First of all, I’d like to thank you for your blog on chastity – what an important and weighty topic – one that is so incredibly important for both girls and guys. I enjoy your blog and find your insight and encouragement helpful. What a ministry you have – it’s wonderful.
I’d like to get your advice on this: I’m single, mid-20’s and oftentimes I get caught up in “hypothetical” “what if” aspect of life regarding the future (husband, kids, family), and I end up worried, anxious and depressed. I tend to leave the “reality” of life by the wayside because I’m living in denial. It’s hard for me to get a grip on the disappointments and hardships of life. I do have anxiety and worry a lot and I’m looking to find more enjoyment in life. Someday I hope to become a wife and mother, and I’m looking for input on how I can just “sit back and enjoy” life for what it’s worth, rather than stressing and worrying about the future, hence getting caught up in the hypothetical and not so much the real. Thank you in advance for your help. I appreciate it.
God bless you and your family!
Dear Daydreaming Girl,
Thank you so much for your sweet note! As I was reading it, I went into instant recall mode because I was reallllllly bad about daydreaming when I was single. I had my body under control but it was difficult for me to get my mind and thought life under control. This sacred scripture pertaining to peace of mind was my constant plea:
“…Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus…”
I also lived in denial a little bit. Because I was single for so long, I dealt with the pain by turning inward. It is hard to explain but I think it was for self-protection. It was like I had this wound and life kept pouring salt into it. So, I did what I only knew to do at the time. I went into self-protection mode.
It took me a while, even after I was married, to unlock my heart and open myself up to ‘reality’. I am still trying to allow God to heal this aspect of my life. I have to make a specific effort to open my heart (to God and even to Gregg).
I want to encourage you to know that God is aware of your situation. You are not going to be perfect in how you handle your wounds, pain and disappointment. It will leave its effect on you. So, what can you do?
The answer is always Christ. My latest post, A Sacramental Life in Christ, outlines all the opportunities we have to receive God’s grace.
If you are doing all those things, then what you have left is to put your thought life on the altar as a sacrifice. Some will fast with food but you can fast with your thought life. Every time you find yourself wondering off into fantasy land, stop and offer it to God. Then, trust that God will know what to do with your offer. This is a very powerful act of love and trust on your part. Don’t underestimate the significance of your offer to your Beloved.
Stay aware of your heart. It is so easy to turn inward to protect ourselves. If you find yourself doing this, try to mentally picture yourself opening your heart up to God. During Eucharistic Adoration, picture your heart in your hands and extend your hands to your Savior, reciting this prayer:
“Father, I offer to you this day all my thoughts, words, and actions, all my sufferings and disappointments, and all my joys. And I unite my life with that of your beloved Son, Jesus Christ. Amen.” Morning Offering ~ Wednesday
Finally, I want to share with you that God actually used this bad habit of mine (day dreaming) in a good way. I realized that once I met Gregg, the day dreaming stopped. I started living in reality right away (although my heart was still locked up). You see, the other guys that I dated left room for my day dreaming because of what was lacking (assurance of their love and commitment). The reality of what Gregg was offering me actually was beyond all my day dreams. I did not have to fill in the gaps because there were no gaps. This was a sign to me that I was with the right man.
I have no idea if my Veil theory is true. It is just a theory. But, I truly believe that I was covered by something like a spiritual veil and that those other guys I dated could not see me. And, this led to gaps in their love and commitment. Maybe if I had understood this, I would not have gone into protective mode and locked up my heart. If I would have known that I could trust God with my life no matter what the outcome, then maybe I would have been able to offer up my habit of day dreaming and He could have used it for good.
I am living proof of how patient and understanding our Father is.
To wrap up, here are my recommendations for you:
1. Live a Sacramental Life in Christ.
2. Offer up your habit of Daydreaming as a sacrifice.
3. Place your heart in the hands of your Savior, asking Him to protect it so that you don’t have to lock it away.
4. Know that you are human and that you will not deal with wounds, hurt and disappointment perfectly. But, God knows how to deal with them.
5. Trust that ‘you will know‘ when you are with the right man. The daydreaming will cease and you will not want to ever leave the reality of your life.
God love and bless you!
p.s.s. Check out all my posts listed by category here!
If you have enjoyed my blog, please “like” my Facebook Page, The Veil and sign up to receive my blog posts automatically by clicking the rectangular “Follow“button. Please check me out and follow me on Twitter too! Thank you!