 

The Heart: A Battlefield Between Love and Lust

During his Wednesday talk on July 23, 1980, Pope John Paul II addressed the heart and how it is a battlefield between love and lust.  Now, it is easy to think of lust being only an issue for men, right? But I wonder if this desire for our husbands while we wait, if left uncontrolled, can become a form of lust?  If we do not have our emotions and thought life in check, we are just as vulnerable as men to lust, although maybe in a different form.  Men may experience physical lust but we women can experience emotional lust.

What is lust?  It means “to use” and to treat a person like an object. The human person is a body and a soul.  The Nuptial meaning of the body is the gift of the whole person, both body and soul.  The human person, the gift, cannot be separated.  When we pin our emotions on a man who is not our beloved, we are experiencing lust because that person has not been given to us as a gift.  Therefore, we are, in a sense, using them.

You Are Not Crazy

Hopefully, this profound insight into your thoughts and emotions has encouraged you rather than discourage you!  You are not crazy.  This desire for your husband and this feeling that you are being yanked around like an emotional wind sock is normal.

But, I am not giving you a free pass to continue with your thoughts and emotions unchecked.  We are not supposed to be subject to our unruly passions.

You see, what I have described is the disordered part of our nature.  Chastity, both physical and emotional, is a call into order our emotions, habits and desires.  How do we do this?  Remember last week I gave you the 3 Date Rule?

“…Do not even consider a guy or allow him to occupy your heart or thoughts until he has taken you on 3 dates.  3 real dates where he pays and impresses you…”

Well, that is only the beginning.  There is so much more to Emotional Chastity and I will share with you my recommendations for obtaining it next week!  Hint:  It is about the freedom offered by Jesus Christ and the power of His grace! In the meantime, you remain in my prayers.

God love and bless you!

If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too! Thank you!

I really enjoy receiving your letters because when I see your name and read about your life it makes this whole blog thing come alive.  You sweet girls become real to me and I begin to care deeply about you.  That is why it is not easy when I have to tell you things you do not want to hear.  I do not like to hurt other’s feelings because I know what it feels like to have your feelings hurt.  You get that big lump in your throat and your eyes fill with tears.  You think to  yourself, “She doesn’t understand.”  Ugh, it does not feel good.

The reason I tell you these difficult things is because I have walked in your shoes.  I have made your mistakes.  I have felt your disappointments.  And, I wish, despite having my feelings hurt, someone would have told me these things. 

The difficult truth I want to identify in this post is:  Fantasy Relationships are not Healthy

Flirtations Are Not Dates

Many men will flirt with you and pay attention to you. They may text you or tweet with you.  They may stand close to you at parties and make you swoon.  They may even call you on the phone.  But, these are flirtations and flirtations are not dates.  Nor are they marriage proposals.  The danger is that they can easily turn into fantasy relationships.

A man who is potentially The One for you will take you on dates (Ice Cream, County Fair, Boardwalk, Movies, walk your dog).  Real dates.  Where the two of you are alone.  Where he can show you off to the world.  Where he can impress you with his manners and open doors for you.  Where he pays and takes a risk by asking you out formally.  Everything else is a flirtation; a fantasy relationship.  It does not count.  As Gregg says, “Anything else is the Lazy Man’s approach!”

The notes I get from you tell me that you are spending an awful lot of time and energy wondering if these flirtations count.  And, I have to tell you that they do not count.  But by the time I get your emails, most you are already attached to and fantasizing about Mr. Lazy Man.  Maybe you have paired your first name with his last name…..Suzie Man. Sound familiar? 

Normal, Totally Normal

Look, I am not making fun of you.  I want you to know that your desire to be loved, cherished and happily married is Normal and Healthy.  And, if you are over the age of 20, your hormones are raging and this fact contributes to your drive to be loved, cherished and married.  Hormones are not just a guy thing. They are there for a reason and are healthy.

Not Healthy

But, your low expectations are not healthy.  I am so saddened when I get a note from a girl who is attached to a guy who has not even taken her out on a real date.  Please, please raise your expectations. 

3 Dates

Here is the advice I have been giving privately:  Do not even consider a guy or allow him to occupy your heart or thoughts until he has taken you on 3 dates.  Yes, 3 real dates where he pays and impresses you.  Why?  I will answer that next week.  But, basically because that gives the guy enough time to decide on you.  And, if he has decided on you, then you can consider him.  But, not until then.  That is just the way it works.  Sigh.

Guilty

I was the same way when I was young.  It seemed that any amount of attention from a guy would do. I could pick from a myriad of stories to share about guys in my life who were flirtation experts.  There was this one guy who flirted with me big time.  Everyone saw it and recognized that this guy had a thing for me.  He would call me and ask if I was going to attend a certain party and then let me know that he would be there too.  I responded positively to this information leaving him little room to wonder if I was interested in him.  He even bought me a Christmas present once (now hanging on our bathroom wall ~  LOL).  He would look intently at me and stand close to me at parties.  But, he never asked me out on a date.  Never.

Did I think about him too much?  Yes. Did I wonder if he was The One?  Yes.  Did I pair my first name with his last name?  Maaaaybe.  And, did I respond with Shock when he married the very next girl who he actually took on dates?  Yes.  Ugh.

The Veil

So, I am guilty too and I understand how easy it is to fall into a fantasy relationship with Mr. Lazy Man.  But, looking back, I realize that he was not really being lazy.  Instead, I believe he (and all those other flirtation experts) saw something in me that they really liked but held back due to The Veil.  If you were to shoot them up with truth serum they most likely would not be able to pinpoint their reason for holding back.  As I said last week, love and attraction are a mystery.  It cannot be explained.

I am certain that this same thing is happening to you if you have committed to Chastity.  The guys who are flirting with you really do see something they like but they are being held back from pursuing you.  Therefore, please don’t feel rejected but instead realize that you are being protected.  The one that God has for you will follow through.  He will take you on dates and pursue you and marry you.  He will make you feel amazing.

Why Does It Happen?

You might wonder why you are so vulnerable to having fantasy relationships and how you can avoid falling into this unhealthy state.  Why do these guys have such an incredible power over you?  Please come back next week and we will talk about a very important aspect of the single life:  Emotional Chastity

God love and bless you!

If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too! Thank you!

Last week I opened with my two favorite scenes from the movie Sense and Sensibility.  It always gets me when Elinor Dashwood tells Marianne, “at least you can be certain he (Willoughby) loved you.” and Marianne replies, “But not enough.  Not enough.”  Willoughby was Marianne’s Mr. Almost Right.  He loved her, but not enough.

In last week’s post, I started to tell the story of Fred, one of my Mr. Almost Rights.  I promised to share the rest of the story, namely the external details of what happened, this week.  Next week, I will share with you some of the internal details that went on inside of me with the hope that it will help you identify if you are with Mr. Almost Right.

Mr. Almost Right ~ Continued

“…Fred was telling all his friends about me, introducing me to them, calling me daily, spending lots of time with me, planning our future and doing all the things that a guy does when he is interested in a girl. Yes, words of love were spoken. It felt really almost right.  Almost…..”

After about eight months of dating, Fred’s military job transferred him instead to another state and so we were forced to date long-distance. We continued in our commitment to chastity. However, there came a point where he started asking me when I was going to move to this other state.  We were not married nor were we even engaged, yet he was pressuring me to move. It just was not something I was willing to do before marriage.

It was frustrating because Fred would propose to me on almost a daily basis and he was mailing me designs of ‘our’ new home asking me questions like, “Do you want a Hibachi grill in the kitchen?”  I was thinking (but never told him), “What?  How can I even begin to think about Hibachi grills when I don’t even know if we have a future?”  So, he was doing these things but he never asked my Father for my hand in marriage, he never presented me with an engagement ring nor would he suggest we set a wedding date with the church.

In his (lame) defense, he was going through intense military flight training and he kind of used that as an excuse for our delayed engagement.  I knew deep down that plenty of military guys were able to get engaged/married and go through flight training at the same time.  So, I felt like that was a flimsy reason to delay our engagement.  As Marianne stated in her reply about Willoughby, our engagement “was everyday implied but never declared.”

When I would ask him if he had checked into becoming Catholic, he would just start quizzing me about evolution and challenging me with Darwin-laced questions.  He was an intellectual doubter, God bless his soul.  In the end, we had an argument one night during a long-distant phone call which ended abruptly.  Things ended and we never spoke again.

People thought I was crazy and the “you’re too picky and stubborn” accusations were silently and sometimes verbally communicated.  I was thirty-two years old. They wondered, “What was wrong with him?” And, “Did I expect perfection?”  I am not sure what I expected but I knew what I had hoped for.  My heart hoped for marriage to a man who shares my Catholic faith and does not try to wrestle me into submission without first making the necessary sacrifices and commitment.

In this post from September 2012, I wrote the following:

“…Listen my sweet girls, when a man loves a woman, I mean really loves her, the location becomes a non-factor.  The guy just wants to be with his beloved.  He makes arrangements for them to be together.  He is accommodating to her wants and desires and longs for her happiness with him.  In short, he wants to marry her.  If temporary separation is required due to military assignments, school or a job, he leaves her with specific reassurance of his intentions for marriage with a timeline.  These are the actions of a man (really) in love…”

        And this post from October 2012:

“…As the girl, this will be the symptom to look out for:  you complain and/or act and feel frustrated.  Then, in response to your complaints and frustration, he pulls back instead of addressing your complaint in a way that will completely reassure you.  You see, even your Holy Spouse (the one that God intends for you to marry) will not be perfect in his wooing.  But, once a Holy Spouse realizes his mistake, he self-corrects and does things that will reassure his beloved.  Your Holy Spouse’s feelings for you should very rarely ebb. Rather, they flow and they grow.  Even if he does have a smidgen of doubt, he keeps it to himself in order not to lose you.”

Sacrifice, commitment, reassurance, certitude, timeline, marriage.

Do I believe that Fred loved me?  Yes.  But not enough.  Not enough.

“Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds. Or bends with the remover to remove. Oh no! It is an ever fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken”.

William Shakespeare Sonnet 116

Next Week:  What was going on with me internally during all this?

God love and bless you!

If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too! Thank you!

I have two favorite scenes in the movie Sense and Sensibility. My first favorite scene is when Marianne finds out that Willoughby rejected her and instead married Miss Grey and the following heart-wrenching exchange takes place:

Elinor Dashwood: “Did he tell you he loved you?”

Marianne: “Yes… no. Never absolutely. It was everyday implied but never declared.”

The second scene that I love is when Elinor breaks the news to Marianne that the reason Willoughby married Miss Grey was for her money:

Elinor Dashwood: “Whatever his past actions, whatever his present course… at least you may be certain that he loved you.”

Marianne: “But not enough. Not enough.”

Willoughby was Marianne’s Mr. Almost Right. I have more Mr. Almost Rights than Mr. Wrongs in my dating history. Mr. Almost Right is a tricky kind of guy because he often displays a tremendous amount of interest and affection. But, as I explained last week, with Mr. Almost Right, the movement toward marriage is in question. He likes you but he acts as if something is keeping him from committing to ‘till death do you part.’ The certitude is missing and there is a general lack of peace. It is so close to being right but it is as if something is preventing the relationship from developing into marriage.

Before you get too excited about Mr. Almost Right and throw all caution to the wind like Marianne, please keep this in mind: just because something looks better than anything you have experienced before, does not mean that it is God’s will. It could be a test. Chastity will enable you to keep your head on straight and empower you to pass the test.

Mr. Almost Right circa 1996

About 5 years before I met my husband, I dated this guy whom I met through work. I am going to share this story as a way of showing that even though something may look like it is God’s will, there are key factors to look out for.

So, this guy, let’s call him Fred, saw me in the copy room one day at work and asked me if anyone had ever told me that I look like Vivien Leigh. I did not know who she was. But it is funny that even this level of obtuseness on my part did not stop him from pursuing me. He said, “You know, the girl in Gone With The Wind?” Oh, a compliment from a cute guy. Okay, this is nice. So, we introduced ourselves and I went on my merry way.

Then one day I accidentally left a very special ring in the Ladies’ room which my Mom had given to me. Another girl found it and put a note on the mirror with the room number to the office where I could find the ring. The room was in a secured area and when I knocked on the door, who do you suppose answered? Yes, it was Fred!

So, I told him about my ring and he said, “Is it a wedding ring?” Somewhat taken aback but smiling, I said, “No, but it is an important ring.” He said, “So, you are not married?” Smiling, I said, “No.” And, he said, “I would like to take you out on a date if you are interested.” I said with a sweet smile, “Yes, I would like that. May I please have my ring now?”

I was interested in Fred and he was what I considered to be a catch. He was a military officer and had even flown sorties in the first Gulf War. He was blonde, blue-eyed and cute! But, the big hurdle for me was that he was not Catholic. He had never even been baptized. It is sad because I remember the first time I met his Mom, an atheist, and he told her that he had gone to Mass with me. The look of distasteful shock on her face is something I could not forget.

He loved the fact that I was Catholic and was very clear that this was a big attraction for him. And the chastity thing really intrigued him. During our courtship, he revealed that he would like to become Catholic. Yay!

Most everything felt right and somewhat providential. I wondered, “Could he be the one?” It seemed as if God was aligning things up perfectly! For example, our jobs were transferring that year to an area where Fred just so happened to already own a beautiful home on several acres of land. And, he was telling all his friends about me, introducing me to them, calling me daily, spending lots of time with me, planning our future and doing all the things that a guy does when he is interested in a girl. Yes, words of love were spoken. It felt really almost right. Almost.

To be continued…..

Come back next week to find out what happened! God love and bless you!

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It is my belief that if you even are asking the question, “Is he the one?” then he is, unfortunately, not the one.  I draw this conclusion as a result of hindsight from my own past relationships and from what I have observed in other people’s relationships. 

Certainty Is A Sign

Certainty is a big green light from God.  It is a gift from Him that He wants to give us.  He wants us to know His will.  Why would He make us struggle with such an important question like our vocation and our spouse?  He doesn’t.  The struggle is instead manufactured by us humans. 

Men manufacture this struggle when they present excuses for not being certain about the girl they are dating. Women manufacture this struggle when they make excuses for a guy who is either Mr. Wrong or Mr. Almost Right. 

Mr. Wrong

You know what I am referring to, right?  His words and his action do not match.  He sees you every once in a while rather than consistently making you part of his life.  He texts you rather than calls you to hear your voice.  He leaves you guessing about the future (even the near future).  And you, patient you, are hoping that, given time, the relationship will blossom into something serious.

He likes you but he is biding his time in the hopes of finding the girl of his dreams.  Sadly, you are not his dream girl.

Mr. Almost Right

Now, there are some guys who are pretty good at the pursuit role.  They say and do almost all the right things.  Almost.  The key to figuring them out is their lack of moving the relationship forward in a timely manner.  They are content with “dating.”  Marriage is not even on the radar and if there is a marriage blip on the radar screen, it is distant and small.  This is not a good sign.  The one that God has for you will want to move things forward to marriage quickly. 

Again, Mr. Almost Right likes you but he is biding his time in the hopes of finding the girl of his dreams.  Sadly, you are not his dream girl.

The Veil

Keep in mind that there is nothing wrong with you.  You are covered by a veil which protects you from Mr. Wrong and Mr. Almost Right.  However, the one that God has for you is the only guy that will be able to see you.  You will be his dream girl.  So, don’t allow yourself to stay in these wrong relationships.  Just move on. If he happens to be the one, he will quickly change when you tell him you are moving on.  He will not want to lose you and he will move things forward toward marriage.

Chastity

Emotional and physical Chastity will weed out every guy except for the one that God has for you.  Guaranteed. 

What Staying Will Do

Staying in a dating relationship with Mr. Wrong or Mr. Almost Right will lead you to feel bad about yourself.  You will be tempted to compromise on your rightful  desire to be pursued.  You will start to believe and act as if you are not worthy of a real pursuit.  You will start to fantasize about Mr. Wrong and your future together. But the fantasy will be better than the reality he is showing you.  And, you will most likely be tempted to start chasing him.

Again, his wishy-washy behavior will lead you to feel bad about yourself and the more you allow it the less you will be able to respond to the one that God has for you in a positive, confident, happy and appreciative manner.

It Will Be Obvious

The difference between ‘the one’ and ‘not the one’ is not a fine line that you need a magnifying glass to ponder over and analyze.  Instead, it will be extremely and blatantly obvious! If you are even asking the question “Is he the one?” then you know that he is not.

But, But, But

I can hear your objections to my radical and one- size-fits-all analysis of your situation and special circumstance which keeps your guy from marrying you and making you feel loved and cherished.  Believe me, I know it is hard to accept.  Please feel free to continue to write to me so we can talk about your situation.  I promise I am more compassionate than I may seem. 🙂 Over the next couple of weeks, I will share more insights on why “He is not the one.”

What I have found is that the old adage “you will know” is so true.  In a couple of weeks, I will help you answer the question “How will I know?”

God love and bless you!

If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like”my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Thank you!

I will be taking a break from blogging this week due to Holy Week, Good Friday and Easter. For the same holy reason, Jen will not be hosting her 7 Quick Takes Friday link-up on Good Friday.

I have been receiving a number of detailed emails from you asking this question:  Is he the one?

I have also been asked how I can have such a “broad brush” opinion about what a real Holy Spouse looks (and acts) like versus a guy who is not the one. My post next week will address these legitimate questions. I say they are legitimate because I had the same questions when I was single!

• Is he the one?
• How will I know?
• Is he just not ready?
• Why do I feel disappointed with his pursuit of me?

In response to these legitimate questions, please check back for next week’s post:  He Is Not The One

In the meantime, I have categorized my past posts on the side bar to the right of the blog hoping it will help those of you who are searching around the blog. The categories are:

• Myths That Singles Must Resist (especially this one)
• The Inside Scoop On Him (especially this one)
• Top Posts (especially this one)

Please keep your emails coming. I love the dialogue and getting to know you better. I also enjoy adding your names to my Divine Mercy Chaplet prayer list.

May you have a blessed Holy Week and a glorious Easter. He is Risen, Alleluia!

God love you and bless you!

If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Thank you!