7 Myths Singles Must Resist: Myth #2 Part 2 God Has Forgotten About Me

Posted on December 20, 2012 by theveilofchastity

My posts over the last several weeks addressed Myths that singles must resist:

2. Myth #1: Others are getting away with sin/sex is consequence free

3. Myth #2 Part 1: God has forgotten about me

Today I will address Myth #2 Part 2: God has forgotten about me: A Perspective on Suffering

As I stated in Part 1, I do not have all the answers. I am not a theologian or a philosopher. But, I am intimately familiar with feelings of being forgotten by God. I think we have all felt as if :

“My plight is hidden from the LORD, and my cause has passed out of God’s notice”

Isaiah 40:27

In Part 1, we established that God is real, He is intimate and you have His attention. But, I ended that post with this:

“…Life’s events may seem random and chaotic but they are not. He can bring order out of chaos. There is a plan for your life. And, it will involve….suffering.”

Even-Steven God

From my very limited perspective, suffering is not evenly distributed. Sometimes we suffer at the hands of others and sometimes we suffer due to our own decisions. Sometimes suffering’s origin is unknown and exasperating.

The first type of suffering is out of our hands and is, to me, impossible to understand without taking into account our gift of free will. Everyone has this gift of free will and their misuse of it will cause us to suffer. But, our suffering is not even. Some suffer terribly in this life. I mean, terribly! And, I can’t explain why.

“He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.”

Matthew 5:45

Wouldn’t it seem fair if God was an Even-Steven God when it came to suffering? But, this would require Him to limit our free will. He won’t do that. Even if He decided to limit our free will, would you want him to?

It is the suffering in this world that can challenge our belief in God and Who He is. Satan knows this and delights in our suffering. Satan especially takes delight in the kind of suffering that leads us to ask “What kind of God would allow this?”

To answer that question: A God who has bestowed upon us the great gift free will.

A Perspective on Suffering

As I have shared before, I did not get married until I was 38 years old. I had every blessing I could think of (family, friends, faith, health, steady employment, a roof over my head and all the basic and some of the non-basic necessities) except for marriage and children. And, I still, at times, felt that God had forgotten about me. It is only in hindsight that I can see that my plight was not hidden from Him.

What I was not able to see at the time is that I did not have a proper perspective on my suffering. Back then, I was quick to notice that there were those that appeared ‘more blessed’ than I was. Grumble, grumble. But, I didn’t like to think about those who were ‘less fortunate.’

I avoided analyzing my ‘lot in life’ compared to orphans, the lonely and abandoned, the aborted, the sick, the terminally ill, the mentally ill, the starving, the unemployed and the homeless.

I still don’t have a handle on the allocation of blessings and suffering. These words from Isaiah ring true for me: “his understanding is unsearchable”

But then I asked myself, “Who is this God that allows for all this suffering?” One look at the crucifix and we see that He did not spare His own Son. He intimately ‘gets’ our suffering and our plight is not hidden from Him.

The Suffering of Singleness

My dear single girls, I am not trying to downplay your suffering by reminding you of the starving, homeless, unemployed, aborted and orphaned. Singleness is also a suffering!

I am not a theologian but from a Catholic perspective we know that our bodies are made to glorify God. The purpose of marriage and of our fertility is to glorify God. Not being able to fulfill this purpose is, I think, a special kind of suffering. As we celebrate the Immaculate Conception of Mary and miraculous conception and birth of Jesus, we see how family, fertility and life are not just “part” of our purpose and plan for salvation. They are The Plan.

The shape, form and intricate design of our bodies reveal this strong link to our fertility and femininity. Our bodies are oriented toward marital love…. to bonding and babies. I could be wrong but I think that God weeps over delayed and missed marriage vocations in a unique way. I feel confident that the plight of the single person is not hidden from Him nor has their cause passed out of His notice.

The Veil’s Wager

I am not going to try to sugarcoat it. We are at the mercy of other’s free will. But, we have our own gift of free will where we can choose to believe in God, to be intimate with Him and to give Him our love, devotion and attention. We can choose to bind our sufferings to His and bring about redemption and purpose. We can choose faith and hope over doubt and despair.

“Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.”

Psalm 62:5

Remain chaste and stay close to our good Lord in the Sacraments. Pray for faith, hope, patience and insight into God’s purpose for your life. I request this of you because if you don’t, Satan, the father of all lies, will play havoc with your mind. Satan will convince you that suffering is pointless and that God has forgotten about you.

God is real. He is intimate. He is mysterious. He has not forgotten about you. Your cause is not hidden from Him, especially in the midst of your suffering.

** Next week: My First Book Review: Woman In Love ~ by Katie Hartfiel

God Bless!

If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Thank you!

7 Myths Singles Must Resist: Myth #2 God Has Forgotten About Me

Posted on December 13, 2012 by theveilofchastity

My posts over the last several weeks addressed Myths that singles must resist. In the first post of the series, I set the stage for the remaining 7 posts. I addressed Myth #1 two weeks ago and today I will address Myth #2: God has forgotten about me.

Myth #2 will be the most difficult because I do not have all the answers. I am not a theologian or a philosopher. But, I am intimately familiar with feelings of being forgotten by God.

“Why do you complain, O Jacob, And you, O Israel, why do you say, “My plight is hidden from the LORD, and my cause has passed out of God’s notice”? Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”

Isaiah 40:27-31

The verse from Isaiah above reveals that His people have always dealt with this feeling of “passing out of God’s notice.” When you are single well beyond your hoped-to-be-married time, it can feel as if you have passed out of God’s notice.

In order to tackle this myth, we must first ask some very philosophical questions: Is God real? Who is God? What is our purpose?

These questions will be tackled in three parts. Each part will be progressively more difficult to explain and accept. I will discuss number one and two this week and conclude with number three next week.

Pascal’s Wager
Distant or Intimate? Chaos or Order?
A Perspective on Suffering

Pascal’s Wager

“In faith there is enough light for those who want to believe and enough shadows to blind those who don’t.”

Blaise Pascal

In order to answer the question “Does God forget about us?”, we must first establish that He exists. Pascal’s wager, simply stated in my non-philosophical way, teaches us that if God does exist, then it benefits us to live our life in friendship with Him. Because if He does exist and we live our life as if He doesn’t exist, then we have a lot to lose; namely Heaven. And, we have something to fear, namely the pains of Hell.

If, on the other hand, God doesn’t exist and we live our life as if He does, then we have nothing to lose. We just die and our soulless bodies rot after living a life of trying earnestly to not harm ourselves or our neighbor.

So, logically it makes sense for us to live as if and wager that He does exist. Unless we can be 100% sure that He does not exist…..which we can’t.

Once we make the logical wager that He does exist, then we must ask ourselves Who He is? Is He a distant God or an intimate God? Is He a God of chaos or a God of order?

Distant or Intimate?

“What is your opinion? If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them goes astray, will he not leave the ninety-nine in the hills and go in search of the stray? And if he finds it, amen, I say to you, he rejoices more over it than over the ninety-nine that did not stray. In just the same way, it is not the will of your heavenly Father that one of these little ones be lost.”

Matthew 18:12-14

To be honest, I grew up with the notion that God was a distant keeper of rules. It has only been over time that I see His intimate love and involvement in my life.

Maybe becoming a parent has helped me with this renewed vision of God. Once you have a child, you begin to understand God a little more. You understand the strong feelings of love, protectiveness and potential heartbreak. You begin to understand the difficulty of training and disciplining a child and then allowing for the gift of free will to manifest itself in that child’s life.

It is similar to, I think, how God parents us. First, He trains us. Then, He gives us the long leash of free will. While we are in training, He can feel a little like a taskmaster. While we wonder away on our long leash, He can feel distant. But, His love, protectiveness and attachment to outcome are constant. He allows us to break His heart.

“Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered.”

Matthew 10:30

I always heard people say “God loves you!” and I would silently say to myself, “So what? He loves everyone. I am not special to Him.” Ouch. That was hard to admit. But, I think I was putting human limits on God. He is not like a parent who has to divide His time and attention between His children. There is infinitely enough of Him to go around. He can ‘pay attention’ to me and the rest of the gazillion humans He created, all at the same time. And, He does not have ‘favorites.’ We are all equally favored by Him. I don’t know how He does it. He is God. He is all-knowing, all-loving and all-powerful.

So, let’s conclude He is real and He is intimate and you have His attention. Just how involved is He in the details?

Chaos or Order?

This part is hard to prove or explain because sin produces chaos in our life and in the world. And, our finite minds cannot fathom the ways of our Lord. But, when I look at the Old Testament and at the design of the universe and our bodies, I see a God of order. When I look at salvation history, I see a God that allows for our free will and allows for chaos but somehow brings order and goodness out of it all. Again, how He does it, I do not know.

Our part in the order of things is critical. That is why Chastity is so important. Unchaste behavior is morally disordered and adds to the chaos.

“Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.” (CCC 2351)

The Fall of Man has brought chaos and disorder into the world but you can avoid adding to it by living a chaste life.

Morally disordered unchaste behavior also leads you into darkness. This darkness and confusion can convince you that God has forgotten about you. It can convince you that life’s events are random. But they are not. God can bring order out of chaos. You are not left to your own devices.

God is real. He is intimate. He is mysterious. He has not forgotten about you. Your cause is not hidden from Him.

There is a plan for your life. And, it will involve….suffering.

** Next week: I will conclude this myth with Part 2: A Perspective on Suffering

God Bless!

If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Thank you!

7 Myths Singles Must Resist: Myth #1 Others Are Getting Away With Sin

Posted on November 30, 2012 by theveilofchastity

Last week I set the stage in this post for the remaining 7 posts in this series. Each of the 7 posts will address a myth that singles must resist. As you read each myth, keep in mind that Satan is real, the Fall of Man is real, you are in a Spiritual battle for your mind, your body and your perspective, and you must use your weapons! The take away from today’s post: God is Perfect Justice. Okay, here we go!

Myth #1: Other people are getting away with sin/sex is Consequence-free.

In my book, the chapter that addresses this myth is called “No One Is Getting Away With Anything.” In this chapter, I share the statistics of sexual sin, cohabitation and contraception as well as the fallout of those sins on society. I share overall trends that I have noticed over time. And, I share specific stories but change the details enough to protect the good reputation of others.

What I have noticed is that the suffering from cohabitation, fornication and contraception does not always happen right away. Sin is tricky that way. It looks all fine and dandy at first in order to lure us in. The goal is to make us think we are not doing anything wrong and that there will be no consequences. But, sins’ purpose is to destroy us and make us suffer. It takes its sweet time but you can depend upon it.

But, what about those of you who are waiting patiently and chastely? Why does it seem that others are going about their business, fornicating, living together, getting big diamond rings, getting married, contracepting and then having babies on demand without any consequences? Well, I want to reassure you that no one is getting away with anything. Give it time. It is a natural spiritual law. We go against our design, we suffer. In order to be redeemed, we suffer.

Not So Fine And Dandy

What you, young reader, are observing is the “fine and dandy” part and it may be leading you to believe that other people are getting away with these sins. But, rest assured, the destruction and suffering will come. I don’t say that in a way that takes delight in their future suffering. I say it as a truth that I would encourage you to meditate on as you make your decisions in the future regarding chastity.

If you are tempted to move in with your boyfriend, fornicate or contracept before or after marriage and if you falsely believe there will be no consequences, this myth-buster is for you.

The Benefit Of Age

In my book I share stories of situations where people seem to be getting away with sin. I also share the ‘here is what happened later’ details. I have this insight and perspective because I have 10, 15, maybe even 20 years on most of you reading this blog.

But, instead of giving you those ‘here is what happened to those sinners’ details, let’s instead go through this truth logically by acknowledging God’s character: God is perfectly just, patient, merciful and determined to have us with Him in heaven.

The Character of God

God’s perfect justice is the good news and the bad news. It is good because we can count on Him to sort it all out and ensure the no one gets away with anything. It is bad because we are also subject to His perfect justice. God set up laws that we must follow. But, like any loving Father, He ensures that with disobedience comes consequences and with obedience comes reward.

God is the very definition of Perfect Justice. He set up laws and each one has a purpose. He then lovingly enforces the laws and allows for the consequences to manifest themselves. But, we do not know ahead of time how He will enforce the law or the timing of the consequences of our sins. So, our limited perspective leads us to believe that others are getting away with sin. But, we must remember, His ways are not our ways.

God’s patience is what keeps Him from enacting harsh consequences on us immediately upon our sin. His mercy gives us a chance to repent. But, His determination prevents Him from letting us get away with our sin. So, God set up a system that kicks in when we go against our design. This system, or natural law, when violated, is often revealed in suffering and destruction.

We are not designed to cohabitate, fornicate or contracept. When we do, His system of loving consequences kicks in.

Loving Consequences

There are other laws you might recognize such as the scientific laws of gravity, physics and thermodynamics. For example, if you jump off of a bridge, the law of gravity automatically kicks in. It doesn’t matter if you are a good person or a bad person. You will fall toward the earth. It is a negative consequence that results from going against the physical law of gravity.

The natural spiritual laws and the consequences of what we do with our bodies are also automatic. There is no need for God to “manage” the affairs in this area and dole out punishment. He already set up the system to protect us from going against our design and this same system results in negative consequences when we do go against our design.

Again, these natural spiritual laws were put in place to protect us when we start to creep toward danger. The same laws teach us through negative consequences when we violate them.

But, most importantly, these laws allow us to be holy and therefore happy, when we obey them. Because we are working within our design rather than constantly suffering from consequences, we are happy and content. We are ‘at one’ with our bodies and ‘at one’ with our Maker Who loves us and allows us to suffer the consequences when we separate ourselves from Him through sin.

Unlike the laws of gravity, the consequences of violating these natural laws don’t always kick in immediately. So, for a time, people may appear to be getting away with sin.

Where Is My Reward?

I wish I could guarantee you that your obedience is going to result in a reward designed by you. But, I can’t. God is not a vending machine. We cannot drop in our coins of obedience and then select the reward buttons we desire expecting them to drop to the bottom for us to grab.

I also cannot guarantee that you will witness God’s perfect justice played out in consequences for those that cohabitate, fornicate and contracept. Their life here on earth may appear to be completely consequence-free. But, remind yourself that you do not have the inside scoop nor do you know the end of the story. Don’t let pride and conceit enter your heart. Humbly take your eyes off of them. It is not your business. Close your eyes and remind yourself of God’s perfect justice and that thankfully, He chases all of us.

The Blessing Or The Curse

“Behold, I set before you this day a blessing and a curse. The blessing if you obey the commandments of the Lord your God which I command you this day; And the curse if you will not obey the commandments of the Lord your God, but turn aside from the way which I command you this day to go after other gods, which you have not known.” Deuteronomy 11:26-28

I know a holy Jewish man who always says with a smile, “Your reward will be your lack of punishment.” I have the type of personality which thinks that is a pretty good deal. I don’t want punishment. I want to know what is expected of me by my Loving Father. And, I can accept that the blessing that comes from doing what is expected of me will be my reward. The reward will be that I will be in a loving relationship, rather than a rebellious relationship with my Maker and my body. I can choose this blessing.

I don’t want to mislead you. Chastity and my Veil theory are not a formula for getting what you want. Instead, the concept is offered as a way of encouraging you to stay in His will. He wants you there. It matters to Him. You matter to Him. He has a plan for you that can only be manifested by your obedience. Are you not curious to see what He has for you? Apply your God-given gift of free will and choose obedience. Choose the blessing and not the curse.

Yes, others are going to cohabitate, fornicate and contracept. I had to learn to take my eyes off them. I had to trust that God loves them too and that His perfect justice will prevail. I had to learn that, sometimes, their story of repentance and redemption is just as beautiful as a life of obedience.

None of us are designed to cohabitate, fornicate or contracept and none of us will get away with unrepented sin. Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus. Do not look around and wonder why others seem to be getting away with sin. Keep your mind bathed in the truth of Sacred Scripture. And, keep your body holy through Chastity and the grace of a Sacramental life.

God bless!

** In two weeks I will present the Myth#2: God has forgotten about me

** Next Week: Guest blogger Amanda from worthyofAgape.com will share her gorgeous ‘God chases all of us’ story. Have your tissues ready!

If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Thank you!

7 Myths Singles Must Resist: Setting the Stage

Posted on November 22, 2012 by theveilofchastity

I remember when I was single and how easy it was for me to believe ideas that were simply untrue. But, because I didn’t have the benefit of hindsight, I wasn’t able to put these false ideas and myths into perspective. I now have the benefit of hindsight and my hope is that by sharing this perspective with you, it will help you fight against some of the common myths which can vex the single life.

I will be expanding on 1 myth per week but first I want to set the stage for you and build a foundation to help you resist and understand the root of these myths.

Yes, Satan Is Real

Again, I am setting the stage for you so that each of these myths will make sense in light of its origin. The father of all lies, Satan, wants you to believe these myths because they make God, our Holy Loving Father, look like an unjust, stingy and uncaring God who has left us to fend for ourselves.

“The power of Satan is, nonetheless, not infinite. He is only a creature, powerful from the fact that he is pure spirit, but still a creature. He cannot prevent the building up of God’s reign. Although Satan may act in the world out of hatred for God and his kingdom in Christ Jesus, and although his action may cause grave injuries – of a spiritual nature and, indirectly, even of a physical nature ~ to each man and to society, the action is permitted by divine providence which with strength and gentleness guides human and cosmic history. It is a great mystery that providence should permit diabolical activity, but “we know that in everything God works for good with those who love him.”

Catechism of the Catholic Church #395

The Old and New Eve

Yes, The Fall of Mankind Is Real

Because of the Fall of Mankind, we are wounded, weak and subject to ignorance, suffering, sin and death. We need to be protected from Satan’s lies and we need to be healed by God. We need to choose the way of the New Eve.

“Although it is proper to each individual, original sin does not have the character of a personal fault in any of Adam’s descendants. It is a deprivation of original holiness and justice, but human nature has not been totally corrupted: it is wounded in the natural powers proper to it, subject to ignorance, suffering and the dominion of death, and inclined to sin – an inclination to evil that is called concupiscence“. Baptism, by imparting the life of Christ’s grace, erases original sin and turns a man back towards God, but the consequences for nature, weakened and inclined to evil, persist in man and summon him to spiritual battle.

Catechism of the Catholic Church#405

You are in a spiritual battle so use your weapons!

In her book, Passion and Purity, Elisabeth Elliot writes:

“If there is an Enemy of Souls (and I have not the slightest doubt that there is), one thing he cannot abide (put up with) is the desire for purity. Hence a man or woman’s passions become his battleground. The Lover of Souls does not prevent this. I was perplexed because it seemed to me He should prevent it, but He doesn’t. He wants us to use our weapons.”

A Three-Pronged Attack

There are 3 main ways that Satan attacks us when we are single: Through our minds, our bodies and our eyes.

Our Minds: Our minds are very powerful. If Satan can influence us through our thought life, then he can gain a foothold. If Satan can convince us that God doesn’t care about us and that sin doesn’t matter, then we are more prone to following our sinful inclinations to cohabitate, fornicate and contracept. If he can convince us that God is distant, unjust and stingy, we will surely fall into despair.

Our Bodies: Our bodies are made to glorify God. When you cohabitate, fornicate and contracept, you are living outside of your design. I believe when you live outside the design of your body and you will eventually hate your body. If Satan can influence us to the point where we hate or misuse our bodies, then he is ecstatic! His pride swells because our bodies, as evidenced by the Incarnation, are holy. Satan hates holiness and thrives on the profane.

Our Eyes: Our eyes influence our perspective. What we see becomes our reality. It takes effort, prayer and Sacramental grace to overcome what we see and instead believe that there is another realm of reality. This other reality is the realm of the supernatural, the holy, the sublime and the mysterious. It is where truth can be found. But, the lies from Satan tempt us to take our eyes off of Jesus and instead focus on and believe what we see in the natural, human, physical realm. We see others cohabitate, fornicate and contracept and we think there are no consequences.

Use Your Weapons!

Your Mind: Protect your mind by shielding it from media (TV, books, websites) which are unholy and secular. Instead, frequent Catholic Blogs which are faithful to the Magisterium. Read Catholic literature and the writings of the Saints and Doctors of the Church. Participate only in holy conversation. Most importantly, bathe your mind in the wisdom and truth found in Sacred Scripture. Read something from your bible every day to transform your mind. The scripture below from Deuteronomy can be translated into: “Memorized these truths and write them on your forehead!”

“…Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads…”. Deuteronomy 11:18

Your Body: Protect your body with the virtue of Chastity. Bathe yourself in the Sacraments and glorify God with your body. Glorify God with modesty and by celebrating your fertility. Honor its miracle and power.

“…Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship…” Romans 12:1

Your Eyes: Because of the Fall of mankind, our eyes are in need of healing. We see others cohabitate, fornicate and contracept and we are easily misled. Medicate your eyes with prayer, fasting, Eucharistic adoration, scripture, Confession and of course the body and blood of Jesus in the Holy Sacrament so that you can see the truth.

“buy ointment to smear on your eyes so that you may see.” Book of Revelation 14:18

The Myths

Now that I have set the stage, I will address the following Myths over the next several weeks:

Myth #1 Other people are getting away with sin/sex is Consequence-free

Myth #2 God has forgotten about me

Myth #3 Something is wrong with me

Myth #4 Men/Women are defective

Myth #5 Attraction is Physical

Myth #6 I Am Too Picky

Myth #7 I Can Change Him/Her

The Veil

I realize that the concept of the veil is just a metaphor. But, as you read about each of the myths, consider the relationship of the veil when it comes to explaining each myth. If you are covered by a veil, the only suitor who will be able to “see” you is the one that God intends for you to marry. So, in the meantime, the veil will most likely lead to rejection, the feeling of being forgotten and the idea that something is wrong with you. This can really test your patience! And, Satan knows this and capitalizes on it.

Satan also knows that if you use you weapons and commit to chastity, God will be glorified. God will be glorified by your patience and faith in the midst of your trial. Then, God will be glorified by your beautiful, chaste, fruitful marriage. Your marriage will be filled with grace and Superabundance and the world will be blessed and inspired by your witness.

But in the meantime, Satan will harass you.

As Elisabeth Elliot wrote, “The Lover of Souls does not prevent this….He wants us to use our weapons.”

God bless!

If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Thank you!

Our Catholic Love Story, Part 2

Posted on November 8, 2012 by theveilofchastity

Last week, Anabelle shared Part 1 our love story on her blog, Written By The Finger Of God. But my husband, Gregg, may have (understandably) felt a tad bit left out because the majority of what I shared was about me and God. My hope was to glorify God, Who is my first Love. So the overall focus of Part 1 was on God and His healing.

Part 2, however, is about our courtship which, to me, can only be fully appreciated in light of the details in Part 1. So, head on over to Anabelle’s blog first and read Part 1 if you don’t already know the details! Part 2 is lengthy so grab some coffee and a snack!

Run Toward Jesus

Upon meeting single Catholics, Gregg tells them to ‘run toward Jesus and then look around and see who is beside you.’ This, we both believe, is the best way to know that a potential spouse is the one God intends for you. I believe that is what happened with us. We were both members of an on-line Catholic dating site. This was an indication of our desire to meet and marry someone who shares our faith. Participation in a Catholic-specific dating site is one method of eliminating the rest of the world that is not running toward Jesus.

The Beginning

Gregg contacted me in August 2001. He later revealed that he loved my picture and my profile. He also thought it was cool that I am a mechanical engineer involved in the design of Naval aircraft. He is a big aviation nut so this part of my profile was intriguing to him.

Within a couple of weeks from that first email, the tragic events of 9/11 happened. Gregg, knowing that I lived close to the Pentagon and supported the military, was not sure if I was harmed by the terror attacks. Thankfully, I wasn’t.

As soon as phone service returned that week, we spoke on the phone for the first time. I could tell this guy was different and I had a feeling our courtship was going to be different. And, it was! Gregg pursued me with a great deal of courage and chivalry. I was sincerely overwhelmed.

The Courtship

Gregg flew to Virginia from Kansas four months later in January 2002. He, of course, stayed in a hotel. I had a feeling after our four days together that this courtship was a “go.”

The four months between our first contact and our first meeting in-person gave us the opportunity to get to know each other simply through conversation. We talked and talked about everything (and still do). I found him to be interesting, smart, sweet, kind and very impressive!

What impressed me was the way he pursued and wooed me. I have souvenirs of our courtship ranging from love letters and emails to teddy bears and jewelry. The necklace he sent to me for Christmas (even before meeting in person) was beautiful. It had a very delicate a rosary-like design with these gorgeous little bluish-grey pearls and a pendant of the Virgin Mary. So elegant. I wore it in our wedding along with the matching earrings he had specially made for me.

The souvenirs were nice and flattering but what was really impressive was his strong interest in me and his willingness to go outside and beyond himself in order to get to know me. Keep in mind, our courtship was completely long–distance. But, he rose to the challenge. He was willing to prove that he would be a wonderful husband. And he succeeded!

For example, his house was located in an area with weak cell phone reception. Once he met me, he would get in his vehicle and drive 5 miles to a location with reception. He did this just so he could talk to me after work. This was a strong clue to me that he was not a lazy or selfish guy.

The Pursuit

His courtship and pursuit were unlike anything I had ever experienced. Oh, I had relationships and plenty of dates. But those guys (affectionately known as my ‘stupid old boyfriends’ ~ LOL) were lame and inconsistent in their pursuit. I have more stories about them to entertain you in my book, but suffice it to say, their efforts were lame-O (bless their poor little blinded-by-the-Veil hearts!).

Gregg, on the other hand, was trying to pull me towards his heart and into his life. Right after our first meeting, he invited me to his hometown to meet his family and friends. By the time I arrived, on Valentine’s Day 2002, his family and friends knew all about me and did everything in their power to welcome me and let me know that Gregg was head over heels for me. Just like him, his family and friends were (and are) wonderful!

It was a romantic weekend which included Mass, of course, a NASCAR party hosted by his friends and a gig with his part time rock band. Yes, Gregg was not only into his faith, sweet, kind and interesting, gainfully employed and a homeowner, he was also a talented musician. I had to pinch myself. I was hooked.

The Attraction of Chastity

Gregg knew, based on my profile, that I was different. My profile stated that I taught 7^th grade Catechism and Chastity. Oh, did I mention our physical attraction? Suffice it to say, it was (and still is) verrry strong. We both knew that this physical attraction would need to be supported with the virtue of chastity. If you ask Gregg, this was a major attraction for him. No other girl he knew had this commitment to our Lord or to waiting until marriage. He knew he had found something special in me and was highly motivated to win me over. And, he did!

We are engaged!

The Engagement and Wedding

Let’s see, by my Valentine’s Day visit we were talking on the phone daily and “love” had been spoken. He came back to visit me in early April and met my family. They adored him and he immediately loved them.

We began talking about marriage and engagement R.I.N.G.s (a story for another time). He wanted to know my requirements for color, cut, clarity and caret size. My goodness, this wonderful guy was planning on proposing to me! I really did not have any major engagement ring requirements in light of that wonderful fact. But, he wanted to know in order that I would be happy. Another very good sign of a very good and considerate man.

I visited him again on May 2^nd and he proposed. Oh, and yes the ring was perfect and stunning. Wedding plans began and we were married October 19, 2002.

Beyond My Hopes And Dreams

You can tell a lot about a man simply by observing him in the courtship phase. Why is this important? I think it is important because there are a lot of women who are disappointed in their husbands. I wonder what they could have noted in the courtship phase that could have been a warning to them of what to expect in marriage?

A kind man in courtship will be a kind man in marriage. A sacrificial and unselfish man in courtship will be a sacrificial and unselfish man in marriage. A man deeply dedicated to the Lord and his faith in courtship will be the same in marriage. And so forth. A man’s character very rarely changes so it is wise to pay attention to his character during the courtship phase.

I will give you two examples of Gregg’s character, both of which happened in the last 48 hours. Yesterday (as I write this) was a first Friday of the month and our church hosted Eucharistic Adoration. It was our day off from work so I planned to go and adore our Lord for an hour. I asked Gregg if he would like to join me but he said, “I would love to but I have ‘day off’ tasks I need to get done.” So, I happily headed up to the church by myself. As I was there adoring my Lord, Gregg walked in and joined me. I felt like the luckiest girl alive.

The second example happened just a few moments ago. Today is Saturday (as I write this) and Gregg had to run an errand about 2 hours from our home. He was sort of close to my Mom’s house so he called her and is taking her and my sister out to lunch. There were many ways he could have spent his Saturday, but he chose to spend it with my Mom and sister (who are also wonderful).

Gregg displayed these same character traits during the courtship phase. You get the picture. Keep your eyes wide open before marriage.

The Healing

The Holy Spirit constantly carries out this work in the most interior part of our being with wonderful subtlety and the delicacy of a wholly divine art.” St Bernard of Clairveau

In Part 1, I discussed the healing that took place prior to meeting Gregg. Along with the Sacraments, God continues to heal me through what I believe is a very effective method – our family. I believe the love of my husband heals me. Being a Mom heals me in a way that only a child can do.

A little healer.

Our love story would not be complete without making a connection to Chastity. Not only does Chastity prevent us from damaging ourselves spiritually, emotionally and physically, it is also critical to our healing after marriage. The marital embrace, when we are open to life, heals us. Isn’t that crazy and beautiful? God is a genius!

And, of course, I believe Chastity leads to the good fruit of Superabundance. This good fruit includes children and many other common human desires such as faithfulness, devotion, sacrifice, reliability, gentleness, constancy, affection, admiration, freedom, security, peace, compassion and protection. The Catechism also teaches us that in the case of marriage, the practice of chastity (remaining open to life) naturally leads to patience, temperance, prudence, honesty and trust. These good fruits cannot help but heal us.

I am not saying that Chastity guarantees that you will become a wife and a mother. But, I do believe that the Lord is committed to healing you. Work with Him and let the Holy Spirit, with His wonderful subtlety and delicacy of a wholly divine art, heal you. He may just surprise you beyond all your hopes and dreams. I pray He does.

God bless!

Our Catholic Love Story

Posted on November 2, 2012 by theveilofchastity

Our love story is featured today over at the blog Written By The Finger Of God. Again, it was an honor to participate and share our story. Thank you, Anabelle! Here is the link.

****ooops! Anabelle has closed her site so I have added Our Love Story here:

Our Love Story

I think our love story is beautiful and my husband, upon meeting you, will tell you the story of how we met, fell in love and married. I want to share those details in this post but, to me, the true beauty of our love story lies in the suffering, the waiting and the healing. We did not meet until we were 37 years old and were married about a year later at 38 years old. We just celebrated our 10 year anniversary (now almost 16 years!) this month.

But in case you missed it, let me repeat it. Thirty-eight years of singleness! Thirty-eight years of hoping, praying, feeling forgotten, frustration and occasional despair. It was so hard that to this day my mini-mission in life is to encourage single girls with wisdom and hope while they wait for their spouse. I, through the grace of God, hope to accomplish my mini-mission with my blog, The Veil of Chastity. If you are in need of hope and wisdom and if your singleness has extended beyond your hoped-for timeline, then please come visit me at my blog.

Why did my husband and I have to endure this extended single life? I don’t know the specifics of God’s plan or His will but I can see an overall theme. The single life and its frustration brought us both to our knees before God. It enabled us to experience the brokenness required for dependence upon God and to convince us of our need to return to and live a Sacramental life. This brokenness, dependence upon God and Sacramental life were vehicles that God used to heal us and prepare us for each other.
A Textbook Case

On one hand, our story is special but on the other hand, we are a textbook case: Frustration, brokenness, dependence and then healing. Our journey is a reflection of the Israelites 40 years of wandering in the desert and ultimately being brought to the promise land. To me, the wandering in the desert part of the Old Testament and the Israelites healing while in the desert is more fascinating than the entering the promise land part.

The Healings

I will summarize my journey by saying that I, like many, was poorly catechized. I did not know how critical a Sacramental life was to my spiritual, emotional and physical health. So, I wandered away. But, God chased me down and brought me back His church, my Catholic faith and a Sacramental life. But this took time.

I was also in need of girl-type healing. You know, the type of healing associated with a poor understanding of our bodies. I was riddled with negative messages resulting in a negative relationship with food and a poor body image. I had an exaggerated fear of married life and all that it would entail. So, I tried to manage it and heal myself. But, God wrestled me to the ground and healed me enough that I could love and be loved by my husband. God healed me of my exaggerated fears and then blessed me with a compassionate and loving husband who understands me. But, this took time.

Finally, I was broken in response to not having what I wanted. I wanted to be married. I dated a lot and had relationships during my extended singleness. But, of course, each relationship ended in some level of rejection. Most of the time, I broke things off because I did not feel loved and cherished. Each time a relationship failed, my frustration grew. Looking back, this was a good thing because it cemented my dependence upon God. He was my only hope. But, this process took time.

Chastity

Another challenge I experienced was in my commitment to Chastity. I was committed to it but each of the areas in need of healing I described above wreaked havoc on the firmness of my commitment. The time away from the Sacraments weakened me. I did not know that the sole purpose of my body is to glorify God. The negative relationship with myself blinded me to the connection between Chastity and my spiritual, emotional and physical health. This blindness led to temptations to win love through the physical realm. The rejection caused me to wonder if God cared.

But, I was thankfully stubborn in my commitment to Chastity. I was weakened, tempted and rejected but I was protected, by God’s mercy, from mortally jeopardizing my soul.

How We Met

Because God so intimately cared for us and healed us, I am convinced God also arranged our marriage. My husband and I met through a single catholic dating website. Neither of us had been married before.

When he first contacted me in Aug 2001, my husband lived in Kansas and I lived in Virginia. We were engaged in May 2002 and married in October 19, 2002. We had the most beautiful, holy wedding. And, we have a beautiful, chaste, fruitful and holy marriage.

October 19, 2002 Praise be to God!

The Veil

In my blog and in my soon-to-be published book, I share a theory called The Veil. Think of The Veil as a simple metaphor: It is the idea that God places a protective veil over all of us and the purpose of the veil is to hide us from every possible suitor except the one that God intends for us to marry. I call the person God wants us to marry our ‘holy spouse.’
This protective veil makes us ‘unclear’, similar to looking through a Mylar plastic sheet, to those suitors who are not our holy spouse. These suitors may be attracted to us but they hesitate to pursue us fully because they can’t fully see us; we are hidden by the veil. This may feel like rejection but it is really God’s protection.

Suffering Leads To Hope

“And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance produces character; and character produces hope.”
Romans 5:2-3

As things progressed with my husband toward marriage, my Mom asked me how in the world he could have made it to 38 years old and never be married? Why had some other girl not snatched him up? Good question. He had plenty of dates and relationships before he met me but all those other girls were unable to see what a great guy he is. I am thankful for that. It was the veil! It covered and protected him too.

But, he had to go through about 7 years in his own dating desert prior to meeting me along with years of dates and relationships with women before that who left him feeling empty and corrupt. This was a suffering for him but it resulted in that loving and vital purification from God. And as Romans 5 tells us, suffering leads to perseverance, which leads to character and finally hope.

To me, my need for healing and the protective veil caused my extended singleness. And today, I praise God!

Update: Next week, I will share with you Our Catholic Love Story, Part 2!

God Bless!

My First Movie Review

Posted on October 25, 2012 by theveilofchastity

Today I offer my first movie review! In the future, I also plan to write book reviews and blog reviews as a way of providing a variety of resources that impart wisdom and hope to single girls.

The movie “Paul VI: The Pope in The Tempest” is about the life of Pope Paul VI. First let me warn you that the movie is only available in Italian. This language hurdle would have normally been a show-stopper for me. But, since there are English sub-titles, I found it very easy to understand. To give you an idea of how easy it is to grasp this movie, even in Italian, our 7 year-old was able to follow (read) along and he loved the movie (he is a history buff). So, I am confident that you will also be able to easily follow along.

Rather than attempting to summarize the whole movie, I’ve decided to provide this Editorial Review directly from Amazon.com:

“Pope Paul VI was a leader in the Catholic Church as a priest, bishop, cardinal and pope through one of the most difficult periods in its history from the Fascist regime and World War II to the constitution of the Italian Republic, from the Second Vatican Council to the protests and the terrorist attacks of the 1960s and 1970s.

His papacy ran from 1963 to 1978, during which he wrote the prophetic, controversial document Humane Vitae that strongly proclaimed the Church’s teaching on the sacredness of married love and human life, and the evil of contraception which the Pontiff said would open the door to abortion if allowed. He was the first travelling Pope who began to visit the dioceses of the 5 continents like no pope had ever done before.

This exciting and insightful film covers fifty years of history that changed the Catholic Church and the world. Paul VI: The Pope in the Tempestis a story that draws emotion and lessons from history itself, dramatically mixing stunning reconstructions and real film footage.”

You may be wondering why we should care about this man who died over 30 years ago? I think there are many reasons but I will offer two. First, he was a modern-day prophet and second, he understands women and reveals us to ourselves. Hey, anyone that can explain me to me is definitely worth a study!

Pope Paul VI visits the Holy Land, 1964.

A Difficult Period In History

My review will focus on the topics in the bolded text above. Specifically, Pope Paul VI’s prophetic encyclical, Humanae Vitae and the impact our Holy Father’s wisdom had on the Church and on the world.

The Editorial Review above states that he was Pope of the Catholic Church during “one of the most difficult periods in its history.” I agree with this evaluation. Before watching this movie, I had very little insight into the historical relevance and timing of Humanae Vitae and the difficulty that the Pope endured as a result of releasing the encyclical.

Hidden Treasures of God’s Wisdom

“He (Christ) is the key that opens all the hidden treasures of God’s wisdom and knowledge. I tell you, then, do not let anyone deceive you with false arguments, no matter how good they seem to be.” Col 2: 3-4

Up until The Lambeth Conference in 1930, all Christian faiths were against contraception and believed it to be morally wrong. Protestants like Luther, Calvin, Zwingli, Wesley, Melancthon Jacobus, Matthew Henry, Christian Gottlob Barth, the Synod of Dort, Jerhard Gerhard, William Dodd, Alfred Edersheim, and a bunch of other Protestant theologians all saw Genesis 38 (the spilling of the seed to impede conception) as a condemnation of birth control. But, the Lambeth Conference surprisingly allowed for contraception in limited circumstances for Anglican Protestants. By 1960, a mere 30 years later, most Mainline Protestant denominations had removed prohibitions against artificial contraception.

By the 1960’s many of the Catholic laity, theologians, priests, Cardinals and Bishops were unable to see a problem with artificial birth control. I say “unable to see” because most, at that time, saw artificial birth control as a good thing and their arguments in support of it seemed to be good. But, Pope Paul VI found the hidden treasure of God’s wisdom and was not deceived with false arguments.

Humanae Vitae

Humanae Vitae, released by Pope Paul VI in 1968, reaffirmed the Catholic Church’s traditional view of marriage and marital relations and condemned the use of artificial birth control. The encyclical states that “of its very nature (artificial birth control) contradicts the moral order” and that “it is a serious error to think that a whole married life of otherwise normal relations can justify sexual intercourse which is deliberately contraceptive and so intrinsically wrong.”

As you can imagine, the encyclical did not go over well and was very controversial!

Even the Pontifical Commission on Birth Control, formed by the Pope for the purpose of studying the topic, disagreed with the Pope’s conclusion. The Commission recommended the Pope go against the consistent historical teaching of the Church and allow artificial birth control. But, Pope Paul VI courageously went against the recommendation of the Pontifical Commission and went forward with the encyclical.

Prophetic Pope

This is one of many examples in history where Jesus’ words ring true:

“When the Spirit of truth comes, He will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on His own but will tell you what He has heard. He will tell you about the future.” John 16:13

Indeed, the Holy Spirit did tell Pope Paul VI about the future and guided him in truth; a truth which others found impossible to see. The Pope predicts, with amazing accuracy, that wide-spread acceptance of artificial methods of birth control will result in several negative societal, marital and spiritual consequences, including an increase “need” for abortion. The specific consequences he predicted, all of which have come true, were:

a “general lowering of moral standards” resulting from sex without consequences, and
the danger that men may reduce women “to being a mere instrument for the satisfaction of [their] own desires” and
abuse of power by public authorities and
a false sense of autonomy

His Wise Words

In the movie, you can feel the pressure Pope Paul VI was under and the inner conflict he experienced. But, it is his words that I will forever remember.

During one of the meetings with the Pontifical Commission, Pope Paul VI said, “Sterilizing the poor makes the rich feel less guilty.” This was in response to the Commission trying to make the point that artificial birth control would allow poor families control over their fertility.

Pope Paul VI also said to them, “We are trying to understand the meaning of Love. What is more important than that? Be strong!”

In a different conversation, a priest said to the Pope,

“The world has long awaited an encyclical that discusses sex. You cannot publish one that says the same things that a Pope would have said a century ago. What will our followers and women in particular, think when they read: ‘Any action that impedes procreation must be avoided.’? How much longer can we ignore the needs of the modern world?”

In response, Pope Paul VI said,

“I didn’t write this encyclical to discuss sex but to talk about Love…about Life…about men and women. I’ve asked myself, “What’s the value of love and life and of men and women? What will become of this civilization of love, of men and women? What will a population in search of personal pleasure be like? Won’t these contraceptive methods make us lose respect for women? Won’t they transform women into an object of pleasure? Won’t they give us the illusion of freedom in exchange for losing faith in the parental roles? How can love deny the transmission of life? Isn’t life the greatest gift God has given us? The Pope cannot say something is right if it is not.”

Chastity and Superabundance

What is the connection to Chastity? The most basic definition of Chastity is the virtue of saving sex for marriage and remaining open to life within marriage. Artificial birth control has made it very easy for sex to take place outside of marriage with the false notion that it is ‘consequence free.’ Here we are, almost 50 after the introduction of the pill, and premarital sex is pretty much a given in relationships.

Abortion is a tragic but normal part of our reality and it is a natural consequence of failed contraception. Contraception has led today’s society to believe that sex should not result in babies and when it does, they are perplexed. How did this happen? Now, they must get rid of this baby. In the United States, about 3,000 babies are aborted each day. That equates to 1,350,500 a year. That is one every 24 seconds. For every 100 births in the United States, there are 31 abortions.

Within marriage, artificial birth control breaks the unitive and procreative meaning of the marital embrace. Artificial birth control blocks the channel of grace that is supposed to be available to us when we are open to life. This channel of grace is what produces the fruit of Superabundance. Artificial birth control cuts off access to grace and Superabundance. Superabundance is what gives the marriage life. Without it, marital love dies.

There are so many other severe consequences to the contraceptive mentality, some of which are not felt until it is too late. The Pope predicted this.

Love

The controversy concerning contraception and abortion is still going on today. But, as the Pope said, it is not about sex. It is about love. It is about life and the greatest gift God has given us: The ability to be co-creators with Him and to participate in the transmission of life.

“How can love deny the transmission of life?” Pope Paul VI

It is about Love.

Thank you, Pope Paul VI. Thank you, Holy Spirit of Truth.

God Bless!

Upcoming Reviews:

Women In Love ~ a book by Katie Hartfield
Would You Date You? ~ a book by Anthony Buono (founder of AvaMariasingles.com)
Made In His Image ~ a blog by Maura
Held by His Pierced Hands ~ a blog by Meg Hunter-Kilmer

Does God Arrange Marriages?

Posted on October 19, 2012 by theveilofchastity

Today, my husband and I celebrate our 10^th wedding anniversary. In my book, I share my path through singleness. I also share the story of how God arranged for me and Gregg, my Holy Spouse, to meet and marry.

The premise of my book and of this blog is the idea that we are all covered by a veil and that only our Holy Spouse can see us. All other suitors will reject us because they cannot fully see us.

I define our Holy Spouse as the one that God intends for us to marry. Given that definition, it is clear that I believe God arranges marriages. Is there any biblical evidence to support my belief? Let’s look at the Book of Tobit.

Book of Tobit

This is a beautiful story of God’s healing power and His providential hand in marriage. Goodness me, there are so many great lessons in this divinely inspired book! I will only be able to cover the highlights but I hope these fascinating events build your faith and confidence in God’s intimate and tender care for us.

Tobit and Tobias

Tobit was a righteous Israelite of the Tribe of Naphtali who was blinded when bird droppings fell into his eyes. Tobit had a son, Tobias. He sent Tobias to the land of Media. Tobias was accompanied by the Archangel Raphael and his dog.

Sarah

Meanwhile, in faraway Media, a young woman named Sarah prayed for death. She had lost seven husbands to the demon of lust, Asmodeus, who abducted and killed every man she married on their wedding night before the marriage can be consummated. God, in response to Tobit’s prayer and Sarah’s prayer, sent the Archangel Raphael, disguised as a human, to heal Tobit (from his blindness) and to free Sarah from the demon.

Isn’t that amazing?! Sarah married 7 different men. The demon of lust, however, killed them all on the wedding night before the marriage could be consummated! Interesting! That is some mighty intervention! And, it appears that God allowed evil to ‘do its thing’ in order for His holy will to be accomplished.

Sarah had lost seven husbands and was very understandably distraught. She wished to die. Her friends taunted her and said, “You husband killer! Look at you! You’ve already had seven husbands, but not one of them lived long enough to give you a son.” Tobit 3:8

But, Sarah remembered her poor Father and how ashamed and inconsolable he would be if she were to hang herself. So, she prayed instead.

God Hears The Prayers of Tobit and Sarah

“So the prayers of them both were heard before the majesty of the great God.” Tobit 3:16

As Tobit and Sarah were praying, God in heaven heard their prayers and sent his angel Raphael to help them. He was sent to remove the white film from Tobit’s eyes, so that he could see again, and to arrange a marriage between Sarah and Tobit’s son Tobias. Raphael was also ordered to expel the demon, Asmodeus, from Sarah.

In one fell swoop, in response to Tobit’s and Sarah’s prayers, God:

heals Tobit of his blindness and heals Sarah of the curse from the demon of lust
arranges a marriage between Sarah and Tobias, and
commands His Archangel Raphael to expel the demon of lust!

The Archangel Raphael escorts Tobias to Media

The Healings

Along the way to Media, while washing his feet in the river Tigris, he (Tobias) was attacked by a fish which tried to swallow his foot. By order of the angel (Raphael) he captured it. The heart, liver and gall bladder were removed to make medicines, also by order of Raphael.

Upon arriving in Media, Raphael told Tobias of the beautiful Sarah. He instructs the young man to burn the fish’s liver and heart to drive away the demon when he attacks on the wedding night.

The two are married, and the fumes of the burning organs drove the demon (Asmodeas) away to Upper Egypt, while Raphael followed him to bind him. Raphael also told Tobias to use the fish’s gall to cure his father’s blindness.

What are the medicines that heal us of our blindness and allow us to see God’s will today? God imparts his powerful grace and heals us through the Sacrament of Marriage, the Sacraments of Baptism, Confirmation and Confession, the sacred sacrifice of the Mass, the Holy Eucharist and the Precious Blood of Jesus, adoration of the Blessed Sacrament, prayer, fasting, scripture and sacrifice. These are our medicines today.

Did you know that God also heals us through the marital embrace? Yes, the marital embrace is a renewal of our wedding vows and this very holy act heals us and imparts grace into our marriage!

What binds the demon of lust for us today? Chastity.

The Marriage

“Pray to God which is merciful, who will have pity on you, and save you: fear not, for she is appointed unto thee from the beginning; and thou shalt preserve her, and she shall go with thee. Moreover I suppose that she shall bear thee children. Now when Tobias had heard these things, he loved her, and his heart was effectually joined to her.”” Tobit 6:17

Translated, here is what the Archangel Raphael said, “Don’t be afraid. Sarah was meant to be yours from the beginning of creation. You will rescue her from the demon, and she will go with you to your home. You and Sarah will have many children, whom you will love very much. So don’t worry!” Did you notice Tobias response? He loved her. His heart was effectually (thoroughly) joined to Sarah’s. I contend that was the moment the veil was lifted and Superabundance poured in!

Raguel, Sarah’s Father, said, “I will give her to you just as the Law of Moses commands. God in heaven has arranged this marriage, so take her as your wife. From now on, you belong to each other. Sarah is yours today and forever. May the Lord of heaven keep both of you safe tonight. May he be merciful and kind to you.” Tobit 7:12

Meeting our Holy Spouse will not be a coincidence. Beautiful scripture says that you and your Holy spouse were appointed unto each other from the beginning and that God in heaven has arranged your marriage.

You may wonder, as I have, how exactly does God work it all out given the fact that we have the gift of free will? I guess the power of grace, when we are open to it, influences us. And our guardian angels can whisper in our ears and move us in specific directions. God knows ahead of time what we will do. God allows for events to influence us and somehow all the stars align at the right time.

I don’t know how He did it, but I am convinced that God arranged our marriage too.

Gregg and I met through a single catholic dating website. We were both 37 years old and neither of us had ever been married. We were both feeling a bit like Sarah. The world was looking at us as if there was something wrong with us and we had plenty of past relationship “deaths” to speak of. Despair was biting at our heels.

Gregg first contacted me in Aug 2001. He lived in Kansas and I lived in Virginia. Our meeting was not a coincidence. We were engaged in May 2002 and married in October 19, 2002. We had the most beautiful, holy wedding. And, we have a beautiful, holy marriage.

The Archangel Raphael expels the demon of lust. Tobias and Sarah pray to the Lord. Notice the dog.

Expelling the Demon of Lust

“But before you consummate the marriage, both of you must get up and pray for the Lord in heaven to be merciful to you and to protect you.” Tobit 6:15

Check out the gorgeous painting of the Archangel Raphael binding Asmodeas, the demon of lust! Today, the medicine and remedy to lust is Chastity, both before marriage and within marriage. We are co-creators with God and we are not allowed to shut Him out of this important aspect of our marriage. We must remain open to life. We must expel the demon of lust through the power of Chastity.

Stay in God’s Will

I noticed that Tobias was brought to Sarah. She did not have to chase him. She prayed and responded to his initiation. She fought back the temptation to go against God’s will. And God worked it all out in His time.

God knows who you will marry and He can arrange your meeting if you stay in His will. Staying in His will means bathing your life and your soul in the medicines He provides. If you have strayed from Him, turn around and confess it. Start living a Sacramental life. If you have strayed from a chaste life, turn around, confess it and recommit your ‘gift of self’ to the Lord. Then, wait on your Holy Spouse and wait on our good Lord.

October 19, 2002 Praise be to God!

Happy Anniversary, Gregg. Thank you for 10 wonderful years. Thank you, Lord for arranging our marriage from the beginning of creation.

God Bless!

Stop Responding To Lame and Inconsistent Initiation

Posted on October 12, 2012 by theveilofchastity

In my post from four weeks ago, I shared that it is unwise to chase men. And, that if you find yourself doing the chasing, you should:

Stop sleeping with him.
Stop chasing him.
Stop thinking your expectations for being chased are too high.
Stop responding to lame and inconsistent initiation from him.

This week, I will address #4: Stop responding to lame and inconsistent initiation.

Why?

Lame and inconsistent chasing by men is a symptom. I recommend women pay attention to this key symptom because it is often a result of a need of his being met. You, wonderful you, are fulfilling some or many of his needs and he is under the impression that you are happy to fulfill these needs.

These needs can be physical, emotional or social needs. Or, it can be simply that you build up his ego by your strong interest in him. Your chasing, responding and flirtation are making him feel great! But, it also makes him feel sort of guilty knowing that he doesn’t have the same strong feelings for you or the same vision of your future together dancing in his head. So, he waxes and wanes in his approach. He runs hot and cold. His initiation is lame and inconsistent.

Practice Girl

Have you ever heard of the term practice girl? Sometimes, not always, guys like to practice on girls who will let them. They practice their skills in asking a girl out, calling girls, kissing girls, etcetera (yes, etcetera!). But, the guys know deep down that they are just practicing for the big game (marriage) rather than sincerely pursuing these practice girls. So, they manage the situation by pushing the emotional boundaries and then pulling back so that the girl’s expectations remain low and in check.

In the meantime, his needs are being met. His skills are being developed and his confidence in himself is growing. And, because the girl continues to respond to the lame and inconsistent initiation, he doesn’t feel all that guilty about it….until the girl complains or acts and feels frustrated.

How Will You Know?

As the girl, this will be the symptom to look out for: you complain and/or act and feel frustrated. Then, in response to your complaints and frustration, he pulls back instead of addressing your complaint in a way that will completely reassure you.

You see, even your Holy Spouse (the one that God intends for you to marry) will not be perfect in his wooing. But, once a Holy Spouse realizes his mistake, he self-corrects and does things that will reassure his beloved. Your Holy Spouse’s feelings for you should very rarely ebb. Rather, they flow and they grow. Even if he does have a smidgen of doubt, he keeps it to himself in order not to lose you.

But, when you are his practice girl, his feelings will ebb and in response, he will pull back. So, don’t listen to his words, pay attention to his actions. Here is a refresher from my past post on genuine, courageous, reassuring chasing:

“Chasing means he tries to draw you into his life. He makes plans with you. He calls you daily just to hear your voice and make sure you don’t forget about him. He sees you as a marvelous mystery so he spends his time and energy trying to figure you out and get closer to you. He envisions a future with you and this, my friend, excites him!”

Are you being loved, cherished, chased and pursued in an impressive and consistent manner? If not, you may just be a practice girl. Sigh.

No lame and inconsistent behavior will be accepted, thank you.

What Should You Do?

Keep in mind that I think men are awesome, competent and brave when it comes to pursuing the one they want to make their wife. So, I am not saying that men are bad, bad, bad if they practice on girls. But, they are wrong to do so. And, we are wrong to allow them to practice on us. It is incumbent upon us women to discern the man’s intentions by astutely paying attention to his actions. Women have had to do this from the beginning of time.

Of course there are times when the relationship runs its course and the guy decides, after many years, to marry Practice Girl. He marries her because no other girl (with whom he has true interest) will have him. So, after much frustration, complaining and cajoling by her, they get married. I say without a doubt that Practice Girl will have a tough row to hoe. This is not what you want.

If you discover that you are a practice girl, then all you need to do is stop responding. Stop responding to phone calls and texts. If he asks you out on a date, simply smile and say “No, thank you.” The romance will die a natural death and you will have your dignity intact.

Prepare Yourself

Be prepared to battle doubts that make you feel like your expectations are too high and that you have been too hard on him. As Katie from It’s Fun To Be a Girl says, “immerse yourself in the Sacraments.” You will need the strength and grace that only the Sacraments can give you.

If you have been sleeping with him, the sex will result in strong feelings of attachment and this will make it hard for you to judge the romance clearly.

But, try to keep in mind that his lame and inconsistent approach to your romance has led you to believe that you are his practice girl. And, in response to your complaints and frustration, he has failed to convince you otherwise with impressive and consistent actions. There are not many feelings worse than that.

The Veil

You may be wondering why he pursues you at all if his intentions are not on the up and up? Well, I believe that in addition to having his needs met, he also likes what he sees in you. But he can’t fully see you. I believe that we are all covered by a veil and only the one that God intends for us to marry, our Holy Spouse, can see us fully.

So, his insincere intentions may be completely subconscious rather than openly sinister. And, your temptation to continue on as Practice Girl, although it is not healthy, is understandable. But, only through the power of grace and chastity will you have the wisdom and strength to discern the quality of the romance and overcome the temptation to be a practice girl.

Don’t waste your time. Instead, trust that God has a more dignified role for you; the honorable role as a wife to your Holy Spouse. Trust that God wants you to be loved, cherished, chased and pursued by your Holy Spouse. Commit to Chastity. Wait on your Holy Spouse. Wait on our dear Lord.

If you are having doubts that God intervenes in our lives when it comes to marriage, check in next week when I share the beautiful Old Testament story of Tobias and Sarah!

God Bless!

Stop Thinking Your Expectations Are Too High

Posted on October 5, 2012 by theveilofchastity

In my post from three weeks ago, I shared that it is unwise to chase men. And, that if you find yourself doing the chasing, you should:

Stop sleeping with him.
Stop chasing him.
Stop thinking your expectations for being chased are too high.
Stop responding to lame and inconsistent initiation from him.

This week, I will address #3: Stop thinking your expectations for being chased are too high.

This seems to be a very common battle that goes on with us women. We fluctuate between two different beliefs. The first belief comes from the deepest desires of our hearts and the hope that we will be loved and cherished, chased and pursued by our beloved.

The second belief happens when that hope is not fulfilled. It is the false belief that because our hope is not fulfilled, our expectations for being loved and cherished, chased and pursued are too high. So, we start to feel guilty and needy. We know what we need from a man and yet when we are not receiving it, we start to wonder if it is even possible and are we worth it? Are our expectations too high?

Is it Possible?

When I was single, I observed many couples. Some couples made me think, “That’s the kind of marriage I desire!” But there were plenty of couples that made me think, “Oh goodness, is that what marriage is like?! Yikes!”

I’d like to share with you an excerpt from my book because it reminds me of the time in my life when I was not getting what I needed from the guys I was dating. Just when I was about to give in and believe that maybe my expectations were too high, I would witness the first kind of couple. The kind of couple that reminded me of the kind of marriage I desired and hoped for. And, my determination and hope would be restored. Jim and Regan were one of those wonderful couples. Here is their story:

“I just received a Christmas card from a couple that I met about 23 years ago. The husband, Jim, and I were young engineers together working in the same office. His wife, Regan, had a good job working for a lawyer and later became a stay-at-home Mom. They were married young and during the time I knew them they had five children. I lost touch with them about 15 years ago but then I reconnected with them a couple of years ago. We just send Christmas cards now but it is enough for me to smile and remember them and the impact they had on me.

Jim and Regan clearly had what I longed for as a single girl; a happy marriage with a man who would make me feel loved, cherished, chased and pursued. But, they were special. They practiced chastity before their marriage and were open to life within their marriage. Yes, they had five children, which seems like a lot, but they were all ‘wanted” and for the most part, all planned. They used natural family planning (NFP).

My insight into their marriage was provided by Jim and wow did he adore Regan! It was like nothing I had ever seen before. God bless Jim because he graciously, but respectfully, witnessed to me about the power of chastity. I believe the point of him sharing their personal story with me was to encourage me on in my own weakening commitment to chastity.

Regan was committed to chastity and set the standard high even as a young girl in high school and college. And, Jim gladly met the standard. He had to have her. He had to convince her to marry him. She wanted to be an actress (locally) but the impressive wooing from Jim convinced her to marry him instead.

I wish I could describe to you his face when he would talk about her. Each time they had a new baby, Regan would visit our office. She looked so happy. I mean, she beamed! Jim told me that several minutes after giving birth she would say, “Let’s do that again!”

I have a friend who worked with Regan at the law office. My friend was a receptionist and would occasionally have to take a phone message for Regan. She told me that when Regan got a message that read ‘Jim called’, she would get a big smile and her eyes would light up. The description from my friend led me to believe that Regan somehow floated away on a cloud of happiness. This was a completely independent, but identical, observation by my friend and me about this couple.

Did they have perfect marriage? I am certain they had their challenges, especially financially. Jim drove the old station wagon with the wood panels on the side and Regan drove an old and very big van. But, they were not caught up in status and materialism which is often a death-blow to marriages. They had everything their hearts desired. They had each other and all these cute children that bonded them in love. They had a strong Catholic faith and they lived and practiced it. They built their life on the Rock rather than on sand and they were firmly grounded. I knew, even back then, that they could withstand any storm.

I wanted what they had and was convinced that Regan’s chastity was the key to their bliss. They practiced NFP so there were times when they chose to abstain from the marital embrace. They were young and very fertile. But, when the door was ‘open’ again, you could almost read it on Jim’s face. He was a very committed and brilliant engineer. But, on the “door open” evenings, he left the office promptly at 4:00pm with a spring in his step and a slight blush in his cheek. The silent message was “Goodbye everyone, I have a date with my wife tonight!”

So, as I am writing this book, I get this beautiful Christmas card from them, still in love and surrounded by their five grown children. Regan and Jim are still glowing. Ah, chastity.”

So, yes it is possible. And, no your expectations of being loved, cherished, chased and pursued are not too high.

Superabundance changes our vision!

Are We Worth It?

My answer here may surprise you. I visited a girlfriend of mine the other day and we got to chatting about our wonderful husbands. I shared with her that I think it is amazing that my husband can love me so much given all my faults. I wasn’t being self-deprecating. I was stating my belief that his love for me is supernatural and that I believe Superabundance changes his vision of me.

I contend that the Superabundance, which results from our chaste marriage, significantly diminishes my faults and almost makes them invisible to my Holy Spouse. I also believe that Superabundance somehow then magnifies my good traits. Chastity allows for superabundance and good fruits to flow. These good fruits result in that interior gaze that Blessed Pope John Paul II talks about in his famous Wednesday talks referred to as Theology of the Body. For example, he said to his General Audience on January 2, 1980:

“Seeing each other, as if through the mystery of creation, man and woman see each other even more fully and distinctly than through the sense of sight itself, that is, through the eyes of the body. They see and know each other with all the peace of the interior gaze, which creates precisely the fullness of the intimacy of persons.”

So, no I am not worth it. Not by myself. Not without the grace of Superabundance.

The Veil

I contend that we are covered by a veil and only the one that God intends for us to marry, our Holy Spouse, can see us. If you are not being loved and cherished, chased and pursued by the guy you are dating, it has nothing to do with your “worth.” I contend that it is because he can’t see you. But, your Holy Spouse will see you and he will like what he sees!

God designed us. He knows what we women need. He put those desires in our hearts.

Your expectations for being loved, cherished, chased and pursued are not too high. Commit to Chastity. Wait on your Holy Spouse. Wait on our dear Lord.

Next week I will discuss why you should stop responding to lame and inconsistent initiation from men.

God bless!