In my last post, I encouraged those of you participating in on-line dating to allow for mystery, risk and conquest. I shared how to manage your ‘online footprint’ in order to find out which guys are willing to slay dragons for you. I recommended that you think like a guy (mystery, risk, conquest) but behave like a girl. Let’s review.
Behave Like A Girl
Here are some ways to allow for the mystery, risk and conquest in the online dating world:
- If you get the matchy-match notice from the dreaded algorithm…..ignore it. Realize that it is the algorithm contacting you and not a real man.
- Only communicate with men who are brave and resourceful enough to contact you first. The fact that he reaches out to contact you is a very good sign.
- Do not view any profiles until the guy contacts you. Then, you may check him out. This will prevent any Fantasy Relationships taking place in your head.
I also anticipated a protest from you because, inside your head, there may be a belief that you have to be the one who is brave and resourceful. Your ‘take charge’ attributes have benefited you in other areas of your life so why not apply these gifts to your love life? It is easy to think that you have to compete to get the love you need. And, there is a voice inside your head that says, “I have to make it happen or else it will never happen naturally for me. I am just an average girl.”
An Average Girl
The world puts an awful lot of pressure on us to be a certain way and most of us will never meet those standards. Shiny hair, flawless skin, a perfect smile and a strong, smooth body only belong to a few and because of this, the rest of us think of ourselves as ‘average.’
Do you know what I find to be interesting? If you look around, these, what the world would describe as ‘average’, girls get married all the time. Why is this?
I am convinced that in order for a man to pursue a girl, he needs to be physically attracted to her. So, in the online dating world, a guy most likely looks at your photo first and then reads your profile. If there is an interest, he pursues. This might sound like a bad thing if you are an average girl like me…….unless you understand something ~ attraction is dependent upon the eye of the beholder.
You might be thinking, “That’s your big revelation? I knew that!” Yes, you do know it. What you may not believe is that there is a beholder who will be specifically attracted to you. Your doubt is normal. But, this ‘eye of the beholder’ concept is the basis for my Veil and Superabundance Theories.
Whether your beloved beholder ever shows up is the question we all struggle with (see section below). My point is, he needs to be attracted to you and you want him to be attracted to you. Give him the opportunity to decide this in his head, heart and soul. Give him the opportunity to decide to pursue you without feeling pressured because you contacted him first. In fact, those of us who are average girls benefit even more by letting him decide these things in advance because the question of attraction in the beholder’s eye is already answered with a ‘yes!’.
He Decides, I Pick
When I was single, I made the decision to let the men come to me. Let them decide to pursue me and then I would pick from that pool of candidates. The biggest benefit I experienced was that the question of “Is he attracted to me?” had already been answered and I could proceed with confidence rather than feeling that I had to be perfect.
You see, I didn’t have the ‘power’ that those ‘perfect by the world’s standards’ girls seem to have and therefore I decided to wait for a natural kind of empowerment. The kind of empowerment that comes from knowing that you are being pursued.
Will He Show Up?
I don’t know if your beloved beholder will show up. In the same way, I did not know that Gregg would show up. But, making the decision to let my hoped-for beloved beholder come to me naturally or not at all resulted in a type of empowerment that is hard to describe. I knew what I needed and I gave myself permission to want it, even if it meant not ever having it. Does that make sense?
Described another way, it was important to me that I not ever wonder if my husband is attracted to me. I refused to put myself at such a disadvantage…..and this was empowering. But, I had to wait. I had to surrender. I had to accept that he may never show. I had trust that if he never shows up, then that is a better outcome than constantly trying to prove myself worthy and wasting time knowing that things will eventually ‘fizzle out’ because of a weak attraction.
You can also give yourself permission to do the same because it is in the eye of your beloved beholder that you will be seen as attractive. This attraction will feel very surreal and supernatural. Why? Because it is.
The Supernatural Realm
In order to give yourself this same permission, you have to believe in the Supernatural realm. It is in this realm where God fulfills His plan. If your vocation was left simply in the natural realm, then I would advise you to do all you can to capture your man before some other girl gets him. Help him, contact him first, call him, email him, text him and chase him. Be the doormat.
But that is not how God designed us women. He designed us to be the receivers and the responders. He designed men to be the initiators and the pursuers. Therefore, wait for God to infuse Supernatural grace into your man so that he will not need your help. Of course, this can only happen within the Supernatural realm of God’s will. So, stay in His will. Do not stray from His path.
Once you wrap your arms around this truth, you will have peace while you wait. You will be able to stop yourself from initiating contact with men, helping them in their pursuit or becoming the doormat. You will be able to wait on the Lord and His Supernatural Grace. Even in the event that your beloved beholder does not show up, the Lord’s Peace and Supernatural Grace will be with you.
I invite you to email me at anytime: email@example.com
God Love and Bless You!
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Great post Cindy! I love the part about God being able to infuse the right man with the supernatural grace and courage to pursue!
In terms of the offline (real) world, is it okay to introduce yourself to a man after mass or is that even too forward? In my Latin Rite parish, there are single, attractive, seemingly unattached men. However they (traitional men) are respectful and seem less likely to flirt with a girl and more likely to observe, take their time and think carefully before making a move. . .
I’m trying to find a balance between seeing guys as “brothers in Christ” who I should be able to speak to in a friendly manner vs. initiating/pursuing. I feel like there is a *very* fine line. What are your thoughts?
Thanks Cindy! I really need this today, and probably again tomorrow, and the next day!