Dear Sweet Frustrated Friend,
After posting your “Dear Future Husband” Letter last week, it is obvious from the comments and support from other single girls that you are not alone in your frustration. With all that support and cyber love, you might be feeling slightly less frustrated but it is understandable if you still feel alone.
I am not sure there is anything I can say to ease your suffering. Yes, I believe you are suffering because to be without something we are made for is a suffering.
Could marriage actually be a need?
I used to feel guilty about my pain and hurt over not being married. I wasn’t sure I had it in proper perspective given all the suffering going on in the world. Was my singleness a suffering? Was marriage something I needed or just something I wanted? If it was just a want, was I justified in my pain over not having it? The Lord is my Shepherd, after all, and I shall not want, right?
Then someone asked me why I felt guilty for wanting to be married? They said, “Of course your feelings of hurt are justified. You don’t have to feel guilty for wanting something you were made for as a woman.”
Made For Marriage?
Some folks may read this blog and think that I put too high of a value on marriage to the point of relegating it to the supernatural level. But, when I read The Catechism, I see that Spousal Love is something we were made for:
“….The vocation to marriage is written in the very nature of man and woman as they came from the hand of the Creator….”
“…Holy Scripture affirms that man and woman were created for one another: “It is not good that the man should be alone…”
Our bodies cry out for Spousal Love. In this post, I wrote:
“….I am not a theologian but from a Catholic perspective we know that our bodies are made to glorify God. The purpose of marriage and of our fertility is to glorify God. Not being able to fulfill this purpose is, I think, a special kind of suffering.
The shape, form and intricate design of our bodies reveal this strong link to our fertility and femininity. Our bodies are oriented toward marital love…. to bonding and babies. I could be wrong but I think that God weeps over delayed and missed marriage vocations in a unique way. I feel confident that the plight of the single person is not hidden from Him nor has their cause passed out of His notice…”
Even though we are made for marriage, it is written into our very nature and our bodies cry out for Spousal Love, there is, unfortunately a real possibility that some will have to live with this need unmet. This is why I believe that delayed marriages and missed marriages are a suffering.
As you know, the enemy will whisper to you that God is stingy and that God is not in control. The enemy will try to convince you to take your vocation into your own hands and make it happen at any cost. Even the cost of your soul. You will be tempted to compromise and accept lame offers from guys. You will be tempted to chase guys.
It sounds like you are already walking with God and waiting on Him to act on your behalf. You are doing your part. The challenge will be to not give in to despair.
What Do I Recommend?
1. Recognize and accept that you have an unmet need
2. Be honest with God about your feelings. He can take it.
3. Continue to Immerse yourself in the Sacraments (the fount of Grace) and in Sacred Scripture
4. Find your mission outside of your career (unless your career includes this mission)
5. Realize that God is our only Hope
Your Future Husband
I know you are frustrated that he has not found you yet. But, have you considered that he is suffering too and in need of healing? That he would love to hold you and share his day with you? That he wants nothing more than to find you and hold those babies you are hoping for?
Pray for him that he will not give in to despair and that his body and soul will be protected from porn and fornication. He needs your prayers now as much as he will need them when you are married.
Today is the feast day of St. Monica. Your future husband may be away from the Lord and, similar to St. Augustine, greatly in need of prayer. Your prayers for him and an offering of your sufferings for him are a powerful combination.
“….I think this letter is written to a ghost, and it’s a real shame because I’ve been working on myself for you. I’ve been trying to turn my vices into virtues, take my faults and reform them into blessings, and make my areas of weakness stronger. For what? Apparently for nothing, and that really peeves me….”
I think what you wrote above is understandable. It is easy to wonder if it is all for nothing. You and I have chatted this week about all the things you are doing to grow closer to the Lord and turn your vices into virtues. It reminded me of the parable of the 10 Virgins and the Lamp Oil and how it applies to our singleness. We must always be ready. In a New York minute, everything can change.
I know you are having trouble believing your husband exists. I cannot tell you if he does or not. If he doesn’t then, the 5 recommendations above are critical to fighting off despair. The Lord will provide the much-needed grace proper to heal your suffering. If your husband does exist, then, it is a matter of waiting…………patiently……..for the Lord to act. He is our only Hope.
I went back and found the following posts which I hope will provide encouragement and support:
Dear God, What Do You want from me?
Myth # 3: There Is Something Wrong With Me
God love and bless you, my sweet friend. Cindy
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I really believe that God is truly speaking to me lately though I am not always sure that I am hearing Him correctly. This morning at Mass during the Homily I was contemplating some of the points touched here, then I read this and some much needed perspective. Thank you.
That is wonderful, Nikki! Praise God when He speaks (and when He is silent)! 🙂