There are many rewarding things about this ministry. I love it when you girls write to me and I am blessed to watch the Lord work in your lives through your updates.
Today I share with you the story of a 27 year old girl, let’s call her Maggie, who first wrote to me because she felt that something was wrong with her. She had many insecurities which fed her fears about intimacy and marriage. She dealt with perfectionism and wondered how she could ever feel comfortable revealing her real self to a man. Here is part of her note:
I focus on looking perfect and try not to let “date-able” :) guys see me unless I’m at my best. I guess I can’t imagine them still liking me if I gain 5 lbs or they see my crazy hair when I just let it do its thing lol! Or I think that only guys I’m not attracted to will still like me at my “worst.” I know that’s awful!
Anyway, all this focus on my appearance is really self-absorbed, and I don’t want to be that way. It probably shows a big lack of trust in God’s plan, too. I don’t want to live my life in a mirror, always concerned about how guys see me.
I wrote back to her and shared how I had struggled with the same fears and perfectionism. I could have written every word above. I shared how God had healed me and how I fully believe in the Veil theory.
I shared with her that this is a normal struggle because she is not shown the whole plan (her future remains unveiled!). Much of what she is living with respect to her vocation has a big question mark over it. So, of course she is struggling.
I encouraged her because I felt that she was doing everything she can. She is walking with the Lord and living a Sacramental life in Christ. It is just a matter of continuing to walk with the Lord and trusting Him with her life. He will heal her and most often, He uses our journey towards our vocation to accomplish this healing.
So, I added her to my Divine Mercy Chaplet prayer list and have been praying for her ever since. Then, I get this note!
I wrote you a few times months back and I’ve been meaning to write you again for a while. THANK YOU for your prayers!
I have wonderful news to share — I am engaged to XXX (let’s call him Joseph). I am so grateful for certainty, peace, and joy in our vocation together, and can’t wait to be married to him!
Your site has helped me so much — I stumbled upon it just when I really needed to hear what you were saying (well, really, what God wanted me to hear), a little less than a year before I met my “holy spouse.” Through months of not-the-prettiest growing pains, especially dealing with issues of self-image, painful longing and doubt that I would ever meet someone, and struggling to avoid crushes/pinning my hopes on different guys according to MY plan of what I wanted, God rapidly pruned and prepared me to meet my holy spouse.
It was because of your site that I started praying for him! I was inspired by a story you linked to that advised doing spiritual battle “in the trenches” for your future spouse. So I started a 54-day rosary novena, which we found out we prayed on the exact same days for the intention of our future spouse months before we met.
I went on a Retreat and offered myself completely openly to God’s will for my life (a complete grace…reading a book by Jacques Philippe called School of the Holy Spirit helped), and with peace and amazing clarity was assured by Him that I had discovered my vocation with Joseph.
It’s funny, even the night I first met Joseph I had a deeply peaceful yet startling intuition that he was my holy spouse. It happened while he was reading in our study group. That was the first time I heard him speak, and I felt like I had heard his voice a thousand times before! Then I thought I was crazy! But I looked at him again and had an intuition that he was the one.
I wanted to test my intuition, though, because it seemed so crazy to think that about a random stranger! I remembered what you advised about allowing the man to pursue, so I decided not to make any “moves” towards him, despite my intuition. When we broke from reading and got up, he walked right up to me, introduced himself, asked a couple questions about how I found out about the study group, then asked if I was seeing anyone! I went home and couldn’t sleep at all that night! Our first date was a few days later. Things went very fast…but I know it is God’s timing.
Thank you for delineating how the “real deal” will act towards you. It’s so funny how Joseph has acted to a ‘T’ exactly how you described how your holy spouse would act (he’s never read your site) :) He pursued me, always called when he said he would and followed through on all his promises and our plans to see each other. Even things he promised to do for me that I forgot about, he remembered and did them. It helped me see that he was faithful in small things. When we first started dating (and even now) I felt secure and never worried that he might not follow through with calls or dates, or that he might be interested in other women.
He makes me feel so feminine and really the best version of myself. He supported me with prayers and took me to the airport so I could go on retreat with the sisters. He wanted me to know that he cared about me enough to let me pursue God’s will for my life, even if that meant joining religious life. I’ve never felt smothered by him; he has his own full life and wonderful friends, but he draws me into his life like you said.
Whenever we disagree, he’s humble and if he ever feels like he’s hurt me in some small way, he comes back immediately to apologize and reassure me of how much I mean to him (just like you said!) And, just like you said, he seems to have “grace glasses” :) on that minimize my faults and accentuate my good qualities! Of course, that may also be from falling in love.
But I’m finding that all the annoying things I do that I thought a man would get fed up with me, none of them are deal-breakers for him — nothing could be! He’s patient with me. And I wrote you expressing worry that I couldn’t imagine being around a man all the time because they would see my imperfections…I can’t believe how comfortable and myself I am around him! I had really exaggerated fears. He lets me know that I’m beautiful and has offered to help me get over some of my vain hang-ups that I’ve told him about so I can just let go. He thinks I’m beautiful with my hair just how it naturally is (big plus).
I could go on and on so I’ll just stop myself!! Thank you for encouraging me and other women to trust and wait on the Lord. He truly does have something even better than what we can possibly imagine in store for us!
Isn’t it beautiful how she describes the idea of the Veil and of Superabundance?
The premise of The Veil theory is that God puts a protective veil over us …and, once God lifts the veil, our holy spouse sees us through the eyes of Love in all our beauty and virtue filled with grace and trust…
Praise be to God! Thank you Maggie for sharing your story with me and blessings to you and Joseph!
If you are struggling, please feel free to write to me @ email@example.com
God love and bless you!
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