3 Year Blogiversary!

blogiversary

Today is the 3 year ‘blogiversary’ of The Veil of Chastity!  It is also the feast day of one of my favorite saints, St. Bernard of Clairvaux, followed quickly by St. Monica (Aug 27th) and her son, St. Augustine (Aug 28th) .  I like to call it a Saint ‘Hat Trick’ for those sports girls among us.

St Bernard of ClairveauxSt Monica    St Augustine 1

This week the blog also registered ***over 200,000 hits*** and the most popular post, Stop Chasing Him is responsible for 39,000 of those hits. The best part has been hearing from you and the fact that your emails and comments come in from all over the world. 187 different Countries! What a privilege it has been for me to read each email and comment and then pray for you.  I would have never imagined this 3 years ago.

Thank you so much!

Be assured of my love and prayers for you!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

p.s.s.s You can do a search of the blog by using the Search function on the right side of the page all the way down at the bottom.

p.s.s.s.s.s.s  Write to me anytime at the veilofchastity@gmail.com

Thank you so much for visiting and reading this post! If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too!

True Freedom

Today is July 4th and it is Independence Day for those of us in America.  The theme of this post is True Freedom and in this Summer Rerun series I did a search for the word “Freedom” on the blog and found several posts from the past discussing Freedom…..true Freedom….Freedom in Christ.

True Freedom

Posts About Freedom

The first post I found is called “Freedom In Self-Control” where I share the words of Dietrich von Hildebrand.

“…As our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and we are made in the image of God, we are told to glorify God with our bodies. The body is of great worth in Christianity. God came to us in flesh and blood and revealed how important the body is to the human condition. Within our bodies we have many passions. Either we are able to control them or they will control us. Freedom is found by self-control….”  

Dietrich von Hildebrand

The next post is called “Does God ‘Take Away’ Our Desires?” which was written in response to a question about why God does not immediately and automatically take away our desires.

“…In my experience, God does not take things from us when we are tightly gripping on to them.  Instead, when we live a Sacramental life of grace, He sort of ‘heats things up’ so that we feel it burning in our hands and let go of it on our own…”

The next freedom post is from July 4, 2014 which has 7QTs full of freedom thoughts, including this from our Catechism:

   “The more one does what is good, the freer one becomes. There is no true freedom except in the service of what is good and just. The choice to disobey and do evil is an abuse of freedom and leads to “the slavery of sin.” ….By deviating from the moral law man violates his own freedom, becomes imprisoned within himself, disrupts neighborly fellowship, and rebels against divine truth.” 

The Catechism of The Catholic Church:  Freedom; Paragraphs #1733 and #1740

Mass With Healing Prayers

We have been attending Mass with Healing Prayers over the last year or so. These take place one time a month in our area.  The evening Mass follows a healing prayer service where several priests pray over us during Eucharistic Adoration of our Lord. Every priest has the charism of healing (see Acts 5:15 “Thus they even carried the sick out into the streets and laid them on cots and mats so that when Peter came by, at least his shadow might fall on one or another of them.”)  A Charism is: any good gift that flows from God’s love to humans.

I have received healing in the form of Freedom from these Healing Prayer services.  If you have a chance to attend these, I highly recommend them. Of course, every Mass is an opportunity for Healing and the gateway to freedom.

Books About Freedom:

I am reading a book right now called Unbound by Neal Lozano.  Soooo good! There is a Catholic version which I have on order and can’t wait to receive.  It is called:  Resisting the Devil: A Catholic Perspective on Deliverance

God bless you with True Freedom!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

p.s.s.s You can do a search of the blog by using the Search function on the right side of the page all the way down at the bottom.

p.s.s.s.s.s.s  Write to me anytime at theveilofchastity@gmail.com

Thank you so much for visiting and reading this post! If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too!

Feeling The Effects

I can tell by your emails that you are feeling the effects of the fall of mankind.  In this Summer Rerun series I chose a post which hopefully explains why you are struggling. I attempt to explain why we women are so vulnerable to Fantasy Relationships and why some men have such an incredible power over us.

Here is the Post:  He Will Rule Over You

I pray this post blesses you.  Be assured of my prayers and write to me anytime at theveilofchastity@gmail.com

God love you and bless you! Cindy

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

Thank you so much for visiting and reading this post! If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too!

The Book of Tobit

Have you been enjoying this week’s first readings from the book of Tobit? Tomorrow’s reading reveals the marriage of Tobiah and Sarah.  This holy Old Testament book has everything:

“…fidelity to the law, intercessory function of angels, piety toward parents, purity of marriage, reverence for the dead, and the value of almsgiving, prayer, and fasting..”

It is funny because I have been thinking of doing a Summer “Rerun” series where I recycle posts from the past.  This is a perfect way to kick it off!  Enjoy this recycled post and the wonderful book of Tobit!

The Archangel Raphael escorts Tobias to Media

The Archangel Raphael escorts Tobias to Media

~ Originally Posted October 19, 2012

Does God Arrange Marriage?

Today, my husband and I celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary.  In my book, I share my path through singleness.  I also share the story of how God arranged for me and Gregg, my Holy Spouse, to meet and marry. 

The premise of my book and of this blog is the idea that we are all covered by a veil and that only our Holy Spouse can see us.  All other suitors will reject us because they cannot fully see us. 

I define our Holy Spouse as the one that God intends for us to marry.  Given that definition, it is clear that I believe God arranges marriages.  Is there any biblical evidence to support my belief?  Let’s look at the Book of Tobit.

Book of Tobit

This is a beautiful story of God’s healing power and His providential hand in marriage. Goodness me, there are so many great lessons in this divinely inspired book!  I will only be able to cover  the highlights but I hope these fascinating events build your faith and confidence in God’s intimate and tender care for us……..

Please go here to read the full post.

Write to me anytime and be assured of my prayers. theveilofchastity@gmail.com

God love and bless you!

Cindy

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

Thank you so much for visiting and reading this post! If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too!

He’s Getting Married Tomorrow

I woke up early this morning after emailing with a girl last night whose ex is getting married today.  Ah, those Friday nights before ‘his’ wedding.  I remember them well.

This is the advice I gave her:

  Keep breathing through the pain and tears. Talk yourself through it and reassure yourself it is going to be alright. Your pillow will be wet with tears tonight but there will be a Friday night in your future where you will feel excited for your wedding day.

   I also recommend you share your feelings with God. He can handle it and your honesty is part of firming up your lifelong dependence on Him. I have a scripture verse I would like you to read tonight: Ephesians chapter 6:10-20.”

 Everything will be alright

Keep Breathing

The pain can be excruciating when your ex marries another girl.  Like giving birth to a new life without the hope of him in it, you must keep breathing thorough it.  You may, at times, experience the rolling waves of hyperventilation in your chest.  No doubt, tears will flow.  But, just keep breathing.  The morning will come and new hope will replace the hopelessness you feel.

This morning there are two funerals being held for locals in their early 40’s.  I don’t know their circumstances but I do know that one of them hung herself.  Why?  We don’t know.  All we are left with is the fact that morning and new hope did not come and instead “the flaming arrows of the evil one” did not appear to be extinguished.

Ephesians 6

During our bible study on Thursday night, we discussed Ephesians 6.  I noticed that the Lord’s expectations of us are pretty high.  He doesn’t just expect us to cruise through life in the hopes that theflaming arrows” will not defeat us.  No, He expects us to put on armor” and fight.”  He expects us to stand strong” and use our “shields.”  He expects us to pray and send our petitions”/requests/needs to Him.  He expects us to “be alert”,  to have “done everything” and “stand firm.”  If we do, He promises to protect us.

The Armor of God

“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. 

Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm Stand firm therefore, having girded your loins with truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints, and pray on my behalf, that utterance may be given to me in the opening of my mouth, to make known with boldness the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains; that in proclaiming it I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak.”  Ephesians 6:10-20

Your Weapons

“…the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God.”

Many interpret the “Word of God” to mean that we are to just read the Holy Scriptures.  No doubt we are to read them but at the time that St. Paul wrote Ephesians, most of the New Testament had not been written or decided upon.  Paul was referring to The Word, Jesus.

The Word Became Flesh

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.…” 

John 1:1

Your weapon is the Grace that comes from the Lamb of God Who takes away the sins of the world.  Jesus, The Word who became flesh.  The gateway to grace is the Sacraments.  I cannot encourage you enough to stay close to God by living a Sacramental life in Christ.  The Sacraments are your weapons which extinguish the flaming arrows of the evil one.  They are the “having done everything” in God’s expectations and referred to in Ephesians 6:13. 

Talk Yourself Through It

Self-talk may sound silly to some.  But if your singleness is extended far beyond where you had hoped or if the one you still love is getting married to someone else, self-talk is a powerful skill.  It is a type of inner prayer of confirmation.  Tell yourself it will be alright.  Tell yourself that there is hope and there will be a spark in your natural curiosity for what will happen in the future.  What plan does the Lord have for you?  Could it be that He is preparing the way for something you can’t even imagine right now?

Preparing The Way

The “lifelong dependency” I referenced is the beautiful work that God does in our life.  He heals us, draws us to Him and makes us dependent upon Him.  The beautiful work is done most effectively through the pain we experience in the letting go.  The beautiful work is accomplished by breathing through the pain, arming ourselves with His truth and Sacraments and then talking ourselves through it.

My extended singleness was part of that beautiful work.  It was a gift.  It was a sweet time of mercy and healing and dependency.  Did I feel that at the time? No.  It is only something I can only look back and see.  Never did I imagine I would thank Him for that time alone, together, which taught me to put on the armor of God, stand firm, seek truth, use my weapons, pray and extinguish the flaming arrows of the evil one.

The Lord is preparing and strengthening you to do the same.  Keep breathing, talk yourself through it, live a Sacramental life and trust that He is doing a beautiful work through it all.

Write to me anytime and be assured of my prayers. theveilofchastity@gmail.com

God love and bless you! Cindy

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

Thank you so much for visiting and reading this post! If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too!

Let God Break Through

It has been almost a month since my last post! Thank you to all of you that have emailed me to check on things.  I am doing well!  The number of posts have gone down because I had to re-prioritize some things.  I just felt that the blog was taking up time that I wanted to spend with my family.  Everything seemed to need my sincere attention (son’s homework, my exercise regimen, Gregg, the house, finances).  The time I spend at the computer lately has been dedicated to answering emails from you girls, which is what I love to do.  And, most of what I have to say about Chastity and dating on the blog is contained here.

Today I am sharing a Youtube video of Father Robert Barron.  Although the title of it is about being Born Again, the part that struck me was the ‘breaking through’ of Grace which elevates and builds upon our nature and every circumstance. A different way of thinking about Superabundance.

We watched the Father Barron video at our bible study last night and I really felt that the Lord was speaking to me. Unless we allow for this ‘breaking through’, we will see things in only one dimension and this affects our vision, our thoughts and our actions.  We get stuck in the narrow confines of this world and can easily fall into spiritual darkness.

Have you read any books by Flannery O’Connor?  I haven’t mostly because I don’t enjoy fiction.  But, I may have to try to read one of her books.  Father Barron references her in the video.

Speaking of books, I just finished a book by Immaculée Ilibagiza called Our Lady of Kibeho.  I bought the book the night that I went to see her speak in person.  It was a date night for my son and me and neither of us will ever be able to forget her.  He is only 10 but every time we talk about her he gives me a kiss on the cheek.  Here is a little about Immaculée:

“Immaculée Ilibagiza is a survivor of the 1994 Rwandan genocide that took the lives of nearly one million Tutsis. Men, women and children, including her entire family except for one of her brothers, were massacred at the hands of Hutu marauders. Immaculée found shelter at a pastor’s home, where she and seven other women hid from the deadly rebel mob in a 3-by-4-foot bathroom for 91 days. During those 91 days of unimaginable suffering, Immaculée found her faith, taught herself English, and most incredibly, committed herself to a life of peace, hope and forgiveness, even for those who had murdered her family.”

l2tcharity

I have her other book called Left To Tell and I plan to start reading it this weekend. She is such a beautiful soul!  She awakens your perspective.  Are you angry?  Read her book.  Feeling like God has forgotten you?  Read her book.

Let God break through.  Let His healing Grace ‘baptize’ your mind and allow you to see as God sees and feel and understand things in proper perspective.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding,will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”  Phil 4:6-9

Write to me anytime and be assured of my prayers. theveilofchastity@gmail.com

God love and bless you! Cindy

Here is Father Barron’s video:

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

Thank you so much for visiting and reading this post! If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too!

 

7 Quick Takes Friday ~ Vol 111

seven-quick-takes-friday-2

 — 1 —  Last Week’s Post: I Am Just An Average Girl

— 2 —  Next Week’s Post:  Why Won’t He Call Me?  

— 3 —    Not Alone Series:  Last Week’s Topic was Encouraging Men!!

— 4 —    Not Alone Series:  This Week’s Topic was Challenge Time!

— 5 —   Soulmates and Santa Clause:  This article over at The Chastity Project presented a very balanced theology.  

— 6 —    Prayers:  Praying for those killed and injured in the terrorist attacks in Tunisia and Yemen.  One of my favorite aspects of this blog is how it has opened up the whole world to me.  I have met girls from around the world and now when I hear of these attacks, it becomes closer to home.

  7 —   Christ Is The Answer:  Trust.

Christ Is The Answer

God love and bless you!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

Thank you so much for visiting and reading this post! If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too!

For more Quick Takes, visit This Ain’t the Lyceum !

I Am Just An Average Girl

In my last post, I encouraged those of you participating in on-line dating to allow for mystery, risk and conquest.  I shared how to manage your ‘online footprint’ in order to find out which guys are willing to slay dragons for you.  I recommended that you think like a guy (mystery, risk, conquest) but behave like a girl. Let’s review.

Behave Like A Girl

Here are some ways to allow for the mystery, risk and conquest in the online dating world:

  1. If you get the matchy-match notice from the dreaded algorithm…..ignore it. Realize that it is the algorithm contacting you and not a real man.
  2. Only communicate with men who are brave and resourceful enough to contact you first. The fact that he reaches out to contact you is a very good sign.
  3. Do not view any profiles until the guy contacts you. Then, you may check him out. This will prevent any Fantasy Relationships taking place in your head.

I also anticipated a protest from you because, inside your head, there may be a belief that you have to be the one who is brave and resourceful.  Your ‘take charge’ attributes have benefited you in other areas of your life so why not apply these gifts to your love life?  It is easy to think that you have to compete to get the love you need. And, there is a voice inside your head that says,I have to make it happen or else it will never happen naturally for me.  I am just an average girl.”

An Average Girl

The world puts an awful lot of pressure on us to be a certain way and most of us will never meet those standards.  Shiny hair, flawless skin, a perfect smile and a strong, smooth body only belong to a few and because of this, the rest of us think of ourselves as ‘average.’

Do you know what I find to be interesting? If you look around, these, what the world would describe as ‘average’, girls get married all the time.  Why is this?

Attraction

I am convinced that in order for a man to pursue a girl, he needs to be physically attracted to her.  So, in the online dating world, a guy most likely looks at your photo first and then reads your profile.  If there is an interest, he pursues.  This might sound like a bad thing if you are an average girl like me…….unless you understand something ~ attraction is dependent upon the eye of the beholder.

You might be thinking, “That’s your big revelation?  I knew that!”  Yes, you do know it.  What you may not believe is that there is a beholder who will be specifically attracted to you.  Your doubt is normal.  But, this ‘eye of the beholder’ concept is the basis for my Veil and Superabundance Theories.

Whether your beloved beholder ever shows up is the question we all struggle with (see section below).  My point is, he needs to be attracted to you and you want him to be attracted to you.  Give him the opportunity to decide this in his head, heart and soul.  Give him the opportunity to decide to pursue you without feeling pressured because you contacted him first.  In fact, those of us who are average girls benefit even more by letting him decide these things in advance because the question of attraction in the beholder’s eye is already answered with a ‘yes!’.

Beauty

He Decides, I Pick

When I was single, I made the decision to let the men come to me. Let them decide to pursue me and then I would pick from that pool of candidates. The biggest benefit I experienced was that the question of “Is he attracted to me?” had already been answered and I could proceed with confidence rather than feeling that I had to be perfect.

You see, I didn’t have the ‘power’ that those ‘perfect by the world’s standards’ girls seem to have and therefore I decided to wait for a natural kind of empowerment.  The kind of empowerment that comes from knowing that you are being pursued.

Will He Show Up?

I don’t know if your beloved beholder will show up.  In the same way, I did not know that Gregg would show up.  But, making the decision to let my hoped-for beloved beholder come to me naturally or not at all resulted in a type of empowerment that is hard to describe. I knew what I needed and I gave myself permission to want it, even if it meant not ever having it.  Does that make sense?

Described another way, it was important to me that I not ever wonder if my husband is attracted to me.  I refused to put myself at such a disadvantage…..and this was empowering.  But, I had to wait.  I had to surrender.  I had to accept that he may never show.  I had trust that if he never shows up, then that is a better outcome than constantly trying to prove myself worthy and wasting time knowing that things will eventually ‘fizzle out’ because of a weak attraction.

You can also give yourself permission to do the same because it is in the eye of your beloved beholder that you will be seen as attractive.  This attraction will feel very surreal and supernatural.  Why?  Because it is.

The Supernatural Realm

In order to give yourself this same permission, you have to believe in the Supernatural realm.  It is in this realm where God fulfills His plan.  If your vocation was left simply in the natural realm, then I would advise you to do all you can to capture your man before some other girl gets him.  Help him, contact him first, call him, email him, text him and chase him.  Be the doormat.

But that is not how God designed us women.  He designed us to be the receivers and the responders.  He designed men to be the initiators and the pursuers.  Therefore, wait for God to infuse Supernatural grace into your man so that he will not need your help.  Of course, this can only happen within the Supernatural realm of God’s will.  So, stay in His will.  Do not stray from His path.

Once you wrap your arms around this truth, you will have peace while you wait.  You will be able to stop yourself from initiating contact with men, helping them in their pursuit or becoming the doormat.  You will be able to wait on the Lord and His Supernatural Grace. Even in the event that your beloved beholder does not show up, the Lord’s Peace and Supernatural Grace will be with you.

I invite you to email me at anytime: theveilofchastity@gmail.com

God Love and Bless You!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

Thank you so much for visiting and reading this post! If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too!

7 Quick Takes Friday ~ Vol 110

seven-quick-takes-friday-2

 — 1 —  Last Week’s Post:  Don’t Take Away His Dragons. It is so tempting to want to ‘make something happen’ rather than trust in the process. Please write to me if you need encouragement.

— 2 —  Next Week’s Post:  As promised, I will share with you why you can trust in the process…..even, and especially if you are an average girl like me.

— 3 —    Not Alone Series:  Last Week’s Topic was Travel!  A very timely topic considering I was on travel for work in San Diego last week.  Oh, San Diego, with your beautiful weather, thank you!

— 4 —    Not Alone Series:  This Week’s Topic was Dating Fast!  Best quotes:

Ok, Lord, I’m not looking for him…just do whatever you want…. *peeking* …ok, really, just bring him whenever you want…”  Morgan

and this:

” I have seen girls often think, especially because of that typical story I talked about earlier of girl declares dating fasts, boy pursues, girl gets boy at end of year, ladies think that a dating fast is part of the secret formula to dating.  “If only I go on a dating fast than Mr. Future Husband will enter into my life with a dozen roses and a devotion to St. Joseph. ”  Don’t fall into that trap.  Whether you go on a dating fast or not, the Lord’s will still needs to be done in your dating and vocational life.  Don’t ever forget that, it is always His will.”  Natalie

— 5 —   A Message For You:  God speaks words designed especially for us:

“God solicits each of us by a dialogue no other soul can hear. His action on the soul is always for us alone. He sends no circular letters, uses no party lines. He calls His sheep by name; He leaves the 99 that are safe to find the one that is lost. Once the soul becomes conscious of the Divine Presence it whispers to itself: this is a message sent to me and to no one else. Archbishop Fulton Sheen (Lift up Your Heart)

— 6 —    Spotlight On:  This week’s spotlight is on George Weigel for his article, No Fighting God.

“…Job, I came to see, is the model of what an Italian biblical scholar has called “the believer who loves the true God in himself and for himself, without ulterior motives”—and does so precisely along the dark path of suffering. It is Job, sitting amidst misery, who rejects his friends’ calculating, facile suggestions about why bad things happen to good people. It is Job who, in the end, refuses to cram the divine will and purpose onto the procrustean bed of human wisdom. It is Job who, finally, lets God be God—and who, by admitting that he is not the artisan of his own existence, makes a deeper act of faith in the God whose divine “logic” in beyond anything human minds can grasp….”

  7 —   My Healing:  If you read my last 7QTs, I revealed that I had been sick. I had what was in hindsight, a virus.  But, before that determination, the diagnoses could have been all kinds of scary things.  Without going into too much detail, I was in so much pain that I visited our Parish priest for Confession, followed by my first reception of the Sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick.  My main goal was to receive peace, but I knew that if I was going to be healed, I had to go to the Divine Healer.  I did receive the gift of Peace immediately and within 2 days, was completely healed.  I now have compassion on those suffering with Chronic pain, especially in their joints.  I now have an awareness of my lack of pain whenever I lift something, move my wrists or climb stairs.  It is one of those ‘new lease on life/my life is now Yours, Lord’ experiences that can only be described as a gift from on high.  Praise be to God.

God love and bless you!

p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!

Thank you so much for visiting and reading this post! If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow” button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too!

For more Quick Takes, visit This Ain’t the Lyceum !

Don’t Take Away His Dragons

A couple of weeks ago, as Gregg and I were driving to work (at 6:00am), I shared with him the latest on what was going on with ‘the blog girls’ (you). I told him my thoughts on how things have changed in the online dating world.  One thing that I am disturbed about is the lack of mystery with today’s online dating sites and how I believe this can work against you girls.  But, it doesn’t have to and that is what today’s post is about!

Managing Your Online Footprint

Do today’s online sites tempt you to search out, contact and fantasize about the guys on the site?   Do the guys have evidence of your searches, the number of times you view their profile and the amount of time you spend on the site? Could guys be turned off by a sense of desperation coming from the way you conduct yourself online?  Finally, is your online footprint potentially too big?  If so, let’s see how this impacts how you are perceived and what you can do about it.

Okay, so from what I understand, sites such as CatholicMatch.com somehow automatically match the boys to the girls. I assume it is the result of an algorithm built into the system based on how the person answers a series of questions.

Strike #1

This Matchy-Match system is Strike #1 in my book. Why?  Because it significantly reduces the need for the guy to be Resourceful.  Remember my 3 R’s?  In this post, I said that a guy has to be Resourceful, Ready and Realistic.  If the algorithm is doing all the work for him, then it is weakening his Resourcefulness muscle.

I am fine with a guy using filters to find a girl.  For example, he can filter by things like location and age.  But, then I think he needs to do the work associated with the search.  Look at photos, read bios/profiles, etc.  Put some effort into it!

Instead, the system is all matchy.  Okay, fine.

Strike #2

Let’s accept the matchy-match factor and move on to the next strike:  The “See who viewed your profile” function.  Strike # 2. Why?  Because, it gives the guy too much information.  And, it temps the girl to initiate contact with a guy just because he viewed her profile (I get email confessions).  A girl should fight this temptation to contact these guys.  Why?  Because if a guy viewed a girl’s profile and did not initiate contact with her…..we have to consider that he was not interested.  He moved on to check out other girls.

When a guy sees a photo and profile he likes, he contacts her….even if she is out of his league.

Slay dragons

Don’t think like a Girl

It is so easy for us girls to think, “Oh, he viewed my profile and must be intimidated by me.  Let me contact him to let him know that I don’t bite.”  That, my friend, is thinking like a girl.  And, when I presented this line fo thinking to Gregg, he said,

“You need to tell the girls this:  Don’t take away his dragons!

In other words, you girls are thinking like girls.  You are thinking you need to lower the bar and remove imaginary barriers.  Instead what you are doing is removing the mystery, the risk and the conquest.

Mystery, Risk And Conquest

A man likes mystery.  He likes to take risks.  Sure, the girl may be out of his league but that makes it even all the more exciting! It is a dragon to slay.  Don’t take away his dragons by making it too easy.

I know what you are thinking…..“that won’t happen to me.  I am not dragon-worthy. ”  Well, yes you are. But you will never find out who is willing to slay that dragon for you until you manage your online footprint and for this I recommend you think like a guy (mystery, risk, conquest) but behave like a girl.

Behave Like A Girl

  1. If you get the matchy-match notice from the dreaded algorithm…..ignore it.
  2. Only communicate with men who are brave and resourceful enough to contact you first.
  3. Do not view any profiles until the guy contacts you. Then, you may check him out.

Why?

The reasons are simple.  If a guy checks out your profile but does not contact you after the algorithm does all the work for him matches you…….then he is not interested.  If you contact him first, then you are trying to make something happen that isn’t happening naturally. Not good. So, if you wait and only communicate with the guys who contact you first, your chances of success skyrocket.

The problem with checking out the guys profile before he contacts you is that The Fantasy Relationship starts to take off.  You start naming children and this man, who hasn’t even typed a sentence to you, occupies your thoughts.

But Cindy!

I hear your protests.  The biggest protest in your head is “I have to make it happen or else it will never happen naturally for me.  I am just an average girl.”

And that is the dragon I will kill in my next post.

God Love and Bless You!

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