7 Quick Takes Friday ~ Vol 108

seven-quick-takes-friday-2

 — 1 —  This Week’s Post:  When He Writes, “Feel Free To..”  So pleased with the response to this post!  Even sweet Arleen Spencely took notice and tweeted about it!  Thank you, Arleen!

— 2 —  Next Week’s Post:  I was emailing with a girl about how Catholicmatch.com is set up and I shared my thoughts on how a girl might manage her on-line ‘footprint’.  :)  She and I plan to do a joint post next week!

— 3 —    Not Alone Series:  Last Week’s Topic was All The Children ~  Babies and children. Go check out all the cute photos of the babies!

— 4 —    Not Alone Series:  This Week’s Topic was Selfies! and they write about “Do you support the selfie trend? Do you think it promotes self absorption, vanity and narcissism? Is there a way to incorporate selfies into the Church’s teachings of modesty, authentic beauty, humility?”   Great topic.  Surprisingly, I don’t have a strong opinion.  I took my first selfie the other day and I had to be shown how to do it. :)

— 5 —   Overload:  I feel it.  How about you?

— 6 —    Spotlight On:  This week’s spotlight is  on Kari Kampakis for her post called “A Word To Girls About Sexting and Setting Standards.”  Important for everyone to think about!

  7 —   Theology Over Dinner:  Gregg and I lead a bible study every Thursday night with another couple.  Last night this other couple hosted a Theology Over Dinner event and it had quite a turnout.  A rough count of 50 people of variety of ages from about 7 different parishes!  It was held at a local restaurant where we had dinner and then heard a talk given by a wonderful priest.  These will happen once a month and mimic the Theology on Tap events. I do believe that the Lord was glorified!

You remain in my prayers! God love and bless you!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

Thank you so much for visiting and reading this post! If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too!

For more Quick Takes, visit This Ain’t the Lyceum !

When He Writes, “Feel Free to…”

Many of you are participating in online dating.  What should you do when somewhere in the exchange, the guy says, “Feel free to call/text/message me.”  I hear this from many girls who get confused about what it means.  What should you do when a guy puts the ball in your court?

Lukewarm

I was just writing to a girl the other day and I told her that I hate to be the Debbie Downer. I am sure some girls think my advice is to be too harsh on guys.  But, it is a pattern I see.  If a guy is putting the ball in the girl’s court without any intention of risking himself in the pursuit, then it usually means that he is lukewarm in his interest.

It usually means that his feelings are such that if the girl takes the bait and initiates, then he is ‘fine’ with it.  She may be able to keep him occupied and from feeling lonely while he keeps his eyes open for someone he can feel passionate about.

As you can imagine, this is a tough pill to swallow for the girl….especially when she is attracted to him and hopeful of a positive outcome.

Smiley Face

Another girl was texting with a guy who kept putting the ball in her court. He was one of those “feel free to text me.” kind of guys. They had gone on one date and then he would contact her sporadically.

I told her to just respond with a smiley face. So she did this even though her mother disagreed.  But, in the end, the guy eventually gave up. It could be said that he stopped ‘messing with her.‘ All the half-hearted lobs he was tossing her made her feel that she needed to be the one to keep the ball in play.  It made her doubt herself.  It really messed with her.  I felt that, after a certain amount of back and forth, the only way to respond to this guy was with a smile.

Risk

I have shared before that Gregg gave me his phone number but he never said, “Feel free to call me.”  Instead he said, “Here is my phone number in the event you are not comfortable giving me yours.”  This is different.  He took my preferences into consideration and revealed that he was willing to be the one to call and take that risk.

I feel that men who put the ‘pursuit’ ball in the girl’s court are unwilling to take a risk.  And, isn’t that really what dating requires?  But, in order to risk, the guy has to feel that the payoff is worth it.  And, then he has to be ready and willing to take it.

The 3 R’s

I wrote a post back in July which described the 3 R’s which are needed before a guy will take that risk.  He needs to be Resourceful, Ready and Realistic. It is fine if a guy is not motivated to pursue you.  In fact, he should only pursue you if he is truly interested in you.  But, the only way for his half-hearted ‘feel free to’ lobs to stop is for you to interpret the signs and realize what is going on.

The Veil

I haven’t mentioned the veil in a while so some of you may not know this little theory of mine. I invite you to check it out as a way to stay encouraged the next time a guy says “Feel free to.”  No, my dear girl, the one that God has for you will not take such a chance by putting the ball in your court.  He will take the risk and pursue you.  If he says “feel free to” then feel free to ignore his half-hearted invitation. :)

If you are in need of encouragement or advice, my email is theveilofchastity@gmail.com

God love and bless you!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

Thank you so much for visiting and reading this post! If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too!

7 Quick Takes Friday ~ Vol 107

seven-quick-takes-friday-2

 — 1 —  This Week’s Post:    Let Him Process  Find out what I recommend when a guy stops communicating!

— 2 —  Next Week’s Post:  When He Writes, “Feel Free to…” ~  I hear this from many girls.  What should you do when the guy puts the ball in your court?  Check out next week’s post! 

— 3 —    Not Alone Series:  Last Week’s Topic was A Typical Day!  Nosey me enjoyed reading these posts!

— 4 —    Not Alone Series:  This Week’s Topic was 2015!   A very inspiring topic and the girls did a great job at sharing their goals!

— 5 —    Empowered:  I have a renewed sense of feeling empowered by Grace in this new year.  I haven’t exactly harnessed it yet but I am becoming aware that it is available to me.  It seems that this empowerment reveals itself most when my prayer is “Glorify Yourself through this, Lord.”  The Book of Acts is especially good!

— 6 —    Spotlight On:  This week’s spotlight is on The Augustine Institute!  They are doing a beautiful job of sharing our Catholic Faith and putting tools out for Evangelization. Gregg and I are using the Symbolon series in our weekly bible study and it is amazing!Their mission is to “Transform Catholics for the New Evangelization.” You can find them on Facebook and on Twitter.  Here is an example of their work, Beloved:  The Mystery and Meaning of Marriage:

<p><a href=”http://vimeo.com/112875158″>Beloved // Sneak Peek</a> from <a href=”http://vimeo.com/augustineinstitute”>Augustine Institute</a> on <a href=”https://vimeo.com”>Vimeo</a&gt;.</p>

  7 —   Your Emails:  I love hearing from you!  Please feel free to reach out to me:  theveilofchastity@gmail.com

You remain in my prayers! God love and bless you!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

Thank you so much for visiting and reading this post! If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too!

For more Quick Takes, visit This Ain’t the Lyceum !

Let Him Process

What should you do when a guy stops communicating? Do Nothing.

Processing

When a guy stops communicating it can mean one of two things.  Either he has decided not to pursue you or he is not sure if he wants to continue to pursue you.  Only one of these is deadly for the relationship.  The other one, when he is not sure, is not always fatal.  In fact, it can, for some men, be an important step.

Everyone is different in the way they come to understand their feelings and how they should proceed.  Some people isolate to think about things.  Some need to talk it through.  Either way, what is important is that the guy decide one way or another rather than sit on the fence forever.  So, if his way of deciding is to isolate, it may mean that he stops communicating….temporarily.

What Should You Do?

patience

Oh goodness, it is so tempting to want to reach out. I mean, things are going so well and you think maybe if you send him a little text to say ‘hi’….you know the drill.  My recommendation is to not contact a guy when he is isolating.  Let him process his feelings.  By contacting him, you will interrupt something very important that happens within a guy as he is trying to decide his future with a girl.  You also send the message to him that he needs help in his pursuit.  I think this can be insulting to men.

Absence 

As I think back on how Gregg and I started, I am not really sure if he experienced the need to ‘process’ his feelings for me. If he did, I thankfully never noticed.  He called when he said he would call and never left me wondering.

One of the benefits of long distance is the time of absence and how it can make the heart grow fonder.  We had a built-in and natural barrier of the miles between us. This was in the days before texting.  Sure, we had email but I was not instantaneously available to him.  The distance allowed for an enticing amount of mystery about me and my life.

Many girls write to me when they are going through a stressful ‘pause’ in their relationship.  At first, I think ‘oh, this is a bad sign.‘  But, then I remember that some guys require this isolation process.  And afterwards, when they contact the girl, their pursuit is usually stronger.

Once.  Maybe Twice

Keep in mind that these pauses, if they are legitimate, only happen once, maybe twice in a relationship.  Any more than that and I would have concerns about his intentions.  If a guy is taking a pause every week, every month or even every 3 months, then I would say this is not a good sign.  He is not processing.  Instead, he is demonstrating his doubts about you and he is just biding his time until he finds the girl of his dreams.

Chastity

Chastity is a forcing function or behavior-shaping constraint when it comes to processing intentions and feelings. Although it doesn’t limit the number of pauses, it does allow for more clarity.  When sex is involved, things get cloudy for the girl and there is nothing forcing the guy to think about his intentions. Many things about the relationship and its future are assumed rather than confirmed.  It is a risky assumption.

Hidden Treasure

“…like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up; then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field..”   Matthew 13:44

You know the parable, right?.  A man finds a hidden treasure in a field and he sells all that he has to buy the field.  This is what you want.  You want to be thought of as a treasure and for your man to be motivated to give everything in order to have you. Don’t interrupt him in this process of realization.  Do nothing.  Trust in the process.  Trust in the Lord.

You Never Know

The hard part is that you don’t know ahead of time which way he is going to decide.  You won’t know until he goes through the process.

If you are in the middle of this, stay strong.  Don’t interrupt the process.  Don’t contact him.  If you need encouragement and if you think I can help, feel free to write to me.  theveilofchastity@gmail.com

God love and bless you!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

Thank you so much for visiting and reading this post! If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too! 

This Week’s Post

I am sorry that I have not posted anything this week.  I am fine but life is pretty crazy as we get back to work and school.  By the time we get home, chores are done and the homework is done, I am done.  The only thing I have been able to do is respond to your emails, which I have made a priority.  I am also reading Jason and Crystalina Evert’s book, “How to Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul.”  So far, it is really good!!

Thank you for your understanding!  Your remain in my prayers.

God love and bless you!  Cindy

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

Thank you so much for visiting and reading this post! If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too! 

7 Quick Takes Friday ~ Vol 106

 

seven-quick-takes-friday-2

— 1 —  Last Week’s Post:    I Wished I Was Different  I hope this encouraged you to not compare yourself to other girls.  You will be loved for how God made you.

— 2 —  My Talk:  Well, the talk I was supposed to give tonight was cancelled…well postponed. I have learned to go with the flow of God’s will on things like this.  The girl who was hosting it was overwhelmed with life.  She has a new baby ~ her 9th I think and they run a farm so it is understandable!  It was a good opportunity for me to get my ‘in person’ thoughts down on paper.  I have never given a talk before and was struggling with where to begin.  The awesome thing about the blog is that I can post once a week and let the Holy Spirit lead.  And, I can respond to your specific needs when you email me.  But, to have a group of girls of unknown various ages with unknown needs when it comes to information about love and marriage….it was tough to know where to begin.  Which leads me to Quick Take #3….

— 3 —Next Week’s Post:  I plan to share what I came up with for the talk in a post.  I will pretend like you are sitting in my friend’s living room and I am giving my talk.  What will be missing is the interaction I hope to have.  Most of it will look familiar to you if you have been following the blog for a while. Hopefully, there will be a nugget or two of wisdom for you to take away.

— 4 — Blog Stats:  Wordpress sent my “2014 Year In Blogging” Annual Report.  Over 146,000 visit to the site from readers living in 171 Countries.    I am amazed!

  • Through email, I have met girls from all over the US.  But what a privilege to know girls from other Countries including Belgium, Ethiopia, London, Croatia, South Africa, Bermuda, Beirut Lebanon, Kenya, India, Poland, Philippines, Sweden, Australia, Italy and Turkey!
  • This year, I met Jen in person!
  • My Divine Mercy Chaplet prayer list has over 250 names listed.  When I pray, I have the CD playing the chaplet in the background as I say each of your names out loud.
  • Shout out to all the girls at the University of Dallas for the following that seems to have sprouted there this year
  • Many thanks to The NAS girls under the inspiration of Jen and Morgan
  • Finally, thank you to the girls from Argentina who translate my blog posts into Spanish over at A ti te lo digo!

Countries

— 5 —  7 Quick Takes in 2015:  I decided I will be posting my 7QTs every other week in 2015. I am not sure the 7QTs adds much other than readership.  When I thought about it, readership is not really my goal. My goal is to be faithful to the Lord in this ministry and to be a source of hope and support for single girls.  I think that can be met via the weekly posts. I am also sensing the pressure to be more available to the Lord in some other way.  Specifically, I hope to be more available to you girls via email…..while still carrying out my duties as a wife and mom, daughter, sister, friend and employee.  I carry around a feeling of constant failure in each of those duty areas and I need to get to the root of it in 2015, starting with how I spend my free time.

— 6 —   Alice von Hildebrand:  She and John Henry Crosby wrote a book about Alice’s late husband, Dietrich. It is called My Battle With Hitler.  Much of my Veil theory is based on my reading Dietrich von Hildebrand and the whole Superabundance thing is really his term, not mine.  I put my own spin on it which is *not endorsed* by anyone associated with the Hildebrands.

 But!  I was very excited to receive a book signed by John Henry Crosby!  He sent it to me to thank me for being on the Launch Team.  Also, they are following me on Twitter! This is very exciting for me.  Gregg plans on reading the book and then I hope to convince him to do a post with his review.  You can follow the Hildebrand Project and John Henry Crosby Here and Here..  

  7 —   Bible Study: Our bible study started up again last night after a 2 month break. It was so good!  We are doing the Symbolon series.  Great stuff!  Also, our group is starting an evangelistic outreach once a month called Theology Over Dinner.  It is held at a mom and pop restaurant owned by Catholics.  We are all very excited about the potential to reach folks with the truth of Jesus and of the Catholic faith!

God love and bless you!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

Thank you so much for visiting and reading this post! If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too!

For more Quick Takes, visit This Ain’t the Lyceum !

Blessed New Year!

Hi Sweet Girls!

I have been busy working on the talk I am giving on Friday and unfortunately do not have a post for this week.  But, I want to thank you for your comments and emails to me as this has helped me formulate my talk and relate to them better.  I feel equipped to reach the hearts of whomever the Lord sends on Friday. Please pray for me and for those lovely girls.

There were many New Years Eve nights that I spent surrounded by friends…..but still on my own.  I want to encourage you that life can change on a dime and that your Father in heaven holds you close to His Divine and merciful heart in these tough times.  He has a plan.  Tell Him you love Him and that you trust Him and His plan.  If you are having trouble trusting, tell Him so He can flood you with His love and build your faith and trust.

  “I do believe; help my unbelief.” Mark 9:24

3 Principles

One of my favorite books is The Joy of Full Surrender by Jean-Pierre DeCaussade which is also called Abandonment to Divine Providence.  Three principles outlined in the book always help build up my faith and trust: 

First principle: “Nothing is done, nothing happens, either in the material or in the moral world, that God has not foreseen from all eternity, and that he has not willed, or at least permitted.” 

Second principle: “God can will nothing, he can permit nothing, but in view of the end he proposed to himself in creating the world; that is, in view of his glory and the glory of Jesus Christ, his only Son.” 

Third principle: “As long as human beings live upon earth, God desires to be glorified through the happiness of these privileged creatures; and consequently in God’s designs the interest of making human beings holy and happy is inseparable from the interest of the divine glory.”

I will not be doing 7QTs on Friday the 2nd but will be back to my normal posting schedule in the New Year.

God love and bless you!  Cindy

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

Thank you so much for visiting and reading this post! If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too! 

I Wished I Was Different

As Christmas approaches, I am compelled to encourage you about how God made you.  I have a story in my book which demonstrates how I struggled in my singleness and at times wished I was more like other girls instead of how God made me.

As I have shared before, every single guy that I dated went on to marry the very next girl that he dated.  Maybe what I haven’t explained is how different from me these girls were.  They looked different from me and they had different strengths, features, careers and personalities than me.  It really exaggerated my belief that I somehow needed to be different in order to be loved.

I am sharing this story about Sam with you because I felt that way even when I didn’t have strong feelings for the guy.  I would end up thinking that even the guys who I feel lukewarm about are passing me over for girls who are different from me.  Here is the story: 

Sam

Right before I met Gregg, I dated this guy whom I met through Catholic on-line dating.  Sam was from a large Catholic family but did not seem to embrace his faith in a way that was obvious to me.

He seemed interested in me but I could tell that he was not really my type.  He met most of my hopeful criteria in that he was Catholic, did not crush my heart, was not a smoker and he wanted children. He was also physically nice looking and he was gainfully employed. What is not to like, right?

There wasn’t anything overtly wrong with him other than our conversation seemed so flat and I did not feel like I was being wooed.  So I continued to date him in case my heart changed toward him. You know how it is when you are in the am-I-expecting-too-much phase?

The chastity thing was fine with him but in all other ways he seemed sort of lazy in the area of wooing a girl. He emailed me (this was before texting) to ask me out on dates. Sigh. Sam lived about an hour away from where I lived. The hour-long drive to my house seemed like a hassle to him.  Of course he was not invited to spend the night so he had to drive an hour home after our dates.  For the ‘give it to me now’ world, this was asking a lot. I was an inconvenient date.  But, he endured the drive, usually only on weekends and this went on for about 4 months.

The Housewarming Party

He was always inviting me to his rural neck of the woods for dates and I would always sweetly decline.  I was a single girl and I was not willing to drive home from his house late at night.  I cared about my safety and believed he should have cared too.  But, today chivalry is tough to come by.  And, chivalry is a characteristic marked by humility, patience and vigor. A man cannot be lazy and chivalrous at the same time.

So, I would sweetly decline his offers for dates in his neck of the woods.  But, then he had a house-warming party.  This was an opportunity for me to meet his brothers and sisters and for them to meet me.  So, I accepted the invitation and drove to Sam’s house for the party.

Do You Like Camping?

At one point, his sister-in-law says to me Do you like camping?”  I sweetly and honestly said with a smile, “No, not really.  I am a big wet blanket when it comes to roughing it in the great outdoors.” She gave her disapproval by her silence. I was trying to be light-hearted in response to a question that made me feel uncomfortable.  Her response, or lack of response, was also uncomfortable.

She Likes Camping

I drove home that night and felt pretty lukewarm about him.  He called me soon after that night to say his sister-in-law (the same one) wanted to set him up with a friend of hers.  This friend of hers is a teacher and likes camping.  So, he confessed to me that he was going to give her a try.  I never heard from him again but I know through a common friend that he married the outdoorsy teacher.

She Had A Heart

I obviously did not have strong feelings for Sam and kudos to him for being up front and honest.  But, you can imagine how this made me feel. Was I being rejected because I did not like to go camping?

And, the big stab to my ego is I was replaced by a teacher!  It seems that all my exes (I am not exaggerating) went on to marry nurses and teachers.  You know, girls with soft hearts, patience and compassion who are just the opposite of me (a cold, calculating engineer).

So, I felt I just was not the right type of girl and these were the times I wished I were different.

The Veil

Sam definitely saw something in me that he liked.  It was like he was straining to see me and then decided I was not the girl for him.  Now I see it was The Veil. And, once you are loved for who you are, all those terrible feelings about yourself fade away.

So Many Things I Am Not

I could go on and on about the ways in which Gregg could have rejected me.  I don’t like to camp and I don’t like to go to concerts, NASCAR or much else.  I don’t have any hobbies.  I don’t like to shop.  I don’t like to spend money.  I have weird eating habits and have some little itty bitty control issues.

Gregg sees all that but it does not prevent him from loving me.  Those things are overlooked and instead he sees the things that he does love about me.  I believe this is a result of Superabundance.

il_570xN_461714845_qihs

No Doubt

Have you ever been rejected and replaced by a girl who was so very different from you that it made you doubt yourself?  If so, I hope to encourage you and help you understand that your uniqueness is exactly what will endear you to the right man.

Stay close to the Lord so He can lead you, heal you and comfort you in your time of anticipation and waiting. Trust Him.

Merry Christmas my sweet girls.

God Love and Bless you!

p.s. I will be off-line for Christmas and will not be posting 7QTs on the 26th.  I will catch up on email on the 27th!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

Thank you so much for visiting and reading this post! If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too! 

7 Quick Takes Friday ~ Vol 105

 

 

— 1 —  This Week’s Post:    From “Something is Wrong With Me” to “I’m Engaged!”  What a wonderful encouragement for us all that ‘in a New York minute’ everything can change.

— 2 —  No other QTs today.  I had a stressful and busy (but fun!) week and today I had to catch up on wrapping presents and such. But, I am off work for the next 2 weeks! :)

— 3 — I remain available to you via email so please feel free to reach out to me:  theveilofchastity@gmail.com

— 4 —  Please know that I try to respond as soon as possible.  Gregg and I (and our 9-year-old) share our 1 computer (No iPad for us due to my continuing goal to become a minimalist) so I can’t always get on to respond right away.  

— 5 —  As a side note, when I am at work, I cannot respond at all.

— 6 —   Thank you for understanding!

  7 —  You remain in my prayers!

God love and bless you!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

Thank you so much for visiting and reading this post! If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too!

For more Quick Takes, visit This Ain’t the Lyceum !

From “Something Is Wrong With Me” To “I’m Engaged!”

There are many rewarding things about this ministry. I love it when you girls write to me and I am blessed to watch the Lord work in your lives through your updates.

Today I share with you the story of a 27 year old girl, let’s call her Maggie, who first wrote to me because she felt that something was wrong with her.  She had many insecurities which fed her fears about intimacy and marriage.  She dealt with perfectionism and wondered how she could ever feel comfortable revealing her real self to a man.  Here is part of her note:

I focus on looking perfect and try not to let “date-able” :) guys see me unless I’m at my best. I guess I can’t imagine them still liking me if I gain 5 lbs or they see my crazy hair when I just let it do its thing lol! Or I think that only guys I’m not attracted to will still like me at my “worst.” I know that’s awful!

Anyway, all this focus on my appearance is really self-absorbed, and I don’t want to be that way. It probably shows a big lack of trust in God’s plan, too. I don’t want to live my life in a mirror, always concerned about how guys see me. 

I wrote back to her and shared how I had struggled with the same fears and perfectionism. I could have written every word above. I shared how God had healed me and how I fully believe in the Veil theory.

I shared with her that this is a normal struggle because she is not shown the whole plan (her future remains unveiled!).  Much of what she is living with respect to her vocation has a big question mark over it.  So, of course she is struggling.

I encouraged her because I felt that she was doing everything she can.  She is walking with the Lord and living a Sacramental life in Christ.  It is just a matter of continuing to walk with the Lord and trusting Him with her life.  He will heal her and most often, He uses our journey towards our vocation to accomplish this healing.

So, I added her to my Divine Mercy Chaplet prayer list and have been praying for her ever since.  Then, I get this note!

Hi Cindy! 

I wrote you a few times months back and I’ve been meaning to write you again for a while. THANK YOU for your prayers! 

I have wonderful news to share — I am engaged to XXX (let’s call him Joseph). I am so grateful for certainty, peace, and joy in our vocation together, and can’t wait to be married to him! 

Your site has helped me so much — I stumbled upon it just when I really needed to hear what you were saying (well, really, what God wanted me to hear), a little less than a year before I met my “holy spouse.” Through months of not-the-prettiest growing pains, especially dealing with issues of self-image, painful longing and doubt that I would ever meet someone, and struggling to avoid crushes/pinning my hopes on different guys according to MY plan of what I wanted, God rapidly pruned and prepared me to meet my holy spouse. 

 It was because of your site that I started praying for him! I was inspired by a story you linked to that advised doing spiritual battle “in the trenches” for your future spouse. So I started a 54-day rosary novena, which we found out we prayed on the exact same days for the intention of our future spouse months before we met. 

I went on a Retreat and offered myself completely openly to God’s will for my life (a complete grace…reading a book by Jacques Philippe called School of the Holy Spirit helped), and with peace and amazing clarity was assured by Him that I had discovered my vocation with Joseph. 

It’s funny, even the night I first met Joseph I had a deeply peaceful yet startling intuition that he was my holy spouse. It happened while he was reading in our study group. That was the first time I heard him speak, and I felt like I had heard his voice a thousand times before! Then I thought I was crazy! But I looked at him again and had an intuition that he was the one. 

I wanted to test my intuition, though, because it seemed so crazy to think that about a random stranger! I remembered what you advised about allowing the man to pursue, so I decided not to make any “moves” towards him, despite my intuition. When we broke from reading and got up, he walked right up to me, introduced himself, asked a couple questions about how I found out about the study group, then asked if I was seeing anyone! I went home and couldn’t sleep at all that night! Our first date was a few days later. Things went very fast…but I know it is God’s timing. 

Thank you for delineating how the “real deal” will act towards you. It’s so funny how Joseph has acted to a ‘T’ exactly how you described how your holy spouse would act (he’s never read your site) :) He pursued me, always called when he said he would and followed through on all his promises and our plans to see each other. Even things he promised to do for me that I forgot about, he remembered and did them. It helped me see that he was faithful in small things. When we first started dating (and even now) I felt secure and never worried that he might not follow through with calls or dates, or that he might be interested in other women. 

He makes me feel so feminine and really the best version of myself. He supported me with prayers and took me to the airport so I could go on retreat with the sisters. He wanted me to know that he cared about me enough to let me pursue God’s will for my life, even if that meant joining religious life. I’ve never felt smothered by him; he has his own full life and wonderful friends, but he draws me into his life like you said.  

Whenever we disagree, he’s humble and if he ever feels like he’s hurt me in some small way, he comes back immediately to apologize and reassure me of how much I mean to him (just like you said!) And, just like you said, he seems to have “grace glasses” :) on that minimize my faults and accentuate my good qualities! Of course, that may also be from falling in love. 

But I’m finding that all the annoying things I do that I thought a man would get fed up with me, none of them are deal-breakers for him — nothing could be! He’s patient with me. And I wrote you expressing worry that I couldn’t imagine being around a man all the time because they would see my imperfections…I can’t believe how comfortable and myself I am around him! I had really exaggerated fears. He lets me know that I’m beautiful and has offered to help me get over some of my vain hang-ups that I’ve told him about so I can just let go. He thinks I’m beautiful with my hair just how it naturally is (big plus).

I could go on and on so I’ll just stop myself!! Thank you for encouraging me and other women to trust and wait on the Lord. He truly does have something even better than what we can possibly imagine in store for us! 

Isn’t it beautiful how she describes the idea of the Veil and of Superabundance?

The premise of The Veil theory is that God puts a protective veil over us …and, once God lifts the veil, our holy spouse sees us through the eyes of Love in all our beauty and virtue filled with grace and trust…

IMAG0203_1 j.a. 8695 14 (2)

Praise be to God!  Thank you Maggie for sharing your story with me and blessings to you and Joseph!

If you are struggling, please feel free to write to me @ theveilofchastity@gmail.com

God love and bless you!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

Thank you so much for visiting and reading this post! If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too!