7 Quick Takes Friday ~ Vol 71

Posted on March 21, 2014 by theveilofchastity

— 1 — This Week’s Post: My guest post, Who Is My Favorite Saint?, is over at Sarah’s blog, Footprints On My Heart! Thank you, Sarah for inviting me to share this!

— 2 — Not Alone Series: This week’s NAS topic was: Single Life Bucket List! All the girls had neat and meaningful things on their list. Many want to travel and some had what I consider to be ‘lofty’ goals. I am looking at you, Nikki, who wants to learn to play the piano, swim and learn to ice skate. Go Nikki! I also loved what Jen wrote:

“If I had to pick something for my Single Life Bucket List… it would be this: to be proud and confident in who I am; in who God has created me to be, so that I can be the best version of myself.”

Oh, and I can’t wait for next week when the topic is Deal Breakers!

—3 — Spotlight On: I would like to welcome Charity from A Note For Someday to the NAS series. I loved her single life bucket list! For a college girl, she has lots of wisdom. I can attest to her wisdom because I know her! She stayed the Summer with us last year and actually has the inside scoop on our household…. so I need to be nice to her! No, seriously, she is an amazing girl and we love her. I knew I could count on the NAS girls to provide their usual encouragement to her. Charity writes about fashion, Modesty, University life and heartbreak. Check her out. You will not be disappointed.

— 4 — Spotlight On: This week’s spotlight is on Pier from The Newlywed Lefebvres for her post, We Give Up! You remember Pier. She did a guest post for me a while back. Have you visited her blog? Please do. It is all grace and heart over there. This line from her We Give Up! post is spotlight worthy:

“…This isn’t to say we have given up on having children…but our first priority is going to be God’s will for our marriage.”

— 5 — It Matters Who You Marry: I cannot tell you how important it is to have a strong marriage. If you suffer from infertility, you will need a strong marriage and a very compassionate husband who is deeply in love with you. If you have children, you will need a strong marriage and a very compassionate husband who is deeply in love with you. Wait on the Lord and choose well. And, as Pier says above, God’s will for your marriage is the first priority.

— 6 — This Week: This has been a busy (and trying) week and I have been delayed in all my responses to those who have emailed me. Even these 7QTs are late! I had some things going on in the evening and we only have one computer in our house to share among the two and a quarter of us. No, we will not be getting additional computers because I like the fact that we have to share. Such a hardship, right? I do respond to everyone and always pray before doing so. I love your emails so please keep them coming and thank you for your sweet understanding if it takes me a day or two to respond!

— 7 — Turning Over Tables: This reflection from Father Robert Barron’s Daily Lenten Journey was excellent:

“From very early on, Christian theologians and spiritual writers made a comparison between Jesus’ cleansing of the temple in Jerusalem and Jesus’ cleansing of our hearts and bodies. St. Paul refers to the body as a “temple of the Holy Spirit.” Your self, your body, your whole person is meant to be a temple, a holy place where God dwells and where prayer and union with God is central. It’s a beautiful image: rightly ordered, we become temples of the Holy Spirit.

This image leads to an important question: what goes wrong within the temple of our souls? The same thing that went wrong with the Temple in Jerusalem–what’s meant to be a house of prayer becomes a den of thieves. All kinds of distractions came into the Temple, money changers and corrupt influences, those who turned people away from worshiping God.

Today, we should ask, what distractions and corruptions have come into the temple of my heart and body? Lent is a terrific time to allow Jesus Christ to make a whip of cords and come into the temple of our hearts, and, while there, to turn some tables over, to flip things upside down if he has to.

What would Jesus chase out of your heart if he had a chance? If you let him in, with all the wonderful fury displayed in the Gospels, what would he cleanse?”

God love and bless you!

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For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Who Is My Favorite Saint?

Posted on March 17, 2014 by theveilofchastity

I had the honor of providing a guest post for Sarah’s blog, Footprints On My Heart .

Sarah has a Saturday series called “Our Friends, The Saints!” where various guests share about their favorite Saint. Are you curious who my favorite Saint is? Some of what I share may seem obvious but there are other things which may surprise you! Click here to see !

Head on over to Sarah’s place and check out all her awesome posts! Thank you, Sarah!

God love and bless you, Cindy

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7 Quick Takes Friday ~ Vol 70

Posted on March 14, 2014 by theveilofchastity

The belated version!

— 1 — This Week’s Post: How To Say ‘No’ To Him I hope it encouraged you in your pursuit of Chastity!

— 2 — Next Week’s Post: I am providing a guest post over at Sarah’s blog, Footprints On My Heart. I will link to it on Monday the 17^th!

—3 — Spotlight On: Loved this episode of The Choices We Face: From Slavery To Freedom:

— 4 — Not Alone Series: This week’s NAS topic was: Marrieds And Singles ~ Can we relate to one another and if so what are the best ways of cultivating deep and long-lasting friendships throughout our vocational lives? The girls provided a number of ways to bridge the gap. Kudos to Joan from Everything Is Yours for her post. I appreciated her recommendations! Great job to all the girls!

— 5 — Boo Tar-jay: Did you see this article about the photoshop-gone-bad on the Target site? Really. What has the world come to?

— 6 — Ulf Ekman: Sweden Megachurch Pastor Ulf Ekman’s (and his wife) decision to convert to Roman Catholicism! He tweeted this:

Three words “Authority”, “Sacraments”, “Unity”. Or put it another way:”One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church.”

— 7 — Aphrahat (?-c.345), monk and Bishop ~On Fasting: Proving the Catholic approach of both/and.

“This is the fasting that I wish: releasing those bound unjustly” (Is 58,6)

The Ninevites fasted with a pure fast when Jonah preached repentance to them… This is what is written: “When God saw by their actions how they turned from their evil way, he repented of his blazing wrath” (cf Jon 3,10). It is not said that: “He saw a fast of bread and water, with sackcloth and ashes” but that: “they turned away from their evil deeds and the wickedness of their works”. For the king of Nineveh had spoken and said: Every man shall turn from his evil way and from the violence he has in hand” (v.8). It was a pure fast and it was accepted...

Because, my friend, when we fast it is always the abstaining from wickedness that is best. It is better than abstaining from bread and water, better than “afflicting oneself, bowing the head like a reed and lying in sackcloth and ashes” as Isaiah says (58,5). In fact, whenever people abstain from bread, water or whatever food it might be, when they cover themselves in sackcloth and ashes and afflicts themselves, then they are loved, beautiful in the eyes of God and accepted. However, what please God most of all is: “…to release those bound unjustly and break the bonds of deceit” (cf. v.6).

God love and bless you!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

How To Say ‘No’ To Him

Posted on March 11, 2014 by theveilofchastity

As I mentioned in my 7QTs 3 weeks ago, several readers have written to me wanting advice on how to start saying ‘yes’ to Chastity. This ‘yes’ to Chastity will mean saying “no” to the person they are sleeping with. They want to know how to go about it. It is not a silly question.

Sex is supposed to attach us to our lover. That is the whole point. So, when the attachment is to someone who never plans to make a commitment, then it is devastating. They wonder, “How do I detach myself?” and “How do I strengthen myself to say ‘no’?” and “Is there anything I can say or do to change his mind?”

If you have had a revelation about the wisdom of Chastity and want to start living out this virtue, how should you go about implementing this decision? What words should you use knowing that a premarital ‘yes’ to Chastity means a premarital ‘no’ to him.

Marriage

Ahhh, marriage. Isn’t it a major driver in all this?

It is so easy to say ‘yes’ to sex. The dating relationship starts out with great affection and attentiveness from him. His eyes may even sparkle when he looks at you. His family seems to love and approve of you. He begins the moves which lead to sex. You know the moves. You respond feeling confident that this guy is serious about you and that the relationship is heading in the direction of…..what? Marriage.

“Having sex and thinking about marriage are 2 quite different things” Biltrix

What Are His Intentions?

Women come to the decision for Chastity in a variety of ways. Sometimes it is the Holy Spirit Who convicts them about their sexual sin. But most of the time it is a logical, rational and emotional decision when they realize that the much-hoped-for marriage is only in their head. They assume he has the same intentions and are devastated when they realize he is not going to marry them anytime soon. Or at all.

A Ploy For Marriage?

Sometimes a girl will put the ‘marriage’ cards on the table to try to figure out where the relationship is heading. She may be able to tell about his intentions toward her simply by his reaction to her decision for chastity. She hopes he will say, “Okay. I understand. I love you and want to keep dating you to discern marriage.” But, often times she is met with “Why?” or “What?!?!” or “Goodbye.” Sometimes, he disappears once he knows there is no longer anything in it for him. Repeating this wonderful quote:

“Having sex and thinking about marriage are 2 quite different things” Biltrix

When girls write to me, they are often wondering how to present their desire for Chastity without it sounding like a ploy for marriage. But, let’s be honest. It is about marriage. And, this is nothing to be ashamed of. The requirement to have sex with you is marriage. This does not disqualify him from ever having sex with you. If he marries you, he qualifies. So, this is not about him. It is about you and your future husband.

What Is Your Reason?

This question about how to implement Chastity is one of my favorites. I usually respond to it with a series of questions to try to figure out your specific reason for wanting to commit to Chastity.

You see, I cannot tell you your reasons. The best reasons come from inside of you. After one girl responded with her reasons, I asked her to read the reasons back to herself every day for 30 days. This is an exercise that is usually effective.

How To

Once you understand your specific reasons, here is what I suggest:

1. Write down your reasons. Read your reasons to yourself everyday for 30 days.

2. Avoid near occasions of sin. You know the ‘situations’ that lead you to sin. Avoid those.

3. Be firm in your decision. Be clear in your words to him about waiting until marriage. If he doesn’t marry you, he doesn’t get to sleep with you. It is not personal. It is not a ploy. He just doesn’t qualify for this level of bonding and intimacy.

4. Pray and seek grace to strengthen you by living a Sacramental Life in Christ.

5. If you are struggling, write to me so that I can pray for you and walk you through this.

“Chastity is a difficult, long-term matter; one must wait patiently for it to bear fruit …” Blessed Pope John Paul

God love and bless you!

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7 Quick Takes Friday ~ Vol 69

Posted on March 7, 2014 by theveilofchastity

— 1 — This Week’s Post: Overanalyzing Your Singleness You cannot heal yourself. You can only participate in the process. You are in the hands of a loving God.

— 2 — Not Alone Series: This week’s NAS topic was: Bachelorette Parties! The girls were really creative in their ideas. Check them out!

—3 — Spotlight On: This week’s spotlight is on Catherine (Celeste) from Sacred Sharings for the Soul because she is getting married tomorrow! Oh my, the story of her engagement is a good one and I was blessed to watch it unfold (well via email)! I hope to have her share it with you here sometime in a guest post. In the meantime, you can read her guest post at The Chastity Project (ya, the Everts!). She promised me photos of the blessed day and I cannot wait to see them! God bless you and your man, Catherine!

— 4 — Ash Wednesday: The readings were beautiful! (Joel 2, Psalm 51, 2 Cor 5, Matthew 6)

— 5 — Lenten Reflections With Father Barron: You can sign up to receive daily emails from Father Barron sharing his Lenten reflections! Sooo good! Go here!

— 6 — Keeping It Real: Please pray for this couple.

— 7 — Keeping It Really Real: Did you hear that Pope Francis stole a rosary cross from a dead priest’s casket? Before you gasp too hard, think of how mortifying it must be for him to share this. But, it is a daily reminder of his sinfulness and imperfection:

“Francis keeps the cross in a little pouch under his cassock, he said.

‘And whenever a bad thought comes to mind about someone, my hand goes here, always,” he said, gesturing to his heart. “And I feel the grace, and that makes me feel better.'”

God love and bless you!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Overanalyzing Your Singleness

Posted on March 3, 2014 by theveilofchastity

Have you ever looked back on your dating life to analyze what you have done wrong? Have you made a list of things you can do in future relationships to prevent another break-up? Has this process of analysis left you feeling frustrated? There may be a reason:

You cannot heal yourself. You can only participate in the process.

Through this process of overanalyzing, the enemy is trying to convince you that you have the power to heal yourself and change the outcome. He is trying to persuade you to trust in yourself with the lie that God is not a personal, caring Father. The enemy may torture you with reminders of your mistakes so that you wallow in regret. Self-hatred is his goal.

Healing and transforming you is God’s goal.

Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda

Looking back, you are going to find fault in yourself. Did you over-react in past relationships and find yourself saying things that you wish you had not said? Did you mistrust and find yourself spying on his Facebook page? Did you punish him with your cold shoulder because he disappointed you? Do you wish you had been a different person? You know, ‘that girl in your head’ who would have acted, spoken and reacted differently?

Cause Or Effect?

Have you ever considered that your over-reaction, your words and your actions were not the cause of the break-up but that instead the wrongness of the relationship led to your reactions, your words and your actions?

Is there a nagging voice inside you that leads you to believe that even if you had been ‘perfect’ the outcome (break-up) would have been the same?

The truth is that a holy marriage requires the right relationship with the right man. But, first you need to be healed and your will needs to be conformed to God’s will so that you can recognize this man. Once these two pieces are put into place, you will not over-react (as much~ ha ha), you will trust him and you will not feel disappointed.

Transforming and Renewing

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:2

I always loved this Romans 12:2 verse. When I found myself frustrated in my singleness and blaming myself for failed relationships, I would read this verse and feel hopeful. It was not all up to me. I could count on Holy God to renew my mind and transform my will to His will. He could be counted on to change my vision so that I could see what was best for me.

Do you have faith in this Holy God?

Conforming To This World

“Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship.” Romans 12:1

One caveat to all this is that we cannot remain in worldly sin and expect God to easily heal us. Sexual sin, for example, needs to be repented of. Sexual sin keeps you in bondage and you will not be free to receive the healing transformation from God.

The Bending Of Your Will

“Your will should be corrected to become identified with God’s will. You must not bend God’s will to suit yours.” – St. Augustine of Hippo

God can change your vision, heart and mind so that you recognize what is best for you. He conforms and bends your will to His will. This conforming, or bending, happens through a process and over time. You must participate in this process. It requires suffering, surrendering and a letting go of your will. Most of all, it requires healing. The healing of your vision, your heart and your mind.

How To Heal

What are the best sources of healing?

Grace from the Sacraments
Jesus in the Eucharist
Right worship through the power of the Mass
Confession
Reading Scripture
Prayer
Surrender to Him all your disappointments, sufferings and frustrations

Trust and participate in the process. Open your heart, your mind and your will to God’s transforming and healing power. You can trust Him.

God love and bless you!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

7 Quick Takes Friday ~ Vol 68

Posted on February 28, 2014 by theveilofchastity

— 1 — This Week’s Post: Are You Just An Option? Red Flags To Know Excellent insight provided in this guest post!

— 2 — Not Alone Series: This week’s NAS topic was: Masculinity: Who is a great example of masculinity in your life (father, brother, uncle, priest, etc)? What is it about them that you love? So many encouraging posts! Check them out!

—3 — Spotlight On: This week’s spotlight is Katie from Waiting4Patience. Well, I will just let her tell you about her exciting news! Please pray for Katie, let her know your prayer intentions and donate to this mission if you are able! Upon her return, she has agreed to do a guest post sharing her experience! God speed, Katie!

— 4 — Spotlight On: This article by Mary Beth Bonacci was excellent! I like that she emphasized the need to know God. Who He is and Who He isn’t. She said:

“The “God” you’re talking about—the one who automatically provides us with spouses as a reward for virtuous behavior—He doesn’t exist. Never has. Never will.”

This is true. Chastity is for our own good. It is not a guarantee for anything other than a right relationship with our God, with ourselves and with others. But I also think it is important to emphasize that Chastity keeps us in God’s will and allows us the freedom to respond to the Holy Spirit’s lead. God’s plan for mankind is for “two to become one” and to “be fruitful and multiply.” That is His will! Therefore it benefits us to stay in His will and cooperate! I just don’t want you to think that staying in God’s will is not important. It does make a huge difference in the outcome of your life.

— 5 — Taming of the Locks: I just want to give a shout out to Fredrick Fekkai. My hair has a mind of its own yet this man has created a shampoo (and conditioner) that allows me to tame my locks into submission. Thank you, Mr. Fekkai! This is my new shampoo:

— 6 — Pope Francis: More words of encouragement from our Papa! We serve a God of Justice. Glory be to God, indeed!

“Have you been crying out to the Lord for something? Maybe there’s a situation in your life that’s been overwhelming, and you feel like you’ve done everything you know to do and can’t see a way through. Be encouraged today because we serve a God of justice! He is faithful to His Word, and He will always be faithful to you. Glory be to God.”

— 7 — Pope Francis: He reminds us of our mission and the power that we have to “change reality.” Wow!

“What is this people’s mission? It is to bring the hope and salvation of God to the world: to be a sign of the love of God who calls everyone to friendship with Him; to be the leaven that makes the dough rise, the salt that gives flavor and preserves from corruption, to be a light that enlightens. Look around us — it is enough to open a newspaper, as I said — we see the presence of evil, the Devil is acting. However, I would like to say out loud: God is stronger! Do you believe this, that God is stronger? Let us say it together, let us say it all together: God is stronger! And do you know why He is stronger? Because He is Lord, the only Lord. And I would like to add that reality, at times dark and marked by evil, can change, if we first bring the light of the Gospel especially through our lives.”

God love and bless you!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Are You Just An Option? ~ Red Flags To Know

Posted on February 24, 2014 by theveilofchastity

Last week, I shared an anonymous guest post titled She Was Just An Option. Here are the Red Flags which will help you identify if you are just an option. I used bolded text to emphasize the wisdom provided! Thank you Anonymous Angel!

#theonewillbecertain

#Youdontneedtofinaglemarriage

#ultimatumsneverwork

#heshouldbeproudofyou

#youareworthcommittingto

———————————–

……In both of these cases, there are many red flags that serve as signs that my friend and I were “options”, not priorities. Let’s go over them together:

1) These relationships are very long with comparably little development.

It took both my friend and I over five years to “finagle” a proposal from the men we loved. This is a bad sign. Quick engagements are not ideal, but when it takes many years for a man to decide he wants to marry you, it can really begin to erode your sense of self-confidence. It is also normally a sign of a high-degree of uncertainty on his part, and a lack of a sense of direction.

2) Both of our boyfriends were consistently involved with other women in ways that crossed emotional and perhaps physical boundaries.

Both men in these relationships consistently sought out the company of several other women for coffee dates, lunches and dinners, and trips to bars or parties while they were in relationships with us. It is not bad for your boyfriend to have female friends, but in both cases the men involved tried to hide their outings from their girlfriends, or to keep their girlfriends secret from the women they took out. This behavior did not change even during the engagement, and other women were the cited cause of both of our break ups.

3) The men in these relationships proposed marriage to us rather than lose us to another man.

In both cases, the men in question made proposals of marriage when it became theoretically possible that they would lose us to other men who would propose marriage. In my case, the arrival of other suitors had prompted action. In the case of my friend, an ultimatum prompted action. Both cases are bad. For the men we loved, marriage was not an outgrowth of a strong desire for love and commitment to last a lifetime; rather, it was a strategy to keep us with them and ensure we did not marry someone else. These men did not actually desire to enter into the institution of marriage with us because it was a positive and beautiful life choice, but to ensure that they would not lose us to someone who would marry us.

4) The women in these relationships worked hard to appease and convince their boyfriends to love them “enough” to make a proposal.

Both my friend and I spent significant amounts of time and energy trying to convince our boyfriends that we were worth committing to. We saw ourselves as competitors for the affections of the men we loved, and thought that by making ourselves beautiful, getting good jobs, and cooking and cleaning for them, we were giving them signs that we were worth it. It is good to try to make yourself the best that you can be, and it is also good to show love to your partner. It’s not good to do this for an instrumental reason. For example, it’s not good to do these things to try to prove to a man you are worth loving. If you have to prove that you are worth loving so desperately, you are an option and not a priority to this man; it also means that you most likely suffer from low self-worth.

5) Intimacy complicated the picture.

In my case, the intense emotional relationship I had with my boyfriend, filled with declarations of love and verbalized awe for the amazingness of the other person, made it difficult for me or for him to see clearly. I should have seen that his words did not match up with his actions, but I was on such a high from our emotional connection I didn’t even stop to look. In my friend’s case, sexual intimacy complicated her judgment and the judgment of her boyfriend. The problem in both cases is that we permitted very intense types of intimacy with men who had not initially given us a sure commitment of any kind.

After these experiences of devastation, my friend and I both moved on. Though she originally moved to the city she now lives in because of her ex-fiancé, she now has her dream job and is on the fast track to receiving great and well-deserved publicity for her work. I pray that from her experience, she has learned how to choose a man with more wisdom.

I also have been very fortunate. Three months after my break-up, I met an amazing man. I knew I was a priority and not an option to him because of big and little things he did to show me how much I meant to him. For example, because I went to church, on his own he began to go to church with me, without being asked. When I cooked for him, he was so grateful and praised me to all his friends. He also regularly cooked for me and pampered me as a way of showing he cared.

He changed around his work hours, which began late and ended late, to fit more of a nine to five schedule so that we could spend more time together. He helped me control my spending habits to pay back credit card debt and student loans by making a careful budget that was considerate of my needs and desires. I never doubted where I stood with him, and there was never any mention of women he took to lunch or coffee or parties.

After a year and a half of dating and getting to know one another well, we got engaged. We are married and expecting our first child. Everyday I give thanks to God for him; he really treats me like Christ treats his bride the church. In some ways, I think my experience with my previous boyfriend showed me so clearly what kind of man I should marry. I hope that by writing about my experience and the experience of my friend, it will help other women to avoid our mistakes, and to seek out the sort of man who will love and honor them for the rest of their life.

—————————

God love and bless you!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

7 Quick Takes Friday ~ Vol 67

Posted on February 21, 2014 by theveilofchastity

— 1 — This Week’s Post: She Was Just An Option ~ An anonymous guest sent this post to me at just the right time. Next week, I will share with you the rest of her story along with 5 Red Flags for knowing if you are **not** a priority. Thank you my anonymous Angel!

— 2 — Not Alone Series: This week’s NAS topic was: Valentine’s Day ~ What are your thoughts about Valentine’s Day? Do you enjoy it? Loathe it? Not even realize it’s a special day? Do you celebrate it in any way? All the girls graciously answered these questions! Check them out!

I have to shine the spotlight on new entrant, Trudy Rose, as she shares with us how she spent her Valentine’s Day. Are you curious?? Head on over and welcome her to the Series!

—3 — Spotlight On: This week’s spotlight is once again on Celeste from Sacred Sharings For The Soul. Unfortunately, the word “haughty” has a regular spot in the confessional for me. She gently reminds us to keep our eyes on our own fries! Nice job, Celeste!

“In this manner we will be busy striving toward the Lord with a fullness of devotion and repentance that we will have little time to observe the faults of others. This arrogant observation is often the result of our own pride.” Celeste

— 4 — The Economics of Sex: Sometimes the emails I receive from my readers have a weekly ‘theme’ and this week’s theme was “How do I stop sleeping with him?” I received several emails this week from readers asking this question. Please do not think it is a silly question. Sex is supposed to attach us to our lover. That is the whole point. So, when the attachment is to someone who never plans to make a commitment, then one finds themselves in a heart-wrenching pickle. They wonder, “How do I detach myself?” and “How do I strengthen myself to say ‘no’?” and “Is there anything I can say or do to change his mind?” If you are also struggling with this, please feel free to write to me and I can walk you through it. This also may help:

— 5 — Pope Francis: Words of encouragement from our Papa! Glory be to God, indeed!

“Isn’t it good to know that God is working behind the scenes in your life, today? No matter what you may be facing, no matter what trial you may be going through, God has a plan to turn things around in your favor. You are called according to His purpose; so right now, He is working out a plan for your good. Right now, He is orchestrating the right people to come across your path. He is orchestrating the right opportunities to open up to you. You may not see it in the natural, but look with your eyes of faith today. Show your love for the Father by your obedience to His Word. Come before Him with an open and humble heart trusting that He is guiding you. Keep standing. Keep believing. Keep hoping. Keep declaring His Word and meditate on His goodness, knowing that He rewards the people who seek after Him. Glory be to God.”

— 6 — Job 1:21 Blessed Be The Name Of The Lord: For those experiencing loss:

“Naked I came forth from my mother’s womb,

and naked shall I go back there.

The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;

blessed be the name of the LORD!”

— 7 —Silent Retreat: The retreat was excellent and, for the most part, was not strictly silent. We were allowed to talk freely during the first evening and then in ‘hushed tones’ the rest of the time. The first evening started out slow and made me wonder if I was going to get anything out of it. Then, I realized that if I was going to get anything out of it, then I needed to open my heart up to receive.

The second day was much better. The priest focused on the authority of God to help us overcome whatever it is that we are struggling with. He reminded us that God is even more interested and committed to our healing than we are!

I went to confession and it was very powerful. Mass was beautiful, as was Eucharistic Adoration. Hearing over 100 ladies singing and praising the Lord was amazing. For me, being prayed over by the priest was the best part. I am not sure how to describe it but I felt something….well ‘Someone.’ I felt a shock through my body when the priest first laid hands on my head.

I am such a doubter though. I still felt resistant to the Holy Spirit. So, I do wonder how much my skepticism affected my experience. Remember, I have a trust issue with God. Two priests have told me this in the last two confessionals so it sounds like a legit diagnosis. It is helpful to hear this because now I can put things into perspective. I can recognize it and bring it to God with the sweet reminder that I have a ‘trust issue.’ Smiley Face. He already knows this but it apparently was important for me to know it. I can now participate in the healing and more readily recognize the ‘medicine’ that is offered. I would call that a successful retreat!

God love and bless you!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

She Was Just An Option

Posted on February 17, 2014 by theveilofchastity

This guest post was sent to me by an anonymous reader. It will be shared in 2 parts. This week, she will disclose her dating stories from the battlefield and next week she will reveal 5 red flags to help you know if you are just an option. My favorite line:

“The problem with being an option is…there is no real appreciation of you or of your time.”

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As Cindy so wisely says, one of the most important things to sort out when you are in a relationship is whether you are a priority to your boyfriend, or just an option. She could not be more correct! The problem with being an option is that when you are one, there is no room for the development of true commitment between you and your boyfriend, and there is no real appreciation of you or of your time.

Let’s be clear – there is a difference between when a man and woman are getting to know one another in the very initial stages through coffee dates and lunches, and when a man and a woman are in a serious relationship. In the case of the former, the level of commitment you have to each other is relatively low. You are trying to know more about each other to just determine if you want to see each other again.

The dichotomy between priority and option should be most rigorously applied when you have committed to each other -when you are boyfriend and girlfriend. Sometimes, girls even make the mistake of staying with a man that they are merely an option to, up to and including the moment of engagement.

I made this mistake, as did another girl I knew in school. For the sake of helping prevent others from making this kind of mistake, I am going to highlight aspects of our experiences with men to whom we were not a priority by telling our stories. I am telling both stories because they are similar and yet different, and I feel that together they are representative of relationships where the woman is an option and not a priority.

In the case of my relationship, I loved a man for five years. Our relationship was always on-again/off-again, and we saw other people in between seeing each other. We spent many years in this type of relationship, marked by periods of emotional closeness and declarations of love as boyfriend and girlfriend, and periods of alienation and anger. These periods of anger were brought on by my frustration with the fact that he would not make me a priority – he randomly cancelled dates, he had lunches and outings with other women, and he insulted my religion to me personally and in front of his friends.

Things changed when I was accepted to graduate school, and he wanted to move with me if I was able to stay in the state our college was in. He couldn’t bear to lose me, he said, life without me was miserable. I wasn’t able to stay in state, and when I moved to the Midwest we both cried, but he did not offer to remain in a relationship with me. I should have taken this as a sign of the limits of his love for me, but I cared about him so much and thought so little my own value, that I was just happy that he had wanted to move with me.

Needless to say, I did not see that I was not a priority to him, and I continued to think that over time I could persuade him to love me and commit to me by proposing marriage. If only I became more beautiful, more intelligent, thinner and funnier, then maybe he would see – I worked really hard at that, to the point of developing an eating disorder.

Two more years passed of an on-again/off-again relationship while he lived in another country and I got a master’s degree. At the end of these two years, I finally received an offer of marriage from him, and I was elated. I couldn’t believe he had finally asked! In retrospect, this admission from him seemed to be caused by two things: his own growing sense of confusion and disorientation about his vocation in life and his future, and his realization that other men wanted to make me their wife. These are two bad reasons for someone to want to marry me, but I didn’t let this stop me.

We began to make plans for him to move to the town I was living in and find a job there, but these plans fell apart when he told me that he had cheated on me with another girl who lived in his town and he couldn’t chose between us. For the final time, I was a choice among various options for him, and I hated it. I cut off all communication with him, and that was the end of a painful period in my life. I was very humiliated afterward because I saw how many disrespectful behaviors I had accepted for the sake of a chance to be with him.

In the case of my friend’s relationship, she had been dating and sleeping with her boyfriend for six years. My boyfriend and I very fortunately did not sleep together; she had years of physical intimacy with her boyfriend, and I think it made their eventual breakup one hundred times more painful than the extremely intense pain I felt. She moved to live where her boyfriend was living, and quit a steady and successful job to become a student in the town he lived in, prior to being engaged to him.

When she was away for the summers or for holidays, he would take other women to parties and bars with him, a fact her friends would report back to her. He would dismiss it as nothing for her to worry about. Another sign of distress was that when other women greeted him, he did not introduce them to her.

Another one was that she clearly was the one always trying to please him, and his concern for pleasing her seemed minimal. She threw parties for him, she cooked constantly for him, she advertised his band for him and she picked up his house. Her whole life was clearly about him, and his life was not so clearly about her. When they got engaged, her father bought a house for them to live in that she decorated and made beautiful in the town she had moved to be with this man.

That summer, he went on a trip. In an attempt to sever their upcoming marriage, he cheated with a random girl that he never spoke to again. After the fact, he explained that he had not really loved his fiancée, but that the convenience of their relationship was too much to refuse. She initiated the move to his town, she initiated the cooking and cleaning and caring for him, and she initiated the engagement when she ultimatum-ed him about getting married before her graduation.

She was beautiful, she was talented, she was agreeable, she gave him sex, and she so clearly loved him. How could he let her go as a girlfriend? Still, he said, he did not want to make her a wife.

In both of these cases, there are many red flags that serve as signs that my friend and I were “options”, not priorities. Let’s go over them together:

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Stay tuned next week for the red flags! She will also disclose what her life is like today! Thank you, Anonymous!

God love and bless you!

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